Heartbreak Pounds

ShampooIsBetter

"dump her" is really not an option because she already left me yesterday. While I was at the gym, no less. We had 4th of July plans, and I hit the gym at about 2pm so we could head out later. When i got home, all her stuff was gone. No note.

fateschild

I wouldnt say I am doing this for "her" as much as all the gals like her from my past. I have heard the "you are perfect in every way, except that I am not attracted to you" line too many times. In all previous incidents, I walked away from the gal and judged them harshly for being so shallow. But I decided earlier this year (when i also had some obesity-related medical problems) that I was going to work on that aspect of my life and remove that "con" from the list of things potential mates consider about me.

I can totally relate to this part, but it is still not healthy. I was always the nerdy girl that was friends with a lot of people, but never had a date. Even my "prom date" only went with me because the girl he wanted to go with said no and he didn't even dance with me.

I was over 30 and only had a one serious relationship. I had despaired at ever finding someone and people kept trying to hook me up with anyone that had a pulse (so you think that I should date the jobless friend who has been sleeping on your couch for the last 6 mons. Thanks) I turned them down, because I am better than that and would rather be alone than in a bad relationship.

I finally met someone and we have been together for 6 years now. He supports my weight loss, but he met me at my highest weight and loved me anyway.

I am glad that you are trying to make a positive change in your life, but that many break ups in that short of time is so very unhealthy. Trust me, it is worth the wait to find someone who loves you know matter what you weigh.

Just read your last post. I am really sorry. :frown: Any break up is emotionally painful. Hopefully you can keep faith in yourself. Losing weight is a hard enough without extreme emotional trauma.

getnfitn2011

everyone is well meaning here and I can see that but when I read this it was plain that the heart is complicated and emotions and reason or logic don't always go hand in hand! It is easy for us to sit here and say "dump her" but this is your heart on the line and for that my heart goes out to you. I was in a relationship for three years that sounds a whole lot like what you have described, so I know it is not an easy road ahead of you. The truth is this though...you ARE a gift,,,as you are right now with no alterations! when I found my husband this is the lesson he began teaching me. Almost ten years later and I STILL struggle with esteam issues related to weight. But he looks at me and I can see that he finds me beautiful ( though I honestly don't get it) and thats the real deal. You need someone that will really SEE you and find you handsom and breathtaking just because you are you. Until you have that everything else is counterfeit! I am sorry for you and and my prayers are with you....just remember you ARE a gift hun!
Hugs & blessings,
Misty

chevy88grl

"dump her" is really not an option because she already left me yesterday. While I was at the gym, no less. We had 4th of July plans, and I hit the gym at about 2pm so we could head out later. When i got home, all her stuff was gone. No note.

I would say the way she left speaks volumes about the kind of person that she is. A mature person would have confronted the situation head on - they wouldn't have waited for you to walk out the door and then grab their stuff and run.

I know that you are probably hurting because she is gone. When we care about someone - it is hard to turn those feelings on and off at the drop of a hat.

Know that you deserve better than what she gave you and you'll be better off without her. Give yourself a chance to heal and grieve for the relationship. But, don't take her back - NO MATTER WHAT. She's playing with your emotions and you don't need that in your life.

Take this time to focus on YOU. Eat right. Workout. Make yourself physically healthy.

olyrose

It sounds like your head knows what you should do, but I know that our hearts aren't always so quick to catch up with logic

For the past several months there have been some stressful things going on in my life, and that's what really motivated me to create a healthy weight loss plan and stick with it.

I knew I had been spending so much of my time stressing on things that were far beyond my control (like you spend thinking of this girl who seems to operate on her own level with little thought to what's best for you). I decided to take all the energy I was wasting by focusing on things beyond my control, and focus it on making myself feel and look better. It has done wonders for me so far.

I think you kind of do that too, but now you need to turn that energy on yourself in a healthier way, so you make your body stronger and healthier, by feeding it the proper foods and not over-exercising.

I wish you luck, both emotionally and physically!

ShampooIsBetter

I am relatively new to this board and the chatter around weight loss. Not unlike what is found on sports message boards or online discussions about movies/tv, I've noticed there seems to be a few hot issues that immediately receive canned responses, repeated in almost cult-like uniformity.

