can anyone help? child sleep issues and anxiety

degaprincess

I have 2 kids (2.5 year old girl and a 6 month old boy). I am at my wits' end with them most days, mainly due to DD's excessive clinginess and sleep issues.

She has not slept through the night since January 2010, and even before that she was sporadic about it. We have tried every bedtime routine I can think of... we have tried different nightlights, sound machine, no sound machine, ceiling fan on, ceiling fan off, windows open, windows closed, shades up, shades down, bedtime stories and prayers, mama doing bedtime, daddy doing bedtime, etc etc etc etc. We have tried cry-it-out. Now with DS here, I am afraid to try it again (he is a great sleeper and already STTN!)

The only way we can get her to go to bed is falling asleep on DH on the couch, which severely limits DH's and my time to wind down at night (since the TV goes off, lights out and quiet in the living room). Once we move her to bed, we typically have only an hour or so together before I am exhausted, and he needs to shower. Then DD wakes up in the middle of the night crying for daddy, who ends up bringing her to bed (and I end up sleeping in the recliner by the bed, partly due to DD and partly due to backaches). As soon as one of us is awake? She's up too.

There is never. time. alone. It's starting to make me insane. I'm constantly anxious and stressed... which makes me eat... which makes this MFP stuff tough to work! Any exercise I get is with the kids in tow, which makes it inconsistent at best. I'd kill for some alone exercise time, but we cannot afford a gym membership.

Even when I run to the basement to grab something from the laundry, or go to get DS a bottle, she is right there behind me. If I ask her to stay put, she starts crying... which makes me upset and frustrated. It's all day. It's getting so old.

I SAH most days and work 1-2 days a week (I am trying to increase this in an effort to get some alone time!) She is in preschool one day a week, and in Sept it'll be 2 days a week for 3 hours a day.

ANY advice would be amazing. I need her to sleep and I need her to stop being my shadow all the time! HELP!!!

(I'm sorry if this all sounds whiny... I am just trying to find some solutions that are good for all of us!)

gobstopper668

When our kids were that age we used to wear them plumb out with long walks, playground visits etc. Did the trick. zzzzzz

bella8282

Might be an issue of having a new baby in the house.... might just need to give it some time.
I know it's tough with the not sleeping through... I have been going through tha with my Son... he's 4 but it's health related.
Sounds like she is very clingy- my daughter was almost 3 when i had my son- she was very clingy stopped her day sleeps went backwards in toilet training... she was very independent but then she wanted to be picked up alot.....
hope things improve for you.... and i know this is not the "best" advice... but as my mum always says to me....
"It does not last!! they dont stay this little for long"
Good luck

lil_pulp

You may have already done this, but I would suggest talking to her preschool teacher and maybe the director of the preschool, and your daughter's doctor. People who know her may be able to offer more help than we can. Also, I don't know if she's too young for this, but maybe a consultation with a play therapist or something to get some advice on getting to the root of the issue (does she have abandonment issues for some reason? did she see something scary in a book/movie that has stuck with her?) might be worthwhile. Of course, it could also just be a normal developmental phase that you'll have to wait out (and try not to go bald doing it!). Good luck.
-LP

JesusChic

try playing a Christian radio station at night in her room like KLove or something. I've heard that helps.

selvaggiarte

Sometimes you just have to let them scream. And Scream some more. I have a two year old and I completely understand. Your daughter is not used to having a new baby around so when he's not around (i.e. sleeping) she wants your undivided attention. You might want to take a couple hours a day for yourself. Have you thought about PPD? It sounds like your daughter is just going through normal phases of childhood but you may be having issues with coping with two children. Just remember you are doing a great job and that counting to ten...sometimes a hundred can make a big difference. My husband is deployed and I am stationed in Europe, I have few friends and no family with a two year old, I understand completely. I wish you and your family the best. God Bless!

paradog

Sounds like your oldest has anxiety. Cause could be just all the changes in the home. You and your husband need to find a schedule or routine that works for you. Your daughter will adjust. Right now she needs to be reassured that you are there for HER. There is no single magic trick. I would continue with the music. I still use soft relaxation music for my 7 yr old. Read a book. Leave the room for a minute and then come back. Then try it for 5 minutes. Come back. Eventually you will be leaving and finding her asleep. My own experience is dont sleep or sit on the bed. Sit on a chair next to the bed. Do not tip toe. They will learn to sleep through most noise if they are accustomed to hearing it. I

When you leave her and she is awake. State quite frankly that you will be right back. Let her cry. Tell her she had nothing to be upset about and that you love her. Move on. If you make a big production of it, she will equate the behavior to attention. Maybe you could give her a task like "I want you to watch your little sister and when I come back up the stairs, I want you to tell me everything that she said or did, because she is learning to ___________."

