Success at what cost?

bexyhoney

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I have been overweight my entire life and in January after seeing a picture of myself on Facebook and crying for two days I decided to do something about it. I started eating a vegan diet, going to the gym 3-5 days a week and on the weekends I hike or swim in the rivers around my home. I have lost 43 pounds and feel amazing. I am one pound away from being less than 300 pounds for the first time in at least 15 years. My issue is that I keep sabotaging myself.

Last week I gained three pounds and this week I lost four pounds so I am hovering at 301. I’m making bad choices to prevent me from getting closer to my goal. I just feel like the part of me that wants to fail at this is starting to rear its ugly head. I am finding it really hard to deal with the attention that I have started to get from the opposite sex and I wonder if that has a lot to do with my self sabotaging. Has anyone else experienced this and if so how do you deal with it? I have always been the fat girl with a pretty face that people are polite to and now that I am becoming something more I am just freaking out!

My friends have also started to act weird towards me, especially the heavier ones. I don’t want to feel bad about my success but at this point in my journey that is where I am at. I feel guilty about my success thus far. I know that no one can make you feel bad but I feel bad about it. I have always been very non threatening and un-confrontational but I feel like somehow they feel threatened by me now. Please share you thoughts with me. Feel free to message me directly if you would like to share in a private manner. Thanks in advance.

risefromruin

I think I know what you mean in some ways. I'm not sure that I sabotage myself, but I have a hard time accepting and believing that I am a different person now after a huge weight loss. Receiving attention from guys has been almost non existent for the past couple of years, and now that it's kind of begun, I almost don't believe it and I shrug it off, thinking that I don't deserve attention. Losing weight definitely involves a mental adjustment...and unfortunately that comes at a much slower rate than the physical change. As for your friends that may feel "threatened"...if they truly feel that way, they aren't your friends. True friends are there to support you and to be happy for you. If you have people in your life that aren't cheering you on and aren't legitimately happy for you, kick 'em to the curb.

ohnuts14

I have to say, there are people in my life that have been acting ****ty toward me ever since I began losing weight. Very ****ty. These are the same people though who want to lose weight themselves and haven't been able to. I'm not saying they're horrible people for feeling envious, or being less than supportive, because it's human nature. You're achieving something they want. It's hard to be 100% happy for someone when you feel miserable. I'm not making excuses, I'm not saying it's okay for them to act funny toward you, I'm just explaining why. It's hurtful, incredibly hurtful, because you want that support from the people in your life, and you want them to be happy for your achievments. Give it time though. If they really care about you, they'll snap out of this funk soon. They'll get over it. And hey, maybe you'll even inspire them. If they can't learn to be happy for you, and continue to treat you differently, well, they have no place in your life. Sometimes people in our lives want to hold us back, out of fear, out or out of jealousy. Just don't let them. The ones who matter will come around, and allow you to move forward.

As for weight loss, I used to sabotage myself a lot as well. I've been trying to lose weight since I was 12 years old. I can't really explain to you why I had this desire to sabotage myself. I think maybe I didn't feel I was worth it, I wasn't worth the effort, I didn't deserve happyness. I couldn't tell you specifics. All I know is, I finally became comitted to losing weight, when I learnt to care about myself. I'm doing something for me, because I do deserve this and I do deserve to be happy and healthy. As do you. In the back of my mind there are always those familiar feelings, nagging at me, that I'll never succeed, that this is futile, that I'm not good enough. But I don't listen, because I know better. We all doubt ourselves sometimes, but it's important that you don't give in.

Don't be afraid to change, don't worry about how your life and the people in it may differ. You can't care about that. You need to take care of you, and that's all that matters. The people that matter will still be there when things change, and the people who aren't, screw them, you shouldn't have people like that in your life anyway. I've lost people so close to me, over stupidity, and I know how hard it is and I know how hard it is to let go, but sometimes you just have to, no matter how hard it is. Your life is most definitely going to change, but for the better. Embrace it. It's hard, in so many ways, but never give up, not for anything, or anyone. You can do this! Take care of you - there's nothing more important than that.

marielw

Hi and well done for your weight loss so far! :flowerforyou: It's inevitable that you will lose a few friends along the way (mainly due to jealousy i guess), but you will make many more supportive friends! We all have days where we make the wrong food choices and sabotage ourselves - i have had lots of those lately and have been losing and gaining the same 2 pounds for the last month! But, i look at how far i have come and am very proud of myself and so should you be! You will lose the rest of the weight x

Black_Swan

Hello!
I do not have that much experience in this, since I was not fighting such a huge loss, but from what I have read you are totally not alone in this. I hope people with more experience reply to you.
Good luck and hold on! You are worth it!