So disappointed and sad.....

PoshTaush

I'm truly sorry if my post offended you.. I didn't mean to come across as insensitive. I hope for you all the best in this difficult time. we are all here to support you thats what MFP is all about. I guess what I was trying to say (but didn't do a good job of) was I would hate to see you get uneducated advice from someone that would in return hinder your success or even cause you harm. My apologies again.

No really you didn't offend me. No one did. I just felt maybe I didn't explain my full situation accurately the first time.

I appreciate any and EVERYONE who has taken time out to even reply to me. I truly agree that you had good intentions. I am thankful you are looking out for me... so that I didn't take ill advice.

Sincere appreciation..

Tausha

PoshTaush

When I was pregnant I walked on the treadmill a lot. I even kept a walking diary in a spiral notebook, noting the time, speed, distance, etc. I ended up gaining 30 pounds (she was my 4th child) and ended up with great legs, butt, attitude and a wonderful little girl to boot! Use hand weights while walking if you can, to gain upper arm strength. Good luck---keep us all up to date with news!

Thank you...

brandiuntz

It took me 2 years to lose 40lbs (before I even joined MFP). 2 years for 40lbs. To say I plateau a lot is an understatement. :bigsmile: :sad:

Permanent weight loss is hard. It takes a while to adjust to the correct amount of eating (calories) and exercising to lose weight.

Since you used to struggle with bulimia, your body is probably resistant to weight loss. Doesn't mean you can't get back to a healthy size, just means it might take you a little longer than others.

Stick with it. It does work.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Let me rephrase my previous statement....

I don't think I was then Happy with my body.... OBVIOUSLY.... I'm just saying that NOW...looking back at pictures then... I long for that size again...... I don't ever remember a time I was happy with my size. I remember in Kindergarten comparing myself to the other smaller girls. I was a size 10 in kids clothes in kindergarten.

I know how sad that is that I remember what size I wore in kindergarten.

I was a year round athlete in school.... so.. along with purging... the exercise was an easy way for me to mask my problems.

I have talked to thearapists... I am taking depression medication.... It's not helping.

I go to therapy and all I feel is that they don't care...they are collecting a check.... why do they care?? They sit and listen to people like me all day cry about our past life experiences...



Sorry to be a whiny baby.. I know most of you don't REALLY care either.... You don't know me... I am just looking for maybe someone who understands... I don't want pity.... maybe just someone to tell me I'm ok....

I have considered LapBand surgery as well... I don't know where to go from here...


To those of you who are being super sweet and supportive I truly sincerely appreciate you. Thank you for prayers and well wishes. You do help me... Sometimes I wish I could find the MUTE button for what my head keeps telling me. Self talk can be so destructive.

Your story could be my own. I swam year round from the time I was 4. For my entire life I compared myself to the girls around me, I didn't understand "skinny fat" so even though I was a lean size 2/4 with an build I always felt fat because I was heavier than my friends by no less than 15 pounds (even though I wore smaller clothes). At 17 & 18 I became anorexic and bulimic and shrunk down so small that I could no longer fit into a size 0 and had to start shopping in the childrens section (I'm 5'4"). The heaviest I've ever been is a size 14 (aboutr 160 - 170 pounds). While I was there I was looking through pictures and saw pictures of me at that healthy weight, damn I looked good. When I joined mfp in March I had been hovering between 150 and 160 for 2 or 3 years, I decided I wanted to be healthy, not skinny or light weight. I am active but not as active as I used to be (and I'm 33) so I decided that 128 - 132 would allow me to carry some extra fat and be a realistic goal, so that's where I am (as of yesterday 128.5). It was a struggle yesterday t o reset my goal to maintain my past keeps telling me "you can afford another 3 - 5 pounds", my logic knows I've reached my goal and I know that anything else would be unreasonable for my body.
Sorry, this is about you. I suppose the take away here is to leave the past in the past, you know you want to be healthy. Set a reasonable end goal. You know what it's like to be heavy, you know what it's like to be unhealthy skinny. Whatever has caused your extreme weight issues is imbedded deep in you, in order to win this battle you have to find the source. If you don't think that your therapist cares, find one that does, or care enough about yourself that it doesn't matter what you therapist thinks. You know that freeing feeling that comes with exercise, find the joy in it again, find that freedom and sense of accomplishment that comes with pushing your body through that barrier and remember that you are no longer that young woman so don't compare your capabilites to her. Healthy, that's the key, healthy. You have to put up a mental block between the girl you were and the woman you are now. She's who you were not who you are and not who you want to be.
Start every day looking in the mirror, shut your eyes tight and open them, and tell yourself something you like about yourself. "I like my eyes today, they are very green." You'll find that you'll find more and more things you like about yourself "Day-um where'd that 4 pack come from?". You'll always be critical, I think that's very natural, but you have to find the good stuff too, and eventually some of that bad stuff will turn into good stuff, everytime I stand in front of the mirror and think "I've lost all this weight and my *kitten* is still fat" I've trained myself to then think:

She had dumps like a truck truck truck
Thighs like what what what
Baby move your butt butt butt
Uh
I think to sing it again
She had dumps like a truck truck truck
Thighs like what what what
All night long