Advice on tact

raincloud

Ok back story>

I am part of a health challenge with my friend (she's really my mom's best friend, but we're close to) and a bunch of her friends and family. Basically it's a 6 week challenge, and you get points for eating right, drinking your water, exercising and so on. After 3 weeks, whoever is winning will get a lunch paid for by the rest of the group.

I am winning the challenge, and when we talked about where to meet for lunch I suggested about 10 places in our area that I know post their calorie information and has good healthy options. They chose a place, and I tried to find calories online for this restaurant, not listed. So I called, and they do not have calorie information.

So I called my friend and told her I was sorry but I couldn't go. I explained that I need to be perfect, and just "guessing" the calories you're eating, or finding that food from other restaurant and taking those calories would not work for me. Neither would be getting the chicken cesaer salad, because a lot of times salads have more calories than the other food! I told her we have no idea how it's prepared in how much butter and oil and whatnot, and was not comfortable with risking all this.

They went out without me, which is totally fine with me.

But I am also upset I won't be getting my free meal, and I am also upset that it seems like I am the ONLY one that is really doing this challenge right. When I told them that that restaurant doesn't have calorie information they're all "really??!?!". Now, i've been doing this for a while. I know to check calories before going out, because otherwise you'll be surprised and possibly upset after the meal when you do find out.

Was I wrong? Am I justified for wanting to stay healthy and on my path? What would you have done?

raincloud

Ok back story>

I am part of a health challenge with my friend (she's really my mom's best friend, but we're close to) and a bunch of her friends and family. Basically it's a 6 week challenge, and you get points for eating right, drinking your water, exercising and so on. After 3 weeks, whoever is winning will get a lunch paid for by the rest of the group.

I am winning the challenge, and when we talked about where to meet for lunch I suggested about 10 places in our area that I know post their calorie information and has good healthy options. They chose a place, and I tried to find calories online for this restaurant, not listed. So I called, and they do not have calorie information.

So I called my friend and told her I was sorry but I couldn't go. I explained that I need to be perfect, and just "guessing" the calories you're eating, or finding that food from other restaurant and taking those calories would not work for me. Neither would be getting the chicken cesaer salad, because a lot of times salads have more calories than the other food! I told her we have no idea how it's prepared in how much butter and oil and whatnot, and was not comfortable with risking all this.

They went out without me, which is totally fine with me.

But I am also upset I won't be getting my free meal, and I am also upset that it seems like I am the ONLY one that is really doing this challenge right. When I told them that that restaurant doesn't have calorie information they're all "really??!?!". Now, i've been doing this for a while. I know to check calories before going out, because otherwise you'll be surprised and possibly upset after the meal when you do find out.

Was I wrong? Am I justified for wanting to stay healthy and on my path? What would you have done?

psyknife

Just because you don't have calorie counts doesn't mean that you still couldn't go and order something you recognize as being healthy. I'm sure you've been doing this long enough that you recognize the main calorie and fat culprits on the menu. Or if in doubt, only eat half the meal and bring half home.
Eating healthy is fine, but we don't have to let it alienate us from our friends.

Mufasa0331

Umm heck no! You have every right to be upset but at the same time just step back and think... it's no wonder you won the challenge! You are doing it correctly and with such dilligence! I am proud of you!

You're doing great, keep it up!!

psyknife

PS - if you are winning and part of the rules are a free lunch methinks they owe you one

Fitness_Chick

Just because you don't have calorie counts doesn't mean that you still couldn't go and order something you recognize as being healthy. I'm sure you've been doing this long enough that you recognize the main calorie and fat culprits on the menu. Or if in doubt, only eat half the meal and bring half home.
Eating healthy is fine, but we don't have to let it alienate us from our friends.

Very good point on the alienation.... I used to do that for so long a few years back....not good, not good! I'm saying this for my benefit as well.... Its a healthy lifestyle we now live.....for life, so nothing like practicing in the present.:flowerforyou:

psyknife

PPS - don't alienate yourself... but go out and then lead by example by showing them that despite going some place that you'll stick to your guns and your plan

age1389

hmmm... I probably still would of gone I would of just chosen the best item on there menu and only have eaten half of it.
But you did the right thing for yourself and that's what counts.
Is there any way you can get your free lunch another time? You deserve that lunch!
Keep up the good work:drinker:



-Adrienne

MFS27

I can see both sides of this....

I think if it were just a group of friends getting together - then it might be unrealistic to expect them to search for a place that has calorie counts, and be "food-wise." In these cases, I just go and eat the least evil thing I can find :laugh:

But since this was specifically a weight-loss group - I understand why you feel a bit upset. Maybe talk to your friend and explain? It could be that they aren't taking this seriously - and they do have that right. It might not be something that they are ready to devote time/energy to.

I do think if you talk to your friend in private, that this should work itself off.

Nonetheless - be proud of what you have accomplished so far!! You are doing it for you, and not for anyone else :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Fitness_Chick

Ok back story>

I am part of a health challenge with my friend (she's really my mom's best friend, but we're close to) and a bunch of her friends and family. Basically it's a 6 week challenge, and you get points for eating right, drinking your water, exercising and so on. After 3 weeks, whoever is winning will get a lunch paid for by the rest of the group.

