Vent warning - why are husbands such jerks!

leeloolilo

Everyone is always defensive about their fitness opinions. People tend to get pretty heated and opinionated when their current track is thrown into question and loose sight of what real objective is. I think if you feel great doing what you're doing, then more power to you. You'll notice if you need to switch it up and you'll be more motivated if you're the one powering those changes. He probably has found what makes him feel fit and sees it as "the path" to fitness. I'm working on my fitness with two other girls and it can sure get heated when anyone suggests how another girl might want to change their plan. Whew! I try to take what anyone suggests with a grain of salt and watch my responses (not always an easy thing to do).

I wish you luck! It seems you're kicking butt and staying motivated! Go girl go!!

Jovialation

Maybe you should talk to him about the way you feel instead of venting on an online forum. Not all husbands are jerks. Mine isn't. I'm so sick of these over-generalized man hating threads on here.

QFT

Come on girls are you serious?
She just said that she talked to him about it a couple of times...

Also wrote VENT WARNING + the subject in the thread's title...

Sometimes women just need some advice and encouragement, not rude comments...

My boyfriend is pretty amazing, but my ex was a jerk, I learned to deal with it but it took a damn while....
Not everyone is the same way with the same temper...

:ohwell:

I think it's a bad practice in relationships ...especially marriage...to go complain publicly about the other person. Is it THAT hard to talk to them?

chrisuy

He weighs 250 and is 6'1 I don't consider that fit, do you? Yes he can ride his bike over mountain passes and bench his weight but I am not unfit riding a bike at the gym.

Not fit enough to be bragging about being fit, anyway. The Tour de France starts this weekend. I don't think you'll see any of those guys climbing over those mountains at 6'1" and 250!

VeroM1234

Maybe you should talk to him about the way you feel instead of venting on an online forum. Not all husbands are jerks. Mine isn't. I'm so sick of these over-generalized man hating threads on here.

QFT

Come on girls are you serious?
She just said that she talked to him about it a couple of times...

Also wrote VENT WARNING + the subject in the thread's title...

Sometimes women just need some advice and encouragement, not rude comments...

My boyfriend is pretty amazing, but my ex was a jerk, I learned to deal with it but it took a damn while....
Not everyone is the same way with the same temper...

:ohwell:

I think it's a bad practice in relationships ...especially marriage...to go complain publicly about the other person. Is it THAT hard to talk to them?

She just said she talked to him about it...

And ''publicly'' I dont think no one knows him here...

I am in a pretty good relationship and yes, sometimes I do need advice from people...

I dont get why some people are so rude in 5 seconds... like they know everything, and their relationship or past relationship would be perfect...

Especially here...

Yuck

reneelee

Men have all the answeres even if your not asking any questions! He will fix your problem even if you dont ask for his advise.

thumper44

Ok, I'm going to jump in the fire here. Obviously he's trying to help.
I've read women venting about hubby giving no support and I've read that they can't get their husband to join them for exercise. Now this is a different type of vent.

So my loving husband tells me today that riding the recumbent bike at the gym for 65 minutes will never give me the results I need. He said I should push myself harder if I want to be fit! He is an avid bike rider and thinks that only riding the bike up and down mountain passes is how people get fit.

He might have a bit of a point. I'm not saying he's right, but are you biking for 65 mins going the same speed? Are you taking any breaks or is that 65 mins non stop pedaling?
What I understood from his outside mountain passes was. Sorta like HIIT. People praise on how it helps burn more calories. Basically you are working a lot harder going up the hill which raises your heart rate and burns more calories, and then on the downhill part your heart rate goes down and burn less calories. Overall burning more calories on average.
So, explain to him that you might like to try HIIT on the bicyle. At the gym.
If you are not comfortable riding a bike in 95 degree weather tell him.
You could also both just go out and go for a relaxing bike ride, Just to keep him happy.

