i've had a emotional affair

Heather75

My advice is for you to talk to one of your friends. No one here can advise you - we don't know you or your husband and have never seen you interact.

bachooka

My husband had an affair a few years ago and then one that was an emotional affair shortly after that. We had just had our first child together and it was a big transition period for our lives. (it had been going on for a while before, while I was pregnant I'm sure). It will be a part of your life together FOREVER! It is very difficult to forgive someone for that type of betrayal, and it takes a lot of work and you both need to be equally commited to it. I still have days (5 years later) where I just can't look him in the face without wanting to knock his lights out. We talked about counselling but didn't end up doing it due to cost, if you can afford it... GO!

It's tough, you need to earn back your husbands trust and that will not happen easily. I love my husband very much, but that thought is always there. It will be a much harder journey for your husband than it will be for you and ultimately you need to let him make the final decision because he is the betrayed one.

If the relationship ends that will be sad, but sometimes things like that happen. I wish you the best of luck!

anna_lisa

I don't want to be blunt or insensitive. But I hope you recognize the important questions to ask yourself... Nobody just "falls" into these situations. I hope you ask .

What were you lacking from yourself (not your marriage or your husband, cause really this has to do with you) that made you suceptable to the circumstance?
Are you in love with the person or the fantasy of the person, after all in "real life" could be totally different?
It is a situation that you created.


I hope that you are able to find your happiness and not hurt or hurt others in the process.
Life and Happiness is truely about choice and the choices you make.

Please I am not passing negative judgements on you. Life is also about redemption and growth, available to ALL. I just think it is TRUELY important to look at these situations with COMPLETE honesty. Without truth we are all in the dark.

boomboom011

its nice to hear those things sometimes BUT when faced with temptation RUN LIKE HELL!

anna_lisa

I truely do wish you happiness and a light in the dark. We are all capable of saving ourselves. I also hope you know you are not alone.

TheKitsune6

A lot of people have made the same mistakes you're making.

A lot of people have ended up alone and miserable for the same mistakes you're making.

So when you say you "need" or "needed" to communicate with your mistake (because that's what he is) keep in mind that all those words convey are excuses.

I'm not going to demean you by giving you "advice" because you obviously know what needs to be done. All I can say is: IF you're husband gives you a THIRD chance - do what you actually need to do.

anna_lisa

A lot of people have made the same mistakes you're making.

A lot of people have ended up alone and miserable for the same mistakes you're making.

So when you say you "need" or "needed" to communicate with your mistake (because that's what he is) keep in mind that all those words convey are excuses.

I'm not going to demean you by giving you "advice" because you obviously know what needs to be done. All I can say is: IF you're husband gives you a THIRD chance - do what you actually need to do.

AMEN to that. The truth hurts sometimes. But the truth is the truth and you can't run or hide from it

iAMaPhoenix

Wasn't sure where to post this...
I started on this site in hopes to maintain the weight that i have lost. I was on another site for a while that was extremely helpful. I will be closing that account I think because I can no longer see one of my 'friends'. You see, I have fallen in love with one of them. Yes, literally. I didn't ever expect something like this would happen. TO ME?!! I am the smart girl. I am strong. I KNOW who I am, what I want. I can't be fooled by a man.... I am married. I have grown kids. Yet somehow I have fallen in love with a stranger online. It was a whirlwind relationship that escalated very quickly. He called me cutie, sweetie, honey, smokin' hot, beautiful, gorgeous, funny, and even super sexy. ... I didn't think that I would be the kind of girl that would 'fall' for something like that. He says he loves me. Not that it matters- Yet here I am. My husband found out of course. He blew up, threatened to leave. Actually DID leave for the night. He decided that he would stick with me and we would work it out. Seeing a thereapist next week. That would have been struggle enough. However, I needed to talk to my 'friend' again. After promising to not. I contacted him again- the husband found out again... (duh!) Now he (husband) has gone again. I have no idea what to do, I've been with him for half my life. I know it sounds stupid but i couldn't 'let go' of the internet guy yet. I needed to be with him... I can't explain why. Since the second blowup with the husband, I now have decided that i must not have communications with internet guy, but I do need some sort of closure. I DO LOVE him. I know that I cannot love them both and obviously, the husband wins. I had no intentions of falling in love, connecting so deeply or being charmed by a stranger... I have no idea how it happened. Nor did i have any intentions or dilussions of marriagethe likes. He did make me feel good, and I am dying to talk to him. I (for now) have decided that I will use this blog as a journal of things that I WOULD say to him or to my husband if I could. Sometimes it's easier to write things down than to say them out loud... So for now, I will try to not use food as my crutch and I will use my running as an outlet. I will journal my feelings as they come  and hopefully survive this mess that I have created... More than THAT, I pray that my marriage will be saved and that somehow my husband can get past this and we can live happily ever after....I can't wonder if I was somehow duped by the internet guy and that he wanted what 'all' guys want, then he'd throw me away and move on to the next girl... makes me sad really. How could I get attached to a 'screen name'?? Thinking therapy may help. Hoping my marrage is salvagable.. I guess we'll find out where that 'strong girl' inside of me is..