I am winning the challenge, and when we talked about where to meet for lunch I suggested about 10 places in our area that I know post their calorie information and has good healthy options. They chose a place, and I tried to find calories online for this restaurant, not listed. So I called, and they do not have calorie information.

So I called my friend and told her I was sorry but I couldn't go. I explained that I need to be perfect, and just "guessing" the calories you're eating, or finding that food from other restaurant and taking those calories would not work for me. Neither would be getting the chicken cesaer salad, because a lot of times salads have more calories than the other food! I told her we have no idea how it's prepared in how much butter and oil and whatnot, and was not comfortable with risking all this.

They went out without me, which is totally fine with me.

But I am also upset I won't be getting my free meal, and I am also upset that it seems like I am the ONLY one that is really doing this challenge right. When I told them that that restaurant doesn't have calorie information they're all "really??!?!". Now, i've been doing this for a while. I know to check calories before going out, because otherwise you'll be surprised and possibly upset after the meal when you do find out.



Was I wrong? Am I justified for wanting to stay healthy and on my path? What would you have done?

you're doing great!! You keep up the challenge as it's really all about you getting healthier but I can see how your feelings could get hurt and being pissed a bit isn't out of line at all.

You're the winner in the end....and it won't just be a free meal! All that said, it only just happened to you so you're still in the feeling part of it..... so we can all say all sorts of things to you...but you're the one dealing with it...

BIG HUGS....Healthy ones!:flowerforyou:

WHOA....sorry about messin up the quote part...something weird happened there but think I got your part put back together in order....:laugh: :blushing: malfunction....pretty sure I was typing outside the word quote..........ah well..:drinker:

Marla64

I'm siding on the "Your friends were rude not to pick someplace else that would have suited everyone -- " but, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, either-- whatever-- life's too short.

Yes you "could" have gone and "winged it," but if you didn't want to, who can blame you--

mommared53

No you were not wrong. Good for you for standing your ground. I think they still owe you a free meal at a restaurant of YOUR choosing. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

ChubbyBunny

No you were not wrong. Good for you for standing your ground. I think they still owe you a free meal at a restaurant of YOUR choosing. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

I have no tact....but

I agree, they owe you a meal of your choice. If that is the stipulation you agreed on at the beginning and this is the 3rd week.

You don't want to not hang out with your friends, the whole alinenation thing.... but at the same time... it's not just what we eat that is changing when we change our lifestyles. :flowerforyou: Good job on the hard work.

raincloud

Thanks guys.

I don't really ever alienate myself. I mean, I gave them AT LEAST 10 awesome places they could go. I looked at the menu online and nothing really looked healthy. The caesar salad was the best option, but you know how "healthy" those things can go!

ChubbyBunny

Thanks guys.

I don't really ever alienate myself. I mean, I gave them AT LEAST 10 awesome places they could go. I looked at the menu online and nothing really looked healthy. The caesar salad was the best option, but you know how "healthy" those things can go!

I wouldn't worry about it then, but you could mention that they still owe you since you opted out based on your new lifestyle....a deals a deal.

gynuwyne

I think that the winner should get to decide where to eat and the rest should join. Your friends were wrong not to take your opinion into consideration. sometimes, when friends see that your doing so well, they try to undue your efforts. Don't let them get to you. Show them that you are strong.

Being that you were out numbered where to eat, you could have gone just for the fun of it and enjoyed the company of your friends. A girls night out is always fun!

Maybe in the next round, instead of betting food, why not buy the winner a pedicure or manicure? Or something that the preson really wants (set a $ limit).

Wishing you continued success! :flowerforyou:

MFS27

Thanks guys.

I don't really ever alienate myself. I mean, I gave them AT LEAST 10 awesome places they could go. I looked at the menu online and nothing really looked healthy. The caesar salad was the best option, but you know how "healthy" those things can go!

You can always be proactive - and e-mail them all and say that you've chosen "X" restuarant to celebrate your weight loss, and ask what time that works for everyone.

raincloud

I think that the winner should get to decide where to eat and the rest should join. Your friends were wrong not to take your opinion into consideration. sometimes, when friends see that your doing so well, they try to undue your efforts. Don't let them get to you. Show them that you are strong.

Being that you were out numbered where to eat, you could have gone just for the fun of it and enjoyed the company of your friends. A girls night out is always fun!

Maybe in the next round, instead of betting food, why not buy the winner a pedicure or manicure? Or something that the preson really wants (set a $ limit).

Wishing you continued success! :flowerforyou:

I LOVE that idea! I think rewarding with food is horrible, and I would LOVE something else. Like, being 50 lbs+ down I don't really have anything that fits!

gynuwyne

I sense a brand new pair of jeans coming your way...........

Ezzie

Just because you don't have calorie counts doesn't mean that you still couldn't go and order something you recognize as being healthy. I'm sure you've been doing this long enough that you recognize the main calorie and fat culprits on the menu. Or if in doubt, only eat half the meal and bring half home.
Eating healthy is fine, but we don't have to let it alienate us from our friends.

