ATTN Parents! I need some advice...

Amber030583

Need some advice.....what do you do when your childs neighbor friends get along so well but it seems like after awhile of playing they do something they are not supposed to be doing? I am so sick and tired of it. I actually told all the kids "I have told you guys before you only play with things that are toys and the last time I checked the hose is a gardening equipment. So now Blaine is coming in and you guys are going home." This time for sure I knew it wasnt blaines fault cause I saw his buddy turn the water on.

There was another instance a couple weeks ago where my son and the neighbor boy pulled apart their power wheels. My son got his as a gift for his 4th birthday (he is 5 now) this is not a cheap power wheel. It is one of the Ford F150's that cost a little under $400 but him and his friend pulled it apart even taking its stereo out and sprayed engine degreaser on it. I grounded my son from his friends for 3 days along with no toys. The other parents thought it was amazing that the kids would do that. Cause their son does it all the time at their house. No punishments for it. I understand that it is kind of leanring but when they are destroying stuff I dont think that should be tolerated.

I want my son to be able to play with friends but how do I go about letting them play with each other without having to worry about them destroying everything?

Sorry if this is such a ramble I am just so lost as to what to do...

feliciapeters

i have 4 kids ( 2 boys 2 girls) my oldest is 21 my youngest 9
they ALL do it,
im not sure HOW to stop it
all i do is KEEPING CHECKING on them
and reminding

DizzieLittleLifter

I never let my 5 year old play outside of my attention. There isn't a moment that I can't see or hear what she is up to, that goes for double when she has friends over. Children like to explore and it's up to YOU to make sure they stay safe and not do what they are not supposed to.

JDMPWR

I beat my kids

cbirdso

The only way is to 'constantly' keep an eye on them. I always hovered in the background, not interfering until I saw something I didn't like, then just distracted them, not scolded. Like saying "oh, look at that cloud in the sky, or what ever" then making sure they had some project or activity to do rather than being distructive.

poustotah

I never let my 5 year old play outside of my attention. There isn't a moment that I can't see or hear what she is up to, that goes for double when she has friends over. Children like to explore and it's up to YOU to make sure they stay safe and not do what they are not supposed to.

Amen!

If it's a problem, quit letting him play with these kids. It time to teach him about respect - not only of other people but of his things. And if other kids can't be respectful, why be around them?

kechtinaw2

I'm not a parent yet, but I did help raise my little brother and sister who are 11 years younger than I. Have you ever heard of the book "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge? He talks a lot about the journey a boy takes growing up and the role parents and God play in shaping that boy's heart. I grew up on a farm and playing with a gardening hose and pulling apart a power wheel are mild compared to some of the things that my brothers and I did. I'm just saying that boys will be boys and I can't really tell you what you should do. Thanks and God Bless

camckinney

I am a mother of 3 and I hate to tell you this, but this will be an ongoing worry for you and your child. Your children will be faced everyday with other children who are not taught the same values or morals as yours. The important thing is to teach your child to know what is right or wrong and empower them to stand up for themselves to their friends so they don't get into trouble. It is so important to teach them this and continue to do so. As they grow up and are faced with even more difficult peer pressure's they have to learn to stand up for what is right and doing the right thing. They also need to understand consequences. This takes a long time and in fact, children do not fully understand consequences until they become young adults. Hang in there, we all face this and must teach our children about choosing the right friends and right choices. Since he is little you will have to do this for him sometimes, but when you teach him why and how, he will need to learn to do this on his own. You set the example and foundation.

thefreemans28

First, I would monitor the play. If they're playing outside, you could get some of your yardwork done while they're playing. or even read a magazine or book in the lounge chair. So long as you are there, I doubt they will do anything they know they aren't supposed to. And if they still do it, then maybe they truly don't know that it's wrong and are just exploring their young mind's curiousity.

Second, I would talk to all the other parents. Make sure they are aware of what is going on and make sure they know you disapprove of it. maybe it will help them realize it's bad and punish their children. You can't punish them, so that's the best you can do there.