No pass here Babygirl:
Everyone who knows me on this site knows I am one of the most supportive persons when it comes to healthy living and losing weight. You, little girl, are in the wrong place. You have sinned before God and have betrayed your husbands trust and now you want us to pray for you, or to validate your feelings. Child please!!! You made your bed, now you gotta lie in it, or get the hell out and fix it. You are right to refer to yourself as a girl, because this is what kids do. Real married WOMEN who value their family and believe in their vows they made before God don't fall for crappy internet BS from starngers they meet in a chatroom or forum. Your husband forgave you once, and you still had the damn nerve to do the same thing again. How brazen!!! That showed him then where your mind is. You live in a fantasy world that "Internet Guy" has created for you. Get REAL and come back to earth where people have real problems and learn how to fix them.

I feel bad for your husband, who you have spent half your life with. I am very curious as to whether this is the first "Internet affair" you have had on him. Usually by the time you are caught, you have gotten away with it several times. That is what built up your nerve to get careless. I also feel sad for your children, who have you for a role model. How low is your self esteem that you need some virtual stranger to say "cutie, sweetie, honey, smokin' hot, beautiful, gorgeous, funny, and even super sexy" to you, and you are soaking wet between the thighs. I hope your husband forgives you, but blame yourself if he doesn't.

I do have a solution for you however if you are still reading. Get rid of the internet at your home. Get rid of any smartphone you have. If "Internet Guy" has your phone number, you need to change it. Lose his number if you have that. Go find your husband, whereever he may be, dressed in the most F*&K me attire you can find and put it on him like you never have before. If you have to , fake a few Big Os along the way. Whisper in his ear that no "Internet Guy", can make you feel like that, and that you are sorry. As men, we are simple creatures and as long as there is sex involved, we will listen. If you have to meet him at his job when he gets off, the parking lot is a good place to start. Nothing gets the conversation going like having to answer to the inlaws how come you need bail money for indecent exposure. He is upset, but he still loves you. Your man is out there, and you better go get him, before he starts looking up "Internet Girl". Good Luck to you and may you become the Woman you should be.

E.

sbrown6

unplug your computer and throw it out the window

ShaeDetermined

I don't mean to sound harsh, but u put it out there, so I will offer my opinion.

If you truly love your husband and want him back you should not be blogging or posting about it.
Shut down mfp, fb, myspace and whatever social networking sites you belong to. These aren't places for you.
You should bury this (very foolish) chapter of your life and work on getting your man back.

