Get the wife on the wagn train

poedunk65

I am not consistently watching and counting my calorie intake and calories burned. I try to stay under the basic amount also. Questions is.....My wife needs to lose wieght also and it is affecting our marriage, how do I get her on the wagon train?? even my 16 year old son has told her it's counting claories.................I have suggested her seeing a dietician to no avail. Any suggestions?

sbrouillet

I'm not sure of your entire situation but, my husband benefits when I prepare the meals. This doesn't work for every meal, and he is not nearly as overweight as I am, but he tends to eat pretty much whatever I prepare. I even at times will plate it for him, so he gets the right portions etc.
We try to only cook the correct portions size for the three of us here, it really does help.
You could always take a walk after dinner at night as a family if that's possible.

Not sure if this helps at all, I respect where you are coming from, but keep in mind, she has to want to help herself as well.

TavistockToad

Unfortunately the only person who can make your wife want to lose weight is your wife!

You can offer her as much support as possible - cooking healthy meals together, walking/exercising together etc, but she has to want to do it.

That said, i think you need to explain to her how the issue is affecting your marriage, and the positives of beign healthy together, and hope that helps her.

Good Luck!

cheeksv

Weight loss is hard because there are so many reasons, benefits and people saying you should loose. The problem is she has to come to it on her own ( you can bring a horse to water right?) Try getting your son involved if two out of three are eating right maybe she will want to join in? Or cook dinner a few nights a healthy dinner , ask her to go for a walk with you , let her see you want to make the change WITH her. Maybe she will come around.

abbie017

Who does the cooking for meals? Perhaps you can either make or suggest healthy recipes that are within your caloric limit, and she'll see that eating healthier/portion control isn't all that bad? Also, like cheeksv said, take up an activity together where you can both workout, but also have it as a special thing for the two of you! An evening walk to catch up without distractions, playing a sport, taking a class at the gym... Try to include her in your healthy lifestyle change and motivate her to change her own!

Good luck!

joehempel

I'm in the exact same boat..

She needs it for her health, she's on all kinds of meds,etc. But the problem is, if you force the issue it won't happen.

She won't/can't do it until SHE is ready to do it. It's one of those things that have to be an internal decision...Let your results guide her.

In the beginning, she wasn't on board, but in 2months I've lost 22 lbs. So she's "kind of" starting to lean my way, and so I nurture it. I don't say anything abouy my successes, as much as I want to....I just let my attitude and energy etc, do the talking for me.

AEB_WV

We have had the same issue @ our house with smoking. We both tried to quit at the same time, I was able to quit and my husband was not. I thought that years of my not smoking would help motivate him but he has never been able to quit. Being healthy is a personal choice, you can't make someone want to quit smoking or lose weight. Hopefully your good example and progress will help motivate your wife, but that is as far as I would take it. Talk to her once and let it go. If she perceives your and your son's suggestions as 'nagging' or whatever, it will have the opposite affect. I know that having unhealthy food in the house makes it harder for you but stick to your guns for YOUR health and hopefully she will come along!

s_nilu

show before/after pics on MFP and i am sure this will motivate

Atlantique

I am not consistently watching and counting my calorie intake and calories burned. I try to stay under the basic amount also. Questions is.....My wife needs to lose wieght also and it is affecting our marriage, how do I get her on the wagon train?? even my 16 year old son has told her it's counting claories.................I have suggested her seeing a dietician to no avail. Any suggestions?

How is it affecting your marriage?

Unfortunately, you can't motivate your wife to lose weight. She has to want it enough to motivate herself. If you (and apparently your son) have been pushing her, please stop as you are likely to get the opposite reaction from the one you seek.

All you can do is to continue with your own plans and hope that seeing your success eventually sparks some interest. And you can also reassure her that you are devoted to her regardless of your weight loss. Many partners/spouses are quite threatened by our weight loss. They feel judged and that perhaps you'll walk your fitter self straight out the door and into the arms of some cute young thing.

scarletfever2005

I'm having a similar problem. While my wife has gone to the gym with me a couple of times normally she doesn't. It seems like the more I lose the less supportive of me she is being. I'm kinda wondering if it is a jealousy thing. She has become so overweight and unhealthy that she has a hard time sleeping. She is starting to have frequent headaches and body aches.

I've taken over most of the cooking because she was cooking meals that I simply could not eat.

One of the biggest problems is that in she is kinda "known" for her baking. She is always and I mean pretty much everyday, baking cakes, pies, cookies, something for someone. It's torture for me but it's her thing so what can I do.

I've given all the hints I can. Flat out told her it's time. I saw her weight stored on the digital scale, fed her info in to a bmi calculator and she is morbidly obese. I just don't know what else to do. Everything I say she has an excuse for.

katkins3

My husband had the same problem...with ME. I just got depressed when he tried to encourage me.
We joined a gym together and for a year he lost weight and I attended infrequently. He lost 80 pounds and went from 44 inch waist to 30 inches. I was secretly so jealous!
Then a fitness instructor suggested we try MFP. Well, I totally embarrassed it! I liked that it counted both calories and exercise. I always felt too deprived on straight calorie counting. Now I love entering my exercises and seeing the calories available go up. I seldom feel hungry and usually stay a little under my calorie goal. Yesterday I made it to day 40.
I don't know if your wife will make the leap from dispirited to "on fire", but my husband waited over a year. All you can really do is set the example and wait. Unfortunately you can't control her response. Good luck and hang in there...who knows.

poedunk65

I understand, my wife neing Italian is an exceptional cook, all family gatherings are about food, bring this tast that,etc. Being that i have little self control, i try to teel her what to buty and what not to buy, but the house is filled with junk food and such. She too is having knee issues, snores all night. And most of all low self esteem to the point of not wanting sex. I am going to continue to improve myself and workout regularly, but it makes ithard to see the woman i married 32 years ago disappear on me.

Atlantique

I understand, my wife neing Italian is an exceptional cook, all family gatherings are about food, bring this tast that,etc. Being that i have little self control, i try to teel her what to buty and what not to buy, but the house is filled with junk food and such. She too is having knee issues, snores all night. And most of all low self esteem to the point of not wanting sex. I am going to continue to improve myself and workout regularly, but it makes ithard to see the woman i married 32 years ago disappear on me.

If she's snoring enough to disturb your sleep, there is an excellent chance that she has sleep apnea. Can you get her to go to the doctor and have a sleep study done? Sleep apnea is actually quite dangerous as it means that your wife stops breathing several times (sometimes hundreds of times) a night and is then jolted out of sleep with a massive shot of adrenaline each time. This puts a ton of stress on her heart and body; she's never really rested; it ups her chances of heart attack and stroke; she's likely to fall alseep while driving; of course she'd have no libido, not having slept in years; it packs weight on because the body is so overstressed and the victims are literally exhausted every second of their lives.

Whether she wants to address her weight is one thing, but suffering with sleep apnea is a very serious problem. Weight loss improves it for many people, but she really ought to be tested.

poedunk65

no apnea, already did a sleep study...............just needs to lose alot of weight.

MinnieInMaine

Unfortunately it's a very tough situation. Harping on her may actually either stress her out or bum her out so she may be triggered to continue to eat whatever she wants for comfort. It's tough that she's already got the food = fun/family/comfort thing ingrained but it is possible to break out of that. It's also possible to have the foods you all enjoy but substitute with healthier options, more veggies, less pasta, leaner meats and smaller portions.

I think the best thing you can do is set a good example by continuing with your progress and also telling her exactly what you said to us about being worried about losing her and being worried about her health issues and self esteem. Avoid any mention of looks, make it strictly about health and wanting to keep her around as long as possible and wanting her to feel good about herself. And invite her to go on walks (or other activities you can do together) with you and maybe your son too as this may encourage exercise. Oh, and tell her you don't want to pressure her because you know it has to be her own decision but you're there for her when she's ready.

Have you told her about this website and all the support you can get on the message boards? Or maybe she might be interested in Weight Watchers or another program?

christine24t

I feel bad for you, but it's ultimately up to her. You can try all you want (which ironically may be making her more upset), but it's up to her!

poedunk65

Thanks for all of your comments and concerns. They have helped me understand one thing. I can only control what I do to and for myself.

Pebble321

show before/after pics on MFP and i am sure this will motivate

Oh, I really WOULDN'T do this! If my husband did that to me I would be mortified! And jealous. And miserable.
Just keep doing your thing, she'll get there when she's ready.

timidury

Similar situation, but not to the same degree, however. My fiance gained some "sympathy" weight when I was pregnant and now needs to lose about 15-20lbs as well. I decided that I was going to stop letting his habits control mine (he loves to order in take out for dinner, doesn't eat dinner until 9PM, etc) and I feel so much better about it. All I can do is set a good example for him based on what I'm eating and hopefully motivate him.