Completly OT

strawberryblonde13

This is soooo off topic, but i am just going crazy and need to vent :bigsmile: soo, guys, ladies... i need some serious advice. so my bf of 3 years and I broke up about 2 weeks ago (but things had been going down hill for several months ... nothing horrible, but that spark was missing. so we broke up (more his idea than mine)... and ever since then he has been trying to get me back. I love him to death, but the end of our relationship was kinda blah.... so guess what he went and did this weekend... sent me flowers @ work (my favorite)... sent more to my apt... and put a huge sign on a highway bridge saying that he loves me etc... what is that???? i mean really he has gone beyond and attempt I know of to get a girl back... haha. now there is another guy that I have taken an interest in, but it's more of a fling (i would think) and he sent me flowers too (random)... especially for a girl who never gets flowers (i don't really express much interest in those sorts of things)....????? so do i continue in my quest to move on and away from the ex... possibly getting to know the new guy... or do I cave in to all the sweet things my ex has done, realize we made a mistake and patch things up w/ him??????:huh: help. :flowerforyou: thanks for letting me vent!!!! xoxo. sb

strawberryblonde13

This is soooo off topic, but i am just going crazy and need to vent :bigsmile: soo, guys, ladies... i need some serious advice. so my bf of 3 years and I broke up about 2 weeks ago (but things had been going down hill for several months ... nothing horrible, but that spark was missing. so we broke up (more his idea than mine)... and ever since then he has been trying to get me back. I love him to death, but the end of our relationship was kinda blah.... so guess what he went and did this weekend... sent me flowers @ work (my favorite)... sent more to my apt... and put a huge sign on a highway bridge saying that he loves me etc... what is that???? i mean really he has gone beyond and attempt I know of to get a girl back... haha. now there is another guy that I have taken an interest in, but it's more of a fling (i would think) and he sent me flowers too (random)... especially for a girl who never gets flowers (i don't really express much interest in those sorts of things)....????? so do i continue in my quest to move on and away from the ex... possibly getting to know the new guy... or do I cave in to all the sweet things my ex has done, realize we made a mistake and patch things up w/ him??????:huh: help. :flowerforyou: thanks for letting me vent!!!! xoxo. sb

ChubbyBunny

Well....was it a mistake?
Do you want a "blah" relationship or something with a little more....fire....in it?

songbyrdsweet

I TOTALLY know what you mean about the spark. I have been with my bf for almost 3 years (Dec. 1) and we have gone through the same thing. It was so upsetting I have even gone to counseling for it, because I want things to work out and just didn't know how to fix it. The most poignant thing the counselor said was that these lulls in the excitement of a relationship are normal and happen to everyone at some point, but you have to decide whether to muddle through until you have the capacity to make your own excitement. No one else knows how you two worked together, and no one else knows why things fizzled, but it seems to happen to a lot of people. For us, it's a time problem...we work totally opposite shifts and see each other maybe a couple hours a day most days of the week--and we live together! It's hard to maintain intimacy and go out and do fun things together. But we get along fabulously, and have worked on making this relationship solid despite our ups and downs, so it would be irrational to toss it aside for a temporary excitement of the single life.

It sounds like he thinks the breakup was a mistake. It's really easy to add the spark back to your relationship, but you have to realize that it's up to the both of you to put it there. Good luck! :flowerforyou:

strawberryblonde13

thanks. i needed that :flowerforyou: i think i may go see him wednesday, we live several hours away from each other - (probably a big part of the problem) and try and figure something out... but I don't want to allow myself to cave in because it is easy, ya know.

snelfk

I agree with songbyrd, relationships are work. I have been married for almost 30 years, and there have been definite ups and downs. You need to decide if your ex is who you want share your life with, then decide to make things work.

My 19 year old daughter just had her boyfriend of almost a year beak up with her, this is what I told her: If he decides he wants to get back together she needed to ask him , "is it because he was miserable and unhappy without her, or really, really wanted to be with her", and that he would have to earn her trust again.

Remember, that spark can be put in any realtionship...

songbyrdsweet

thanks. i needed that :flowerforyou: i think i may go see him wednesday, we live several hours away from each other - (probably a big part of the problem) and try and figure something out... but I don't want to allow myself to cave in because it is easy, ya know.

Ugh, distance is a killer. It so does NOT make the heart grow fonder. In a long-distance relationship, you miss out on the chemical changes that occur when you're around your partner, so you will have a harder time feeling connected. (I'm not saying 'love' is all chemical, but hormones do play a big role in how we feel about people).
In March, my bf and I split for a month...I felt the same way you did, that the spark was gone. I became interested in someone else, but immediately realized it was just because he was 'new', and within a couple weeks he was also 'clingy' and 'annoying' LOL. It just reestablished how I felt about my bf..that he is a VERY rare find--intelligent, kind, patient, understanding, and so supportive. He understood the choice I had to make, but was very happy (and so was I) when I saw the error of my ways and came back. We just had to put more work into making each other feel good about the relationship. After a while, we release less of those exciting chemicals, and have to do little things to increase them. Cuddling, saying nice things to one another, kissing, writing love letters, and...well...x-rated things...will all release those lovey hormones and strengthen your bond.
Alternately, if you decide that the relationship is unfulfilling because your personalities clash or your interests and totally incompatible or the distance is too much to handle, you can always move on. Or wait until you live close to one another. I don't believe that there is just one person for everyone, so I think we have the potential to find a good partner in many different people as long as we're open minded and can compromise and work together in that partnership.

Fab140

I agree with songbyrd, relationships are work. I have been married for almost 30 years, and there have been definite ups and downs. You need to decide if your ex is who you want share your life with, then decide to make things work.

My 19 year old daughter just had her boyfriend of almost a year beak up with her, this is what I told her: If he decides he wants to get back together she needed to ask him , "is it because he was miserable and unhappy without her, or really, really wanted to be with her", and that he would have to earn her trust again.

Remember, that spark can be put in any realtionship...

Exactly. I broke up with the man who is now my husband after a few months due to no "sparks". What it was, actually, is that we were so stuck in a routine that we got bored! Once we were "friends" *wink wink* we started trying new places to hang out and doing different things! I knew all along I had a deep attachement to him, that blossomed into love and here I am! Married and happy.

I watched Sex and the City the Movie (twice) this weekend. And one dialogue really stuck with me:

Samantha Jones: Relationships aren't just about being happy. I mean, how often are you happy in your relationship?
Charlotte York: Every day.
Samantha Jones: Every day?!
Charlotte York: Well, not all day every day but yes, every day.

It makes ya think.....

:flowerforyou:

christelpistol

here's another one for ya.


from The Mexican



Samantha: I have to ask you a question. It's a good one so think about it. If two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough?
Jerry: Never.

kdanderson05

I like that one!!! Reminds me of me and my husband!lol