He can be such a jerk! I said I was doing great with my fitness plan and he said don't argue fitness with me, I know fitness. He weighs 250 and is 6'1 I don't consider that fit, do you? Yes he can ride his bike over mountain passes and bench his weight but I am not unfit riding a bike at the gym. He wants me outside riding the bike in 95 degree weather - maybe he is just after my life insurance policy!!

Grrrrr I do not know how to handle this!! He makes me so mad why can't he be supportive and say how nice it is to see me going to the gym, but no nothing is good enough unless it was his idea and his plan!

He wants to help. Let him help but don't let him control it. Talk to him, and you can listen to his idea's. You don't have to agree with everything he says. Just tell him you'll try some HIIT at the gym next time you go.
Ride x miles/hour, and for 30 secs, or a min ride x+y miles/hour faster.

Good luck.

deanadimples

I'd ignore it. Then I'd prove him wrong. :laugh:

musica814

Maybe you should talk to him about the way you feel instead of venting on an online forum. Not all husbands are jerks. Mine isn't. I'm so sick of these over-generalized man hating threads on here.

QFT

Come on girls are you serious?
She just said that she talked to him about it a couple of times...

Also wrote VENT WARNING + the subject in the thread's title...

Sometimes women just need some advice and encouragement, not rude comments...

My boyfriend is pretty amazing, but my ex was a jerk, I learned to deal with it but it took a damn while....
Not everyone is the same way with the same temper...

:ohwell:

I think it's a bad practice in relationships ...especially marriage...to go complain publicly about the other person. Is it THAT hard to talk to them?

That's really all I meant. I wasn't trying to be "rude" and I don't really think that she hates her husband. I just see a lot of threads on here about women complaining about their men. It's kind of disheartening. But whatever. To the OP, men are just not as sensitive as women are. When he's coming across as an insensitive jerk, he probably thinks he's helping you out. They don't always show it the best way, but maybe that's his way of trying, as ineffective as it may be. If I were you I'd just keep doing what I'm doing, if it's working for you then it's working and you should keep doing it.

lovejoydavid

Men have all the answeres even if your not asking any questions! He will fix your problem even if you dont ask for his advise.

I am glad that some woman FINALLY understands! Just take our wisdom as both loving and the gospel truth, and you will be fine.

vdavis_89

I am in the same situation right now Mine is about 185 and 6'1" and doesn't do any exercise aside from work. I come home today and make dinner for him and tried to make something different for me and he got mad... he got all pissy and went to bed! Im so upset I dont even know how to handle this! Ignoring him is hard because he has to have the last word!!! Soooo irritating! Good luck dealing with yours

afitchpatrick

ya know this is not man hating this is called cold hard facts sum men r supportive and sum men r. my ex thought he was a know it all and was constantly telling me how to work out. like i'm goin to listen to the guy that can eat everything drink all kinds of beer and never excersise but can barely pinch his fat and cry about fat. sum men just want to put u down an sum dont i'm with a great guy now who doesnt judge me. if u dont like the posts dont read it. problem solved

mom23nuts

I would say all of this to him, only nicer. Maybe he is just trying to help but doesn't realize how he sounds or how it makes you feel when he does it. My fiance is like that. He can try as much as he can to help, but all it does is irritate me and make me feel bad. I told him that, and he stopped.

Believe me I have talked to him and it just makes him mad. I told him everything I said here and he just storms off.

Tell him, "that's nice honey, but I am not asking for your advice or for you to fix anything so hop on your bike and go for a ride and don't come home until you can start being nicer to me...make sure you pack extra water because knowing how you have been treating me lately it is going to be a hell of a LONG ride"

Elizabeth_C34

Maybe you should talk to him about the way you feel instead of venting on an online forum. Not all husbands are jerks. Mine isn't. I'm so sick of these over-generalized man hating threads on here.

Agreed.

To the OP: Just talk to him about it. Explain how you feel in a calm collected way in clear plain language. Sometimes people say things to help and they don't mean to hurt you.

songbyrdsweet

Men have all the answeres even if your not asking any questions! He will fix your problem even if you dont ask for his advise.

Hehe, SO true!

