i've had a emotional affair
Replies
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No pass here Babygirl:
Everyone who knows me on this site knows I am one of the most supportive persons when it comes to healthy living and losing weight. You, little girl, are in the wrong place. You have sinned before God and have betrayed your husbands trust and now you want us to pray for you, or to validate your feelings. Child please!!! You made your bed, now you gotta lie in it, or get the hell out and fix it. You are right to refer to yourself as a girl, because this is what kids do. Real married WOMEN who value their family and believe in their vows they made before God don't fall for crappy internet BS from starngers they meet in a chatroom or forum. Your husband forgave you once, and you still had the damn nerve to do the same thing again. How brazen!!! That showed him then where your mind is. You live in a fantasy world that "Internet Guy" has created for you. Get REAL and come back to earth where people have real problems and learn how to fix them.
I feel bad for your husband, who you have spent half your life with. I am very curious as to whether this is the first "Internet affair" you have had on him. Usually by the time you are caught, you have gotten away with it several times. That is what built up your nerve to get careless. I also feel sad for your children, who have you for a role model. How low is your self esteem that you need some virtual stranger to say "cutie, sweetie, honey, smokin' hot, beautiful, gorgeous, funny, and even super sexy" to you, and you are soaking wet between the thighs. I hope your husband forgives you, but blame yourself if he doesn't.
I do have a solution for you however if you are still reading. Get rid of the internet at your home. Get rid of any smartphone you have. If "Internet Guy" has your phone number, you need to change it. Lose his number if you have that. Go find your husband, whereever he may be, dressed in the most F*&K me attire you can find and put it on him like you never have before. If you have to , fake a few Big Os along the way. Whisper in his ear that no "Internet Guy", can make you feel like that, and that you are sorry. As men, we are simple creatures and as long as there is sex involved, we will listen. If you have to meet him at his job when he gets off, the parking lot is a good place to start. Nothing gets the conversation going like having to answer to the inlaws how come you need bail money for indecent exposure. He is upset, but he still loves you. Your man is out there, and you better go get him, before he starts looking up "Internet Girl". Good Luck to you and may you become the Woman you should be.
E.
I may be pagan but AMEN!!!0 -
I think you need to drop the online guy and focus on your husband. When someone is online you get only the best of them. When they are in a bad mood, stressed etc you don't have to deal with that. It is easy to idealize the online guy because you get the best parts of him, not the whole person.
Exactly this. Speaking as someone that has had several relationships with people that I've met online, you can never truly know someone until you meet them face to face. Not to say that a relationship that starts out on the internet can't work out of course, but if the majority of your relationship occurs online as opposed to real life, there's a damn good chance you're not seeing the whole truth with that person. I may not know you or the people involved, but from what you have described I truly believe this is not love you are feeling, but simply lust or passion, something that had perhaps started to go out of your relationship with your husband.
What you did was wrong, and I'm sure you know this. But I want you to consider that even though you may not have 'cheated' in the conventional sense of the word, an emotional betrayal can be just as painful as a physical one. Stop this insanity now and get back to looking after your family.0 -
If you are a bible reader, Jeremiah 17:9 - The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
Sometimes we can get so infatuated*thinking its true love* with another person that we don't see 24/7. You don't get to see their bad sides, or how they handle certain situations. Sure, they make you feel wonderful about yourself, but wheat happens in a fight? They could make you feel just as equally horrible about yourself. Your husband has been there for you through thick and then, who is to say this internet guy will also? My mom has left every single good guy she had for one that "seemed" better than what she already had, and guess what? She regrets it every single time. My dad was such a great husband to her, cared for her and my mom is bipolar and would just cry for no reason, and my dad would sit there and let her cry on his lap, but she didn't get that"you are a sexy woman" or "man you are hot", because men can be emotionally detached.She left and was with a man that seemed so much better....guess what? Hed was the complete opposite. Us children went through hell with him and he was emotionally/verbally abusive to all of us. My dad raised my brother and sister and would never even imagine saying those things to them or to my mother. If you have children you MUST think about them first, what kind of example are you setting for them? Do you want your children going online meeting strangers, even though they are "so in love" with them?
