The boyfriend's terrible dieting habbits...how do I talk to

knovello82

My boyfriend has extremely unhealthy dieting habits and I am worried about his health. I am not sure how to talk to him about it without hurting his feelings, plus he is very stubborn about his ways! First of all, he is very overweight. He does drink a lot, and once a year (usually in the spring, of course) he decides he wants to lose weight. Since I have been on MFP, I have found that the safest way to lose weight & keep it off is 'slowly but surely.' My brother is a trainer & says it's healthy to do maybe 2 pounds per week. The boyfriend's method is to practically starve himself & lose 20 pounds in 2 weeks. The problem is, once he goes off the diet, he gains the weight back & then some. A few weeks ago he went to the dr for a tooth infection (he doesn't have dental) & his blood pressure was sky high. The dr. told him he has to come back for a physical (he is planning on going back next month I think).

Yesterday I got home from work & offered him dinner, & he said "I'm not really hungry. I have been drinking more coffee to curve my appetite. I'll eat later." I just realized he never ate last night. He NEVER excersizes either, and it's getting annoying because we can't always do the same things anymore (he gets winded easily now). I am worried he's pretty much starving himself again. He is 32 and I am worried he is going to have a heart attack by the time he is 40! I've tried to talk to him about losing weight slowly & he just says "I have to do it this way or I'll never lose weight." I just don't know how to get through to him and convince him that he needs to make changes. Maybe the dr. will convince him when he goes for his physical. Thanks for listening, and any advice is welcome!

knovello82

bump

hroush

The best thing is to not care. I know this sounds weird, but the more you hound him about it, the more he'll resist and resent you for it. This is an interesting article about that topic:

http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/06/22/family.love.o/index.html?eref=rss_latest&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+rss/cnn_latest+(RSS:+Most+Recent)

All you can do is lead by example. Sorry, but unless you tie him to the bed, force feed him, and then strap him to a treadmill, you won't be able to get him to change.

I'm worried about my wife's health as well. She's 5 inches shorter than me, but weighs at least 30 more pounds. Just this week she has come back to the site and started trying to eat better again. How long will it last? I don't know.

gingerfoxxx

How frustrating I don't have much advice in the eating dept. When ever i cook dinner for my boyfriend (at least 3 nights a week) he eats it, out of guilt at the very least. I am a pretty good cook, but if something is too healthy and he doesn't like it, i just get upset and take it personally, so he will just eat it to prevent further discontent. if only it were that easy!

The one place to start might be exercise. I challenged my boyfriend to do warrior dash with me (its like an obstacle course thing) and he is really excited about it (probably more for the beer and turkey legs) but he has run with me a few times and started lifting weights so that i don't embarrass him. Guys seem to love competition. Once he started working out, he realized how much he was drinking as well, because he felt so bad most mornings, trying to run. One small change usually triggers a few more.

I think just by setting an awesome example, you are hopefully starting to rub off a little bit at least, right?

Improvised

Set the example, that's all you can do. When he's ready, he'll follow.

sculptandtone

It's very obvious from your post that you love him and care about his health. If you are concerned about bringing this up, I wonder if you leave your computer open to the post? Maybe if he just comes across it, he will realize that your concern is love.

27strange

I agree you shouldn't overly hound him about it because it could easily have the opposite effect that you desire and he may resent you for it. He's got to make the decision on his own. It does stink that he is hard headed so to speak in that he believes his way of starving himself and skipping meals is going to help him lose weight....not long term it won't and certainly isn't a lifestyle change. Try to point him to the great information on this site and others without being overbearing. Try to convince him that you think it would be awesome if you used MFP together and worked on your weight loss together. Hopefully the doctors visit will instill some motivation as well.

iojoi

We cant manipulate someone to do something that is good for them .. he wont do it unless hes ready anyhow, and the more you try to make someone they more they resist.

Healthy lifestyles are contagious I have stuck at mine since 2008 .. when my sons called me a hippy and refused to eat anything other than meat burgers or anything brown.. they and my husband made fun of my attempts to lose weight.
Recently I have been amused by my eldest who refuses to anything with additives in or take artifical sweetners and preaches about eating healthily and the younger one (who once thought eating as many macdonalds as possible was a competition) now takes only granary bread and salads to work and exercises in the gym in our shed almost everyday both go swimming alot with or without me, and now my husband is asking for healthy options, and I actually realised the other day that hes been sneaking in the garage after I have gone to bed and hitting the punch bag for a few minutes.... so lead by example and let him catch up!
<now I am wondering who I caught the bug from> lol

knovello82

Thanks for all of the great advice. I am curious to see what the dr. tells him & perhaps, if his blood pressure is still high at that point, he will realize he needs to make a change.