Is it really a compliment?

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doobabe
doobabe Posts: 436 Member
in Motivation and Support
Have you ever been given a "compliment" (or what this person claims to be such) that felt more like a kick in the chops??

Ouch- I just had a dandy from someone who used to be my best friend for years and here I am scratching my head like- what the???


She basically said-

"You look so happy- you proved me (as well as others) wrong about our thoughts of you......... I guess my son has turned me into a softie becasue I would have never given you a compliment a few years ago................."

This was my best friend for years................... I really dont know how the heck to take that??????
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Replies

  • anthony438
    anthony438 Posts: 578 Member
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    What was it?
  • rickymare
    rickymare Posts: 10 Member
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    seriously...
  • kimmerroze
    kimmerroze Posts: 1,330 Member
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    Yeah what was the comment?
  • MarybethAltizer
    MarybethAltizer Posts: 226 Member
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    What did they say honey? Do you want me to come beat em' up with my big guns? ;)
  • doobabe
    doobabe Posts: 436 Member
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    She basically said-

    "You look so happy- you proved me (as well as others) wrong about our thoughts of you......... I guess my son has turned me into a softie becasue I would have never given you a compliment a few years ago................."

    This was my best friend for years................... I really dont know how the heck to take that??????
  • MarybethAltizer
    MarybethAltizer Posts: 226 Member
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    oh mylanta! Guess she really wasn't your best friend after all.... :(
  • kimmerroze
    kimmerroze Posts: 1,330 Member
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    She basically said-

    "You look so happy- you proved me (as well as others) wrong about our thoughts of you......... I guess my son has turned me into a softie becasue I would have never given you a compliment a few years ago................."

    This was my best friend for years................... I really dont know how the heck to take that??????


    Hahaha that is soooo sideways.... I don't think I would have taken it as a compliment. But its nice to know that she has such terrible self esteem about herself that she cant be humble enough to compliment even her friends. lol Take it with a grain of salt.
  • anthony438
    anthony438 Posts: 578 Member
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    She basically said-

    "You look so happy- you proved me (as well as others) wrong about our thoughts of you......... I guess my son has turned me into a softie becasue I would have never given you a compliment a few years ago................."

    This was my best friend for years................... I really dont know how the heck to take that??????

    I'd say smack her, but that's probably not the right answer
  • amyb74
    amyb74 Posts: 10
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    I have a "friend" that specializes in that. The compliment sandwich we call it. A dig cleverly disguised by an almost compliment. Just try to laugh it off. They are probably jealous and/or insecure.



    Amy
  • JMCade
    JMCade Posts: 389 Member
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    sounds like she's jealous and before she would have never wanted to compliment you. maybe now she's more comfortable and is able to compliment you? idk, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but i don't know her...
  • cjjones007
    cjjones007 Posts: 602
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    Have you ever been given a "compliment" (or what this person claims to be such) that felt more like a kick in the chops??

    Ouch- I just had a dandy from someone who used to be my best friend for years and here I am scratching my head like- what the???


    She basically said-

    "You look so happy- you proved me (as well as others) wrong about our thoughts of you......... I guess my son has turned me into a softie becasue I would have never given you a compliment a few years ago................."

    This was my best friend for years................... I really dont know how the heck to take that??????

    Yes I get them a lot from (of all people) my best friend... He's very "to the point" and makes comments all the time like - wow you've lost a lot of weight - or you are definitely thinner - then immediately follows it up with "Sucks you had to lose so much in the first place" or "so what... another 100 to go?"

    They suck, but I know he's actually attempting to be supportive - but I take the negative as a reason to work harder - I'm doing this for MYSELF and not him or my girlfriend, or anyone else - so the negative now only fuels me - plus... Some people are just naturally schmucks when it comes to compliments lol

    You hang in there hon - I bet you are doing fantastic!
  • Cadenpet
    Cadenpet Posts: 79
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    Babe that is not a best friend. You are better off without her.

    And...you should take it as a compliment. She is right you look happy. And sounds to me she's jealous of that so she's trying to pull you down immediately after. So take with her with just a grain of salt you can do better than that for a friend.
  • ItsTerriC
    ItsTerriC Posts: 436 Member
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    Exactly what was it about this girl that you would choose her as your best friend. Someone who has never given you a compliment? I'd hate to think of how badly your not-so-best friends must treat you. You deserve better. Did you notice that in her "compliment" to you, she still managed to make it about her - "my son must have made me a softie"? It's hard to know from a distance, but it seems like your relationship is one-sided. Keep her in your life if you really care for her, but PLEASE find a best friend who deserves you.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    I really don't even see a compliment in there. She stated that you look happy . . . how is looking happy a compliment? It's simply a state of being. Was it attached to another conversation, or just sort of hanging out there all by it's lonesome?
    Was it more of a "I wouldn't give you, of all people, a compliment" or a "I wouldn't give a compliment, even to you" sort of vibe? If it was the first one she's no true friend, if it was the second one that's just plain weird but some people just are not complimentary.
  • ajk828
    ajk828 Posts: 335
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    THIS IS WHY I HATE STUPID GIRLS! Why even bother giving the backhanded compliment in the first place.

    I think that there's something going on in HER life that is making her feel SH*TTY and so she has to try and drag others down.

    Alright babe, my guns are blazing, i've got my torch going...point me in her direction and i'll show her happy!
  • flutterqueen04
    flutterqueen04 Posts: 278
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    You mean like when my MIL told me "You look good now that your not fat"???? Yes I LOVE those off handed "complements"
  • elizabethblake
    elizabethblake Posts: 384 Member
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    Maybe she's as awkward at giving compliments as some people (myself included) are at accepting them?

    What did you say in response?
  • mojo75
    mojo75 Posts: 314 Member
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    one of the hardest lessons I've ever tried to learn is that there are people out there that can't handle someone else being happy and you just have to say to hell with them and laugh it off!
  • ♥xenawarriorprincess♥
    ♥xenawarriorprincess♥ Posts: 440 Member
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    Personally I would decide to take it as a compliment because life is too short to care what people think about you...What matters is what YOU think about you...You and the people who love you...those are the people that count...So forgive and let go...she may not even realize that she is a negative comment giver...and will it matter in 5 minutes, 5 days, or 5 years? Probably not...You go girl...you can rise above it!
  • sunnyrunner23
    sunnyrunner23 Posts: 182 Member
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    What kills me is that people find the energy to be so mean!! Distance yourself from this one!

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