How would you feel in this situation? I think empathy plays a big role here, would you like him secretly talking to someone behind your back when he said he wouldn't? And what if he had those feelings of "i just don't care i HAVE to talk to this person." No stranger should have more importance than your vowed husband.
It will take time to get over internet man, and it will take time to heal your relationship, just know there will always be a scar for reminders. It is important for you to communicate that you weren't feeling those feelings from him. If you were, you wouldn't have fallen for internet guy.0 -
What does 'bump' mean?0
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unplug your computer and throw it out the window
That would be a good start!0 -
No pass here Babygirl:
Everyone who knows me on this site knows I am one of the most supportive persons when it comes to healthy living and losing weight. You, little girl, are in the wrong place. You have sinned before God and have betrayed your husbands trust and now you want us to pray for you, or to validate your feelings. Child please!!! You made your bed, now you gotta lie in it, or get the hell out and fix it. You are right to refer to yourself as a girl, because this is what kids do. Real married WOMEN who value their family and believe in their vows they made before God don't fall for crappy internet BS from starngers they meet in a chatroom or forum. Your husband forgave you once, and you still had the damn nerve to do the same thing again. How brazen!!! That showed him then where your mind is. You live in a fantasy world that "Internet Guy" has created for you. Get REAL and come back to earth where people have real problems and learn how to fix them.
I feel bad for your husband, who you have spent half your life with. I am very curious as to whether this is the first "Internet affair" you have had on him. Usually by the time you are caught, you have gotten away with it several times. That is what built up your nerve to get careless. I also feel sad for your children, who have you for a role model. How low is your self esteem that you need some virtual stranger to say "cutie, sweetie, honey, smokin' hot, beautiful, gorgeous, funny, and even super sexy" to you, and you are soaking wet between the thighs. I hope your husband forgives you, but blame yourself if he doesn't.
I do have a solution for you however if you are still reading. Get rid of the internet at your home. Get rid of any smartphone you have. If "Internet Guy" has your phone number, you need to change it. Lose his number if you have that. Go find your husband, whereever he may be, dressed in the most F*&K me attire you can find and put it on him like you never have before. If you have to , fake a few Big Os along the way. Whisper in his ear that no "Internet Guy", can make you feel like that, and that you are sorry. As men, we are simple creatures and as long as there is sex involved, we will listen. If you have to meet him at his job when he gets off, the parking lot is a good place to start. Nothing gets the conversation going like having to answer to the inlaws how come you need bail money for indecent exposure. He is upset, but he still loves you. Your man is out there, and you better go get him, before he starts looking up "Internet Girl". Good Luck to you and may you become the Woman you should be.
E.
^^^ THISSS!!!! ^^^
You are my hero! If everyone talked as straight as you, this world would be a much better place.
A-EFFIN-MEN!0 -
An emotional affair is a cry for help. You aren't getting what you need at home so you look for it elsewhere, and heaven help you if you find it.0
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This type of post is exactly why I do not have private conversations with men online... I wouldn't say anything to some guy in private that I would be ashamed to let my husband read. I pray you get your issues resolved and your marriage can be salvaged after this type of betrayal. Good luck to you.0
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An emotional affair is a cry for help. You aren't getting what you need at home so you look for it elsewhere, and heaven help you if you find it.
I agree.0 -
An emotional affair may be a symptom that something is missing from your relationship but it still involves a choice as did contacting this guy after you had said you wouldn't.
It doesn't sound like you and your husband have talked which you really need to do. Talk, talk, talk - get a third party involved such as a counselor to help if you need it.
