some questions for the mom's out there

VeganInTraining

Just a few questions to hear other people's experiences. I got married a few weeks ago and my husband and I have been talking about having a kid within a year or two (or whenever God decides to give us one despite our attempts at prevention)...anyway, some of my friends and family are appauled that we would think about having a kid "so soon" and others say "you're never ready for a kid and who says that when you are "ready" you'll be able to conceive so why not just see what happens?" What's your experience?

How old were you when you had your first?
How long had you been married (if you were married that is)?
Do you wish you would have done it sooner/later or do you think it was great timing?

Thanks!

nikkigullick

I was 25 when I had my first. We got pregnant about 2 months after we were married! She was 1 month old on our 1st anniversary. I love her to death, and I wouldn't want to change a thing about when we had her!

Everyone has different opinions, and you need to do what YOU want to do. Kids cost a lot, and that's the main thing to decide! Are you going to go back to work after having a baby? Do you know how much daycare is? Breast or formula feed? Did you know formula costs about $25/week?! Plus diapers, doctor bills, etc.

Some people decide to focus on the marriage and careers first before having children, some want children right away when they're young and active. There is no right answer, only you can decide when the right time is for you.

tmacs

I was 32 when I had my son and 35 when I had my daughter...Our wedding was in August 2008 and we were planning on starting right away. I knew I wanted to be done having children by 35, just a personal decision. Anyway, we were hoping to get pregnant in October, then OOPS...found out I was pregnant 2 weeks before our wedding. Can you say "bye bye" all inclusive honeymoon drinking! We planned on trying to get pg with #2 last May/June. My Dr. said "Don't expect it to happen so quickly again..." So we tried a month sooner and BAM! I was pregnant again. Needless to say I'm very fertile.

I am happy that I waited until my 30's to have kids. I had a lot of fun in my 20's...plus built up my career. Now I'm still young enough to play along side my kids. I also like having 3 years between them. Babies are a lot of work and having 2 at the same time would be far too stressful for me! LOL. My 3 year old is so independent now.

Hope that helps!

kangababy

I was 22 with my first and my now exhusband was 20 ( i was pregant when we got married) and then we had another when I was 25.
I was stillin college full time with the first and had just graduated when we decided to have the second.. and then I wentand got a "real" job and things went down hill from there!
I wouldn't the age I had kids but I would have done things different.

I love my kids to deth don't me wrong. But looking back now, I would have hung on to a different guy and had kids at the same ages with him.

Whatever you do don;'t have one to you are able to afford them. Diapers, Wipes, Formula, day care if you have to.. they only get more expensive with age..

madyncaden

I was 27 with my first and 29 with my second. My hubby and i were married for almost 3 years when our first was born, and had dated and been engaged for 2 years before that. I think fo us it was perfect timing. we had time to be us before we beacome us plus............................bundle of joy, dirty diapers, puking, no sleep, breast feeding, pumping breast milk, buying amd making formula, no time to shower, screaming kid in the grocery store, doctors appointments-shots included, not going out to a restaurant cuz the kid wont sit without screaming LOVE OF OUR LIVES!! I know thats a lot and may seem that i am complaining but i am not. I am being realistic!!! i love both my kids to death and i would not change having them, i just know that having them was a huge change and want to be open and honest to anyone who asks in your position. it wass the best thing for our lives and the best timing. if we did it sooner i think we would have missed out on some of us and if we waited it wasnt going to happpen cuz i didnt want to be preggers much after 30. also keep in mind the pregnancy itself and the delivery. both for me were absolutely awful for my first and the delivery wasnt too bad for my second. one thing i learned is that i wanted 2 kids and that is it cuz i will never do a pregnancy again, well on purpose i will not tempt the hand of god cuz if i happened to get pregnant id follow it to the birth:) also think about your finances all that stuff is expenseive and so is daycare if you work. we pay as much as our mortgage is every month in daycare. but even after all this is said you will never really be "ready" to have kids. you will be at a time in your life that it is time but you will grow into it!! good luck with your decision and the growth of your family

jend114

How old were you when you had your first? I was 24
How long had you been married (if you were married that is)? We had been married 4 years when we had her
Do you wish you would have done it sooner/later or do you think it was great timing? good timing I guess

sunkisses

I was 19 when I had my first. Honestly, I wish I would have given it some more time. If I knew I could wait and have the same children, I would have. But I wasn't married. The discussions you have with your husband should always include what his role is, what his job will be as well as yours, otherwise you are going to have more responsibilities than you ever dreamed could be yours. Many families make the mistake of assuming that mom will adopt the role of mom without discussing what that actually entails.

