Bringing up Stepkids

PA21

I love hearing the positive atitudes that are coming through. Especially your's PA21. I think that a lot depends on how the biological parent is handling it. If the children are taught to have respect for their parent's spouse then it certainly would be easier. We, however do not have this in our household. The children that I gave birth to and are still living with me have been taught that their step-father is to be respected and obeyed. This makes it easier for my husband and my kids have learned to repect their elders.

Uhhh slow down the train a tad... my BF isn't a great disciplinarian and I won't get into it here- but basically he has a lot of guilty Dad stuff going on. I don't discipline (except to say "pick up your towels off the floor") and the few times he has had to "lay down the law" it has been not the way I would have, but I was raised COMPLETELY differently from these guys. It's that understanding and letting go of what *I* think is right (ego) that I think has led us to a great place.
When I say "respect" I'm talking mutual respect coming from both sides. I respect them, don't ask what I know is out of their realm, and keep it light. When it is time to get to business we seem to have a good thing going. So respecting elders is one thing, but I think mutual respect we have for each other and as a family is far more important.
That and I introduced them to Adam Sandler movies and quesadillas, which is basically cheating my way into their hearts. :laugh:

Leothelioness

I have a step daughter, she's an adult now, but when I first met her she was14. She spent holidays with us and we took her to the USA (my idea). We got on brilliantly, even though I was only about 10 years her senior. We were like sisters always laughing and joking. But she never actually lived with us. It's harder sometimes for children, especially teenagers to show respect and take advice etc from an authoritive figure that has moved into a household, when it's used to a natural parent. Especially when that child has lost its parent/s or the child never see's a parent for one reason or another.

That's quite similar to me, except mine lived with us for a few years. She was difficult at first, but soon came to respect me, because I never tried to be her mother. I just supported her and gave her guidance when she needed it. She's 35 now and has a life of her own, many miles away.

sunkisses

I still hang out regularly and frequently with my stepkids - 3+ years after their dad and I split up. I love them. I feel so lucky to have been a part of their lives. Seriously. I've known them since they were 6 and 9. They're like 17 and 20 now.

Swissmiss

All I can say is that it is wonderful that all of you have such positive relationships with your steps. I truly can not because my husband has done nothing to make it happen. In fact, he allows his kids to try to sabatage it. I know that you all will think me cold hearted and a mean mother, or something to that effect. But, unless you have actually seen what is going on here, then you don't realize that not all situations are great.