From the point of view of your husband, how are you going to show him that you can be trusted? What are you going to put in place to make him feel secure that you won't contact this guy again? Are there accounts you need to cancel? Do you need to block him from email and cancel your email address and get a new one? I think you need to show some real initiative here and do whatever it takes to win your husband's trust back (assuming you really want to save the relationship). You'll also have to be patient with your husband, be willing to answer questions and be accountable to him. Healing this is going to take time.
Have you considered talking to a counselor yourself? Sorting out what you want and need to do in your own mind is one of your first steps as well as showing your husband you are serious about fixing things.0 -
Ok here is my 2 cents worth...
I admit I am a horrible flirt, so is my wife. I been on here for a little over a month, and I have male and female friends, I try and be very supportive of both, and in my own flirty nature I try to be supportive and let people know they are beautiful.
This site, a lot of people are down on themselves due to being over weight and trying to get to a new place in their lives, we are all here to get healthy and fit. Sometimes the flirting can go to far, but both parties must get a grip on reality.
It's puppy love, like when you were a teenager, you know when the cute boy or cute girl flirts with you and you feel good about yourself, same thing but on an adult level. Everyone here gets caught up in it and sometimes it goes to far and you have to pull back as both parties agree and hopefully can be mature about it.
Now for your situation, my recomendations, you and your husband need to have a long talk, I agree with others youa re missing something.
This internet dude, does not need closure, you just need to walk away and stop chatting with him, he also needs to be a man, and leave you alone.
Obviously you and your hubby have deeper issues, since he is able to walk away from the love of his life?? Unless he is doing it to simply cool off and gather his thoughts.
You and your husband must work this out and seek counseling together and seperate. You fell into this emotional affair because you started feeling good about yourself and the person gave you some compliments, your marriage was not strong enough to handle this, so you need to decide what is broken and how to fix it.
I'll put it this way, my wife is a pharmacist, she has customers hit on her all the time, her Delivery man, flirts with her and gives her hugs and tells her how much he loves her. She tells me everything and I laugh about it, I do not feel threaten by men asking my wife out or constantly hitting on her, she is a georgous woman, I accept it happens, but at the same time, I know she is a very good looking woman and I need to keep "the spark" alive...we have date nights, we have breakfast together, I constantly flirt with her even after 20 years, I tell her how smoking hot she is. I took her on a cruise for her 40th birthday, I am taking her to cancun for a romantic weekend in October, she also does things for me like dress up photoshoots, etc
Anyway marriage muyst be a constant playful way of life, seek counseling, you need to court your husband back, he needs to court you as well, and you both need to trust each other and be honest with each other. You guys need to define your marriage boundries as a couple of what is acceptable and what is not.
I wish you luck and I hope you both can repair your marriage and make it stronger.
If the internet dude is reading this, do her a favor and leave her alone, plenty of georgous Single ladies on this board, chase them.0 -
Everyone makes mistakes. It is not our mistakes that show our true character, but the lengths to which we'll go to rectify a situation.
That's a total cop-out and one of the primary reasons people cheat ... they can somehow twist it around and act like it doesn't make them a bad person as long as they act remorseful and apologize and beg and grovel for forgiveness. Whatever.
Making a promise and violating that promise absolutely indicates moral weakness and a lack of character, and all the apologizing in the world doesn't change that. And no matter what cheaters like to tell themselves, people do not change in that regard. Cheating doesn't get harder to do; it only gets easier.
If you had young children, I'd say try to work it out, but it's obvious your wants and desires have jumped your marriage on your priority ladder, so you might as well move on.0 -
This type of post is exactly why I do not have private conversations with men online... I wouldn't say anything to some guy in private that I would be ashamed to let my husband read. I pray you get your issues resolved and your marriage can be salvaged after this type of betrayal. Good luck to you.
I could not agree more! And if I do have a private conversation with someone from this site or any site for that matter, I let my SO know who I talked to and what we talked about. I'm all about keeping the lines of communication open in a relationship and creating a safe, comfortable environment where my SO can feel like he can talk to me about anything.