One examples is carbs. If someone mentions a carb free diet, they will no doubt receive numerous passionate replies from people repeating mantras either for or against such a plan. Same with starvation diets.

I seem to have stumbled on a third, this notion of losing weight "for someone". Because so many people replied the same way to my post (ie "lose weight for yourself, not someone else"), I assume this is a common issue discussed in weight loss circles. I imagine it's usually with gender roles flipped from my example, with wives/girlfriends coming on here saying their are trying to lose weight to please their beaus.

My question is why. What's wrong with that motivation? Let's remove this particular gal from the equation and replace her with someone more mature, thoughtful, successful, etc. In short, an overall better person. If I came in contact with someone like that, someone who is an attractive, well-meaning, productive member of society and someone who I know would be interested in me if I was simply thinner, what's wrong with using that as motivation? It seems like many of you have this "do it for yourself; not for someone else" talking point burned into your thoughts on the subject, but have you really thought about why that is the "right" response to someone in a situation like mine?

icerose137

"dump her" is really not an option because she already left me yesterday. While I was at the gym, no less. We had 4th of July plans, and I hit the gym at about 2pm so we could head out later. When i got home, all her stuff was gone. No note.

You stated above that you've been in and out 8 times. I figured there was a high chance of a 9th, hence my "dump her, don't take her back". It isn't a true dropping of a relationship but cutting it off before the disfunction can start again. The effect and end result is the same.

I like what someone above said, that you deserve a "sane" girlfriend. I have to agree.

icerose137

I am relatively new to this board and the chatter around weight loss. Not unlike what is found on sports message boards or online discussions about movies/tv, I've noticed there seems to be a few hot issues that immediately receive canned responses, repeated in almost cult-like uniformity.

One examples is carbs. If someone mentions a carb free diet, they will no doubt receive numerous passionate replies from people repeating mantras either for or against such a plan. Same with starvation diets.

I seem to have stumbled on a third, this notion of losing weight "for someone". Because so many people replied the same way to my post (ie "lose weight for yourself, not someone else"), I assume this is a common issue discussed in weight loss circles. I imagine it's usually with gender roles flipped from my example, with wives/girlfriends coming on here saying their are trying to lose weight to please their beaus.

My question is why. What's wrong with that motivation? Let's remove this particular gal from the equation and replace her with someone more mature, thoughtful, successful, etc. In short, an overall better person. If I came in contact with someone like that, someone who is an attractive, well-meaning, productive member of society and someone who I know would be interested in me if I was simply thinner, what's wrong with using that as motivation? It seems like many of you have this "do it for yourself; not for someone else" talking point burned into your thoughts on the subject, but have you really thought about why that is the "right" response to someone in a situation like mine?

Because if anything happens to the "other" your motivation, your reason is gone. You should be enough to live for. To love you must first to love yourself. I believe the same goes for weight loss. To be truly successful and hang onto it for the long run you need to stop with using outside motivation that has a good chance of crumbling or changing and turn inward.

I guess it goes back to the whole make yourself strong then reach out and help others become strong, sentiments.

zeeeb

sounds like she needs to grow up a bit. if she cares about you, she cares about you, not about how buff you are, sounds like she needs to learn a lesson about not taking a good thing for granted.

you deserve someone who gives you the respect you need.

sarah_ep

I am relatively new to this board and the chatter around weight loss. Not unlike what is found on sports message boards or online discussions about movies/tv, I've noticed there seems to be a few hot issues that immediately receive canned responses, repeated in almost cult-like uniformity.

One examples is carbs. If someone mentions a carb free diet, they will no doubt receive numerous passionate replies from people repeating mantras either for or against such a plan. Same with starvation diets.

I seem to have stumbled on a third, this notion of losing weight "for someone". Because so many people replied the same way to my post (ie "lose weight for yourself, not someone else"), I assume this is a common issue discussed in weight loss circles. I imagine it's usually with gender roles flipped from my example, with wives/girlfriends coming on here saying their are trying to lose weight to please their beaus.

My question is why. What's wrong with that motivation? Let's remove this particular gal from the equation and replace her with someone more mature, thoughtful, successful, etc. In short, an overall better person. If I came in contact with someone like that, someone who is an attractive, well-meaning, productive member of society and someone who I know would be interested in me if I was simply thinner, what's wrong with using that as motivation? It seems like many of you have this "do it for yourself; not for someone else" talking point burned into your thoughts on the subject, but have you really thought about why that is the "right" response to someone in a situation like mine?

