Women asking out men, weird, or a new generational thing?
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I'm the opposite. I'd never ask a man on a date. Not because I'm shy but because I think it's his job, and if he's not willing to do it, then he's either not interested or he's missing a set of testicles. In either case, he's not for me.
If you feel comfortable doing it, go for it. Some men find it sexy, some men find it emasculating. Just be prepared for the different reactions.
See this is the mentality I've always had. I figured if a guy was interested in me, and thought that I was worth chasing, he would ask me out.
I'm also told that men my age have a plethora of women to choose from and generally have no problem getting laid, so really don't see the point in seriously asking a girl out. It's not until the 25 to 26 age range that they actually settle down and become a little more serious.
I agree that your age probably has a lot to do with it. I'm 28, and I figure at my age, if he doesn't have the balls to do the asking, then I'd be wasting my time on him anyway.
There is always the possibility that a really nice, sweet guy has checked you out and would love to go out with you but is afraid to make the first move. Maybe if you asked him out, things would work out great. If you're okay with that, by all means, go for it.
The thing about me is that I just don't have much respect for a man who isn't willing to do the asking because I'm looking for an alpha male, one who is not afraid to go after what he wants out of fear of failure, whether it's his career or a woman he's interested in. I realize not every woman thinks that way, and that's cool, but that's just me.0 -
I think you should go with what seems right in the moment. Use your gut. Give a guy as chance to ask you out and then if he doesn't take it (some guys are just scared to ask) then you ask him.
Here is another great idea... there are certain ways that you can flirt and things that you can say that get a guy to ask you out and think it is his idea. But you have to strike up a conversation... he asked you a question so that is your hint. Guys want to know that you will say yes before they ask... they are scared like that. Approach it kind of in the way you would your friends, example:
Your local barista:
HIM: "Hey your arms look great, do you work out?"
YOU: "Yes, I do, do you?"
HIM: "Yes, about 3 times a week at the gym and then jogging in XXXX park."
YOU: "Oh I love that park, I didn't know they have a trail there. We should meet up there sometime and run together."
<BOOM>
He will either make a date right then, ask for your number, or [he may be in shock that you actually just let him know that you would say yes to a date...lol] give him your number.
You probably have at least 3 opportunities to flirt like that every week... take them.
If a guy compliments you, have a small conversation with him and see what happens.
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For example, if I see you at a coffee shop, glance at you and see you watching me, I might go over and ask for a date. HOWEVER, it almost never results in a positive response. Women don't feel safe enough for it.
I'm young, good looking, muscular, intelligent, with a career, nice car and sense of humor, but I still get turned down in most cases because most women aren't comfortable meeting strangers.
Haha I do understand that. On the other hand I think if that a girl is making eye contact with you, and smiles, it's safe to approach her and generally start a conversation. We're all so afraid of each other and it doesn't make any sense to me.
I even joined an online dating website for a research paper in Social Psychology, and found that even online, people are too afraid to message each other, and once they do, are too afraid to actually meet.
It's so true. I'm not a shy person, so I have no problems just walking up and saying "Hey, you look amazing, and I would like to get to know you. If you don't have a boyfriend, do you wanna grab a coffee sometime?" but trust me when I say... it just doesn't work much.
Freaking cowards
There was a time in my life when I would have freaked out if a guy approached me like that. I'd have been thinking "I don't even know you. No way I'm going on a date with you." Now, I am a lot more confident in who I am and what I want, and what I'd probably appreciate most about a stranger asking me to have coffee with him is that he didn't jump right to "Can I take you to dinner?" That's too much for someone you don't know at all, and a man who realizes that and goes for a safer option is easier to say yes to. There's nothing threatening about "Let's have coffee and talk." It may end in "I'd love to have dinner with you," and it may end in the two of you discovering you'll never be more than friends (if that), but at least you took a shot. Any woman who is single and looking and isn't willing to do that probably has some security issues that you're better off avoiding anyway.0 -
I wouldn't do it. Although I agree with the other posts that women should take control of their own life, the men still want to be 'the man' as society dictates they are. It's an ego thing that's accompanied with a fear of rejection!! When you see this guy in your local coffee shop and he compliments you - he's seeing how you react to that. He isn't going to ask you out right after that (even though, that'd be so much easier, wouldn't it?). Him, or any other guy, needs to build up their confidence to ask you out.
It could also be the type of man you're hoping will ask you on a date. If it's the sort of guy that is a scumbag and wants to sleep around, he may ask you out, but it's for the wrong reason! If you're looking for a serious relationship, try going for the older men. I'm talking like 27-29. Or, get involved in something where you'll be in a group setting and you can meet other people your age. Book club? Local volunteer work?