TheKitsune6

No pass here Babygirl:
Everyone who knows me on this site knows I am one of the most supportive persons when it comes to healthy living and losing weight. You, little girl, are in the wrong place. You have sinned before God and have betrayed your husbands trust and now you want us to pray for you, or to validate your feelings. Child please!!! You made your bed, now you gotta lie in it, or get the hell out and fix it. You are right to refer to yourself as a girl, because this is what kids do. Real married WOMEN who value their family and believe in their vows they made before God don't fall for crappy internet BS from starngers they meet in a chatroom or forum. Your husband forgave you once, and you still had the damn nerve to do the same thing again. How brazen!!! That showed him then where your mind is. You live in a fantasy world that "Internet Guy" has created for you. Get REAL and come back to earth where people have real problems and learn how to fix them.

I feel bad for your husband, who you have spent half your life with. I am very curious as to whether this is the first "Internet affair" you have had on him. Usually by the time you are caught, you have gotten away with it several times. That is what built up your nerve to get careless. I also feel sad for your children, who have you for a role model. How low is your self esteem that you need some virtual stranger to say "cutie, sweetie, honey, smokin' hot, beautiful, gorgeous, funny, and even super sexy" to you, and you are soaking wet between the thighs. I hope your husband forgives you, but blame yourself if he doesn't.

I do have a solution for you however if you are still reading. Get rid of the internet at your home. Get rid of any smartphone you have. If "Internet Guy" has your phone number, you need to change it. Lose his number if you have that. Go find your husband, whereever he may be, dressed in the most F*&K me attire you can find and put it on him like you never have before. If you have to , fake a few Big Os along the way. Whisper in his ear that no "Internet Guy", can make you feel like that, and that you are sorry. As men, we are simple creatures and as long as there is sex involved, we will listen. If you have to meet him at his job when he gets off, the parking lot is a good place to start. Nothing gets the conversation going like having to answer to the inlaws how come you need bail money for indecent exposure. He is upset, but he still loves you. Your man is out there, and you better go get him, before he starts looking up "Internet Girl". Good Luck to you and may you become the Woman you should be.

E.

I may be pagan but AMEN!!!

Adynata

I think you need to drop the online guy and focus on your husband. When someone is online you get only the best of them. When they are in a bad mood, stressed etc you don't have to deal with that. It is easy to idealize the online guy because you get the best parts of him, not the whole person.

Exactly this. Speaking as someone that has had several relationships with people that I've met online, you can never truly know someone until you meet them face to face. Not to say that a relationship that starts out on the internet can't work out of course, but if the majority of your relationship occurs online as opposed to real life, there's a damn good chance you're not seeing the whole truth with that person. I may not know you or the people involved, but from what you have described I truly believe this is not love you are feeling, but simply lust or passion, something that had perhaps started to go out of your relationship with your husband.

What you did was wrong, and I'm sure you know this. But I want you to consider that even though you may not have 'cheated' in the conventional sense of the word, an emotional betrayal can be just as painful as a physical one. Stop this insanity now and get back to looking after your family.

dumb_blondes_rock

If you are a bible reader, Jeremiah 17:9 - The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

Sometimes we can get so infatuated*thinking its true love* with another person that we don't see 24/7. You don't get to see their bad sides, or how they handle certain situations. Sure, they make you feel wonderful about yourself, but wheat happens in a fight? They could make you feel just as equally horrible about yourself. Your husband has been there for you through thick and then, who is to say this internet guy will also? My mom has left every single good guy she had for one that "seemed" better than what she already had, and guess what? She regrets it every single time. My dad was such a great husband to her, cared for her and my mom is bipolar and would just cry for no reason, and my dad would sit there and let her cry on his lap, but she didn't get that"you are a sexy woman" or "man you are hot", because men can be emotionally detached.She left and was with a man that seemed so much better....guess what? Hed was the complete opposite. Us children went through hell with him and he was emotionally/verbally abusive to all of us. My dad raised my brother and sister and would never even imagine saying those things to them or to my mother. If you have children you MUST think about them first, what kind of example are you setting for them? Do you want your children going online meeting strangers, even though they are "so in love" with them?

How would you feel in this situation? I think empathy plays a big role here, would you like him secretly talking to someone behind your back when he said he wouldn't? And what if he had those feelings of "i just don't care i HAVE to talk to this person." No stranger should have more importance than your vowed husband.

