Workout Partner Dragging Me Down

ElaKuz

I have a bit of a moral dilema here...

When three of us started working out in preperation for a friends wedding (we're in the bridal party) one of the group would drag herself and would constantly go on about not being able to do it but her sister would push her through. It was a great combo because the sister pushed me and pushing the least fit of us pushed me to pull up my end...

Now here sister is away for a couple of weeks and I've found that I am constantly dragging her to move faster, correct her form increase her weights (when I see she isn't being challenged) etc...
At the beginning it motivated me but then last night I had to work out alone and instead of waiting for her to get in my upper body I did it alone and increased it from 1 to 2 sets in approx the same amount of time (maybe 5 minutes longer)
I realized just how much time I spend waiting for her to get ready for each set, pushing her to do it, and stopping to correct her form.
We're on our 4 th week now.
Same thing happens with running, I have to push her the whole time...

So here is my dilema...
I bbm'd her and let her know it's time we add the 2nd set to our strength sessions and that it's crunch time and we need to start going harder and watching our time.
I told her I will gladly push her but I will not drag her
And that it's time to Dig In

Was I being too rough?
My plan is to do our workouts and if she falls behind to just leave her there and let her catch up if she wants to...


What do you guys think?

garrettnicole92

I would leave her, haha. Maybe by you just leaving her behind and working out on your own, you'll be able to encourage her to work harder, without having to actually spend so much time encouraging.

awal2069

If you dont speak up, you will let it fester and just walk away from it all. Not a good thing. Keep going, with or without her. She will either get it or not. You can't lead a horse to water if they dont want to drink.

rubyrenga

It's one thing to give a little encouragement, but it sounds like, as you said, she's holding you back. Don't let her do it. By now, you've corrected her form and pushed her enough times for her to know the deal. If she's not going to pull her weight so to speak, you shouldn't have to lose out on your precious workout time! Don't feel bad about it, you've done your part to help her.

jagh09

I think you've done the right thing and your plan sounds just fine! You're doing this for you, for your health, not for hers. If she wants to step up and take charge of her own fitness, great. If not, don't let her bring you down. You cannot get in and force her to be fit. It has to be her own motivation. You can push her, try to motivate her, but after that you need to do your routine!

Good for you for staying focused on it!

fatboypup

Punch her in the face

Jennyzfit

I think it's great that your encouraging your friends. You do what you want and what feels right for you. They will see you do well nd will want the same. You worry about you and let them worry about themselves. Great that your forging ahead...lol

bluefox9er

my workout 'partners' are my mfp family. i could never ever exercise with someone physically working out with me!

Barelmy

I think you were firm but reasonable. You can't force someone else to be fit if they're not ready to be, and it's hurting you both to try.

mindy14456

I think you have to be true to yourself. My best friend is constantly whining about his weight, but won't do anything to help the situation. I was constantly trying to get him to workout with me, go for rides on our mountain bikes, etc. But he has no desire. So I started doing things on my own, and adding friends that wanted it too. You are on the right path, and she might not be ready, but once she sees how great you are doing without her, it might be the jumpstart she needs. Good luck to you!!

Bunnzye

Give her a chance then do your own thing. You sound like a winner.

reesepieces

I would leave her, haha. Maybe by you just leaving her behind and working out on your own, you'll be able to encourage her to work harder, without having to actually spend so much time encouraging.

Agreed. You can't push someone who has no desire to work harder.

ElaKuz

She can just be so confrontational... its exhausting...

I know she is a great friend and I can count on her for anything... but sometimes when I am correcting her she gets plain all out angry with me when she really truly doesn't have a clue about working out...
Sigh

Tonight we start lunges... and lower body work.. I can only imagine how this will go

DRay64

I think you did the right thing. You can only help people so much and somewhere along the way they have to be able to stand on their own. I started a walking club at work and there is one girl who always wants to walk with me but she spends the time walking slow, complaining the whole way, or talking on the phone which slows me down. I also have walked with my sisters who do the same thing so now I put on my headphones and just go. If they keep up with me fine if they don't thats fine too. I have to get my workout in. Its all about me and if they can't get with the program too bad.

ninerbuff

Part of the reason I don't have a workout partner is because I wanted to depend on myself for results. Some need them for motivation and accountability. It sounds like you're the one holding her accountable. You did the right thing. It's called Tough Love.

ziggy67

I know the feeling....I go for a very brisk 30 minute walk every day and whereas I used to walk with my husband....I have had to get him to start walking about 10 minutes before I go as he walks far too slow for me now!! This works out great as I then have the challenge of trying to catch him up. Also at water aerobics classes..about half the class (myself included) take it seriously and have a good old work out...the other half...well they moan and groan and chat and muck about not even trying....I don't know why they bother. Its hard on the instructor as she has to keep waiting for the time wasters.....so yes I do understand what you are saying. I think we just have to try and forget they are there and concentrate on our own work out otherwise we might as well not bother either. So don't feel guilty...... Perhaps you could give your friend a head start maybe?

