My spouse doesn't get it

sshap21712

Does anyone else have this problem? My spouse is very encouraging when it comes to my weight loss, but when she cooks for me (which thankfully isn't often) she will put the most sugary and caloric ingredients she can find. For instance, this morning she decided to cook pancakes. This is a fairly high calorie breakfast to begin with. So I sit down at the table and measure out my teaspoon of maple syrup, and, as I am about to put a bite in my mouth, she tells me that she put a large helping of baked ricotta in the pancakes. Now my breakfast is about 750 calories, and she doesn't even ask before she adds it.
She loves to bake apple pies and make sweet ice creams with high fat content, and when I don't want to eat them, she whines about how she made this stuff to show she loves me, and pouts.
I don't know what to do!

michelleion

Can you maybe look at recipes together and cook together, perhaps make some of both your favourites trying out substitutes for ingredients to get similar tastes - it could be a bit of a challenge

halphord

You could suggest to get in the kitchen with her and you two could learn how to make these things she loves to make for you in a healthier way. This way she can still make these things she loves to make for you, only you could eat them without feeling guilty, and in the meantime, you two would be spending good quality time together.

MyaPapaya75

might be best to incorporate some fruits with breakfast and only eat 1/2 of what the serving is she cooked

ashlinmarie

Maybe try and sit down and explain to her that you're trying to be healthy for yourself, but for her too so that you can be the best you possible. This means that you have to cut back on things she used to cook for you that you used to enjoy. Maybe look up healthier versions of those treats with her so she can see what the ingredients look like and portion sizes and all that.

I have the opposite problem myself where my husband doesn't get why I want to lose weight because he likes me at this size, but as the one who cooks in the relationship, he has modified his recipes a TON when it comes to making me dinner. Especially after I showed him a meal he once cooked for us was over 1000 calories each! *faints*

Brownski860

why not research healthy versions of apple pies or together make small apple tarts that can be frozen. Also I found a recipe for gellato and kashi waffles (sort of like an ice cream sandwich). I'm sure if you ask her to make things for you she would. She justs wants to show you how much she cares and loves you. Please dont take offense to her generosity, you just need to show her a different way of doing it. Maybe you can cook/bake together?

Keegansmum6

Can you maybe look at recipes together and cook together, perhaps make some of both your favourites trying out substitutes for ingredients to get similar tastes - it could be a bit of a challenge

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AlwaysWanderer

Talk to her, tell her to cook you something healthy. Thats what I did with my husband. But now we eat totally different things, as he doesnt need to lose weight. Your wife is trying to make you happy by cooking tasty food, so dont be hard on her, just explain.

FJMilner

My other half is the same (although sadly he never cooks!!!) He buys alsorts of goodies, take-aways, sweets, chocolate (my god the list is endless) and he ALWAYS tries to encourage me to eat them too! Last week I lost my temper slightly and just said "look, I AM going to lose this weight and I really don't want you to keep tormenting me with all this junk food, if you want to eat it that's fine, I don't have a problem with that (although it would be nice if he ate it somewhere else!!) but please please stop trying to make me eat it. You know i want to lose weight so please respect what Im doing" I think he only does it because he knows its things I like and he's trying to please me but until we make them understand what we really want they will continue tempting us.

dlaplume2

It's the thought that count. Don't shoot :laugh: I think it is time for you to have a heart to heart with her. You need to tell her, although you love her cooking, you are trying to eat healthy, and she should save it for times when you can be prepared, like a birthday or maybe when you are going to a pot luck and the left overs can be left behind. One thought on the pancakes is the ricotta cheese does add protien and may slow down the spike in your blood sugar. I haven't had pancakes since last year. I don't really miss them either.

Best wishes

Kelly_Wilson1990

The ricotta cheese I idea was actually a good idea. It adds protein to the pancakes. Just use a low fat version next time. I was just looking at a low fat ricotta cheese pancake on AllRecipes.

GorillaNJ

you should have spit it out, tossing the plate on the floor and told her to get her *kitten* back into the kitchen!




That or... you could really explain to her how hard you are working to be more healthy and how much it means to you to have her help you out. Ask her to help you find some extra healthy pancake recipes, especially since she is such a good cook you are sure she can make them taste delicious.

nerdieprofessor

Communication is key! And, cooperation in the kitchen. If you are doing some of the cooking and doing it healthily, she will learn from your example.

Sway

Does anyone else have this problem? My spouse is very encouraging when it comes to my weight loss, but when she cooks for me (which thankfully isn't often) she will put the most sugary and caloric ingredients she can find. For instance, this morning she decided to cook pancakes. This is a fairly high calorie breakfast to begin with. So I sit down at the table and measure out my teaspoon of maple syrup, and, as I am about to put a bite in my mouth, she tells me that she put a large helping of baked ricotta in the pancakes. Now my breakfast is about 750 calories, and she doesn't even ask before she adds it.
She loves to bake apple pies and make sweet ice creams with high fat content, and when I don't want to eat them, she whines about how she made this stuff to show she loves me, and pouts.
I don't know what to do!

Yes, what has your conversations been like? Either she in misinformed, isn't as encouraging (seems like sabotaging) whether she realizes it or not. Does she worry about her health and weight?

Honestly though, you better sit her down, whining and pouting isn't mature, especially when you're trying to accomplish something like this.

twooliver

or you could cook your own breakfast...or take turns...why is she cooking for you anyway when you are watching what you eat? You're setting her up to be responsible for your weight issues...take the control back...

mrscjwilson

Im still wandering what Baked Ricotta is

mictur

Gee, it is the opposite with me. My husband shops and cooks. May I suggest the taste of home comfort food diet cookbook. It has the greatest recipes with half the fat and sugar. You can sit together and plan your breakfast, lunch, and dinners. Has a section for deserts.
I basically use it during the summer when I am on vacation. But I have to watch the cheese content due to my husband hernia and he is lactose intolerant.
You can also use evaporated cane juice instead of sugar in recipes. It metabolizes better in your system than regular sugar.

hockeyman28

I'm sure he HAS spoken with her, thus the frustration. If he's anything like me- the obsessive change is annoying and wifey is well-aware. so another conversation is not an option.