Jennloella

I don't tolerate my own kids doing what they know they're not supposed to do, and there's no way I would tolerate someone else's kid doing it at my house....I think you're on the right track, keep punishing, keep on him. At that age even though they know it is wrong, they have totally developed their impulse control, so you have to take into consideration their age..... if it comes down to it, you could have a friendly chat with the parents, "my son loves it when your child comes over, but we have a couple rules different from at your house, maybe we could go over them for next time he visits?" theres no reason that because they don't care if their kids tear apart expensive toys that you should be expected to shrug it off as well. I teach my kids to respect their toys, clothes, furniture, etc......

cjsgrimlin

Honestly i wouldn't let them play together anymore i have 2 girls and they played with cousins who fight alot and bite among other things. The girls picked it up and i wouldn't let them see them anymore. Their mother doesn't control them and i control mine. So really you don't want them to be playing around kids who will teach them things because their own parents don't care. (mine were being taught to bite, hit, and cuss from a 5 year old)

Explain to them that they don't behave well and you don't want them acting like that and they need to find other friends to play with.

tammykoon

Here is my favorite saying, "My house, My rules." I make sure my kids know that I don't care what other kids are allowed to do, or where they are allowed to do it at. This goes for the kids that visit my home too, their momma might let them do things at home but that stuff doesn't fly around here.

I would suggest structured play until they are older and can be trusted to obey the house rules. Have them over to play a certain game, or have specific toys available only. I would also set a time limit, things tend to fizzle, always leave them wanting more so they will be excited to play again next time.

Atlantique

Sounds as though these kids are being given too much unsupervised time for their levels of maturity. Just supervise them!

And if they've shown a bent for taking things apart and figuring out how they work, that's something you want to encourage. Buy them something cheap at a yard sale that they can disassemble and reassemble to their hearts' content.

Might want to hold off on the $400 toys, too.

lcoulter23

I can see taking away things for destruction of his truck. The garden hose thing is normal though. kids like to play in water. I know I always did. Playing with the hose is part of being a kid. maybe they were thirsty, we were always drinking from the hose as kids.

My son doesn't have any neighborhood friends but I do know that some kids are not disciplined at home and have no boundaries. I see it all the time at stores and in the kids in my neighborhood. One morning this little boy and his sister were playing in a car on the road, no parents ANYWHERE and the little girl was completely naked. We had to call the police because we didn't know who the kids belonged to. (we live across from a bunch of apartments). The kids were honking the horn on the car and running around in the street. The little girl was maybe 2 and the boy was maybe 4.

My son did have a playdate at our house with a little boy from swim class last summer. He has a Knex Ferris wheel that he and my husband put together and the boy took it off of the dresser in my sons room and took some of the pieces apart and lost them. then he brought it out to our living room and his mom yelled at him for breaking my son's toy. I only payed 5 bucks for the thing, but my son was upset because he loves Ferris wheels and he didn't want his friend touching his toy that he put together with his dad. My son is 7 and has autism. he is very much by the book and does not like it when people do what they are not supposed to be doing. He will also let you know you aren't supposed to be doing something.

Amber030583

Thank you everyone for your responses! I was waiting to hear some terrible ones like I am a terrible mom or something. lol. We just moved to a very nice new area on Memorial Day. At first I thought maybe Blaine was just trying to fit in or acting out cause of the change. (We just moved out of state) But I do watch my son but I do let him have a little freedom. I know where he is at all times. And if I am inside I can always see him out of the window. I have increased this after the Power Wheel incident. At our old house he didnt have any freedom. There were no kids, I was working and he was in a very structured daycare.

I guess I am going to have to have a sit down talk with him and explain to him that the way they treat stuff is not ok and we will have to seriously limit the time they play together.

This neighborhood has extremely wealthy people in it and the only way we got a house is that it was a foreclosure and an extremely good deal. So I guess these kids will be the ones that will be handed the money and never have to worry about it.

