Stress? Grief? Etc?

Tandksmommy11

We've all been under some kind of stress at one point in our lives that has left us completely off our normal 'schedule' of how we do things. Maybe someone died and you are so stricken with grief, you have a had time eating and the thought of workin out is to much to bear. Or maybe your work load at work has you stressed beyond belief, so all you want to do is eat to make you feel better (though in the end, it likely makes you feel worse).

How do you deal with this kind of situation?

My husband has just informed me that he wants a divorce, and we have 2 young children (5 and 3). I'm both stressed because of what my new responsibilities will be (though we separated once before so I know the drill) and grieving because I thought things were going well. Not perfect, but I thought we were going to make it...I was wrong.

I have days where I don't want to eat at all so i force myself to eat something (and it's usually not a super healthy meal). And I have those days where I can't stop eating, anything to help the 'pain'.

How do you control it?

ShellyKay67

I am so sorry you are going thru this right now...
I am in the middle of getting divorced after 20 years, but I don't have young children, so I imagine it's a little harder for you.

Just remember, you have to take care of yourself right now. You won't be any good physically or mentally to your kids if you aren't taking care of yourself!!

Find someone to confide in to help get thru the rougher days.
You will find that you are alot stronger than you give yourself credit for.
Take care!!!

Melis25Fit

I've lost almost 130 lbs, and I still have days like this. It's hard. I binged last night because our AC is broke for the 2nd time in 3 weeks, and we don't have the $$$$ to fix it again... and the fact we may totally need a new unit is scaring the crap outta me.

You just have to find your inner beast and do what you know is right. Sometimes I have trouble finding mine. I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but I feel like it's a never ending battle. Just when you think you've got life figured out, something always goes the opposite way.

My thoughts go out to you during this hard time.

Maria127lbs

I am so sorry that you are in pain. I think that the eating is a symptom of all the horrible things you are dealing with right now. It is a socially acceptable way to numb that pain. So, instead of beating yourself up about the eating get help for the pain that is causing it, and take very very good care of yourself so that you feel valued, because you are a valuable person who deserves happiness and success.
I will keep you in my thoughts

PS, I think I will try very hard today to follow my own advice so I can be successful on my own weight loss journey.

cieraangel

In your case, while you're grieving, let that be your driving force until you can get over the hump. Your husband left? Screw him. Get hotter than hot! Stay on track. Make him drool when you are dropping the kids off on his days, because you look THAT fabulous. It's time for your game face. Not just for your sanity, but for your kids as well. They're looking to you to see how you will react. Although I've not been divorced, my parents have been, and I remember making food my friend as a child because my parents dropped the ball. They didn't think I noticed or cared about my dad and the affects it had on my mother. They didn't notice that after my mother lost the house (because we could no longer afford it on one income), we moved so often that I stopped bothering to make friends. I am still paying for how that screwed me up, and I work to overcome it everyday. Instead of having your kids feel the need to overcome something, show them that marching forward with confidence is possible...even if you don't believe it yet. Good luck. You are in my prayers.

quietlywinning

First, I am very sorry you are going through this. It is very normal for grief to affect your eating habits and exercise abilities. Be very easy on yourself. The worst part of it is when the announcement has been made but the person is still there. Once he is out you will be able to start to establish the "new normal". The phrase "there's the door, get out now" can help to establish stability for you and your babies much more quickly.

In the meantime, an eating plan, written, if necessary, will help you control your eating. Have your meals decided on, including what time you will eat and how much, and just work the plan. That way your emotions are not controlling your intake, but you are controlling both the food intake and your emotions.

Give yourself time, when your husband is not around, and when you are not eating or "scheduled" to eat, to go ahead and grieve. Let yourself cry. Maybe at this stage, give yourself permission and time to cry every day - take an hour to yourself. I have four children (3 grown) so I do know that is hard to find, but naptimes and early bedtimes should be your time. Healing takes time and you need to heal and deserve to heal. Your children need you to heal.

You will come out on the other side of this and be okay. You will be stronger, more emotionally healthy, and even thinner. You are a whole, wonderful person, with or without a husband.

MichelleB69

You asked "How do you deal"...so I'll tell you. When my son was diagnosed with autism almost 5 years ago, I sat down, had a good 2 week cry/feel sorry for myself/wallow in self-pity party and then I put on my big girl panties and figured out what I needed to do to make life better for my son and myself.

I say, go ahead and give yourself permission to grieve the loss of your marriage...what it was, what it wasn't, and what you were hoping it could be. Allow yourself to feel all those feelings of loss: anger, frustration, sadness, self-pity and then (as a previous poster said) put on your game face! Make taking care of yourself a top priority, because when you take care of you, people (including your kids) notice and you are far better equipped to take care of your children and deal with all the nonsense that your ex is going to pull (and he will)

Living well is the best revenge my friend. If you view this as not just a loss, but as an opportunity to be in control of your own life, you can emerge a stronger, healthier woman! Best of luck to you....you can do this!

Mom2rh

I'm sorry you are going through this. I also am going through it. I can't even write the words. After 20 years of marriage. We have two kids too.

Frankly, this is the first time in my life that the stress and anxiety caused me to NOT eat initially. After a particularly traumatic event that catapulted us onto this journey, I would forget to eat until 2 in the afternoon some days. On those days I just reminded myself I was doing the best I could. I would try to eat healthy. But I didn't beat myself up.

The main thing is to be okay for your kids. Focus on them. Surround yourself, and them, with supportive family and friends. Don't do this journey alone. Use exercise for the stress if you can. If you feel like you need to stress eat, try to eat healthy stuff. Fruit. Vegetables.

Feel free to add me if you need more friends. (I've been lurking for awhile, don't have a lot of "friends" here.)

DEE_68

i can honestly say i can here your pain... I am 41 years old and was married for 15 years to find out my husband had yet another affair. So now i am on my own, with 2 kids and one income. IT was very hard at first i will admit. but once the pain starts to ease up and it will, i am now starting to realize i am worth it, and my kids deserve it. As much as it hurts right now , it the best thing you can give your kids to get the divorce as now they will not see mommy and daddy fighting anymore. IT may take a few years like it has for me, but you will become friends with him and that will help your kids a great deal.I am now with a great guy and things are getting easier, and this will happen for you....just take it one day at time and live everyday for those babies and yourself.....add me if you like as i will say a prayer for you

LoveleeB

First off, you have to remember that even though you feel alone in this, you are not. Your friends and family are here for you. That is an unfortunate situation to be in but you owe it to yourself and your children to stay strong and have a good life.

Have you and your husband tried counseling? Sometimes that may help either in the reconcile process or make the divorce easier.

In times of stress and grief I just try to remind myself that only I can choose to heal my heart & mind. Keep your chin up girl and definitely lean on your MFP friends for support if you need to.