Betrayal Begets Binge

MochaMixAZ

I am struggling. Again.

Unfortunately today I had an extremely upsetting interaction with my best friend of 20 years. We’ve been through so much together, and I love her dearly. Our friendship has outlasted moves, family issues, deaths, births, addiction, vacations, and time.

Today she confessed something to me that was a betrayal of our relationship and our lifelong history of trust. I don’t want to get into the details, but I felt vulnerable, betrayed, and lost the ever-present feeling of unconditional love and knowing without a doubt SHE always had my best interests at heart.

If it had been *anyone* else, our relationship would be over. But it won’t be, because it was her. And she chose to be honest with me, which despite the anger – I appreciate. But it doesn’t dismiss my feelings of loss, mistrust, and hurt.

After this interaction, I told her I would work through this. That I still love her. But that I don’t trust her right now, and it would take me some time to get over it. I explained I still value her, and our friendship will weather this storm, but that for a few weeks, I wouldn’t be engaging in deep conversations, or meaningful dialogues…. Because I just need time.

And now I’m left with these ugly feelings. I immediately went to the refrigerator. ¼ cup of chocolate chips and ¼ cup of white chocolate vanilla chips later – now I’m just sick to my stomach for two reasons.

I realize I’m likely just stuffing my feelings. And that the physical discomfort somehow mitigates the heartache. But that somehow doesn’t make it easier.

<sigh> Well. I’m going to go chug a couple cups of water and hope the bellyache goes away.

Thanks for listening.
D.

kittyhorn

I'm sorry

Maybe try putting on your running shoes and iPod and go for a walk? I like to just disappear into the music sometimes.

I'm feeling PMSie today so I'm going to beat the heck out of the bag at kickboxing.

KimberSt

Dearest D -

I know how trust issues and throw you into the pool and you feel like drowning. Fill up a bottle of water and go for a walk. Walk in a park, on a trail or somewhere you've been wanting to go, but for one reason or another, just didn't. Take some soothing music with you. Walking right now with your feelings on your sleeve would be good for you. If you had time to type your blog, you have time to walk for a little bit. DO IT NOW!!!

Report back when you're done!! ((((((((((((((((D))))))))))))))))))

callymac66

sweetie, you shouldn't be too hard on yourself - look at how much you've achieved, I think you're amazing! Go punch the heck out a punchbag or go for a walk or even just sit a read a book.

you've been so strong, that's not going to change over night

divanikki

Um, as a newbie I find it impressive that you measured your chocolate chips! I'm sorry that someone you trusted let you down. But you are most assuredly a strong person. Maybe you will be able to work through this eventually, but for now protect yourself and know that you are a super star!!!!

runnermel

omg...I can so relate!!! but, be thankful that you have recognized the reason for your extra eating and can stop it. I went thru something similar with my best friend (and workout partner) and I tell you...it thru me for a loop. the difference in the situation is that my friend just instantly disappeared from my life. what a void!! so, for almost two years I sat and ate, and ate, and ate each night and evetually gained 25 pounds even though my workouts were tough and I was training for half marathons.

my point is .....congrats for the recognition!! and just stop the emotional eating! it is bad, bad, bad! instead, take a walk, ride a bike, etc. it will make you feel much better than the food will.

choughton01

I'm sorry! Take that ugly feeling and use it in a physical workout! I have done it before and cried while doing it. It really help! Good luck.

Christina

FabOma08

Um, as a newbie I find it impressive that you measured your chocolate chips! I'm sorry that someone you trusted let you down. But you are most assuredly a strong person. Maybe you will be able to work through this eventually, but for now protect yourself and know that you are a super star!!!!

You know...this is a good point! Most of us would have just grabbed the bag and started munching. Just proves that even at your lowest you still have an amazing inner strength! I'd hug you now but it's just too hot in the south for that!

MochaMixAZ

Thank you all - here's my report back: It's too hot here (116) to do an outside walk, so I went for a swim instead. It didn't help ease the feelings, but it distracted me for a little while.

I'm now getting txt messages from the friend trying to "explain", and I just don't want to hear it. So, I told her that. Not to mention the apology of, "I understand why you feel that way, and I'm sorry you do" is a cop-out that sends me fuming and takes no accountability for her own actions.

Anyway, I'm all worked up (still), so not sure what I'll do next. I'm so full and sun-exposed, I may just go take a nap.

FabOma08

That's probably a great idea. Increased stress is exhausting and so not good for you! Nap, rest, let your mind rest!

PlanetVelma

Thank you all - here's my report back: It's too hot here (116) to do an outside walk, so I went for a swim instead. It didn't help ease the feelings, but it distracted me for a little while.

I'm now getting txt messages from the friend trying to "explain", and I just don't want to hear it. So, I told her that. Not to mention the apology of, "I understand why you feel that way, and I'm sorry you do" is a cop-out that sends me fuming and takes no accountability for her own actions.

Anyway, I'm all worked up (still), so not sure what I'll do next. I'm so full and sun-exposed, I may just go take a nap.

Why is it some people feel the need to text to "explain" their feelings? I hate that!!! If I say I don't want to talk that includes emails, text messages, smoke signals or morse code! Sheesh!! I'm sorry you are dealing with that nonsense, but if it's too hot to exercise outside, you could do some yoga inside, or just some jumping jacks - screaming into a pillow usually helps me.

I hope your week gets better!

bgmomof3boys

sigh... sorry about the betrayal. I have found that when I go to the kitchen to eat because of stress I turn on the teapot and "bargain" with myself to wait until the water boils... of course then I always have a cup of tea! it does help me control emotional eating... stay strong! naps are great ideas too! can't eat while you're sleeping!

Actavella

Go find a punching bag! A real one, not a person!