I guess my first warning sign should have been when the 6 year old little girl had a play purse and wallet that were real coach bags....

clw_888

If I were in this situation, I would make sure to monitor the childrens' play more. If there are items you don't want them playing with, then either remove them from their play area or let them know they are off limits. If the neighbor boy doesn't have parents who set boundaries, he really may not know what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior. If you set the limits and boundaries of playing at your house and he still cannot seem to follow them, then it may be time to end the play-date relationship!

peripah

My sons are 6 and almost 4. They are not allowed to play outside by themselves, not even in the backyard. There are a few older kids in our court (8, 9 and 12) and they all play great with my children, but they know that if they ask my kids to play I'll be tagging along. I bring my kindle or a magazine outside and keep half an eye on them all the time. My kids are good kids but 6 year olds do not usually know what to do in an emergency and they trust grown-ups to be their friends no matter how much they can repeat to you that they shouldn't talk to strangers.

dont_give_up

I would go and talk to the parents of the other kids, and let them know what is going on. In my neighborhood there isn't a parent around here, that wouldn't hesitate going to someone's house to let the parent's know what has been said or done. Let them know what's going on...I can almost guarantee that if things were reversed, they would be knocking on your door!!

suzycreamcheese

id remove the expensive stuff out of the way somewhere before they come round

feliciapeters

oh and i also recite "the list"

for example
before the last boy sleepover
the list was
dotn touch the oven
dont touch the microwave
dont touch the laptops dont order pay per view movies
AFTER the sleepover I now have to add
"dont draw on people after they fall asleep"
its an ongoing problem LOL

DizzieLittleLifter

Thank you everyone for your responses! I was waiting to hear some terrible ones like I am a terrible mom or something. lol. We just moved to a very nice new area on Memorial Day. At first I thought maybe Blaine was just trying to fit in or acting out cause of the change. (We just moved out of state) But I do watch my son but I do let him have a little freedom. I know where he is at all times. And if I am inside I can always see him out of the window. I have increased this after the Power Wheel incident. At our old house he didnt have any freedom. There were no kids, I was working and he was in a very structured daycare.

I guess I am going to have to have a sit down talk with him and explain to him that the way they treat stuff is not ok and we will have to seriously limit the time they play together.

This neighborhood has extremely wealthy people in it and the only way we got a house is that it was a foreclosure and an extremely good deal. So I guess these kids will be the ones that will be handed the money and never have to worry about it.

I guess my first warning sign should have been when the 6 year old little girl had a play purse and wallet that were real coach bags....

Hmm I'm not so sure that wealth equates ****ty parenting. FWIW my DD has two Betsey Johnson purses because they were mine and I gave them to her when I got a new purse. I'll probably give her my coach when I'm done with it too. I guess I'm just not sure what the income of the neighbors has to do with one watching their child at play.

AngelsKisses75

Sounds as though these kids are being given too much unsupervised time for their levels of maturity. Just supervise them!

And if they've shown a bent for taking things apart and figuring out how they work, that's something you want to encourage. Buy them something cheap at a yard sale that they can disassemble and reassemble to their hearts' content.

Might want to hold off on the $400 toys, too.

I agree with this

curvygirl512

As parents, we're responsible for our children's safety. My rule of thumb, at least when my daughter was five, if it shouldn't be going in their mouths, then it should be out of reach. Garden hose, degreaser, stereo (think wires plugging into outlet). This is no easy feat! Also, we are responsible for providing them with safe options to amuse themselves. Try starting off the day by saying what's allowed or appropriate, then provide those materials. Switch it up before the kids get bored. Sometimes, this is easier said than done, so good luck and don't give up.

Jennloella

Thank you everyone for your responses! I was waiting to hear some terrible ones like I am a terrible mom or something. lol. We just moved to a very nice new area on Memorial Day. At first I thought maybe Blaine was just trying to fit in or acting out cause of the change. (We just moved out of state) But I do watch my son but I do let him have a little freedom. I know where he is at all times. And if I am inside I can always see him out of the window. I have increased this after the Power Wheel incident. At our old house he didnt have any freedom. There were no kids, I was working and he was in a very structured daycare.

I guess I am going to have to have a sit down talk with him and explain to him that the way they treat stuff is not ok and we will have to seriously limit the time they play together.

This neighborhood has extremely wealthy people in it and the only way we got a house is that it was a foreclosure and an extremely good deal. So I guess these kids will be the ones that will be handed the money and never have to worry about it.

