Women and weight lifting.....
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1. Reps to the point of failure. Really failure and hitting your "holy crap this is HARD" point during your workout is what you need to strive for. That's how you get stronger.
2. No. Maybe the real fear of most women is having an athletic build. Some of us also have some heft in our thighs. My thighs aren't gigantic, but I've got some serious muscle there from squats and cycling. Women do not have the testosterone levels to ever (naturally) develop a build like Hulk Hogan. Now if you're taking (lots of) steroids...well...different story.
3. I did P90X way back when. Pro -> Got a lot of definition in my back and arms from all the pull-ups, push-ups. Con -> Leg work in P90X is lacking, IMO, and the workouts are too long to make a habit in my daily life.
Now I do Stronglifts 5x5, 3x weekly. Goal is to be able to squat twice my weight, so roughly, 260 lb. squat. I'm at a 160 squat now. Progressing at the rate of 5 lb being added to my lifts on a weekly basis. I may or may not hit a wall with that 5 lb progression the more I lift and have to reduce to a lower progression. We'll see. SL5x5 workouts can be accomplished in about half the time of a P90X workout, which is a bonus. On the days I have off from SL5x5, I do bodyweight exercsises in interval and ladder sets, and "fun stuff" like kayaking and rockclimbing.
4. Lift heavy and lift to failure, yes.0
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