This is what I have been told....

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  • chellekoren
    chellekoren Posts: 273 Member
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    It's not your fault that you "fiance" has a wondering eye.

    Your weight is just an excuse - and sadly you offered him this excuse (by asking him "is it because I am bigger?" )

    He is making YOU feel bad and as though you are to blame - and you are not.

    50lbs, 250lbs - does it matter? I'd love my OH if he had no arms and legs!!!

    Your OH sounds like a horror OP.. you obviously feel some way to blame for this but you need to find a way to see that gaining 50lbs is not an excuse for the man who is suppsed to love you to court other women. Love should be more than skin deep!

    I assume you live together?

    Do you want to stay with this man OP?
    What this poster said. I would love my husband twig thin, perfectly cut, old has the hills or obese. I would NEVER cheat on him. He is my other half in a real sense.
  • clw_888
    clw_888 Posts: 157 Member
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    IMO, his behavior is cheating. If he does it now it will only get worse after you are married. Please don't bring children into this already bad situation. You deserve way better! A good guy will love you no matter what. Time to make some decisions about what you want the rest of your life to be like. It looks like you have already gotten a glimpse into his behavior and how he will treat you for the rest of your married life. :( Good luck and be strong!
  • Saruman_w
    Saruman_w Posts: 1,531 Member
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    I probably have no business responding to a topic like this since I've been single since, well.. forever. But I don't think it's to your benefit to stay with someone who does not respect and love you regardless of your size. It's obvious his interests lie elsewhere. That guy's not a keeper.
  • LeeKetty1176
    LeeKetty1176 Posts: 881 Member
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    dump him and move on

    i know that is harsh.

    but if you carry on now you will forever be trying to lose weight to keep him........... not a great way to live
  • ivyjbres
    ivyjbres Posts: 612 Member
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    I keep catching my fiance' talking to other women on the internet....telling them they are beautiful wanting to meet them etc....

    Dump the idiot. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour.

    Ditto. My older sister had a similar experience with a boyfriend in high school. He admitted that he'd like her better if she looked more like me (I was thin, athletic, and 14 at the time, so that was creepy). And that was at one of her lower weights (she's never been smaller than a size 10).

    There are plenty of guys who will like you for you, regardless of weight. And I'm sure some will chime in here and tell you so.

    Don't settle. Dump the dead weight.
  • pedalpusher5
    pedalpusher5 Posts: 39
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    My realationship with my fiance

    Maybe this should say ex-fiance...... If his love for you is that shallow, is it really marriage worthy?
  • jessie580
    jessie580 Posts: 87
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    Sorry to tell you...

    it doesn't matter how much you weigh or what you look like.

    your man is a loser and dishonest.
    and that will never change. he is unhappy and your weight isn't going to CHANGE HIM.

    :)
  • veggiepug
    veggiepug Posts: 82
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    Please tell me you are not still planning on marrying this person.

    You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not shoots you down. He's using your weight as an excuse to cheat (and there really isn't ever a valid excuse to cheat, anyway). Like PP said, he sounds like he would have a wandering eye regardless of your weight gain.

    I have gained about 20 lbs since being with my boyfriend (and I was already 20 lbs overweight when we met). I lost 35 pounds last year, then gained it back. He has never said anything about my weight, and continues to treat me like gold. There ARE great men out there who will deserve you. Your fiancé's behavior is appalling. I'm sorry you are going through this :(

    Dump the loser and work on YOU.
  • tinalatina
    tinalatina Posts: 499 Member
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    OMG Hun! He is not the right one for you. IM sorry to be so blunt. For 1) he is looking for someone else. In front of you too! Meeting other people while he is with you is JUST NOT RIGHT! for 2) If he is embarrassed to be with you then how can you be in a relationship with him. Being comfortable is one thing but making your partner feel insecure and worthless is another.

    Remember 1 thing: Know your worth!

    I know it may sounds cliche but he needs to love you for you. If your weight is bothering him he needs to work with you not go around it by looking for someone new let alone CHEAT because thats what he's doing.

    I used to blame myself for my 1st husband cheating on me. I wasnt pretty, I was chubby and not good enough for him. Well I was WRONG! He wasnt good enough for ME. I had to learn that the hard way. Lots of heart ache and pain. But theres hope after that....and hope for you too. Do things for you, not him. If you want to loose weight do it for you.

    You have support and love on here and we are here to help you through your journey.

    Good Luck and god bless
  • megz4987
    megz4987 Posts: 1,008 Member
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    I had a huuuuuge crush on a friend of mine for about 10 years. I was about 250lb and lost the weight and that's when he started acting interested. I asked why, he said "You were FAT before! You walked like a penguin" I said- "See ya later!" haven't talked to him since
    If youre not in it for my personality and you're embarrassed to be seen with me because I'm fat, then I want nothing to do with you. Nothing.

    I hope you realize you're worth more than that and you don't deserve to be treated that way. Stand up for yourself.
  • jessie580
    jessie580 Posts: 87
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    A *kitten* will be a *kitten* no matter what you weigh or what you look like. If he lacks character, that has nothing to do with the number on your scale. I mean... look at Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, Elizabeth Hurley. Their guys cheated on them.

    EXACTLY!!!

    People who do these things DO NOT CHANGE no matter what you look like or do to try and please them.
  • deanadimples
    deanadimples Posts: 419 Member
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    This has absolutely noting to do with you, who you are or how you look. It's all about him.

    He's got issues,not you. Most times, it's about THEIR low self esteem. Meeting new women, wooing them, it makes them feel better about themselves. It has absolutely nothing to do with your worth. If you aren't enough for him, he doesn't need you. And he doesn't deserve you. Sadly, unless he fixes what's going on with him, he can't be there completely for you. On the other side, if it happens often, you talk about it and he keeps doing it. Then he has no reason to change. He has the best of both worlds and you're always there.

    I've been there. It's not fun. It's not a good way to live. If you really want to stay, then talk it out, go to a counselor even. But for sure lay down the law. If it happens again, you're gone and then do it. Doing it is the hardest part. It's hard, but move on, live a great life and some day you will meet a great guy. And that guy's going to thrilled you moved on.

    You're not getting respect. And you deserve it, no matter what size you are. It's time for him to respect YOU, but if he doesn't respect himself, it's not easy.

    I hope nothing but the best for you!
  • Italiana_xx79
    Italiana_xx79 Posts: 593 Member
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    That's horrible.... I am so sorry to hear that :frown:

    You deserve better than that :frown:
  • h3h8m3
    h3h8m3 Posts: 455 Member
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    I am a guy. You should dump his *kitten* right now. If you marry this slime it's going to end in so much heart-ache. I feel horrible for you, and this process is going to hurt either way. But you're not married now, get out now while you can. Please don't marry this guy, real men don't cheat, and they sure as hell don't blame their fiance's weight-loss for their cheating.
  • voluptas63
    voluptas63 Posts: 602 Member
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    Dump him. You'll never be "thin enough" for him. I watched my Mom go through this cycle with my Dad and she got down to 112 on a 5'8 frame. He still cheated. Some men are just dogs. There are good ones out there though and you'll never find the right one when you're with the wrong one.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    Been there and done that. My son's father cheated, made horrible comments about my appearance and told many many times that no one else would want to be with me. I think I ate more and gained more as he became more abusive. I honestly thought that no one would want me so I let myself go.

    NOW, I am so much more confident. I get complemented and flirted with much more and have had some pretty dang attractive guys try to get with me. Do yourself a favor and BE DONE! It took me far too long to leave him and even though it has been hard at times I could not be happier now. No one deserves to be treated like that and the sooner you get rid of him, you'll be able to focus more on improving yourself.

    Add me if you would like to talk, I have plenty of experience with this kind of man...
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    Oh, someday you will realize that he did you a favor. First of all he let you know that he's sef-centered jerk BEFORE you said 'I do'. And second he forced you to take a look at yourself and your weight gain. I know it's hard to hear and hard to do, but if you dump him like the sack of garbage he is you will likely dump a lot of the weight also. Worrying about your relationship is probably leading to comfort eating and one of the facotrs of your weight gain.
  • IMYarnCraz33
    IMYarnCraz33 Posts: 1,016 Member
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    I keep catching my fiance' talking to other women on the internet....telling them they are beautiful wanting to meet them etc....

    Dump the idiot. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour.


    I couldn't agree more.
    Looks aren't everything.
    For all he knows, they may be beautiful but they could also be total B****es too.
    You deserve better sweetie, someone that looks at the heart, not just the body.
  • Ssocrrbabe
    Ssocrrbabe Posts: 51
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    I was very upset when I read this! This is probably not something you want to hear, but any man who is already looking around before you are married is not going to stop after you are married. Instead of supporting you in your effort to lose weight and be healthy he is sabotaging you by doing this. You have already discussed this with him about how this hurts you which can't help the self esteem and probably just leads to more emotional eating. Do yourself a favor and dump him before you get married to this jerk! In the end if someone truly loves you they will look past the weight and love who you are, and even if you have gained weight losing it for someone else is not the way to do it! You should want to do it becuase you want to be healthy, NOT becuase your "fiance" has a wandering eye.
    Sorry I have been through almost the same situation but when you let go of this man and the hurt he is causing you, you will be less stressed out and the weight will probably fall right off! Don't ever let a man (or anyone for that matter) make you feel unworthy. Every person deserves to be treated with respect and love!\
  • AngelsKisses75
    AngelsKisses75 Posts: 595 Member
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    For what it is worth I had this happen to me. Only it was my husband. I can now say my EXhusband proudly. Sadly what he didn't know was one of the women he was hitting on was looking in my direction and tipped me off. (granted I wasn't returning her attention) When I seen him for what he truly was, not just this little part of his ICK, but in whole everything that he was I could not get away from him fast enough.

    In my opinion Marilyn Monroe said it best with: "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." :drinker:

    He straight up does not deserve a good woman like you. Hold on to your motivation to get healthy, that includes losing some of the ugliest weight I have ever seen .... HIM! So loose him and keep moving forward. :flowerforyou:

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