WTF happened to me??

cat3nv

Today I had a nervous breakdown.

My hubby's birthday was this past week and we had a party this past Saturday. I worked hard in my yard to get ready for the party, burned lots of calories. I was too hot to eat most days and even though I did not fill out my food diary everyday I know I was under my calorie allowance.

Today, I gave my daughter a piece of leftover cake after her lunch. I licked the icing I got on my finger off and thought to myself "I am going to hell for that." Then I went to my room stepped on the scale to see I was still at 172, which is where I have been for over a month, and lost it.

All my clothes are too big or too small. Nothing fits me right. I have been stuck at the same number on the scale forever. I can see the differences, I can feel the differences I have made. I just feel like I have not done enough. I still feel like an ugly fat person.

Tonight I am giving in and not putting up a fight. I am going to have a big supper. Steak, potatoes, bread, and maybe dessert. I am going to have a drink, I have not had anything but water and diet coke since Jan.

My hubby has been telling me not to count calories. My problem was not bad food, but portion control. Yes, I used to drink Dr. Pepper and eat chocolate but not that often. I cook supper every night, I do not buy processed foods, we only have 100% juice. I know how to make good food choices. So why am I going crazy??

** I will add I am a little bit of an emotional mess right now. My son is in Dallas with his father and my oldest daughter is at camp in New Mexico.**

I guess I just needed to vent a little. Thanks for listening (reading)

midwesthiker

I feel your pain! I have been at 29 pounds lost forever. I have all the same problems as you. I was feeling so down in the dumps and then my company had a picture of me in our newsletter that was taken a few weeks ago. I had people I haven't seen in over a year call me and tell me how fabulous I looked and they all exclaimed over how much weight I have lost. That really helped. I still have nothing that fits me and I still haven't lost the 60 pounds, but I just keep telling myself that I have lost weight and inches and I need to keep going.

You can do it! We all feel this way from time to time. Tomorrow is a new day.

emilymiesel

I always lose inches before lbs. Are you measuring?? Keep track and measure same day every month (I do the 13th cause it was day before I started working out..). I hate and dread the scale and won't own one because I fear i may get OCD about it!! Always good to eat enough, I've heard it's better than staying under!

sleepytexan

Oh I totally get that. It is so hard to be on track and feeling that you are trying so hard and the damn scale will not budge.

I put on a mystery 10 lbs. in April 2010 and for the life of me could not get it off for a whole year. (I am a former WW leader, so I KNOW how to lose, right?).

Then after a year of that mess (down 3 lbs, up 3 lbs.) I gained another 5 this past May because I got so frustrated, just the way you are feeling right now, and I ate everything in sight.

Finally, I found MFP, and for the first time I have realized that I have actually been probably starving myself by not eating exercise calories for years. No wonder I couldn't budge anything off. (I was doing old WW 18-22 points per day which is about 1200 calories, and never eating any extra points).

Here is the thread that finally made me understand what I needed to do:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/196502-for-the-people-who-work-out-like-crazy-and-are-not-losing

I'm sorry you're feeling so bummed. I think you should eat that delicious dinner, have that drink and dessert, and enjoy a lovely evening. Maybe take a nice walk or bath tonight, get at least 8 hours of sleep tonight and start fresh tomorrow.

Hugs

cat3nv

I am OCD about my scale. I weigh myself every morning and probably several times during the day. My hubby laughs at me. I step on the scale and growl at it. He says 172??

Hopeinanguish

Yes...I highly recommend measuring your waist/hips at least. Not losing weight is so frustrating when you have goals, but seeing inches come off is also huge. Maybe you should put away the scale for a little while until you can find a happy medium and be less stressed about that?

ChristineW82

I'm just getting my butt back into the game here, but I've heard a trick to use is to have a free day every now and then. Like you are saying have a nice hearty supper with dessert. It will confuse your body since it's been on what sounds like a really strict diet for months. It may just be what you need to get off the plateau!

Wish you luck!! And venting is a good thing when you need to :happy:

cat3nv

I'm sorry you're feeling so bummed. I think you should eat that delicious dinner, have that drink and dessert, and enjoy a lovely evening. Maybe take a nice walk or bath tonight, get at least 8 hours of sleep tonight and start fresh tomorrow.

Hugs

Another Texan!! HI!!

8 hours?? I will try. I am a SAHM and a full time student. I have homework to do after every one is in bed.

monoxidechick

I say good for you!! Give in once in a while, have the big meal to get it out of your system. It sounds like you have to many things building stress in your life and food should not be one of them. Take a day off, regroup yourself, then come back fighting!!

Today I really want to go on a run, but my house is a disaster and it is driving me crazy and I am getting stressed because I cant do everything! I am taking the evening to clean the house, it will be done, then I can refocus. It sounds like you just need to refocus.

Stop dwelling on what you "cant eat" and think about all the amazing foods that you should be eating because they are delicious and good for you.

It sounds like you are on the right track, you just have to take it easy a bit. If you really really want somehting, have a bit of it before you go crazy. If its cake, have a sliver, if its a drink, have a few one night a month. I do this and it works for me. Sometimes I find myself slacking too much or going a little crazy anyway, and I just need to take a day or two to unwind and come back full force. You can do this, just remember that it is mostly in your mind.

