Having Grace with Ourselves During Depression?

krishnapu

Hi Everyone!

I am writing because I have found myself in quite a diet and exercise slump recently due to depression. I started using MFP five months ago and have lost 23lbs of my 50lb goal. Although I am extremely proud of this progress and feel that I have made some very positive changes in my life, I am worried that this depression-induced slump could turn into something more -- perhaps a return to my old ways of eating and (not) exercising. Some days, I find it difficult just to get out of bed, let alone to take myself for a walk or make the extra effort to eat healthy. Cookies and ice cream make me feel better -- for a moment at least.

My question is this: should we have grace with ourselves during these slumps, for example, when we feel depressed? Is it okay to accept the idea that sometimes we will fall off the wagon a little bit. Is it okay not to punish ourselves, but to instead accept those moments of weakness, let ourselves have them, and then get back on when we feel stronger? Or is accepting these moments of weakness unacceptable in any situation?

I guess at the bottom of it, I am just worried about undoing all of the progress I have made so far. I haven't gained back any weight during this slump, but I haven't lost any in a few weeks, either. I would appreciate any shared stories or experiences, as well as any support or motivation you have! I know that so many people battle depression everyday. I am not alone.

descooley

I have suffered from bouts of depression for almost 20 years now. It has become a necessity in my life to be medicated all the time or else the depression gets the better of me.

It is more than ok, it is necessary to have grace with yourself during depression. There are few things in life harder than dealing with depression or trying to explain your depression to someone who doesn't understand. I can tell you from my own experiences that forcing yourself out of bed that first time will help you get back on track but please know that you are not alone in your struggles.

Put one foot in front of the other, make the necessary choices to take care of yourself and know that this too shall pass.

Sending hugs your way.

girlinahat

Short answer - yes. This is a lifestyle change, not a punishment. Sometimes we are going to struggle to hold onto the wagon and might feel tempted to grab that big juicy cream cake or whatever as we pass by.
Doesn't mean we should get off the wagon and go back the way we came.

The important thing, whether you are depressed or not, is moving forward - accept what happens, the good days and the bad, and keep strolling on until the good days outweigh the bad. Beating yourself up about not sticking to the plan is not going to make you lose weight/be healthier.

19zerbrechen63

I think it'd be wrong and unhealthy to punish ourselves or put ourselves down when we simply can't push ourselves one day or the next. We should lower our expectations considerably when we're feeling depressed. If we can't stand the thought of working out and choose not to, that's okay. If we can only manage a short walk or a ten minute workout video, that's okay too.

Our mental health is just as important as our physical health and sometimes we just need to give ourselves a break while still maintaining moderation. If one is depressed and wants to treat themselves to ice cream or cookies, they should do so, but in moderation. Have one or two cookies or have a single serving of ice cream, not twelve cookies or a pint of ice cream.

jenilla1

I have the opposite problem. I would rather sleep all day when I get depressed. I have no appetite and no motivation to do anything. Keeping track of my nutrition and exercise through MFP gives me structure and something to work toward. For me, it would be best to stay on track as much as possible. Falling away from healthy habits tends to worsen my depression. I'm sure it's not that way for everyone, though. Do what works best for you. If that means taking a break from MFP, then go ahead. Best of luck for a happier future! :flowerforyou:

bachooka

When I am in a slump like that ( I also suffer from Depression) I find that it actually helps me so much to watch what I eat and try to exercise.

Even just not eating that cookie, or parking a little further from the doors at the grocery store helps... It makes me feel better, and gets me through it.

cheshirechic

I have depression that's tied to my weight. I'd hate myself for not exercising or eating right, and then continue to hate myself when I tried and failed, or continued to not try. Now, whenever I'm feeling upset or down on myself again, I try to use exercising and tracking what I eat as a way to get out of it. I know that if I've had a horrible day at work, I can go get some ice cream, or do a yoga video. As much as I absolutely LOVE coffee ice cream (and would love to have the whole pint), the positive feelings I get from exercising will last longer.

I hope this helps; know that you're definitely not alone in any of your struggles. It's a lifelong change. Friend me if you'd like.

whisperingdragon

I can relate. You must keep going on the right path, stay strong and stay focused. (((hugs)) :flowerforyou:

taem

Hi,

Everyone gets depressed, welcome to the club! Here are a few suggestions. Go for a walk during the day and get some sun in or on you. I have been walking briskly for a few weeks and I learned that being outside and getting a work-out does wonders to your mental state. You might actually put those "sweets" away.