Men like to fix things. A wife will vent to her husband about something irritating at work, and immediately he will suggest some way to fix it, even if she didn't want any help. Your husband isn't really telling you that you're right...just that he knows what's better for you. Women do it to their hubbies too ("You're not loading the dishwasher right"). Most men really can't stand not 'fixing' a situation. I know my boyfriend is frustrated at times because we're so far apart and he can't fix the situation to make me feel better.

bcbman

I didn't read every post but as a husband I know we try and be overly helpful at times. I can assure you he has your best interest at heart. He is on a different fitness level then you are so doesn't relate to yours as well as he should. Sorry girls we are human also we make mistakes. Please take his comments as intended. He loves you and wants to help.

Sauchie

Personally, I believe that all men in there own way can at times say the "wrong thing". In my experience my ex's didn't learn to think before they spoke. My current boyfriend made that mistake once. When I started planning my weight loss plan he suggested nutrisystem and was willing to pay. Needless to say it upset me. Words were said and now hes very supportive. I'd talk to him. He might have had good intentions just couldn't really put it into the correct words. Best of Luck...

lovejoydavid

Men have all the answeres even if your not asking any questions! He will fix your problem even if you dont ask for his advise.

Hehe, SO true!

Men like to fix things. A wife will vent to her husband about something irritating at work, and immediately he will suggest some way to fix it, even if she didn't want any help. Your husband isn't really telling you that you're right...just that he knows what's better for you. Women do it to their hubbies too ("You're not loading the dishwasher right"). Most men really can't stand not 'fixing' a situation. I know my boyfriend is frustrated at times because we're so far apart and he can't fix the situation to make me feel better.

Now, that just isn't true! Most men aren't listening at all!

lovejoydavid

Personally, I believe that all men in there own way can at times say the "wrong thing". In my experience my ex's didn't learn to think before they spoke. My current boyfriend made that mistake once. When I started planning my weight loss plan he suggested nutrisystem and was willing to pay. Needless to say it upset me. Words were said and now hes very supportive. I'd talk to him. He might have had good intentions just couldn't really put it into the correct words. Best of Luck...

The only significant part of the 'wrong thing', I think, is the degree of effort placed on trying to make it NOT the wrong thing. Most communication theories agree that equal weight has to be placed on decoding the message as is placed on encoding. That is, how the receiver intreprets the content is just as significant as how the sender intended it. Communication is fluid, and occurs simulatenously. I think where men go wrong is when they get to a point where they no longer engage the process, fail to use what they have learned about the communication 'style' of their wife/SO, and talk to her like they would another man. Communication is work, and we get lazy.

bloodbank

I don't know about everyone else, but my husband is awesome... which is why I'm married to him.

Anyway, he's right. Pedaling a stationary bike isn't the same as riding up & down mountains, and yes, if you traded your gym bike for a mountain trail, the results would be different. However, a stationary bike is better than no bike, so you're doing good so far. Maybe one day you'll have him show you the ropes of the mountain and you can bike together - which was probably the intent behind his statement. I'm sure he was trying to be helpful.

songbyrdsweet

Men have all the answeres even if your not asking any questions! He will fix your problem even if you dont ask for his advise.

Hehe, SO true!

Men like to fix things. A wife will vent to her husband about something irritating at work, and immediately he will suggest some way to fix it, even if she didn't want any help. Your husband isn't really telling you that you're right...just that he knows what's better for you. Women do it to their hubbies too ("You're not loading the dishwasher right"). Most men really can't stand not 'fixing' a situation. I know my boyfriend is frustrated at times because we're so far apart and he can't fix the situation to make me feel better.

Now, that just isn't true! Most men aren't listening at all!

LOL :laugh:

That's why you do the "What do you think about it?" test. It's really funny when you catch them unawares and they have no idea what to say! The thing is not to get upset at them for it. Although my boyfriend is really good at hearing even when he's not listening...he can be like, "Oh, you said x and y," even when he was watching TV or looking at a book! I'm a little jealous of his ability.