ElaKuz

Thanks everyone!

I will do just that, inform her of what we're doing, let her know ONCE maybe TWICE that her form is off and then try and put blinders on... it will be hard but I'll try!

And if she doesn't want to do the second set then she can go off and sit in the sauna

I hate how the thought of this is stressing me out

Truth is that her and her sister really got me out to the gym the first two weeks, but I have always been a fit person hidden in a fat body so after getting back on the exercise horse I quickly excelled and I think she thought it would be easy-peasy

I'm just sick of the whinning.
*she types as she whines to all the poor souls on mfp*

jkestens63

Bump

spookiewon

Dragging someone along isn't encouraging, and you're not her mother. I don't see the problem. If you plan to work out together continue to do so, but if she's not there on time you don't need to wait, and if she's not keeping up just politely say you're ready to move on and do your routine, your way. You can be partners and encourage each other without doing the exact same workout. Let her do hers, you do yours. If she does one set and you do two, so what? Why are you making a problem out of this? If she's a friend, go ahead and meet to work out, but you design your routine and let her design hers. If she really wants the benefits of working out, she'll come along on her own and if she doesn't she didn't really want it. But don't enable her by you taking responsibility for her workout. That doesn't help either you or her.

Monica_in_MO

In order to get the maximum benefit from any workout, I HAVE to do it on my own. You are very sweet to be so concerned about her, but some people just don't respond to being pushed the way that others do. Before I was serious about becoming fit, I resented it when my husband tried to push me to my limits during a workout and I spent most of the time explaining why I couldn't do the things that he was suggesting I do. Now, however, I know what I am capable of and push myself to those limits and beyond without any help from anyone else. Although it is great to have people on the sidelines rooting for you, I truly think that motivation to work harder comes from within and not from an outside source. Do your thing and maybe it will be contagious!

ElaKuz

The whole points of use working out together originally was to follow one routine and since I had the most experience that fell on me...

We workout on the terrace at my condo with free weights, there really isn't an option to doing two difference things since she really has no background in fitness.

After the work out, each and every time, she tells how amazing she feels, so I am pushing her to do what she is able not outside of her comfort zone.

Its the energy that needs to be put in to get her there that is frustrating.

And I am making a deal out of this because if I opt out and tell her to do her own thing then I am backing out of a deal we made to work out together until the wedding.

Jade_Butterfly

Well honestly you have done what you can. . If she has been given the tools and knows what she is supposed to be doing. . she needs to push herself. . If she really wants this she will do it.. .

Take it from someone that has the tools to lose weight and has been doing a dance with it. .. .I am now pushing myself. .. .Nobody else can do it for you. . It is great to have someone to workout with. . . but you have to be motivated. . I used to go to the gym with a bodybuilder friend of mine, and he would tell us how many reps and such to do and workout with us. .. but he would also come back to the gym and workout longer later. ..

So option one tell her that she needs to step it up and keep up. .. Or option 2 you do more working out in a second segment after helping her. . Because yes. . if you are able to be pushing harder and aren't due to someone else that is not good. You are being a friend by not enabling her to be codependent. .. Guidance is one thing. .

Good luck in your journey. . .You can do it!

ElaKuz

Thank-you!
That is a great idea...
There is no reason why I could tag on some alone time... and on the days when she can't come, those days I can do the harder workouts until she wants to step it up!

PegasusDeb

I agree with the group, you've done what you can, and let her know it's time to step up. I worked out with a friend that had legs a mile long, I always felt I was holding her back, so I let her go ahead, or we did the t'mill instead of the track. We were both happy, and I found I caught up with her! Plus, I had way more strength then she did, so that was my little "in your face bietch!" thing! lol But don't let her hold you back (or vice versa!) if she really wants this she'll step up, if not, it's her loss!

BerryH

How about hands-off encouragement? Perhaps a challenge like "Let's see if we can biceps curl X weight Y times in two weeks".

jfinnivan

It sounds like she knows the routine by now. You can be in the same room, but tell her you need to work at your own pace, because you want to push yourself harder. Just do your own routines, and if she wants to follow along (or not), it's her choice.

TrainingWithTonya

I seem to find the workout partners who are like you are describing. My husband and best friend are both just kind of blah in the gym because they don't love it and aren't as excited to be there as I am. It's gotten to where I'll wave at them from across the room instead of trying to workout with them. It's a tough position to be in but I personally had to separate it to different parts of my life. If I'm acting as the role of trainer, I don't workout personally (even if I'm moving I don't count it as a workout because its not my workout) but spend my time encouraging others. If I'm there for my workout, I've just had to let my friends and family (and even some clients who see me in the gym and try to get a free session by working out with me) that they have to keep up or get out of the way but don't expect me to act like their trainer when I'm getting my workout in because I can't get a good workout in when I'm worrying about other people getting a workout and being safe doing it. I also jokingly tell them that I'll be glad to train them, but it costs double if it interrupts my workout. LOL Good luck with your friend!