I'm married now, but can remember feeling exactly like you do. My husband has given me sort of an inside look on the mind of a man. If I had known those things while I was single, I would've been a dating pro 0 -
It's so true. I'm not a shy person, so I have no problems just walking up and saying "Hey, you look amazing, and I would like to get to know you. If you don't have a boyfriend, do you wanna grab a coffee sometime?" but trust me when I say... it just doesn't work much.
Freaking cowards
I think there in lies another huge issue. We assume everyone isn't single, and so don't want to take the risk to ask them. If someone is attractive, we look at them and think that with those looks, there's no way that they're single. And if they are, there must be a damn good reason for it. This has stopped me on more than one occasion.0 -
Its all right! I was asked on a date by this one girl a couple of years ago and I was flattered!...................I went out of my way even more so because of it. We had a great time for a couple of weeks and that was it....BUT this I think should not be lingered upon, if you like someone beit your male or female...DO IT ask! If your turned down all the person can think of you is that youre bold...and thats good!
You are YOUNG!! Enjoy life!!! SMILE!
With that said..................Ladies feel free to Message me!!
shake and bake!0 -
I think there is too much emphasis on this dating thing. Just see it as asking a friend to hang out and see if you can strike a common interest. If the sparks are there, then flirt! If not, than at least you've gained a friend. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that.
I use to know this guy who lived across the road from me who I use to like when I was younger. Spent weeks exchanging looks but nothing else so I struck up the courage to ask him out. Found out that he was the dullest person ever and I didn't meet him a second time. I was so proud of myself for having the courage to do it and felt at least I didn't waste any more time wondering 'what if'. I don't think there's any shame in it. If you don't ask, you don't get.0 -
I agree with the "approach it as a friendship" theory if you'd be okay with never being more than friends (because that may be the only possibility if he just doesn't feel a romantic attraction for you). But sometimes, the attraction you feel toward someone, even a stranger, is so strong that you know the friendship thing just is not going to cut it. It doesn't happen to me often, but occasionally I meet a guy who makes me feel like I'm on fire, and there's no way I could ever just be friends with him because I wouldn't be able to stop myself from thinking impure thoughts around him. And if you ever want to have a successful relationship with another guy, you cannot have male friends who make you think impure thoughts.0
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The Game:
1) Guy makes a simple remark that is complimentary or flattering.
2) Girl responds and thanks Guy.
3) Girl must follow up by escalating game in some way... showing interest through extending a conversation, flirting in some way, etc.
4) Guy gets a clue and continues with further interaction.
5) Guy or Girl initiates physical contact in some fashion, either initial or additional contact, that makes it clear that another level is desired.
6) Guy asks Girl out. Alternatively, Girl makes comment that reveals - directly or indirectly - that she is not presently in a relationship. Then Guy asks Girl out.0 -
I love this question and it kinda strikes home with me because I am divorced and a bit shy. It is a very difficult thing for most men to approach women that they don't know. first of all, we don't have the verbal skills that most all women have especially when it comes to expressing anything emotional. second, is the rejection factor. Most men have large and fragile egos that we knowingly or unknowingly tend to protect. Asking a women we just meet out on a date, for her phone number or even for a dance is taking a chance on being rejected - that hurts. So we tend to dance around it - "Hey we should hang out sometime". It's a difficult game we play and I hate games.
Be careful asking guys out. In particular be careful of the "TYPE" of guys you ask out. An agressive male could very well take your innocent proposal as a come on (I'm dead serious). So be very careful how you word it and be clear about what it is you want to do - "Hey, I want to see that new movie on Friday. Would you like to have dinner and see it with me?"
I think it's great that you and other women are willing to initiate realationships. It takes some of the pressure off of us. Please be careful though. It is inherently more risky for you than it is for us. Know the person you are asking out and avoid asking handsome strangers.0 -
The Game:
1) Guy makes a simple remark that is complimentary or flattering.
2) Girl responds and thanks Guy.
3) Girl must follow up by escalating game in some way... showing interest through extending a conversation, flirting in some way, etc.
4) Guy gets a clue and continues with further interaction.
5) Guy or Girl initiates physical contact in some fashion, either initial or additional contact, that makes it clear that another level is desired.
6) Guy asks Girl out. Alternatively, Girl makes comment that reveals - directly or indirectly - that she is not presently in a relationship. Then Guy asks Girl out.