It will take time to get over internet man, and it will take time to heal your relationship, just know there will always be a scar for reminders. It is important for you to communicate that you weren't feeling those feelings from him. If you were, you wouldn't have fallen for internet guy.

Reisse62

What does 'bump' mean?

BEERRUNNER

unplug your computer and throw it out the window

That would be a good start!

MrsCon40

No pass here Babygirl:
Everyone who knows me on this site knows I am one of the most supportive persons when it comes to healthy living and losing weight. You, little girl, are in the wrong place. You have sinned before God and have betrayed your husbands trust and now you want us to pray for you, or to validate your feelings. Child please!!! You made your bed, now you gotta lie in it, or get the hell out and fix it. You are right to refer to yourself as a girl, because this is what kids do. Real married WOMEN who value their family and believe in their vows they made before God don't fall for crappy internet BS from starngers they meet in a chatroom or forum. Your husband forgave you once, and you still had the damn nerve to do the same thing again. How brazen!!! That showed him then where your mind is. You live in a fantasy world that "Internet Guy" has created for you. Get REAL and come back to earth where people have real problems and learn how to fix them.

I feel bad for your husband, who you have spent half your life with. I am very curious as to whether this is the first "Internet affair" you have had on him. Usually by the time you are caught, you have gotten away with it several times. That is what built up your nerve to get careless. I also feel sad for your children, who have you for a role model. How low is your self esteem that you need some virtual stranger to say "cutie, sweetie, honey, smokin' hot, beautiful, gorgeous, funny, and even super sexy" to you, and you are soaking wet between the thighs. I hope your husband forgives you, but blame yourself if he doesn't.

I do have a solution for you however if you are still reading. Get rid of the internet at your home. Get rid of any smartphone you have. If "Internet Guy" has your phone number, you need to change it. Lose his number if you have that. Go find your husband, whereever he may be, dressed in the most F*&K me attire you can find and put it on him like you never have before. If you have to , fake a few Big Os along the way. Whisper in his ear that no "Internet Guy", can make you feel like that, and that you are sorry. As men, we are simple creatures and as long as there is sex involved, we will listen. If you have to meet him at his job when he gets off, the parking lot is a good place to start. Nothing gets the conversation going like having to answer to the inlaws how come you need bail money for indecent exposure. He is upset, but he still loves you. Your man is out there, and you better go get him, before he starts looking up "Internet Girl". Good Luck to you and may you become the Woman you should be.

E.

^^^ THISSS!!!! ^^^

You are my hero! If everyone talked as straight as you, this world would be a much better place.

A-EFFIN-MEN!

bakebunny

An emotional affair is a cry for help. You aren't getting what you need at home so you look for it elsewhere, and heaven help you if you find it.

Nailrep

This type of post is exactly why I do not have private conversations with men online... I wouldn't say anything to some guy in private that I would be ashamed to let my husband read. I pray you get your issues resolved and your marriage can be salvaged after this type of betrayal. Good luck to you.

i_love_vinegar

An emotional affair is a cry for help. You aren't getting what you need at home so you look for it elsewhere, and heaven help you if you find it.

I agree.

angelofmusic1

An emotional affair may be a symptom that something is missing from your relationship but it still involves a choice as did contacting this guy after you had said you wouldn't.

It doesn't sound like you and your husband have talked which you really need to do. Talk, talk, talk - get a third party involved such as a counselor to help if you need it.

From the point of view of your husband, how are you going to show him that you can be trusted? What are you going to put in place to make him feel secure that you won't contact this guy again? Are there accounts you need to cancel? Do you need to block him from email and cancel your email address and get a new one? I think you need to show some real initiative here and do whatever it takes to win your husband's trust back (assuming you really want to save the relationship). You'll also have to be patient with your husband, be willing to answer questions and be accountable to him. Healing this is going to take time.

Have you considered talking to a counselor yourself? Sorting out what you want and need to do in your own mind is one of your first steps as well as showing your husband you are serious about fixing things.