I agree with you to an extent. Sometimes losing weight for someone else can turn into doing it for yourself. I believe that some people need that motivation, and end up finding themselves in the journey. It just depends on the situation. Life is too complicated to make generalized statements regarding what inspires/motivates us and make them apply to everyone.

infamousmk

"dump her" is really not an option because she already left me yesterday. While I was at the gym, no less. We had 4th of July plans, and I hit the gym at about 2pm so we could head out later. When i got home, all her stuff was gone. No note.

Then good riddance! You deserve to be fit and healthy from hard work - not from stressing out until you lose weight.. and you deserve a supportive and positive partner.


There are something like seven BILLION people on the planet - she's not the only young pretty thing out there, and she's not the only woman that will be part of your life. Keep working on you, both inside and out, and you'll know when the right woman comes in to your life.

Adynata

My question is why. What's wrong with that motivation? Let's remove this particular gal from the equation and replace her with someone more mature, thoughtful, successful, etc. In short, an overall better person. If I came in contact with someone like that, someone who is an attractive, well-meaning, productive member of society and someone who I know would be interested in me if I was simply thinner, what's wrong with using that as motivation? It seems like many of you have this "do it for yourself; not for someone else" talking point burned into your thoughts on the subject, but have you really thought about why that is the "right" response to someone in a situation like mine?

Because losing weight shouldn't be about another person involved. If you want to lose weight because you feel your partner will appreciate you more, then it should be a secondary reason, not a primary one. It should also not be because you feel pressured by your partner to lose weight, and instead they should simply be supportive in your decision. Personally, I have gone down the road of trying to lose weight for a partner, and when it ended in a horrifically messy break up, I ended up binging on all the foods I couldn't eat when I was with him just out of spite. Incredibly stupid I know, but sometimes if you revolve all your weight loss goals around one big motivator, if it gets removed, you might start to question whether or not it's all worth it and give up.

And secondly, how old is this girl? You said a lot younger, but it honestly sounds like you're dating a stroppy teenager (this is coming from a 20 year old). Ignore the apparent physical incompatibility, because there's a clear emotional incompatibility going on here. I think you need to seriously ask yourself why you want to stay in this relationship when she is clearly just manipulating you and treating you like crap.

chevy88grl

I am relatively new to this board and the chatter around weight loss. Not unlike what is found on sports message boards or online discussions about movies/tv, I've noticed there seems to be a few hot issues that immediately receive canned responses, repeated in almost cult-like uniformity.

One examples is carbs. If someone mentions a carb free diet, they will no doubt receive numerous passionate replies from people repeating mantras either for or against such a plan. Same with starvation diets.

I seem to have stumbled on a third, this notion of losing weight "for someone". Because so many people replied the same way to my post (ie "lose weight for yourself, not someone else"), I assume this is a common issue discussed in weight loss circles. I imagine it's usually with gender roles flipped from my example, with wives/girlfriends coming on here saying their are trying to lose weight to please their beaus.

My question is why. What's wrong with that motivation? Let's remove this particular gal from the equation and replace her with someone more mature, thoughtful, successful, etc. In short, an overall better person. If I came in contact with someone like that, someone who is an attractive, well-meaning, productive member of society and someone who I know would be interested in me if I was simply thinner, what's wrong with using that as motivation? It seems like many of you have this "do it for yourself; not for someone else" talking point burned into your thoughts on the subject, but have you really thought about why that is the "right" response to someone in a situation like mine?

I want someone to love me for me - not for the number on the scale. If you can't love me at 203lbs - then really... you don't deserve me. I don't want to wake up everyday and worry that my significant other is going to walk away from me simply because I've gained weight. I've lost weight because *I* wanted to look better and feel better - not because my boyfriend thought I would be more attractive thinner.

Jodi_O

Your post reminds me of my brother. He always dates the crazy ones. The only way he ever gets over a girl is to find another girl to take her place.

mmiiaa

She seems very immature and you certainly deserve better. You need to be done with her for good. Trust me, I know it's hard now, but you just have to do what's best for you. I'm sure there are tons of other girls out there who will actually care for you and DESERVE your time.

No one should ever make you change for them.