While I admire you sticking to your guns and all I'm, with psyknife for two reasons: 1. You ARE going to run into situations where you won't know the calorie count and will want to be able to enjoy the food. The real world doesn't yet post calories on everything, and Great Aunt Grizelda won't part with her top secret recipe for (...enter your favorite food here) so enjoying it will have to be an educated guess.
2.IMHO...being 'PERFECT' sets you up for all kinds of negatives, ( I won't get up on my soapbox....) just one example: If I had waited for the perfect hubby I would never have married Jamerz, he's NOT perfect, but hes just right for me!

Keep up the good work....you're doing fantastically!!!!

raincloud

Just because you don't have calorie counts doesn't mean that you still couldn't go and order something you recognize as being healthy. I'm sure you've been doing this long enough that you recognize the main calorie and fat culprits on the menu. Or if in doubt, only eat half the meal and bring half home.
Eating healthy is fine, but we don't have to let it alienate us from our friends.

While I admire you sticking to your guns and all I'm, with psyknife for two reasons: 1. You ARE going to run into situations where you won't know the calorie count and will want to be able to enjoy the food. The real world doesn't yet post calories on everything, and Great Aunt Grizelda won't part with her top secret recipe for (...enter your favorite food here) so enjoying it will have to be an educated guess.
2.IMHO...being 'PERFECT' sets you up for all kinds of negatives, ( I won't get up on my soapbox....) just one example: If I had waited for the perfect hubby I would never have married Jamerz, he's NOT perfect, but hes just right for me!

Keep up the good work....you're doing fantastically!!!!

\

I agree here 100%. However, this group had decided from the beginning they'd only eat food if they knew the calories for the 6 weeks. If you eat something and don't know the calories (or go over) you don't get a food point for that day. I wasn't going to sacrifice that extra point (as I have been perfect so far, because I want to win!) and I have a feeling everyone will still give themselves their point for their day.

I agree also with not being able to always know. While I try as much as possible, it happens that I can't always know. I deal with it and try to get as close as possible. But for these 6 weeks the goal was to be "perfect".

jamerz3294

jjust one example: If I had waited for the perfect hubby I would never have married Jamerz, he's NOT perfect, but hes just right for me!

Keep up the good work....you're doing fantastically!!!!

What?! :grumble: :noway: :huh: Oh crappola, I musta left my pantyhose on the shower rod again... :laugh:

Oh yeah, in the FWIW category, yes they owe a lunch, period. But I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. You could also tell them that when you win the whole challenge, they owe you a dinner, at the place of your choice. Anyways, hugz and luvya baybee!

jowily

So you get the free meal - and they don't pick from your list of 10 possible choices? Sounds to me they weren't serious all along...and they weren't fair about buying you lunch...you should have had a say in were you were going.

Like the others though, I am not sure I would have necessarily backed out - I too have been to a number of restraurants and had to find other items on MFP and elsewhere that are as close to what I am eating. Usually if you can order something (say salmon) without sauce and brocolli, or something like that, the calories will not be much off. And if you are concerned, cut back a smidge the rest of the day to give yourself some buffer.

Good for you for sticking to your committment...that's the way to succeed!

Good luck - and blow them all away the next three weeks and show them how to really do it right!

Phoenix_Rising

I think that the winner should get to decide where to eat and the rest should join.

ditto

I don't think you were tactless. I think you were honest and stuck to your guns.
Maybe they are looking at the short term, a quick diet for weight loss by a certain date, whereas you are looking at this as a lifestyle change. That could be a part of that difference in opinion on where to eat.

soup78

I'd bet you're gonna win again!

...and this time you'll let THEM know where the celebration will be, on their dime again of course!

arewethereyet

I think that the winner should get to decide where to eat and the rest should join.

ditto

I don't think you were tactless. I think you were honest and stuck to your guns.
Maybe they are looking at the short term, a quick diet for weight loss by a certain date, whereas you are looking at this as a lifestyle change. That could be a part of that difference in opinion on where to eat.

What they said!

I am passing the hat to buy Raincloud a much deserved low fat, calories known, meal? :glasses:

jamerz3294

I think that the winner should get to decide where to eat and the rest should join.

ditto

I don't think you were tactless. I think you were honest and stuck to your guns.
Maybe they are looking at the short term, a quick diet for weight loss by a certain date, whereas you are looking at this as a lifestyle change. That could be a part of that difference in opinion on where to eat.

What they said!

I am passing the hat to buy Raincloud a much deserved low fat, calories known, meal? :glasses:

Well, if your starting off the hat to be passed around, you hafta put sumpn in it first gurl!
I could start with one of my world famous (just ask Ezzie) Sooper Salads!127 Calories, plus whatever dressing you use. :glasses: So that's the first course, now somebody else needs to do the next one! Luvya Raincloud and hugz! :flowerforyou:



ps- I hate tyo's and misspells... arrrrgggg :grumble: :noway: