My spouse doesn't get it

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sshap21712
sshap21712 Posts: 139
in Motivation and Support
Does anyone else have this problem? My spouse is very encouraging when it comes to my weight loss, but when she cooks for me (which thankfully isn't often) she will put the most sugary and caloric ingredients she can find. For instance, this morning she decided to cook pancakes. This is a fairly high calorie breakfast to begin with. So I sit down at the table and measure out my teaspoon of maple syrup, and, as I am about to put a bite in my mouth, she tells me that she put a large helping of baked ricotta in the pancakes. Now my breakfast is about 750 calories, and she doesn't even ask before she adds it.
She loves to bake apple pies and make sweet ice creams with high fat content, and when I don't want to eat them, she whines about how she made this stuff to show she loves me, and pouts.
I don't know what to do!
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Replies

  • michelleion
    michelleion Posts: 122 Member
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    Can you maybe look at recipes together and cook together, perhaps make some of both your favourites trying out substitutes for ingredients to get similar tastes - it could be a bit of a challenge :)
  • halphord
    halphord Posts: 379 Member
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    You could suggest to get in the kitchen with her and you two could learn how to make these things she loves to make for you in a healthier way. This way she can still make these things she loves to make for you, only you could eat them without feeling guilty, and in the meantime, you two would be spending good quality time together. :)
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
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    might be best to incorporate some fruits with breakfast and only eat 1/2 of what the serving is she cooked
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
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    Maybe try and sit down and explain to her that you're trying to be healthy for yourself, but for her too so that you can be the best you possible. This means that you have to cut back on things she used to cook for you that you used to enjoy. Maybe look up healthier versions of those treats with her so she can see what the ingredients look like and portion sizes and all that.

    I have the opposite problem myself where my husband doesn't get why I want to lose weight because he likes me at this size, but as the one who cooks in the relationship, he has modified his recipes a TON when it comes to making me dinner. Especially after I showed him a meal he once cooked for us was over 1000 calories each! *faints*
  • Brownski860
    Brownski860 Posts: 361 Member
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    why not research healthy versions of apple pies or together make small apple tarts that can be frozen. Also I found a recipe for gellato and kashi waffles (sort of like an ice cream sandwich). I'm sure if you ask her to make things for you she would. She justs wants to show you how much she cares and loves you. Please dont take offense to her generosity, you just need to show her a different way of doing it. Maybe you can cook/bake together?
  • Keegansmum6
    Keegansmum6 Posts: 193 Member
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    Can you maybe look at recipes together and cook together, perhaps make some of both your favourites trying out substitutes for ingredients to get similar tastes - it could be a bit of a challenge :)




    this =)
  • AlwaysWanderer
    AlwaysWanderer Posts: 641 Member
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    Talk to her, tell her to cook you something healthy. Thats what I did with my husband. But now we eat totally different things, as he doesnt need to lose weight. Your wife is trying to make you happy by cooking tasty food, so dont be hard on her, just explain.
  • FJMilner
    FJMilner Posts: 407
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    My other half is the same (although sadly he never cooks!!!) He buys alsorts of goodies, take-aways, sweets, chocolate (my god the list is endless) and he ALWAYS tries to encourage me to eat them too! Last week I lost my temper slightly and just said "look, I AM going to lose this weight and I really don't want you to keep tormenting me with all this junk food, if you want to eat it that's fine, I don't have a problem with that (although it would be nice if he ate it somewhere else!!) but please please stop trying to make me eat it. You know i want to lose weight so please respect what Im doing" I think he only does it because he knows its things I like and he's trying to please me but until we make them understand what we really want they will continue tempting us.
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
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    It's the thought that count. :wink: Don't shoot :laugh: I think it is time for you to have a heart to heart with her. You need to tell her, although you love her cooking, you are trying to eat healthy, and she should save it for times when you can be prepared, like a birthday or maybe when you are going to a pot luck and the left overs can be left behind. One thought on the pancakes is the ricotta cheese does add protien and may slow down the spike in your blood sugar. I haven't had pancakes since last year. I don't really miss them either.

    Best wishes
  • Kelly_Wilson1990
    Kelly_Wilson1990 Posts: 3,245 Member
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    The ricotta cheese I idea was actually a good idea. It adds protein to the pancakes. Just use a low fat version next time. I was just looking at a low fat ricotta cheese pancake on AllRecipes.
  • GorillaNJ
    GorillaNJ Posts: 4,052 Member
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    you should have spit it out, tossing the plate on the floor and told her to get her *kitten* back into the kitchen!




