Question(s) for the men

ItsCasey

So I'm a pretty old-fashioned girl in the sense that I believe in traditional male/female gender roles in relationships and dating. I'm into the alpha male, take-charge kind of guy. I also know that if you're a woman looking for a decent guy, you have to send some kind of signal that it's okay for him to come over and talk to you. Otherwise you're only going to get the arrogant SOBs who think every woman in the room is dying to talk to them.

So my first question is if you see an attractive woman in a cafe, grocery store, airport, etc., and she notices you, what would she have to do to get you to go over and strike up a conversation?

Secondly, what would you think if SHE came over and talked to you? Would you be relieved that she took the pressure off you? Would you feel emasculated because it's your job to do the approaching and she didn't give you that chance?

I ask because there was a guy in the airport a couple of days ago who caught my eye, and apparently I caught his, too. I tried to smile at him, but every time I looked at him, he looked away very quickly like he was embarrassed that I caught him checking me out. When it was time to board the plane, I boarded first, and he came on a few minutes later. He sat right next to me, despite the plane being half empty. So I thought "Good, he's going to talk to me." Instead, he puts in earphones and starts watching a movie on his iPod. We get off the plane, and I'm looking at the arrivals/departures board to find the gate for my connecting flight, and he walks up next to me and lingers there but doesn't say a word. Finally, I just walked away. I guess I'm just wondering how I should handle that situation next time (i.e. should I be the first one to say something, should I have been more obvious that I wanted him to talk to me, etc.).

taso42_DELETED

"Hi"

Heather75

He was probably attached.

ItsCasey

That thought crossed my mind. I just find it a little disgusting that a guy with a girlfriend or fiancee (he wasn't wearing a ring) would follow another woman around, even if he doesn't talk to her. If you belong to someone else, you can't be checking out other women. It's okay to look once; it's not okay to keep looking.

On that note, it sucks that women can't really get the same information as men by checking to see if someone is wearing a ring. If a woman isn't wearing a ring, you know she's not married or engaged to be married, so those are pretty good odds. A man who isn't wearing a ring could still be engaged.

Shizzman

He just might not have felt comfortable making a move...it can be very situational about if a guy will feel like going for it or not. Perhaps he thought you weren't interested...it could have been a lot of things...

AZTrailRunner

Why would you necessarily assume he's attached because he didn't talk to you? guys can be shy too. Maybe he liked the way you smelled. Maybe he was hoping you would strike up a conversation. Who knows.

Wanna know how to get a guy talking to you? Just say "Hi". Guys are simple critters. It doesn't usually take much. Women, on the other hand, are incredibly unpredictable when approached by a stranger... will she be cool? will she bite my head off, thinking I'm a stalker? will she stick her nose in the air because I don't meet her standard of "good looking"???

Anyways, in this day and age, men aren't put off by a woman who makes the first move.

mrmarius

next just start a little small talk and see how it goes

ItsCasey

Why would you necessarily assume he's attached because he didn't talk to you?

I guess I just feel like if you want to talk to someone (or you want them to talk to you) putting in earphones is maybe not the wisest course of action. To me, that says "I want to be left alone," not "I'm interested but shy, so please talk to me."

In the future, I will get over myself and not be so hesitant to approach someone if there are signs that he's interested. I guess the worst that can happen is that he ignores me, and I figure if he's been staring at me for half an hour, he's not going to do that.

Carl01

To answer your questions.

I you had caught my eye and I was looking at you and your knew it then a smile and maybe a hello would be nice.
If you turn your head and walk away then I am going to assume at best you are not interested and at worst I have offended you.

Please always feel free to strike up a conversation or a passing word.
Might not lead to anything but there is always a chance.

I know guys can be dirt bags and hate that is so but also find it annoying that the assumption is we are the ones expected to approach and risk being rejected and made to feel like a POS because of it.

ItsCasey

I know guys can be dirt bags and hate that is so but also find it annoying that the assumption is we are the ones expected to approach and risk being rejected and made to feel like a POS because of it.

Well, the only time I would ever make a guy feel like a POS is if he had been rude or obnoxious in his approach. Some guys walk around like they own the world and cannot even fathom the idea of a woman not being interested in him, and if a guy comes up to me with that attitude, I wouldn't hesitate to verbally chop off his balls. But a guy who just wants to talk ... even if I wasn't attracted to him, I'd still have a conversation with him. I'm a friendly person, and I actually really enjoy meeting new people.

As I said before, I have traditional views when it comes to how men and women interact when there is non-platonic interest, so I would never ask a guy on a date, but I don't see anything wrong with being the one to initiate conversation. I figure most men who are interested will see that as an opening and take over from there. But it's a pretty new concept for me and will take some getting used to. I will say I have a much greater appreciation for the courage it takes for some men to talk to a woman they are interested in.

AZTrailRunner

I know guys can be dirt bags and hate that is so but also find it annoying that the assumption is we are the ones expected to approach and risk being rejected and made to feel like a POS because of it.

Well, the only time I would ever make a guy feel like a POS is if he had been rude or obnoxious in his approach. Some guys walk around like they own the world and cannot even fathom the idea of a woman not being interested in him, and if a guy comes up to me with that attitude, I wouldn't hesitate to verbally chop off his balls. But a guy who just wants to talk ... even if I wasn't attracted to him, I'd still have a conversation with him. I'm a friendly person, and I actually really enjoy meeting new people.