However, I suspect your craving for sweets is due to something else--I just can't be sure if you are not getting enough nutrients or "good" carbs.

If you don't like walking, find an exercise you like and do it! Attack it as hard as you can and I promise in a couple of weeks, your body will yearn for it. I find it difficult not to swim or walk now that I have done it for a while. Keep track of your exercise like your food only so that it will remind you of how much you have accomplished and it might help you not eat those sweets.

Most importantly, I find that keeping a consistent schedule (and sleep) is very important. I suggest waking up early in the morning (if you don't already) and plan your day. Planning is like tracking your calories and it will make you look forward to the rest of the day. When you are consistently doing things, then add some variety and become spontaneous again with the knowledge that a good foundation will keep you healthy.

Good health to you.

krishnapu

Thank you, everyone! I appreciate your help and compassion. I am feeling a bit more optimistic and motivated now. :-)

Clairebryant36

I have heard exercise helps with depression, just baby steps though, 10 mins a day and things will get better I have a friend in a similar situation, and she is making small steps. Good luck!

shonasteele

Well, first let me say CONGRATS on your weight loss so far! And secondly, yeah, depression sucks. Literally, it sucks the life right out of you. I was up and down with depression for several years and was on and off antidepressants for a long time so I know how it feels to not want to make an effort to do anything. (I still do sometimes but I think that now it's just laziness from slacking off for so long because I'm actually pretty darn happy these days. Lazy but happy is so much better than lifeless and unhappy.)

You bring up a VERY good question though. I think the fact that you're still questioning things and concerned about "undoing" your progress so far is a good sign that you haven't sunk too far into the pit of despair, so that's a good thing. For what it's worth, here's my thinking on the matter...

I'm the 'forgiving' type I guess. I'm always the one that says it's okay to indulge yourself and forgive yourself but remembering back to being depressed I can see how that is/was a very slippery slope. I guess it's still a matter of balance and not going overboard all the time. Example: You get up and eat a bag of Oreos for breakfast and you feel like crap about it but instead of wallowing in that feeling and continuing to gorge yourself all day, you pick yourself up and say, Okay, I had Oreos for breakfast so now I have to have a salad for lunch and some veggies for supper. The downward spiral is what got me every time. I feel bad so I eat (or ***** or stress or cry) then I feel even worse so I do it again, etc, etc. It sounds like you're still in a fairly logical (vs. overly emotional) and self-supporting (vs. destructive) frame of mind so I think you have the capacity to pick yourself up and regain/maintain some balance in your eating habits. Yes, go ahead and have some cookies or ice cream sometimes, but don't always have them in the pantry/freezer. Buy snack size bags of cookies or individual portions of ice cream but keeping them handy (all the time and in large quantities) is asking for trouble. Also make sure you have other healthier foods readily available. I know 'instant meals' aren't the BEST fuel for your body but a lean cuisine beats a tub of ice cream when you're hungry and don't feel like making the effort to cook. Keep the fridge stocked with veggies and fruits so that you've got them when you need them, and try to find the easiest possible ways to prepare things so that you don't have to put out much effort to fix something when you need it.

As far as exercise goes, well, I hate it. Always have, probably always will. Even now when i'm happy and thrilled with my weight loss I still rarely get up the energy to exercise, so take this with a grain of salt, but I think the basic premise behind it is sound... Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up about it. Give yourself permission to skip a workout in exchange for taking a short walk. Not knowing what type of exercise you were doing or how much, it's hard to guess what your minimum effort should be, but put some thought into what you were doing, what you'd like to be doing, and what your minimum effort should be. Establish a very basic guideline that you can live with and that you won't hate yourself for. And be REALLY gentle with it. Failing to meet that minimum will only make you feel worse, so make it really small, like walking around the block or doing 20 situps, something you can achieve on even your worst day. That way, you are SUCCEEDING in keeping yourself moving (if only a little) rather than FAILING to work out. Again, that downward spiral is a killer. If you feel like you're failing, you're going to keep failing (or at least that's how I was), but a small glimmer of success can be the light at the end of the tunnel. Focus on those successes (the walk or the salad) and do your very best to forget about the lapses (don't even call them failures because that is negative reinforcement and you don't need that).