I guess my first warning sign should have been when the 6 year old little girl had a play purse and wallet that were real coach bags....

Hmm I'm not so sure that wealth equates ****ty parenting. FWIW my DD has two Betsey Johnson purses because they were mine and I gave them to her when I got a new purse. I'll probably give her my coach when I'm done with it too. I guess I'm just not sure what the income of the neighbors has to do with one watching their child at play.

I don't think she was referencing their parenting or their ability to monitor them, she was referencing the fact that they didn't mind the expensive toy being dismantled the harder you have to work for something, the more you want people to be respectful of it!!

Amber030583

As parents, we're responsible for our children's safety. My rule of thumb, at least when my daughter was five, if it shouldn't be going in their mouths, then it should be out of reach. Garden hose, degreaser, stereo (think wires plugging into outlet). This is no easy feat! Also, we are responsible for providing them with safe options to amuse themselves. Try starting off the day by saying what's allowed or appropriate, then provide those materials. Switch it up before the kids get bored. Sometimes, this is easier said than done, so good luck and don't give up.

This wasnt an adult stereo it was the stereo in the power wheel.

Amber030583

Thank you everyone for your responses! I was waiting to hear some terrible ones like I am a terrible mom or something. lol. We just moved to a very nice new area on Memorial Day. At first I thought maybe Blaine was just trying to fit in or acting out cause of the change. (We just moved out of state) But I do watch my son but I do let him have a little freedom. I know where he is at all times. And if I am inside I can always see him out of the window. I have increased this after the Power Wheel incident. At our old house he didnt have any freedom. There were no kids, I was working and he was in a very structured daycare.

I guess I am going to have to have a sit down talk with him and explain to him that the way they treat stuff is not ok and we will have to seriously limit the time they play together.

This neighborhood has extremely wealthy people in it and the only way we got a house is that it was a foreclosure and an extremely good deal. So I guess these kids will be the ones that will be handed the money and never have to worry about it.

I guess my first warning sign should have been when the 6 year old little girl had a play purse and wallet that were real coach bags....

Hmm I'm not so sure that wealth equates ****ty parenting. FWIW my DD has two Betsey Johnson purses because they were mine and I gave them to her when I got a new purse. I'll probably give her my coach when I'm done with it too. I guess I'm just not sure what the income of the neighbors has to do with one watching their child at play.

I don't think she was referencing their parenting or their ability to monitor them, she was referencing the fact that they didn't mind the expensive toy being dismantled the harder you have to work for something, the more you want people to be respectful of it!!

Thats how I meant it as.

pinkgigi

I love tammykoon's response, that's what I would do.

I am reminded of a boy my son was friends with when he was at kindergarten, the other boy would get frustrated and then throw a tantrum. Next time we went to the supermarket, my son started to throw a tantrum just like his friend. I explained to him that Christian might behave like that, but it is not acceptable in our family, and he never did it again.

I also found there was some friction when my son was older and went (on full scholarship) to a private school where his friends has access to many more consumer goods than my children did. My children were chided and made fun of because of the quality/quantity of possessions in our home. The parenting of the other children was not so much the problem, it was the value they placed on their belongings that was different. I am actually grateful that they experienced those tight times because they know how to wait and save for things they want, and they are grateful with what they are given.

P.S. I've got no idea what a coach purse is ;-)

GG

boomboom011

here is what we do at my house when stuff like this happens

I tell the kids that we have rules at our house and if you are going to play over here you have to follow the rules and if you dont you will suffer consequences too and that will be you wont be coming over to play. I also tell my kids that they need to remind their guests that there are certain things that are not tolerated.

if they purposefully break something I make them pay for it but i do not accept monetary payment. They have to clean and do manual labor until i feel the debt has been satisfied.

By manual labor i mean clean toilets or other household chores. My kids are 5 & 11. We hand out "chores" according to age. It has worked so much better than grounding or spanking.

Of course every kid is different.
P.S. I have 2 very well behaved children that I am trying to raise and turn into responsible adults. Its a working ranch around here! lol