some funny stuff...he he

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kellch
kellch Posts: 7,849 Member
edited September 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX
(they don't have enough time)
3.. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN TH EY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
And the personal favorite:
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter i n your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart !
One for the ladies

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma.'

And they say blondes are dumb...
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good loo king, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
-
Q : Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enoug h.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'

:bigsmile: :drinker: :laugh: :drinker: :bigsmile: :laugh: :drinker: :bigsmile: :laugh: :drinker: :bigsmile: :laugh:

Replies

  • kellch
    kellch Posts: 7,849 Member
    1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
    (because they are plugged into a genius)
    2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX
    (they don't have enough time)
    3.. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
    (they don't stop to ask directions)
    4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN TH EY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
    (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

    (You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
    5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
    (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
    6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
    (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
    7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
    (don't know.....it never happened)
    ( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
    And the personal favorite:
    8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
    (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

    Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter i n your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart !
    One for the ladies

    One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
    'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
    He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma.'

    And they say blondes are dumb...
    A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
    'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
    The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'

    'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
    'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
    Q: What do you call an intelligent, good loo king, sensitive man?
    A: A rumor
    Dear Lord,
    I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
    AMEN
    -
    Q : Why do little boys whine?
    A: They are practicing to be men.
    Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
    A: You did not hold the pillow down long enoug h.
    Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
    A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'

    :bigsmile: :drinker: :laugh: :drinker: :bigsmile: :laugh: :drinker: :bigsmile: :laugh: :drinker: :bigsmile: :laugh:
  • Fab140
    Fab140 Posts: 1,976 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Just sent it to all the ladies in my life!!

    And now sending it to the hubby....:laugh:
  • Anna_Banana
    Anna_Banana Posts: 2,939 Member
    LOL that is just too funny. I'm sending it to all the men I know.:wink:
  • kellch
    kellch Posts: 7,849 Member
    I have to say my favorite is the lawn mower/vibrator comment...:laugh: :devil: :laugh: :smokin: :drinker:
  • plantlady99
    plantlady99 Posts: 1,338 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    :flowerforyou:

    Funny

    44118.png
  • jamerz3294
    jamerz3294 Posts: 1,824 Member
    If your vibrator can't mow the lawn, get a new mower :wink: :drinker: :laugh: :tongue:
  • Mireille
    Mireille Posts: 5,134 Member
    :laugh:
    th_lipssealed.gif
  • kellch
    kellch Posts: 7,849 Member
    If your vibrator can't mow the lawn, get a new mower :wink: :drinker: :laugh: :tongue:

    ummmmmmmmmm.......errrrrrrrrrr *scratches head* :noway: :huh: :ohwell: That's what men are for...:laugh:
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