And lastly, have you thought about medication? I know it sucks feeling like you can't 'keep it together' without the help of meds but your brain chemistry can get messed up and meds can help balance it out. I hated starting on antidepressants and tried to get off of them several times before I was finally able to stay off long term so I get it. Talk to your doctor about trying something for a while to help get you over the hump to where you are starting to feel normal again. Don't let them convince you that you need to be on them for years though. Once you're over the hump and start to feel better, you're more able to make the other changes that will help keep you better, then you can try to come off the meds. (And DO work on other things in your life as well, find a hobby you enjoy, meditate, read self-help books, whatever works for you.) For me the decision to take drugs came down to the question "Do I want to be a medicated human being or an unmedicated moody *****?" (Trust me, feeling human is the way to go!) Especially once I realized that I was teaching my daughter all the wrong ways of dealing with stress (and life in general) and didn't want her to follow in my footsteps.

Hope I haven't bored you silly or scared you off, but I just wanted to share some of what I've learned over the years. Feel free to friend me and/or send a message if there's anything else I might be able to help you with. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself and when the going gets rough, ask yourself "What would I tell my best friend right now?" then TELL YOURSELF THE SAME THING! I know it can be very hard to love yourself and forgive yourself but if you always remember to show yourself the same respect and compassion you would show someone else, it really does help. :flowerforyou:

44isthenew29

Thanks to the OP for starting this thread, and thanks to all who replied. I suffer from depression too, and while it's been much more manageable for several months now, after recently losing two co-workers to tragic accidents in 2 weeks, my mood dipped significantly. When I am depressed, I sleep - and isolate. Someone mentioned planning their day, and for me that is key also. If I have no plans, I can sleep all day. When that happens, I eat very little and exercise not at all. And, I have been punishing myself these last few days as I witnessed my inability to eat well or to work out. Thank GOD I am starting to come out of it, and I worked out today, and I'm having something healthy to eat. I find that it's really important to be patient with myself on bad days, and if all I can manage is to walk the dog, that will have to be good enough. What I have found to be true in my case is that no matter how good I know something is for me i.e. exercise and eating well, when I am THAT depressed, it's very difficult to do anything at all. And so, like I said, I'm glad to be coming out of it after a short time.
Fellow depression sufferers, feel free to add me

taem

Hi,

Everyone gets depressed, welcome to the club! Here are a few suggestions. Go for a walk during the day and get some sun in or on you. I have been walking briskly for a few weeks and I learned that being outside and getting a work-out does wonders to your mental state. You might actually put those "sweets" away.

However, I suspect your craving for sweets is due to something else--I just can't be sure if you are not getting enough nutrients or "good" carbs.

If you don't like walking, find an exercise you like and do it! Attack it as hard as you can and I promise in a couple of weeks, your body will yearn for it. I find it difficult not to swim or walk now that I have done it for a while. Keep track of your exercise like your food only so that it will remind you of how much you have accomplished and it might help you not eat those sweets.

Most importantly, I find that keeping a consistent schedule (and sleep) is very important. I suggest waking up early in the morning (if you don't already) and plan your day. Planning is like tracking your calories and it will make you look forward to the rest of the day. When you are consistently doing things, then add some variety and become spontaneous again with the knowledge that a good foundation will keep you healthy.

Good health to you.

I want to clarify the topic of sleep (management). I suggest you sleep 7 hours a day and then 6 if you don't feel better. From what I learned, more sleep means that you will maintain depression.

Exercise shortly before you eat as it will help curb your appetite. I suggest you read Dr. McDougall's Program for Maximum Weight Loss. You can find it used, I have been following it and I have been happy with it, but it might work differently from you.

HappyHealthyHolly

Ugh! I couldn't understand you more!
Today's Saturday & just yesterday did I finally get back on my healthy living path. I had been off it since the middle of May. For me, a month & a half of a depression induced lifestyle slump is unacceptable but I just didn't know what to do about it. I still don't when it happens, but each time I get back up I feel just a little bit stronger.
I find it so strange, because when I'm depressed all is lost. I have no motivation & can't find anything that will push me hard enough, but when I'm not depressed, I can think of everything that should motivate me. I guess when I'm depressed I just don't care enough. Which I hate!!! I also hate that I can't go more than a couple of months most times without becoming depressed for at least a month. When I'm depressed, I usually gain wait & revert back to old 'bad' habits.
I know that when I'm depressed, being hard on myself only makes it worse & then I don't try to do better for the right reasons, but I just continue to go even further the opposite direction. When I'm bad, I'm very bad. I don't just eat wrong, but I also don't exercise & I begin to drink too much.
I notice that when I'm depressed, it's because everyone in my life has let me down, or so I feel. Then I notice that I can't be living my life based on how they make me feel, but on how I want me to feel. So then I try to motivate myself in that direction saying that it doesn't matter what anyone else wants or thinks, & that I'm getting healthier for me, not them. It doesn't always work, at least not right away, but it's usually the only thing that gets me started. It makes me realize that I've got more work to do on myself than I think I do. However, I know I'll get there, one day! Each time I get back on my path I feel stronger. Now I know that I don't only have to watch what I eat & exercise, but I also have to do some personal work on myself as well.
It's all about the baby steps & accepting yourself in the good times & the bad. I need to accept my flaws in order to fix them.
Please feel free to message me if you feel that I could be of anymore help.

Kalrez

Fellow depression-er here. The sympathetic side of me wants to say "Sure, go ahead and let the routine fall while you're depressed." But the other side of me wants to say "Nah, keep with your ultimate plan." I think moderation is key, but when all you wanna do is a whole lot of nothing, it's hard to be moderate.

I plan to just make myself tough through it. Even if I'm halfassing the exercise, it's better than nothing. Stick as close to your calorie goal as possible, but don't beat yourself up if you go over by a few hundred calories. My depression tends to linger for weeks. I don't want to allow myself to completely let go for that long and undo my hard work. Post-depression cleanup is bad enough, but dealing with 5-15# of regained weight is not something that I'm willing to deal with.

But that's me.

samntim

After being involved in a critical incident at work in March, I have now recently been diagnosed with depression and in the the last 2 weeks started on medication.

I know and can understand exactly how it feels when you don't want to get up, get dressed, do anything. I could sit and stare at a spot on the wall forever if I was left to do it. I couldn't (and still find it hard) to leave my house, speak on the phone to friends let alone having to interact with people especially strangers.

My psych has said the 3 hardest steps to getting through this is 1. the step out of bed, 2. the step over the threshold of my house and 3. the first step away from the house.

He enlisted my husband to make sure I got up in the morning and to literally push me out of the front door with my dogs in the morning when he went to work. This helped but I also felt bad putting so much pressure upon him.

In the calendar part of my phone I put in every single little thing that I hoped to accomplish through the day and attached an alarm to it. So my phone alarm goes off and it tells me I should be doing such and such. So I get that little nudge to do thhe little things. And I have my phone away from where I am sitting so I have to at least get up and turn the alarm off.

I have literally everything in the calendar, from getting up, have a shower, empty the dishwasher, cook dinner, take the dogs for a walk, go to yoga, everything. Because I know how hard it is to motivate yourself to do these little day to day things that others take for granted.

If I don't do everything, I don't beat myself up too much, as long as I have managed SOMETHING. My goal at the moment is to try and go to yoga 6 days a week. I have every session time programmed in and work my day around those times.

I also enter 2 weeks of my food diary in at a time. So I have it in front of me from the start of the day what I can eat. It seems to take a bit of the edge of the compulsive emotional snacking - I have a huge problem with this and find it helps.

I hope I haven't gone on and on too much. I just wanted to let you know what I have done to try and help myself, perhaps some or all will strike a chord with you or someone else and be helpful.

I know how easy it is for someone to say go for a walk or do this or do that, and I know how hard it is to actually do it. So don't beat yourself up about what you DON'T achieve, instead give yourself a big hug for what you HAVE achieved today. Even if that something was just getting up and dressed before lunchtime or stopping at half a bowl of the naughty food. It's all about being proud of the small things.

Good luck with everything

Whatnow50

Thank you all for sharing... so many of us struggle with depression. It's nice to be with others who can relate.

I felt myself slipping a bit yesterday... recognized the feeling that I easily could head into a bad place emotionally. Logging on to MFP and reading what others were doing and thinking saved me. I did it quietly, not posting but just reading. There are so many topics to read. It really helped me! I had to focus on myself a bit and re-adjust. It worked, I then went out in the sun and tanned and thought and wondered about a million things. Felt a bit sad and lonely but then remembered how relaxing it was to have some me time. Put some fun music on, played with the dog... and then both my kids called to visit before hubby got home.

Ended up being a great afternoon for me. ALL THANKS TO MY FRIENDS ON MFP! I'm so appreciative for this site and all of you!

Hang in there everyone... we all have bumps in the road... we all know how it feels... and we are all here for each other. Amazing!