RoxMyWorld

I got married in 2004 after dating for 6 years, I had my first son in 2005 and my second in 2008. I wouldnt change my babies for the world but I did miss out on alot and it was hard work and unfortunately now I raise then on my own since the marriage didnt work out but I love my kids and I have fun with them everyday and I am a true believer that you will never be fully ready emotionally or financially for children but they are a blessing.

VeganInTraining

I know that only my hubby and I can make the choice, but it's nice to get openions and other ppls experience. i like the idea of having kids when we are relatively young (we're 27 now) and we're certainly not getting any younger....all of your input helps. I guess we'll just take it a day at a time and see what happens

anulle2009

I do agreeyou are never ready money wise for kids. my hubby decided to have kids, one we werent getting any younger. he was 30 i was 28. also too, its not like we had money or big plans to travel the world or whatever. so why not start our family? We got married Aug 2009, I found out i was preggo Sept 2009 and had a beauitful baby girl May 2010. I wouldnt change it for the world. my hubby and i arent partiers or real big bar goers. we do liek our dinners out here and there, but my sweet pea is so good in resturants we can all go together.

Avery123

I had my first at 23. She was born a little over a year after my husband and I were married. I am now 31 and have just had our 5th!
We had wanted to have our kids early so that we could still be young enough to travel and stuff when our kids move out.

jojopel

I was 29 when I had my first (married for almost 5 years), 32 when I had my second. My husband and I started dating in university and had no money then. When we got married, we decided to enjoy life before having children. When we started talking about having kids, my ob gyn told me it would take me a few months to get pregnant. Our attitude was "we'll see what happens". Nine months later we had our daughter. My ob gyn was SOOO wrong!!

anulle2009

I do agreeyou are never ready money wise for kids. my hubby decided to have kids, one we werent getting any younger. he was 30 i was 28. also too, its not like we had money or big plans to travel the world or whatever. so why not start our family? We got married Aug 2009, I found out i was preggo Sept 2009 and had a beauitful baby girl May 2010. I wouldnt change it for the world. my hubby and i arent partiers or real big bar goers. we do liek our dinners out here and there, but my sweet pea is so good in resturants we can all go together.

Plus just to show you, my hubby got laid off two months after i found out i was preggo.. GO FIGURE.. he was laid off until Aug after she was born. SO really life happens. You do what you think is best and dont let anyone else deter you away from what you and your new hubby want!

VeganInTraining

when I first responded I only responded to the first 3 posts because that was all that was up and I walked away from my computer for a while (I was planking LOL....I'm not kidding ) So, thank you to the rest of you for your posts as well! I think he and i have talked a lot about what our roles would be but I'm sure there is more to it. For the next 2 years I have to work because I'm in the coast Guard, but I would want to stay at home after that. We don't party or anything so really the only reason to wait is for more time alone together and because of fear of financial instability when i'm out of the guard...but I kinda think it's better to struggle a little AFTER the kid is born than while pregnant. I would hate to get out of the guard, get prego and then rack up a ton of medical debt because of not having the awesome benefits I have now.

One of my friends likes to say "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." I can sit her and hypothosize all I want about what the future holds, but we shall see. Oh and to the person that mentioned the pregnancy and birthing process, that is one thing I am NOT looking forward to! I would totally adopt if it weren't for the fact that I want to know what our kids would look like! (not to mention my family makes adorable babies lol)

kapeluza

How old were you when you had your first? 31
How long had you been married (if you were married that is)? 2 years
Do you wish you would have done it sooner/later or do you think it was great timing? I think the timing was PERFECT. I don't think I could have done it earlier. I honestly would have been very frustrated. Why? Because I honestly enjoyed my 20's to the fullest. I traveled extensively, I went to college, got my degrees, like I said, I completely enjoyed my youth (not that I am old). Now that I have a baby I realize how much sacrifice and work goes into having a baby, and I love her dearly but it is a lot of work and had I had her in my 20's, I would not have been happy.
I am very goal oriented and college was one of my top goals. I think had I not completed college I would be very unsatisfied. I am now 32 year old and I no longer feel like I need to go party or hang out in bars because I did all that to the fullest extent in my 20's. I can now dedicate my time and efforts to my daughter and I also have the financial stability to support a child.
Of course, this doesn't mean that everyone feels the same way, this was just my experience.

juleseybaby

I became the proud mommy of a 3 year old little girl as soon as I got married when I was 22. I think I fell in love with her before I fell for my hubby. Physically gave birth for the first time to daughter #2 when I was 24. Had my son when I was 28.

