What's wrong with my head? Why can't I maintain?

LED6411

Hello everyone,

I am a 21 year old newlywed and I joined myfitnesspal back in February to lose about 8 lbs before my wedding. Slowly but surely the weight came off and I felt great. I was slightly obsessive with counting my calories and exercise throughout this period. I have been a binge eater with a borderline eating disorder in the past and I am always suppressing the urge to eat/overindulge.

So then I get married and I decide that I am just going to try to eat healthy and not beat myself up for indulging every once in awhile. Well after about a month, I gained every pound back. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin and I am seriously depressed. The thought of having to count calories for the rest of my life to stay accountable puts me in tears. I thought I was watching portions and making healthy choices 80-90% of the time. But now I don't trust myself.

Is this similar to 'once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic'???? Advice would be much appreciated.

EvelynForsyth

I have the exact same struggle, i amalways thinking about food and worrying about food and wanting to eat even when everyone else around me is down.
I lost 17lbs sinxw January but stopp logging at the end of may (my birthday) and since then i gained 4lbs in as many weeks.I lost two of them but i hate being like this. The urge to eat is always on my mind and i too hate the idea of always needing MFP to keep me in control. If im not on this site and counting cals then i just eat and eat and eat!

Angela4Health

I'm struggling with the same problem right now. I don't have any advice for you. It pains me to think I'm going to have to count calories for the rest of my life to maintain my weight... I seriously just want to cry thinking about it, and counting calories is getting OLD. I cannot maintain my weight though, without counting calories. I've gained weight during maintenance also so now I'm back to trying to lose again. All I can say is stick with it and do what you know you need to do for yourself, even if it is frustrating.

LED6411

It makes me feel better to know that other people struggle with this. But how do we fix it? I don't want to go to counseling, I feel like that is a little extreme. Has anyone overcome this problem?

HaleyAlli

Calorie counting is, unfortunately, the most scientific way of maintaining your body weight. Your body needs a certain amount of calories and if you over or under-eat you'll either gain or lose. So even if you're eating healthy and eating too much, you'll still gain weight. Hard facts, I know. =/

MamaDee2

Yes! It is like 'once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic'. I am the same way - just happens to be that food is our "drug of choice". There are certain "trigger" foods that if I eat one bite it is a continual binge till I am PAST sick. Unfortunately it really is a LIFEstyle change something we will have to watch out for the rest of our life.

I am reading a book called "Why Can't I Stop Eating" it is really good at explaining how certain foods react - it says that sugar/carbs are on the same list as cocaine and morphene as "mind altering" substances. Scary huh?

Good luck on YOUR journey.

TheKitsune6

I think your problem is that you're dieting. You aren't in a mentality to show that you're going to live this way for the rest of your life. Maybe try that.

Also, maybe you should maintain for a year. That means counting calories, logging your food and still regularly exercising - just at a maintenance level and not a weight loss level. Eventually you'll have it in your head exactly what a portion size it, how many calories are in each thing, your body will have adjusted to your new lifestyle and more importantly - your mind.

On that note, all my research shows that a fluctuation of 5-10 pounds is pretty normal for a woman. You sound like you're really stressing and you really don't need to.

johnnythebaptist

I would like to give you a word of encouragement!!! You need to change the thought process you are dealing with. Its really a life style change and you eat because you have to. I use to eat because I really, really, really love to eat!!! But now I worry if I am eating enouph. I get up and I am committed to follow my calories 1600 daily and exercise a minimum of 500 calories gone. "I Just do it!!!" it is hard at first but get soooooo much easier as you go. Let me say once again what Nike has made famous....Dont worry about weight...
"Just Do It"....I eat what I want....and I count calories....I must plan my work and work my plan "Just Do It" I hope this truly helps you!!!

PS. My non scale victory is when I execise and do a burn of 600-700 i see the pounds in my mind leaving with the quickness

ajbeans

One thing you have to remember is that your goal weight should be more of a range. Many people fluctuate within a 5 to 10 lb range. So give yourself that range. I would suggest that you continue to weigh in once a week, and when you see the weight starting to creep up, you rein in your habits for a while until you get back down. Don't beat yourself up over it. Everyone needs to have some kind of monitoring to stay on track. Just do it!

icerose137

My plans for maintenance is to continue maintenance, watching my calories, preplanning what I eat, weigh in every week for at least a year. If I feel comfortable relaxing the reigns then I will stop counting calories but I will continue the weigh in every week. If the weight starts coming back, I'll know I haven't gotten the hang of it yet and go back to counting calories.