As I said before, I have traditional views when it comes to how men and women interact when there is non-platonic interest, so I would never ask a guy on a date, but I don't see anything wrong with being the one to initiate conversation. I figure most men who are interested will see that as an opening and take over from there. But it's a pretty new concept for me and will take some getting used to. I will say I have a much greater appreciation for the courage it takes for some men to talk to a woman they are interested in.

Unfortunately you don't wear a sign that says how approachable you are. For every one of you, there is one who feels threatened or irritated when approached by a strange guy, and ends up causing all of this confusion. I'm a friendly guy, and in the back of my mind assume if I say "Hello" to a strange lady, that she will feel like I'm hitting on her (when I'm not).

I liked it in Tahiti, where the women who wanted to be approached wore a flower behind one ear, and women who were spoken for wore a flower in the opposite ear. Nice and simple.

koosdel

To answer question #1; Nothing really. Just be there.
Question #2; I would prolly say something stupid about Forrest Gump and the Alamo.

ItsCasey

I know guys can be dirt bags and hate that is so but also find it annoying that the assumption is we are the ones expected to approach and risk being rejected and made to feel like a POS because of it.

Well, the only time I would ever make a guy feel like a POS is if he had been rude or obnoxious in his approach. Some guys walk around like they own the world and cannot even fathom the idea of a woman not being interested in him, and if a guy comes up to me with that attitude, I wouldn't hesitate to verbally chop off his balls. But a guy who just wants to talk ... even if I wasn't attracted to him, I'd still have a conversation with him. I'm a friendly person, and I actually really enjoy meeting new people.

As I said before, I have traditional views when it comes to how men and women interact when there is non-platonic interest, so I would never ask a guy on a date, but I don't see anything wrong with being the one to initiate conversation. I figure most men who are interested will see that as an opening and take over from there. But it's a pretty new concept for me and will take some getting used to. I will say I have a much greater appreciation for the courage it takes for some men to talk to a woman they are interested in.

Unfortunately you don't wear a sign that says how approachable you are. For every one of you, there is one who feels threatened or irritated when approached by a strange guy, and ends up causing all of this confusion. I'm a friendly guy, and in the back of my mind assume if I say "Hello" to a strange lady, that she will feel like I'm hitting on her (when I'm not).

I liked it in Tahiti, where the women who wanted to be approached wore a flower behind one ear, and women who were spoken for wore a flower in the opposite ear. Nice and simple.

You're right. I guess it's hard for most women to understand it from a man's point of view. Women don't really have to worry about making a man feel threatened in any way by initiating conversation with him, but a lot of women are terrified when a strange guy walks up and starts talking. It doesn't bother me as long as we're in a public place so I don't feel like I'm in any kind of danger and as long as the guy is polite.

And yeah, the flower thing would make life a lot easier.

Carl01

I know guys can be dirt bags and hate that is so but also find it annoying that the assumption is we are the ones expected to approach and risk being rejected and made to feel like a POS because of it.

Well, the only time I would ever make a guy feel like a POS is if he had been rude or obnoxious in his approach. Some guys walk around like they own the world and cannot even fathom the idea of a woman not being interested in him, and if a guy comes up to me with that attitude, I wouldn't hesitate to verbally chop off his balls. But a guy who just wants to talk ... even if I wasn't attracted to him, I'd still have a conversation with him. I'm a friendly person, and I actually really enjoy meeting new people.

As I said before, I have traditional views when it comes to how men and women interact when there is non-platonic interest, so I would never ask a guy on a date, but I don't see anything wrong with being the one to initiate conversation. I figure most men who are interested will see that as an opening and take over from there. But it's a pretty new concept for me and will take some getting used to. I will say I have a much greater appreciation for the courage it takes for some men to talk to a woman they are interested in.

Unfortunately you don't wear a sign that says how approachable you are. For every one of you, there is one who feels threatened or irritated when approached by a strange guy, and ends up causing all of this confusion. I'm a friendly guy, and in the back of my mind assume if I say "Hello" to a strange lady, that she will feel like I'm hitting on her (when I'm not).

I liked it in Tahiti, where the women who wanted to be approached wore a flower behind one ear, and women who were spoken for wore a flower in the opposite ear. Nice and simple.

You're right. I guess it's hard for most women to understand it from a man's point of view. Women don't really have to worry about making a man feel threatened in any way by initiating conversation with him, but a lot of women are terrified when a strange guy walks up and starts talking. It doesn't bother me as long as we're in a public place so I don't feel like I'm in any kind of danger and as long as the guy is polite.

And yeah, the flower thing would make life a lot easier.

Not to put too fine a point on it but you are asking why a guy doesn`t react as you would like but then saying how you are upset or terrified if he was more proactive.
I have no doubt that every signal you are sending is saying "stay away from me".
Not trying to have an argument nor being mean but trying to have a discussion and asking you to read all you have written in context with each other. :flowerforyou:

ItsCasey

I'm not saying that I personally get upset or terrified if a guy approaches me. I said it doesn't bother me as long as we're in a public place and as long as he's polite. In those circumstances, I don't assume anything other than "He's a friendly guy, and he wants to talk." But a lot of women just feel threatened when a stranger comes up to them and tries to talk to them, so I understand why some men are hesitant to do it.

reepobob

I believe the guy may have just been too shy to make a move...that is classic behavior of a guy who is interested but terrified...I know, I am one of those shy guys...It is nice when a woman breaks the ice first, because you get the signal that it is OK to open up a little bit...

As said before, a simple "Hi" or "Hello, how are you?" can work wonders...

Heather75

People are scary.