As a few other people have said were you really in love with this guy? Or just the idea of him? People have EA's for many different reasons. But most of the time it's because they are lacking something in their current relationship. Alot of people don't think there is anything wrong with have a little flirty, conversation with some guy/girl they have met online. But usually it escalates and quickly. Next thing you know you've added them to MSN messenger and then it's texting.
The big question is, does your SO know? Or do you hide it or give an edited version of your conversation? "I talked with so and so today and we talked about kittens and rainbows" when you really had a chat about what it would be like to take a trip to sexy town for some sexy times.
You need to ask yourself how would you feel if it was your SO having these conversations with someone else and hiding it from you? Knowing they were secretly texting, IMing, exchanging pictures, emails etc.. and not telling you about it?
I have to say tho it's a huge step admitting that you made a mistake. And the only other advice I can give it so be open and honest with your husband. Answer any and all questions that he may have about the situation, no matter how awkward and uncomfortable it may seem. And as other people have said...get rid of the guy. Completely. Don't send him a goodbye or explanation note, it just opens the lines of communication again.
Good luck to you and take care
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Yikes!0
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Yikes!
That post has to be a joke. If not, yikes FOR REAL0 -
bump0
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If the internet and sites similar to this got you into trouble to start with...why are you back?0
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Removing my comment- nothing nice to say and my mother always told me....0
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TROLL - DON'T FEED THE TROLL.Yikes!
That post has to be a joke. If not, yikes FOR REAL
Her account has already been deactivated.0 -
The Internet.
Successfully destroying marriages since the early nineties.0 -
First time caught could be forgiven, but:
"However, I needed to talk to my 'friend' again. After promising to not. I contacted him again- the husband found out again... (duh!) Now he (husband) has gone again. I have no idea what to do, I've been with him for half my life. I know it sounds stupid but i couldn't 'let go' of the internet guy yet. I needed to be with him... I can't explain why. Since the second blowup with the husband, I now have decided that i must not have communications with internet guy, but I do need some sort of closure. I DO LOVE him. "
This is a little harder to get past, I would think. If you truly wanted to salvage your relationship, you certainly weren't showing it the second time.
I'm not in any condition to preach. I flirt, compliment, have sent "racy messages", but never have gone any further and never will.
Thanks for pointing out the potential damage I could cause to my own relationship.0 -
This was what I was thinking. No picture, joined in July, only one post. Why do people do that. For whatever reason, it works huh?
TROLL - DON'T FEED THE TROLL.Yikes!
That post has to be a joke. If not, yikes FOR REAL
Her account has already been deactivated.0 -
This was what I was thinking. No picture, joined in July, only one post. Why do people do that. For whatever reason, it works huh?
TROLL - DON'T FEED THE TROLL.Yikes!
That post has to be a joke. If not, yikes FOR REAL
Her account has already been deactivated.
Meh, maybe they created a 2nd account to post this one thing. This way, any RL friends and family they may be friends with won't know who they are.0 -
This was what I was thinking. No picture, joined in July, only one post. Why do people do that. For whatever reason, it works huh?
TROLL - DON'T FEED THE TROLL.Yikes!
That post has to be a joke. If not, yikes FOR REAL
Her account has already been deactivated.
Meh, maybe they created a 2nd account to post this one thing. This way, any RL friends and family they may be friends with won't know who they are.
Yep, maybe they just needed to put it out there.0 -
The Internet.
Successfully destroying marriages since the early nineties.
I've always wondered if the divorce rate has gone up since the internet.0 -
Not to be cruel but sounds like you went else where because you weren't getting it at home. falling in love with a bunch of pet name mumble jumble is unexceptable. you are setting yourself up for a brick wall launch.
Communicate to your husband why u did what you did and express to him what you are looking for he is failing to deliver.
rule # 1: NEVER EXCEPT A PET NAME FROM ANY MAN OTHER THEN YOUR HUSBAND.0
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