Good luck!!

sleepytexan

I'm sorry you're feeling so bummed. I think you should eat that delicious dinner, have that drink and dessert, and enjoy a lovely evening. Maybe take a nice walk or bath tonight, get at least 8 hours of sleep tonight and start fresh tomorrow.

Hugs

Another Texan!! HI!!

8 hours?? I will try. I am a SAHM and a full time student. I have homework to do after every one is in bed.

I know, I hear ya. I have 4, work PT, and the hubby's out of town a lot, but ya gotta get your sleep--did you know studies show people who don't get enough sleep are more likely to be overweight? so true.

maybe we should spend less time on MFP -- ha! I swear it has replaced my FB obsession!

jessbennett1986

everyone gets frusterated to a breaking point every once in awhile. Last week was my breakdown. It's weird how I feel really good about myself some days and other days I feel as how you explained. Just keep going. Your body might have thought you were starving yourself and held on to weight. Make a commitment to take care of yourself! Eat at least 4 small meals a day and at least every 3-4 hours. Another thing that's helped me is journal. It sounds silly but it helps expressing yourself on paper. And as you did today log on mfp when you ar having a bad day for support. Don't beat yourself up so much! Don't focus so much on the bad and more on what you DO like about yourself. FIND something you like about yourself and tell yourself every day how you like that part. Less stress and weightloss will follow. Friend me if you want!

suzooz

First of all -- enjoy your meal! Sometimes you just need to take a break for a moment, and live a little. Your body might need a break, too.

My body plateaus every 9 pounds, and it looks like I'm going through plateau #3. Just like you, I have lost about 30 pounds, and my body is adjusting. Unfortunately, a little too nicely to the current weight.

Keep looking -- the skinny you is there. I had an "I'm still fat" week a couple of weeks ago, and right when I needed to get new pants. I knew that I was smaller, and it took 30 pounds to decrease a size, but here I was being depressed about having to buy new pants. I ended up going to outlet mall and hitting the clearance rack. The first suit that I tried on was a jacket and sleeveless dress, which I never in a million years would have tried on. The jacket was cute and it was drastically marked down, so I thought I would buy the jacket, and consider the dress as a "bogo." Well, I tried on the dress and guess what?!? It looked fabulous! Skinny me finally showed up! And she and I had fun trying on all sorts of clothes -- and I even came home with some of them.

I understand the issue of being between sizes -- it is really hard to see yourself as smaller when your pants are either bagging, or when you can't get them zipped. I have ended up taking some of my bigger clothes to the tailors -- a simple inexpensive nip/tuck in a pair of pants or a blazer can really make a huge difference!

In fact, I had an NSV this morning. I wore one of my newly tailored pants, and a co-worker commented on how much weight I had lost! And I don't even know her that well!

Bottom line is to keep looking -- skinny you is there! 30 pounds is a huge achievement! Keep at it, and the scale will move again (please remind me of this next week, when I am "stuck")

sleepytexan

Today I really want to go on a run, but my house is a disaster and it is driving me crazy and I am getting stressed because I cant do everything! I am taking the evening to clean the house, it will be done, then I can refocus. It sounds like you just need to refocus.

I would just like to say that I am completely opposed to housework under any circumstances, and if you need any help coming up with reasons why you should never waste your energy on housework, I'm your girl. :laugh:

jessbennett1986

also weighing yourself every day is NOT healthy! I've been there done that. The only number it does is on your self esteem. It could literally make or break me. It still does sometimes. But now I only weigh once or twice a week. I swear that will help a ton and help you forcus on you and not so much the number on the scale you think you are.

KimberSt

Cat,

You have a quote in your signature space just after your goals.

"You can not fix what you do not like on the outside, until you fix the problems on the inside. "

Does this have meaning for you.....like right now?

cat3nv

Cat,

You have a quote in your signature space just after your goals.

"You can not fix what you do not like on the outside, until you fix the problems on the inside. "

Does this have meaning for you.....like right now?

you have no idea how personal that quote is to me. I heard it on a biggest loser commercial and I knew it was meant for me. I had a lot of childhood demons to overcome. In the past I ate my feelings. Which is probably why when I had a taste of chocolate icing I freaked out.

angelicdisgrace

Have your meal and enjoy it! Sometimes you just have too. I have also been freakin out cause I've been stuck at my weight which seems like an enternity. I keep on telling my trainer that I am starvation mode and he keeps on getting after me saying your not! I know it gets frustrating. Just hang in there I am.

christine24t

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maybe we should spend less time on MFP -- ha! I swear it has replaced my FB obsession!
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me too!!!! i come on here now before facebook!

christine24t

sorry double post!

cat3nv

maybe we should spend less time on MFP -- ha! I swear it has replaced my FB obsession!
[/quote]

me too!!!! i come on here now before facebook!
[/quote]

I am here as much if not more than facebook. lol!! While I know I have supportive friends, sometimes I feel like I can be more open here. Perhaps it is the anonymity we have here on MFP.

k8blujay2

Awww!!! (Huggles) friend.... You are doing great...

Cat, do you pay any attention to Jillian Micheals and the biggest loser? One thing peice of advice that I keep seeing pop up everywhere is when you start to stagnate your weight loss is to add some calories... I think around 100 calories... to you daily intake... sometimes that's enough to facilitate weight loss again... But you have done awesome and have come so far... and in my opinion, you are beautiful no matter what....

Love ya hun!