Plan a day away...or at least an overnight! A little rest and distance will provided clarity to you both. GOOD LUCK!

Painten

I have a 6 y/o son and a 4 y/o daughter. I have had sleeping issues with both of them. It takes forever to get them to sleep and they often wake up. We have talked to everyone and even been to a sleep clinic.

Firstly even waking up it will be easier for you if you can get her to spend all sleeping time in her own bed. The sleep clinic suggested putting them in their own bed and sitting on the side of the bed till they fall asleep, do thsi a couple of nights then get a chair beside the bed and sit on that beside the bed till they fall sleep a few nights then keep moving the chair gradually away til your out of the room for them to go to sleep. they recommend doing this with the initial settling then when they wake up in the night.

Rapid return is very calmly and quietly popping the child straight back when they get out of bed. Make sure you take turns so the child learns to settle with both parents. It is too much for one to have to deal with. I wouldn't worry so much about the other one. For some reason mine can both sleep through each other screaming yet wake up if someone farts downstairs *lol* They both share a room too.

To be honest we've settled into the routine of continually putting them back to bed when settling and just popping them back in the night. It is better now though we mostly can just pop them back once and they go back to sleep. Our problem occur only when they wake up together then one of us has to sit in sshing them for a hour till one falls asleep.

adagolden

When children fall asleep one place (on daddy) and wake up in a different place (crib/bed) it throws them off and can easily freak them out. I think that has a lot to do with why she is waking up and calling for daddy. She needs to fall asleep in her own bed, and that is the tough part. Have you read some sleep technique books? Ferber? The Happiest Baby on the Block? I am sure there are more out there. It might come down to tough love and crying it out, but you will be rested and happy in the long run. If it's harder for you to hear her cry, go out for a walk/shopping and let daddy do it for a few nights or vice versa. The little one will most likely be easier to get back to sleep since he is sleeping well already. And yes, the baby has a lot to do with it, but it's best to nip this in the bud now. Good luck and be strong!

trijoe

We're in a house with 3 girls - 9, 6, 6 with 2.5 year's difference between the oldest and the younger twins. When the twins were born, our oldest reverted back, also. Two of our kids are light sleepers, and that's just how they are. We had to - and I'm sorry to say we still have to - teach them to soothe themselves. It's not an easy trick for kids to learn, or parents to teach.

Does DD cry till you come in her room, or go to yours? If she waits for you to go to her, nip that in the bud. Our girls have to come to us, and then we walk them back to their beds as we help them soothe themselves. No sleeping in, either. Wake up time is wake up time, regardless of how late you stayed up or how often you woke. It also sounds like part of the problem is she's used to falling asleep with daddy. That's got to end. At some point she has to learn how to get in her own bed and put herself to sleep. Sorry dad... This goes back to self soothing. If she can't soothe herself to sleep at bedtime, she can't soothe herself to sleep in the middle of the night.

If you think she's following you around now, just wait till you get a houseful of the little cherubs, and you're always tripping over them. Don't let this bother you so much. Your young kids will always want to stay close to you. Consider turning this to your advantage, and putting DD to work helping you with her little brother. It worked miracles with our oldest. Oh sure, it's not like a 3yo can really sweep perfectly, but that's not the point. She enjoyed feeling like she was a contributing part of her family. Our oldest helped with things like folding sheets, sorting clothes, sweeping, feeding bottles, fetching/disposing diapers, it's a long list. She'll love that she's helping Mommy. I know what you're thinking - this will add more work than it subtracts. But trust me, it's well worth it.

Have you considered a time of day when hubby's home and you take an hour to go for a jog or bike ride by yourself? As a SAHD, trust me on this one, you must find your alone time, and it's going to take hubby to help you do that. If you don't, you'll go nuts, for sure.

I hope I'm not too preachy, and I hope this helps. We've been on your boat, and can relate to everything you're experiencing.
Trijoe.

chantel111184

I have 2 kids (2.5 year old girl and a 6 month old boy). I am at my wits' end with them most days, mainly due to DD's excessive clinginess and sleep issues.