My wife does the same stuff like lasagnas or meals that are all carbs and meat with no veggies or bakes my favorite brownies or cookies whathaveyou. It is their way of showing they care. I just don't finish it, or eat less than what she makes and supplement with healthy additions (fruit or veggies or lean cheeses). Then I give her a kiss and say thank you for taking care of me.

brneydgrlie

Well, in this instance, the ricotta really isn't so bad, because it added protein to your carb-heavy pancakes.

My family is very much the same way. We were raised to think (even subconsciously) that food equals love. What you have to do is figure out if this is how she thinks, or if she is subconsciously trying to sabotage you due to some insecurity issues (which is doubtful). She probably does not realize that all calories are not the same. Maybe the two of you can take some healthy cooking classes together? Cooking together can actually be a very romantic and bonding activity.

Good luck!

htrl877

Definitely cook with her versus challenging her cooking. Someone can cook for you but its rude to decline what they make. Always remember that she doesn't HAVE to cook for you, but she cooks for you willingly. Offer to cook breakfast with her rather than have breakfast waiting for you. Im not insinuating but I've intentionally made my boyfriends food more fattening because he never wanted to cook with me.

sunyg

As a woman who loves to cook for people I think her heart is in the right place. Have you tried telling her that you love when she cooks for you? Then ask her to maybe go online and see if she can find some low cal things that SHE may like to try to cook? My husband doesn't cook, but he does have a love of ice cream lol. Bless his heart when he gets some for him he measures out some for me "trying" to be helpful.

pedalpusher5

I agree with hockeyman, about the additional conversation. No doubt you have communicated to her plenty, rarely have I ever known anyone to undertake this journey in silence where their family are concerned.

I have known people who are intentionally sabotaging of others efforts because they are threatened by the change in their significant other or friend or whatever, either because they feel insecure in their own bodies and don't want to feel more so by seeing you make improvements in yours or because they are afraid that your physical change might be accompanied by other kinds of changes that they won't be able to handle. Sometimes it's a simple matter of jealousy and wondering what might happen if you become more attractive to other people. If you need to have another conversation, maybe it should be about that rather than the food.

As far as the food, I would say if she makes you high calorie pancakes and gives you 3 pancakes that are 750 calories, you put two of them back and eat one. You explain to her in the most loving way possible that you love the pancakes and appreciate her making them for you, but unfortunately because of their high caloric content you can only have one of them and stay within your calorie allowance for the day. If she whines, she whines. If you do that consistently and don't give in she'll get it eventually.

rn_jacki

I would bet your wife is just uninformed about healthy eating. We think because we are active in our health seeking that others have the same knowledge we do, which just isn't true. Because we are on these message boards and actively working with the website we have learned how carbs and sugars function in our body and how beneficial proteins and fiber can be as well as which foods contain these nutrients. My guess would be your wife just doesn't have that knowledge. It sounds like she loves you. People think "apple" pie. That is healthy. I agree with many of the other posters in that your best bet is to cook together. In a nice and fun way try to teach her about healthy eating. Like you said, it's not all about weight loss, but about being healthy and everyone can use that!

amaried621

I think that people who don't go through it will never fully understand. She might not realize how much of an effect that can have on your day and how you feel. I like the suggestion of learning some lower calorie treats to cook together. She can still cook for you and you can eat it guilt free!

sshap21712

Thanks to you all for your advice. However, hockeyman is right. I've had this conversation more than once. It always ends with her pouting and saying she was just trying to do something nice and I don't appreciate it.
Luckily, I do most of the cooking. Contrary to what some of you seem to think, I don't demand that my breakfast be waiting for me. Sometimes she likes to cook me breakfast to be nice, but 9 times out of 10 I make my own breakfast. I cook most of the dinners, etc.
I know she's trying to please me, I'm just at my wits end here.

brneydgrlie

Thanks to you all for your advice. However, hockeyman is right. I've had this conversation more than once. It always ends with her pouting and saying she was just trying to do something nice and I don't appreciate it.
Luckily, I do most of the cooking. Contrary to what some of you seem to think, I don't demand that my breakfast be waiting for me. Sometimes she likes to cook me breakfast to be nice, but 9 times out of 10 I make my own breakfast. I cook most of the dinners, etc.
I know she's trying to please me, I'm just at my wits end here.

Then don't actually have the conversation again. Just do things to work around it and let your actions lead her in the right direction. Besides cooking together, maybe you can ask her to join MFP too? Even if she does not want to lose weight, setting up and having a diary would be educational for her. You can tell her that this would be a really good way to support you and show her love. By doing other things, maybe she will eventually find out that there are many other ways she can show you she loves you - ways that do not involve food at all.

Jaradel

I have the same problem with my husband, who does most of the supper cooking. He shows his love through food - delicious, high-calorie food - and I've learned that I just have to take a smaller portion. I control my breakfast and lunch, so I try to leave room for supper, and I do the best I can counting calories. I have gotten him to use healthier ingredients, and we don't eat near as much fried food as we used to. Sometimes I make a low-cal side for myself to go with his entree. I also eat off of a smaller plate (a "lunch" plate) to ensure that I don't overload it. It's a careful dance. I don't know if any of these ideas will help you, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Good luck!