    That or... you could really explain to her how hard you are working to be more healthy and how much it means to you to have her help you out. Ask her to help you find some extra healthy pancake recipes, especially since she is such a good cook you are sure she can make them taste delicious.
  • nerdieprofessor
    nerdieprofessor Posts: 512 Member
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    Communication is key! And, cooperation in the kitchen. If you are doing some of the cooking and doing it healthily, she will learn from your example.
  • Sway
    Sway Posts: 100 Member
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    Does anyone else have this problem? My spouse is very encouraging when it comes to my weight loss, but when she cooks for me (which thankfully isn't often) she will put the most sugary and caloric ingredients she can find. For instance, this morning she decided to cook pancakes. This is a fairly high calorie breakfast to begin with. So I sit down at the table and measure out my teaspoon of maple syrup, and, as I am about to put a bite in my mouth, she tells me that she put a large helping of baked ricotta in the pancakes. Now my breakfast is about 750 calories, and she doesn't even ask before she adds it.
    She loves to bake apple pies and make sweet ice creams with high fat content, and when I don't want to eat them, she whines about how she made this stuff to show she loves me, and pouts.
    I don't know what to do!


    Yes, what has your conversations been like? Either she in misinformed, isn't as encouraging (seems like sabotaging) whether she realizes it or not. Does she worry about her health and weight?

    Honestly though, you better sit her down, whining and pouting isn't mature, especially when you're trying to accomplish something like this.
  • twooliver
    twooliver Posts: 450 Member
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    or you could cook your own breakfast...or take turns...why is she cooking for you anyway when you are watching what you eat? You're setting her up to be responsible for your weight issues...take the control back...
  • mrscjwilson
    mrscjwilson Posts: 252
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    Im still wandering what Baked Ricotta is
  • mictur
    mictur Posts: 175 Member
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    Gee, it is the opposite with me. My husband shops and cooks. May I suggest the taste of home comfort food diet cookbook. It has the greatest recipes with half the fat and sugar. You can sit together and plan your breakfast, lunch, and dinners. Has a section for deserts.
    I basically use it during the summer when I am on vacation. But I have to watch the cheese content due to my husband hernia and he is lactose intolerant.
    You can also use evaporated cane juice instead of sugar in recipes. It metabolizes better in your system than regular sugar.
  • hockeyman28
    hockeyman28 Posts: 136
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    I'm sure he HAS spoken with her, thus the frustration. If he's anything like me- the obsessive change is annoying and wifey is well-aware. so another conversation is not an option.

    My wife does the same stuff like lasagnas or meals that are all carbs and meat with no veggies or bakes my favorite brownies or cookies whathaveyou. It is their way of showing they care. I just don't finish it, or eat less than what she makes and supplement with healthy additions (fruit or veggies or lean cheeses). Then I give her a kiss and say thank you for taking care of me.
  • brneydgrlie
    brneydgrlie Posts: 464 Member
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    Well, in this instance, the ricotta really isn't so bad, because it added protein to your carb-heavy pancakes. :wink:

    My family is very much the same way. We were raised to think (even subconsciously) that food equals love. What you have to do is figure out if this is how she thinks, or if she is subconsciously trying to sabotage you due to some insecurity issues (which is doubtful). She probably does not realize that all calories are not the same. Maybe the two of you can take some healthy cooking classes together? Cooking together can actually be a very romantic and bonding activity.

    Good luck!
  • htrl877
    htrl877 Posts: 49
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    Definitely cook with her versus challenging her cooking. Someone can cook for you but its rude to decline what they make. Always remember that she doesn't HAVE to cook for you, but she cooks for you willingly. Offer to cook breakfast with her rather than have breakfast waiting for you. Im not insinuating but I've intentionally made my boyfriends food more fattening because he never wanted to cook with me.
  • sunyg
    sunyg Posts: 229
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    As a woman who loves to cook for people I think her heart is in the right place. Have you tried telling her that you love when she cooks for you? Then ask her to maybe go online and see if she can find some low cal things that SHE may like to try to cook? My husband doesn't cook, but he does have a love of ice cream lol. Bless his heart when he gets some for him he measures out some for me "trying" to be helpful.

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