Heartbreak Pounds

infamousmk

"dump her" is really not an option because she already left me yesterday. While I was at the gym, no less. We had 4th of July plans, and I hit the gym at about 2pm so we could head out later. When i got home, all her stuff was gone. No note.

Then good riddance! You deserve to be fit and healthy from hard work - not from stressing out until you lose weight.. and you deserve a supportive and positive partner.


There are something like seven BILLION people on the planet - she's not the only young pretty thing out there, and she's not the only woman that will be part of your life. Keep working on you, both inside and out, and you'll know when the right woman comes in to your life.

Adynata

My question is why. What's wrong with that motivation? Let's remove this particular gal from the equation and replace her with someone more mature, thoughtful, successful, etc. In short, an overall better person. If I came in contact with someone like that, someone who is an attractive, well-meaning, productive member of society and someone who I know would be interested in me if I was simply thinner, what's wrong with using that as motivation? It seems like many of you have this "do it for yourself; not for someone else" talking point burned into your thoughts on the subject, but have you really thought about why that is the "right" response to someone in a situation like mine?

Because losing weight shouldn't be about another person involved. If you want to lose weight because you feel your partner will appreciate you more, then it should be a secondary reason, not a primary one. It should also not be because you feel pressured by your partner to lose weight, and instead they should simply be supportive in your decision. Personally, I have gone down the road of trying to lose weight for a partner, and when it ended in a horrifically messy break up, I ended up binging on all the foods I couldn't eat when I was with him just out of spite. Incredibly stupid I know, but sometimes if you revolve all your weight loss goals around one big motivator, if it gets removed, you might start to question whether or not it's all worth it and give up.

And secondly, how old is this girl? You said a lot younger, but it honestly sounds like you're dating a stroppy teenager (this is coming from a 20 year old). Ignore the apparent physical incompatibility, because there's a clear emotional incompatibility going on here. I think you need to seriously ask yourself why you want to stay in this relationship when she is clearly just manipulating you and treating you like crap.

chevy88grl

I am relatively new to this board and the chatter around weight loss. Not unlike what is found on sports message boards or online discussions about movies/tv, I've noticed there seems to be a few hot issues that immediately receive canned responses, repeated in almost cult-like uniformity.

One examples is carbs. If someone mentions a carb free diet, they will no doubt receive numerous passionate replies from people repeating mantras either for or against such a plan. Same with starvation diets.

I seem to have stumbled on a third, this notion of losing weight "for someone". Because so many people replied the same way to my post (ie "lose weight for yourself, not someone else"), I assume this is a common issue discussed in weight loss circles. I imagine it's usually with gender roles flipped from my example, with wives/girlfriends coming on here saying their are trying to lose weight to please their beaus.

My question is why. What's wrong with that motivation? Let's remove this particular gal from the equation and replace her with someone more mature, thoughtful, successful, etc. In short, an overall better person. If I came in contact with someone like that, someone who is an attractive, well-meaning, productive member of society and someone who I know would be interested in me if I was simply thinner, what's wrong with using that as motivation? It seems like many of you have this "do it for yourself; not for someone else" talking point burned into your thoughts on the subject, but have you really thought about why that is the "right" response to someone in a situation like mine?

I want someone to love me for me - not for the number on the scale. If you can't love me at 203lbs - then really... you don't deserve me. I don't want to wake up everyday and worry that my significant other is going to walk away from me simply because I've gained weight. I've lost weight because *I* wanted to look better and feel better - not because my boyfriend thought I would be more attractive thinner.

Jodi_O

Your post reminds me of my brother. He always dates the crazy ones. The only way he ever gets over a girl is to find another girl to take her place.

mmiiaa

She seems very immature and you certainly deserve better. You need to be done with her for good. Trust me, I know it's hard now, but you just have to do what's best for you. I'm sure there are tons of other girls out there who will actually care for you and DESERVE your time.

No one should ever make you change for them.