Sometimes I wish I would have waited a bit longer - settled the career - got a little more of my 'crazy' out - but I probably wouldn't do things differently if I really got a rewind. I became a mom as soon as I got married and I love my babies!!

tmacs

bundle of joy, dirty diapers, puking, no sleep, breast feeding, pumping breast milk, buying amd making formula, no time to shower, screaming kid in the grocery store, doctors appointments-shots included, not going out to a restaurant cuz the kid wont sit without screaming LOVE OF OUR LIVES!!

Hahaha...so true!!! It's the most difficult yet most rewarding thing ever...to say it's a life change is an understatement .

tmacs

Oh and to the person that mentioned the pregnancy and birthing process, that is one thing I am NOT looking forward to!

I had great pregnancies and the birth experience seems so quick looking back on it...my first birth was very painful but once I held my son in my arms, I knew I wanted to do it again right way. My second birth was a good experience. Everyone is different! I have some good advice when you're ready for it .

tmacs

I think the timing was PERFECT. I don't think I could have done it earlier. I honestly would have been very frustrated. Why? Because I honestly enjoyed my 20's to the fullest. I traveled extensively, I went to college, got my degrees, like I said, I completely enjoyed my youth (not that I am old). Now that I have a baby I realize how much sacrifice and work goes into having a baby, and I love her dearly but it is a lot of work and had I had her in my 20's, I would not have been happy.
I am very goal oriented and college was one of my top goals. I think had I not completed college I would be very unsatisfied. I am now 32 year old and I no longer feel like I need to go party or hang out in bars because I did all that to the fullest extent in my 20's. I can now dedicate my time and efforts to my daughter and I also have the financial stability to support a child.
Of course, this doesn't mean that everyone feels the same way, this was just my experience.

I LOVE this! Exactly! I get a kick out of people saying "I'm glad I had my kids early, now they're gone and I'm still young...I can do whatever I want." I did whatever I wanted when I REALLY WAS young, now I have clarity, stability, and more to give. Of course this was my experience, it really just depends on you and your life goals.

Sorry I'm blowing up your post, it's something I'm passionate about!

VeganInTraining

Oh and to the person that mentioned the pregnancy and birthing process, that is one thing I am NOT looking forward to!

I had great pregnancies and the birth experience seems so quick looking back on it...my first birth was very painful but once I held my son in my arms, I knew I wanted to do it again right way. My second birth was a good experience. Everyone is different! I have some good advice when you're ready for it .

Good to hear someone had a good experience and I think that I would probably feel that same way after actually seeing the darn thing. I deal with pain and physical difficulties better than my sister (she also has some weird joint issues that get all jacked up during pregnancy) But she says there's 3 years between each of her kids because that's how long it takes her to forget how much she hates being pregnant

VeganInTraining

How old were you when you had your first? 31
How long had you been married (if you were married that is)? 2 years
Do you wish you would have done it sooner/later or do you think it was great timing? I think the timing was PERFECT. I don't think I could have done it earlier. I honestly would have been very frustrated. Why? Because I honestly enjoyed my 20's to the fullest. I traveled extensively, I went to college, got my degrees, like I said, I completely enjoyed my youth (not that I am old). Now that I have a baby I realize how much sacrifice and work goes into having a baby, and I love her dearly but it is a lot of work and had I had her in my 20's, I would not have been happy.
I am very goal oriented and college was one of my top goals. I think had I not completed college I would be very unsatisfied. I am now 32 year old and I no longer feel like I need to go party or hang out in bars because I did all that to the fullest extent in my 20's. I can now dedicate my time and efforts to my daughter and I also have the financial stability to support a child.
Of course, this doesn't mean that everyone feels the same way, this was just my experience.

I think I'm kinda the same way, I will definitely finish my degree (only have a year left, I could totally do that while preggo or nursing) and I got the partying out of my system...really it should have been out of my system by 23, but it took me a few more years of getting into trouble to realize that I am incapable of enjoying the bar scene in a healthy way....I think I could be very content doing play dates and baking cookies.