I don't mind counting calories though, especially with a tool like this. It was much harder trying to do it on paper while looking up the value of food individually and calculating each recipe nutritional information for everything I baked through nutrition data. I have already been doing that for about two years while watching my weight go up, but that was a different issue all together.

So to me, this is nothing.

Deva1026

Counting calories OR... change your diet. I relate to your problem, because I used to be the same way. However, I have been doing Atkins diet for some time now. Many people poo poo all over this WOE, but I honestly couldn't care less! I don't count calories AT ALL! I am never hungry, no more cravings and once you get to certain phase of the diet you can have Atkins bars ( which taste amazing), nuts, berries, and slowly re-introduce other products.
Just something to consider becasue one diet does not fit all. You can add me as a friend. Best of luck! :flowerforyou:

koosdel

"The thought of having to count calories for the rest of my life to stay accountable puts me in tears."

Why?

BeCali

From my experience the body finds a natural weight where it is comfortable. For years I did absolutely nothing to watch my calories, but was always around 128. Not super skinny, but definitely not fat. I then lost some weight and got down to 122 by counting calories and watching portions. I was so happy to be that weight. I kept it off for a quite a while, but then when I stopped really thinking about it, my weight slowly crept back up again to 128. It didn't go beyond that, but it was as if my body wanted me to eat the calories to get to that point. Anytime I stopped counting I would always hit 128.

Then I had a baby and shortly after my weight got back to 130. I was super happy. Unfortunately my body had forgotten that setpoint and slowly over 2 years of eating quite badly, I got up to 140. Then I woke up and am now trying to get down again. Mentally I know that I will have to keep my weight down close to my goal for about a year before I can really relax or it will come back on again.

Not very scientific I know, but it is just how I feel that my body works. I agree with the postings above that trying to maintain while counting calories will teach you about portion control and how much you can eat and maintain. Then checking your weight regularly will tell you when to go back to measuring your portions. At least MFP gives you a nice tool to get back in control.

Good luck.

Elle408

This is my goal at the moment, to wean myself off calorie counting because I don't want to do it for life either!

I've been maintaining for four months now. The first six weeks were horrid, I went back to binge eating and would then cut back to a 400cal deficit to punish myself, I was plain miserable... but things seemed to have calmed down now and I'm finding it relatively steady.

I think it is true though that you need to focus on your lifestyle as opposed to some quick fix diet. It took me two years to lose the weight and the first 18mths before MFP was by making simple healthier choices. MFP helped me shift the last of the weight and is helping me maintain. I've been using these past few months as an experiment to continue making good choices, to see how my body reacts to my maintenance calories and to see what kind of ratios I need with my carb/fat/proteins.... to see how much exercise i need to do to maintain my new shape. it's really very hard work but I think i'm starting to see patterns. Things that i'm going to have to do to keep at this for life. In a few more months when i'm a bit more stable at home i'm going to stop counting the calories and just focus on good, healthy foods in proper portions and then regular exercise. I think it can be done, but you have to learn about yourself first, what works for you, what ups your weight, what sends you on a binge. I have days now where I go really quite over my allowance but because it's a one off it's not effecting my weight.

And about the ranges too... I like to stay within 125-130... but it does go as high as 135 (TOM, all you can eat chinese buffet, big workout session etc,) but it's nearly always water weight and I stabilise a few days after. I still fit in my smaller clothes so I know it's not fat!

LED6411

"The thought of having to count calories for the rest of my life to stay accountable puts me in tears."

Why?

I feel a lot of stress at family gatherings and situations where calorie counting is difficult. And now that I am married, I have twice as many Christmases, Birthdays, and gatherings as I did before. It is difficult for me to see everyone sitting around and enjoying themselves while I try to figure out how much steak I was served or repeatedly refuse cake and ice cream. I just don't feel that it is normal.

ajbeans

"The thought of having to count calories for the rest of my life to stay accountable puts me in tears."

Why?

I feel a lot of stress at family gatherings and situations where calorie counting is difficult. And now that I am married, I have twice as many Christmases, Birthdays, and gatherings as I did before. It is difficult for me to see everyone sitting around and enjoying themselves while I try to figure out how much steak I was served or repeatedly refuse cake and ice cream. I just don't feel that it is normal.

When you're on maintenance though, you don't have to be so strict with your calories every single day. Be mindful at those things -- don't have 3 helpings of everything and then a huge dessert. But you can eat what you want, don't overstuff yourself, and then get on with healthy eating when it's over. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can keep track of your calories and be mindful of what you're eating MOST of the time without feeling like you have to sit out on every single event and occasion.

koosdel

"The thought of having to count calories for the rest of my life to stay accountable puts me in tears."

Why?

I feel a lot of stress at family gatherings and situations where calorie counting is difficult. And now that I am married, I have twice as many Christmases, Birthdays, and gatherings as I did before. It is difficult for me to see everyone sitting around and enjoying themselves while I try to figure out how much steak I was served or repeatedly refuse cake and ice cream. I just don't feel that it is normal.

When you're on maintenance though, you don't have to be so strict with your calories every single day. Be mindful at those things -- don't have 3 helpings of everything and then a huge dessert. But you can eat what you want, don't overstuff yourself, and then get on with healthy eating when it's over. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can keep track of your calories and be mindful of what you're eating MOST of the time without feeling like you have to sit out on every single event and occasion.

Agreed.

Angela4Health

"The thought of having to count calories for the rest of my life to stay accountable puts me in tears."

Why?

I feel a lot of stress at family gatherings and situations where calorie counting is difficult. And now that I am married, I have twice as many Christmases, Birthdays, and gatherings as I did before. It is difficult for me to see everyone sitting around and enjoying themselves while I try to figure out how much steak I was served or repeatedly refuse cake and ice cream. I just don't feel that it is normal.

When you're on maintenance though, you don't have to be so strict with your calories every single day. Be mindful at those things -- don't have 3 helpings of everything and then a huge dessert. But you can eat what you want, don't overstuff yourself, and then get on with healthy eating when it's over. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can keep track of your calories and be mindful of what you're eating MOST of the time without feeling like you have to sit out on every single event and occasion.

Actually that didn't work for me. My maintenance calories are 1400 so it's pretty strict still... and it may be the case for the original poster as well. Maintenance can be much harder than the the initial calorie reducing to lose the weight in the first place.

bcattoes

Do you exercise regularly? I've found that I can maintain a healthy weight by eating enough healthy foods to keep me full most days, and occasionally overeating or splurging on something unhealthy as long as I exercise regularly. I really thing regular cardio exercise is the key to weight maintence and good health. At least that has been my exerience for the last 30 years or so.

LED6411

I do. I used to run 30 minutes a day, and after my body got used to that, I started doing interval training on the treadmill and lifting 4-5 days a week.

tracikearns

I feel the same way! I get soooo sick of counting calories, especially when I don't see results! However I am trying really hard to see it as a lifestyle change and just know that it is part of my life...I think if you are maintaining, you do not have to journal 100% of the time, maybe give yourself 2 days off per week Good Luck!

thisislarry

I can relate to holidays and all, its hard to make yourself feel like you're missing out in the middle of a very happy social situation.

At work we have a weekly catered lunch, and I started a new habit there that I found helps a lot: using a much smaller plate (like using a dessert plate, cereal bowl, or even a mug instead of a full-sized plate)

So I can stand in line with everyone else, and taste a bit of everything, just less of it. So, without counting calories right then and there, I can be sure that I'm eating less, while still getting to say "Yes" to a variety of food.

Also, I can go back for seconds, feel like I'm being bad, and still know that really I'm still doing OK.

Good luck, to us all!

icerose137

I feel a lot of stress at family gatherings and situations where calorie counting is difficult. And now that I am married, I have twice as many Christmases, Birthdays, and gatherings as I did before. It is difficult for me to see everyone sitting around and enjoying themselves while I try to figure out how much steak I was served or repeatedly refuse cake and ice cream. I just don't feel that it is normal.

Unfortunately, normal (american style) is what gets most people super fat in the first place. Normal has been severely warped. Portion sizes are out of control, plates, bowls, spoons, and cups are twice the size they used to be. ect. Normal american style is the last place you want to be. Find a new normal is the best advice I can offer.

beachbum45

I have found that if I don't pay really close attention to what I am eating, I tend to underestimate amounts. I have suffered from binge eating disorder for most of my adult life, and I did seek counseling from an eating disorders specialist last year. Something she kept stressing to me was "mindful eating". There are no good foods/bad foods. No foods are off limits. You just have to be mindful of whether you are actually truly physically hungry, be mindful of what you are eating.
One book I found very helpful was: Crave: Why you Binge Eat and How to Stop. Written by Cynthia Bulik.