OT Boy troubles....

SuzieQT

First some background, then what happened today, then some ranting.
BACKGROUND:
My boyfriend is separated from his wife (not divorced yet) and he has two beautiful girls, nine and six. We've been together for almost a year and half now and I still haven't met his children yet. My birthday is coming up soon and for my birthday I asked to meet his kids. So he's been working on talking with his wife about it, but all she wants to do is argue with him as usual instead of actually solving any of their problems. He's still trying to work it out though. I know it sounds like I'm defending him but there truly are some extenuating circumstances especially in the financial department that are keeping him from just waging a war on her.
TODAY:
Today on the way home from work we were talking about the girls and how they have open house at school today and whatnot. And I asked him if he'd had a chance to discuss anymore stuff with the wife. He hadn't, but then he said, "That reminds me there's something you and I need to discuss." So I'm like okay what is it? And he says, "You do realize you can't cuss and scream around the girls right?" My head almost exploded right on the spot. I couldn't even look at him and he tried to make it into a joke and I just broke down, started crying, and told him to leave me alone. Then of course he left to pick up the girls all ticked off because I wouldn't talk to him. Then he sends me a text saying he's sorry that he didn't mean it the way I took it.
VENTING:
How else am I supposed to take it? He insulted my ability to be around a child. I mean seriously do you really think at the age of 21 I am so stupid that I don't even know how to act around a child? I don't think he's ever done anything that has hurt my feelings so bad. :frown:
I don't even know what I'm going to say to him when he gets home tonight. Any advice?

SuzieQT

First some background, then what happened today, then some ranting.
BACKGROUND:
My boyfriend is separated from his wife (not divorced yet) and he has two beautiful girls, nine and six. We've been together for almost a year and half now and I still haven't met his children yet. My birthday is coming up soon and for my birthday I asked to meet his kids. So he's been working on talking with his wife about it, but all she wants to do is argue with him as usual instead of actually solving any of their problems. He's still trying to work it out though. I know it sounds like I'm defending him but there truly are some extenuating circumstances especially in the financial department that are keeping him from just waging a war on her.
TODAY:
Today on the way home from work we were talking about the girls and how they have open house at school today and whatnot. And I asked him if he'd had a chance to discuss anymore stuff with the wife. He hadn't, but then he said, "That reminds me there's something you and I need to discuss." So I'm like okay what is it? And he says, "You do realize you can't cuss and scream around the girls right?" My head almost exploded right on the spot. I couldn't even look at him and he tried to make it into a joke and I just broke down, started crying, and told him to leave me alone. Then of course he left to pick up the girls all ticked off because I wouldn't talk to him. Then he sends me a text saying he's sorry that he didn't mean it the way I took it.
VENTING:
How else am I supposed to take it? He insulted my ability to be around a child. I mean seriously do you really think at the age of 21 I am so stupid that I don't even know how to act around a child? I don't think he's ever done anything that has hurt my feelings so bad. :frown:
I don't even know what I'm going to say to him when he gets home tonight. Any advice?

songbyrdsweet

Did he mean it as a joke? If you know he meant it as a joke, it's still okay that it hurt your feelings, but I don't think there's a reason to be angry at him. Just say 'That's not really a funny joke, you know I don't act like that." If you both know that it's silly to think you'd act like that, then you both know it was a (bad) attempt at a joke. Sometimes it's not worth it to take things personally when you know they aren't. :flowerforyou:

SuzieQT

I don't think it was a joke. Trying to make things look like they were jokes when he knows he shouldn't have done/said them is one of his special talents.

kerrilucko

Maybe his wife had made a comment about the cussing or something and told him to just clear that with you. I wouldn't take it too personally, just tell him he's a dummy for even bringing it up.

songbyrdsweet

I don't think it was a joke. Trying to make things look like they were jokes when he knows he shouldn't have done/said them is one of his special talents.

LOL...well you can always laugh at him for trying, rather than with him for his lame jokes. :laugh:

Maybe he is just nervous about you guys meeting. Although some of us 21-year-olds are sane, the great majority are not. I have friends who are older than I am, and I promise, they wouldn't know how to act around children (they also tell me I act 'like I'm 40' :grumble: ). I can't imagine that you would be screaming and cussing just out of the blue, so I think he's just being irrational because he's nervous.

SuzieQT

Maybe his wife had made a comment about the cussing or something and told him to just clear that with you. I wouldn't take it too personally, just tell him he's a dummy for even bringing it up.

I haven't met his wife either. :ohwell:

SuzieQT

I don't think it was a joke. Trying to make things look like they were jokes when he knows he shouldn't have done/said them is one of his special talents.

LOL...well you can always laugh at him for trying, rather than with him for his lame jokes. :laugh:

Maybe he is just nervous about you guys meeting. Although some of us 21-year-olds are sane, the great majority are not. I have friends who are older than I am, and I promise, they wouldn't know how to act around children (they also tell me I act 'like I'm 40' :grumble: ). I can't imagine that you would be screaming and cussing just out of the blue, so I think he's just being irrational because he's nervous.

That's just what I needed to hear lol. I've always been told I act way older than I am too. I guess it just upset me so much because I know he knows I would NEVER do that. I used to baby sit my cousins kids a lot and even kept the nursery at our church when I was younger. I am actually great with children. Of course its different with his kids b/c they are his entire world and I totally see that he's probably just freaking out about possibly upsetting them. I'm just gonna cut him some slack. Thanks so much for making me feel better about the whole situation. :flowerforyou:

cwalbrj

He just wants to make sure everything is good when you meet the kids. I assume your language (like a lot of people) is "salty", which is okay when we're with people our own age. Now that it is getting closer to the time when you will meet the kids, he blurted out something that has been on his mind. His approach was bad... but I think he just needed to put that out there. I say to my daughter "I know I don't have to tell you this but...." I get why your mad, (because he put it out there without thinking how it would come out) - but really, he is just being protective of his kids. Give him a break.. I hope it goes well when you finally get to meet them !

SuzieQT

He just wants to make sure everything is good when you meet the kids. I assume your language (like a lot of people) is "salty", which is okay when we're with people our own age. Now that it is getting closer to the time when you will meet the kids, he blurted out something that has been on his mind. His approach was bad... but I think he just needed to put that out there. I say to my daughter "I know I don't have to tell you this but...." I get why your mad, (because he put it out there without thinking how it would come out) - but really, he is just being protective of his kids. Give him a break.. I hope it goes well when you finally get to meet them !

I really think that you're right. I have a bit of a temper (probably the understatement of the year but I get it honest from my dad lol) and tend to cuss and/or scream when i get really frustrated. He's just trying to protect them which actually makes me feel like I should praise him instead of jumping on him for hurting my feelings. I'm definitely gonna give him a break. Thanks for all your advice. It really makes me feel better. :flowerforyou: