Mean Girls and Malicious Men

MochaMixAZ

I can’t figure out exactly when I became the Mean Girl. But it’s happened.

Here’s how I know:

- When I see people stuffing their faces with unhealthy food, day after day, I get angry. I find myself thinking all sorts of mean things about them. I KNOW I shouldn’t, but it happens. Sometimes I can check myself before it gets too far in my thoughts, sometimes I can’t. I’m not that far away from stuffing my own face, so how can I possibly be critical of them? I don’t know their history, or perhaps this a cheat meal. I rationally know these things, but my mind immediately jumps to, “HOW can you eat that?! Don’t you know, and can’t you see what it’s doing to you?”

- When I see people noticeably half-a**ing during a workout, I get annoyed. I find myself thinking “why do they bother?” But who am I to judge them? Who am I to say they’re not exhausted from their past four workouts? But I find myself not giving them the benefit of the doubt, in my mind. And sometimes, sometimes I even let it impact my own workout and I’ll scale it back some. Doesn’t make any sense.

- When I see people posting about why they aren’t losing weight, but they won’t open their diary or they talk about the bag of ho-ho’s or the amazing Mexican/Italian/Pub fare they ate after going out drinking… I just have no tolerance anymore.

- I’ve found in general, this year has just been tough. Full of funks and valleys. Even though the actuality of the events this year have been pretty positive – I’m finding my normally sunny disposition has been clouded. I question whether or not I actually experienced a round of depression earlier in the year, but it seems to have mostly lifted. Yet this ill-content, antsy, easily irritable feeling persists. I even went to my PCP to have him check out if any of my labs are out of whack – they weren’t.

- I’m still having to fake it to make it. I’m going through the motions of better eating and more activity, but I’m not feeling it. I’m DOING it, so that’s a plus… but I rarely WANT to be doing it anymore. I think I’m most put off by own B*itchiness. How, why, and when did I become the Mean Girl?

Has anyone else experienced this? I’m not talking about a down day or even 2 weeks, but longer term… for no apparent reason?

Heather75

Nope, not me. I try not to judge people and generally make an effort to mind my own business. I can totally understand why these things bother you, though. It's because you know better.

ppiinnkkmmoonn

because not to sound mean when we hate something it perhaps sometimes we hated what see in ourselves or what we once was but learning to stay humble has help me not become a mean girl. not that i ever was plus we all have different crosses to bear so no judgment.

Mateo1985

First of all, great job on losing all the weight... losing 261 pounds is awesome!!!

Secondly, I agree with you completely. I can see people do the same things. Especially when it comes to my brother. We were both fat most of our lives and only recently I started changing my diet a lot. The results are pretty much instant. I lose 40 pounds in just a few short months. But my brother keep on blaming genetics and stuff. I know why he does it. I used to do it too. But it was just a mere excuse not to do something about the fat. Now I love my brother to death. He's been like a father to me. But it really pisses me off that he just doesn't have the courage to watch what he eats.

Elizabeth_C34

I know exactly what you mean. I see a lot of thin pretty girls at my gym in very tight clothing with their girly parts hanging out texting and talking on the phone during their workouts, and here I am, overweight, sweating like a *kitten* in church, burning 700 calories per hour on my workouts with all my jiggly bits jiggling.

I get jealous and angry about it, but you just gotta turn that energy around to you and your needs.

You can't change people no matter how hard you try, so just turn that anger right back around and channel it into something good for you. All you can do is lead by example.

cillytilly

It can be hard to keep it in check in ourselves. Maybe it is one of those things you wish that someone would have come up to you and said something in a nice way. You never know what the other person is going through. Just remember to be glad you are on this journey. Look at the other person and be thankful you are working on you.

lallaloolly

it is a very natural reaction, and it will pass with time. it makes you feel hostile because you don't want to be that person anymore, you fear being that person again - so you go on the mental offensive. it's like smokers who quit - they can get very preachy very quickly - but really, it's how people mentally try to protect themselves from going back into bad habits. the farther away you get from being "those people," the more secure you get in your new lifestyle, the less your psyche should go on the offensive like that, and those thoughts should subside.

dawnrenee567

We are currently having a fitness challenge here in my workplace, and I find myself thinking these things often. I feel terrible for doing it, but yeah..

MochaMixAZ

I do think some of it may be jealousy: How can they eat that when I can't? Or perhaps it is remembering how much I hated it when I was so much larger and seeing it sparks old feelings.

And I do try to suspend judgement of others, or rather - I used to do that successfully. It's just becoming harder, and I can't quite figure out why. I totally understand that I DON'T UNDERSTAND their context and situation.

I'm wondering if there is any connection to long term lifestyle changes, or weight loss - and emotional well-being or if there is any effect on optimism. If anything, I would think it would be the reverse of what's going on with me - that it would make someone feel MORE positive.

ShrinkingNinja

You have to not judge others and pay attention to yourself. Judging others gets you no where.

MochaMixAZ

I feel terrible for doing it, but yeah..

That's it exactly - it's not like I feel good about these thoughts or think how witty or funny they are. I feel terrible for thinking them. You hit the nail on the head.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

I used to be judgy, then 2 things happened . . . I became a group fit instructor and I became confident. In my gfi roll I see different people of all different shapes and sizes trying at different levels and it really puts a huge perspective on how people can and do work. With the confidence, I just tend to notice other people's imperfections less because I notice mine less, and how we view the world is in direct correlation to how we view ourselves. We have a standard with which we view ourselves and the more I embrace myself and am who I want to be the more I embrace others and let them be who they want to be.

Edit: and the further I come in this the more it upsets me when people are judgy, even though I used to really be one of those people.

jaeone

That fact that you feel bad about having those thoughts proves you are not a mean girl! We all have thoughts like that. Mean girls act out on those thoughts every time!

emciriaco

it is a very natural reaction, and it will pass with time. it makes you feel hostile because you don't want to be that person anymore, you fear being that person again - so you go on the mental offensive. it's like smokers who quit - they can get very preachy very quickly - but really, it's how people mentally try to protect themselves from going back into bad habits. the farther away you get from being "those people," the more secure you get in your new lifestyle, the less your psyche should go on the offensive like that, and those thoughts should subside.

This is soooo very true!

You really aren't judging the person you see doing [insert offensive activity here]; you're judging yourself for doing that in the past. And, yes, it takes a toll on your psyche because as one part of your brain says, "Oh, that's disgusting! How can you possibly behave like that?!?" another part of your brain says, "Wait, but I want to do that, too!" So it becomes an internal struggle.

It's easy to tell yourself, "Stop judging other people!" It's a lot harder to actually do it. (I'm hyper judgemental; I just keep my mouth shut most of the time.) But my therapist once reminded me that the things we like and dislike in others are the very same things we like and dislike about ourselves. So if you look around and are incensed when you see sloth and gluttony, it bothers you because those are two traits you despised about yourself. But at the same time, if you look around and are inspired by kindness and beauty, take heart because those are things you like about you.

It will get better. Just think of the people around you as mirrors of behaviors you like and don't like about yourself, and you'll find a happy medium!

Va_lady32

I use to work with a lady that IMO was fit and looked great! It use to get on my nerve that she use to always call herself fat. I was double her size! One day she would be stuffing her face and the next she would be eating crackers for lunch. One day I realize that I have no place to judge her because there was obviously some other issues she was dealing with.

sofaking6

I do think some of it may be jealousy: How can they eat that when I can't? Or perhaps it is remembering how much I hated it when I was so much larger and seeing it sparks old feelings.

And I do try to suspend judgement of others, or rather - I used to do that successfully. It's just becoming harder, and I can't quite figure out why. I totally understand that I DON'T UNDERSTAND their context and situation.

I'm wondering if there is any connection to long term lifestyle changes, or weight loss - and emotional well-being or if there is any effect on optimism. If anything, I would think it would be the reverse of what's going on with me - that it would make someone feel MORE positive.

In general I'm sure healthful eating and exercise is good for us emotionally, BUT...I have read a lot of posts and blogs from people who have lost significant weight and believed that alone would make them happy. Instead, once you don't have your weight to blame for being unhappy, you have to start looking at other things. It may be subconscious fear of whatever else you have to work on that's bringing you down?

I experience the same thing..when I'm driving it's the worst...everyone is an idiot to me. I think the most important thing is that you realized it's happening and that you want to change it. When you have those reactions, try to think what are you scared of that might trigger such an emotional response? Like for me, I had a really bad car accident so I'm afraid of having another one and that's why I'm so uptight on the road...I hope this is making some kind of sense lol..

FabCheeky

I know what you mean.

I will tell you that it comes in waves. One thing that helps me is Romans 14:19: So let us then definitely aim for and eagerly pursue what makes for harmony and for mutual upbuilding (edification and development) of one another.

You have to be the change you wish to see in others. (That's Gandhi, not me.) When people see the change in you---body AND mind---they will want what you have. They will ask you for your help. YOU will inspire people by BEING happy.

I know that you said you weren't happy just yet. Keep working. Value what you are doing. Know that you are looking and feeling MUCH better than you did before. Everything else will fall into place. Instead of focusing on them, focus on what you are putting into your body---food and exercise. Celebrate each new little muscle line of definition. Every time that you make a good choice is leading you toward your goal of a fit and fabulous life. That's the positive energy.

My mantra is a reminder of 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. "I will honor and glorify God with my body."

Brandicaloriecountess

NO, NO, NO. It is not my place to judge anyone else. My focus is on myself, and I still fully believe that personality, and other attributes are what makes a person good, or not. I also know what it is like to BE that person, and I do not think I am any better than I was 60 pounds ago.

keepsiejess

Do you think that it is possible that the critical voice you use with others is the same that you use with yourself?

elyse0210

I feel the same way. I only try to focus on myself but I get frustrated when I see people eating crap and making excuses.