Wow!! So this is how it works!?!!?! I will print this out and keep it in my pocket for future reference . . . . LOL.0 -
In general, nice guys don't hit on girls outright. It's kinda rude and they are nice. That is why you get hit on by creepers. They want to take advantage of women with lower self esteem. If you want a nice guy, go chat with him. He won't hit on you, but you may hit it off
Don't listen to Carrie Bradshaw... gender roles are malleable. 0 -
Men never approach me. I did the online dating thing, where I would initiate contact. Then if I liked them, and they passed my "screening" then I would ask them out to meet for real. Or sometimes they would beat me to it. Anyway, probably 25 first dates later, I met the man of my dreams and we're getting married in October Don't let society tell you what is right. If it seems good to ask him out, do it, but if you'd rather wait, then that is ok too. But remember, men always drag their feet 0
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The Game:
1) Guy makes a simple remark that is complimentary or flattering.
2) Girl responds and thanks Guy.
3) Girl must follow up by escalating game in some way... showing interest through extending a conversation, flirting in some way, etc.
4) Guy gets a clue and continues with further interaction.
5) Guy or Girl initiates physical contact in some fashion, either initial or additional contact, that makes it clear that another level is desired.
6) Guy asks Girl out. Alternatively, Girl makes comment that reveals - directly or indirectly - that she is not presently in a relationship. Then Guy asks Girl out.
Good god, it isn't that complicated. If it were, I'd still be single. People make dating complicated by playing games such as above. Honestly, I think people - men and women - need to grow a pair (figuratively, of course!). If you are interested (no matter the gender), then show it. Period. No "Well I am the woman so I should do X, then I will wait patiently and hope he picks up on my clues...".the men still want to be 'the man' as society dictates they are. It's an ego thing that's accompanied with a fear of rejection!!
That's not how it works where I live (the northeast) where it is perfectly normal and reasonable for a woman to ask a man out and vice versa. Perhaps your guy wants to be "the man" but by no means is that a blanket rule. The last man I dated, I did the initiating, he later told me how thankful he was for that. BTW, we are now married. 0 -
In general, nice guys don't hit on girls outright. It's kinda rude and they are nice. That is why you get hit on by creepers. They want to take advantage of women with lower self esteem. If you want a nice guy, go chat with him. He won't hit on you, but you may hit it off Don't listen to Carrie Bradshaw... gender roles are malleable.
I agree 100%0 -
The Game:
1) Guy makes a simple remark that is complimentary or flattering.
2) Girl responds and thanks Guy.
3) Girl must follow up by escalating game in some way... showing interest through extending a conversation, flirting in some way, etc.
4) Guy gets a clue and continues with further interaction.
5) Guy or Girl initiates physical contact in some fashion, either initial or additional contact, that makes it clear that another level is desired.
6) Guy asks Girl out. Alternatively, Girl makes comment that reveals - directly or indirectly - that she is not presently in a relationship. Then Guy asks Girl out.
Good god, it isn't that complicated. If it were, I'd still be single. People make dating complicated by playing games such as above. Honestly, I think people - men and women - need to grow a pair (figuratively, of course!). If you are interested (no matter the gender), then show it. Period. No "Well I am the woman so I should do X, then I will wait patiently and hope he picks up on my clues...".the men still want to be 'the man' as society dictates they are. It's an ego thing that's accompanied with a fear of rejection!!
That's not how it works where I live (the northeast) where it is perfectly normal and reasonable for a woman to ask a man out and vice versa. Perhaps your guy wants to be "the man" but by no means is that a blanket rule. The last man I dated, I did the initiating, he later told me how thankful he was for that. BTW, we are now married.
What I stated can happen in 2 minutes. But it very often happens like that when you sit back and analyze it. There are exceptions. Duh.0 -
In general, nice guys don't hit on girls outright. It's kinda rude and they are nice. That is why you get hit on by creepers. They want to take advantage of women with lower self esteem. If you want a nice guy, go chat with him. He won't hit on you, but you may hit it off Don't listen to Carrie Bradshaw... gender roles are malleable.
This is true!!!0 -
I think its WEIRD.....im not asking no dude out.....psh hell no! You want me...gotta work for this! 0
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Dudes in your hood aren't Alpha males or their game is WEEEEEEAK. Sorry to hear that as you look cute. I am sure one will come around sooner then later.
this.
You just have to be around the right guy who doesn't care if he gets rejected. Those are the guys that will talk to you. At least that's how I played the game when i was single. I'm not full of myself, I just figured the worst thing that could happen is she would say no.0 -
Gender roles are not malleable to me. It's about what each individual is looking for. Some women prefer men who are willing to do the hunting. Some men prefer women who LET them do the hunting. I think less of guys who are so afraid of being shot down that they won't take a chance. That's not me letting society dictate the way things should be done. It's a personal preference for an alpha male.
I don't play hard-to-get. If I'm into you, I'm going to make it as clear as I can without coming over and sitting on your lap. But if you're not willing to take it from there, then it's never going to work between us anyway.0
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