She has not slept through the night since January 2010, and even before that she was sporadic about it. We have tried every bedtime routine I can think of... we have tried different nightlights, sound machine, no sound machine, ceiling fan on, ceiling fan off, windows open, windows closed, shades up, shades down, bedtime stories and prayers, mama doing bedtime, daddy doing bedtime, etc etc etc etc. We have tried cry-it-out. Now with DS here, I am afraid to try it again (he is a great sleeper and already STTN!)

The only way we can get her to go to bed is falling asleep on DH on the couch, which severely limits DH's and my time to wind down at night (since the TV goes off, lights out and quiet in the living room). Once we move her to bed, we typically have only an hour or so together before I am exhausted, and he needs to shower. Then DD wakes up in the middle of the night crying for daddy, who ends up bringing her to bed (and I end up sleeping in the recliner by the bed, partly due to DD and partly due to backaches). As soon as one of us is awake? She's up too.

There is never. time. alone. It's starting to make me insane. I'm constantly anxious and stressed... which makes me eat... which makes this MFP stuff tough to work! Any exercise I get is with the kids in tow, which makes it inconsistent at best. I'd kill for some alone exercise time, but we cannot afford a gym membership.

Even when I run to the basement to grab something from the laundry, or go to get DS a bottle, she is right there behind me. If I ask her to stay put, she starts crying... which makes me upset and frustrated. It's all day. It's getting so old.

I SAH most days and work 1-2 days a week (I am trying to increase this in an effort to get some alone time!) She is in preschool one day a week, and in Sept it'll be 2 days a week for 3 hours a day.

ANY advice would be amazing. I need her to sleep and I need her to stop being my shadow all the time! HELP!!!

(I'm sorry if this all sounds whiny... I am just trying to find some solutions that are good for all of us!)

Just my advice as a mum of a 3 year old and a qualified nursery nurse.

1) Just persist with putting her to sleep in her own bed, as she as got used to the routine of falling asleep with you on the couch, then you panda to her needs such as turning off the tv and lights and making everyone quiet so she can fall alseep. Children are very clever and if you allow this behaviour it will continue.
2) When she wakes up put her back in her bed say mummy and daddy love you but its bedtime goodnight. Then sit next to the bed with your back to her until she falls asleep, again she has got used to waking up and daddy carrying her into your bed. The older children get the more determined they are to have there way especially when its been like that for so long its hard to change the routine she knows.
3) Make a picture chart of your day dd wakes up in her own bed, brush teeth, get dressed, as breakfast, activity, lunch, nap if she has one, outdoor play, special time with mum or dad without baby, bath, bedtime story, then bed. Maybe if she can see these as pictures on a chart and you talk every day about the new routine she may adapted better to change.
4) Stay strong if you don't stick to it and fall back to old habits why should you expect her to change.
5) When you leave the room and don't want her to follow you set up an activity such as mummy wants you to finish this puzzle before i get back, or can you get mummy this while i do_____. Just keep her activity.

Hope it helps in some way.

ncgingerich

Love Trijoe's advice to get your DD involved with helping Mommy. This will make her feel important in your eyes when she may be feeling insecure about having to share your attention with the baby. As for DS sleeping through the night... YES... it is likely he will always do this so you seem to be all set there. Back to you DD I would also suggest simply speaking to her about this issue. Although only 2.5years she can understand this "from now on you are going to fall asleep in your room" and "Mommy and Daddy expect you to sleep in your own bed all night" or "Mommy and Daddy need you to sleep in your own bed to set a good example for baby brother" and "if you stay in your own bed all night for a week you will get (special treat - for instance a trip to get ice cream with just Mommy or a date with Daddy... etc.)". She will eventually be successful and you will be so genuinely and openly pleased with her that she will continue sleeping in her big girl room/bed. It can and will work... I'd try a mixture of the suggestions posted by trijoe and others.... all seem worthy of consideration! Best of luck!!

degaprincess

Thanks so much everyone. I am sorry I didn't reply yesterday, we had a birthday party for my nephew. As it was, DD exhausted herself and crashed around 8:30 and slept in her own bed until 5am... which is better than it has been. We skipped the nap. Maybe that was it?

It's going to be trial and error but I definitely appreciate all of your advice!! Thanks!

Someone mentioned PPD, and I am seeing a counselor for that. I have an appointment Wednesday so I am going to ask her for additional resources to better cope.

paradog

definately get rid of the naps!