This is what I have been told....

SabrinaJL

What a toolbox! I agree with everyone else. What happens when you start getting older and wrinkles start appearing and things aren't where they used to be? Is that gonna be an excuse to cheat? No matter how much weight you gain or lose, you're still the same person inside. The guy you vow to spend the rest of your life with should love the person inside, not just the shell you live in.

odusgolp

Dump him. You'll never be "thin enough" for him. I watched my Mom go through this cycle with my Dad and she got down to 112 on a 5'8 frame. He still cheated. Some men are just dogs. There are good ones out there though and you'll never find the right one when you're with the wrong one.

Tell me you did NOT just say that *LMAO*

infamousmk

If he wasn't blaming it on your weight, he'd find something else to blame it on. I was once in your shoes - was with a guy that made me feel awful about who I was, and was constantly looking for other women. I married him and the cheating got worse.. no matter how thin I was, how great a job I had, how hard I worked around the house - he found ways to make his misery my fault. After being in a relationship with him for almost ten years, I finally got the courage to put myself first.. mentally, physically, and emotionally. We divorced about four years ago. Now I'm happy as a clam, working my butt off to be the most healthy person I can be, and I met someone who admires my strengths and accepts my flaws. You deserve that too. If you need anything, even to just vent, send me a message.

justme3017

Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...

fitby2012

Work on yourself and move on! Your weight is just today's (convenient) excuse. I believe weight loss can breathe new life into a healthy relationship, but that is mainly due to newfound confidence and energy, not the OH being embarrassed or ashamed.

giaciccone

Are you serious?
I hate men that are based all about appearances. There's a couple of ways to go about this, and I've seen it done both ways. Each has a completely different result.

His moronic way:
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with you or go out with you. You've gained weight & this is me being an insensitive jerk about the entire thing as I sit on the internet & talk to women.

Or the real/I love this person & don't want to hurt them way:
Honey, I really care about your well-being & my well-being so we can live happily ever after in a long & happy life. How about we both go for a nice walk around the neighborhood tonight?

Clearly, he's a moron. ESPECIALLY if he's talking to other women. You should dump him. You deserve a man that will give you the world, not a man that goes behind your back & talks to other women about their beauty. Shallow men like that deserve the misery in life that will probably happen to them soon enough.

ivyjbres

Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...

Share custody. But you deserve someone who loves you for you, and your daughter deserves parents who are in a happy relationship. You want her to have a chance at being happy when she's an adult- go out and show her how.

SabrinaJL

Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...

My sister waited to leave her douchenozzle of a husband until she had 3 kids. She said it would have been so much easier if she left after the first one. Don't do like she did and put in 15 miserable years. Do it now while you're young and only have one kid.

giaciccone

Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...

I don't think you want your daughter to be subjective to a negative environment. You want what's best for yourself & her, which would be to leave this dirt bag & only grant him visitation on weekends. Seriously, this is borderline emotional abuse. Especially because he's made you feel this way with his negativity & hurtful words.

fbmandy55

Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...

The man that did the same to me was also the father of my son and it was still the best decision for me and my son. First, my son did not need to see me being treated like that. Second, I didn't want my son to think that was acceptable and possible treat his girlfriends the same way when he grew up. Even more of a reason to leave him, what if he makes comments about her appearance or weight when she gets older?

pricetm83

Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...

The man that did the same to me was also the father of my son and it was still the best decision for me and my son. First, my son did not need to see me being treated like that. Second, I didn't want my son to think that was acceptable and possible treat his girlfriends the same way when he grew up. Even more of a reason to leave him, what if he makes comments about her appearance or weight when she gets older?

My mother stayed with a man who cheated on her repeatedly (among other things), and one of the reasons she didn't leave was because she had me. Throughout my life my parents fought like animals and I had to constantly witness my father terribly mistreat my mother. It did a lot to me psychologically and even though she says otherwise and we are extremely close, I have always felt like it was my fault my mother wasn't happier and felt trapped in the relationship.

My mom just recently left my father (I'm 27 by the way) and both of our lives are so different, in a wonderful way. This is the happiest I have ever seen her. It's like this is how she should have been her whole life. She often says that she wishes she had left sooner, when I was little even. Sure things may have been tight financially, but she wouldnt have had to put up with the bullsh*it she did for 30 years. She feels like she wasted so much time being unhappy and worried.

Nobody can tell you what do you in your situation, but please consider your actions from all aspects.

JennsLosing

dump him....im sure even if you were 50 pounds lighter he'd still be doing the same thing

bcattoes

Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...

No doubt it would. But is also makes it so much more important that you DO leave. Do you really want your daughter to grow up thinking this is how women deserve to be treated?? Seriously, get help if you need to. See a minister, priest, counselor, doctor, family member, friend. Do whatever you need to do to find the strength, but get your daughter and yourself away from this loser!!

RobynC79

For both you and your daughter, do not marry this person. People don't change, he will disrespect and devalue you just the same after you are married, there will always be a 'reason' and it will be far harder to leave. Dump him, then get healthy and enjoy your life with your daughter. Find someone who respects you and values you. From you say, this isn't that guy.

princess_in_power

Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...

The man that did the same to me was also the father of my son and it was still the best decision for me and my son. First, my son did not need to see me being treated like that. Second, I didn't want my son to think that was acceptable and possible treat his girlfriends the same way when he grew up. Even more of a reason to leave him, what if he makes comments about her appearance or weight when she gets older?

My mother stayed with a man who cheated on her repeatedly (among other things), and one of the reasons she didn't leave was because she had me. Throughout my life my parents fought like animals and I had to constantly witness my father terribly mistreat my mother. It did a lot to me psychologically and even though she says otherwise and we are extremely close, I have always felt like it was my fault my mother wasn't happier and felt trapped in the relationship.

My mom just recently left my father (I'm 27 by the way) and both of our lives are so different, in a wonderful way. This is the happiest I have ever seen her. It's like this is how she should have been her whole life. She often says that she wishes she had left sooner, when I was little even. Sure things may have been tight financially, but she wouldnt have had to put up with the bullsh*it she did for 30 years. She feels like she wasted so much time being unhappy and worried.

Nobody can tell you what do you in your situation, but please consider your actions from all aspects.

That SO sounds like my MIL's situation! As well as the poster who earlier said that children ARE affected by the situation they are raised in. This is so true, nobody has any right to mistreat or make another person feel bad, insecure, NO MATTER WHAT. There are no excuses. Do not let him continue to make you feel unworthy, Please look to those who truly care about you and do not allow him to continue this. As scary as it is, you may seriously want to get out before you get hurt more!!

infamousmk

Would you want your daughter to be with a man that treated her this way? Because if you stay with him you're teaching her that this is okay.

sh0ck

I keep catching my fiance' talking to other women on the internet....telling them they are beautiful wanting to meet them etc....

Dump the idiot. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

godroxmysox

If he can't accept you for you and doesn't respect you enough to stay away from other women....don't waste your time. I would take an outside look at the relationship. If he's this way now, he will be this way forever....and marriage is forever....think about it

dipsl19

Dump the bast@rd, lose the weight and find somebody who actually deserves you!

THIS THIS THIS. and i love that a guy said it , it makes it DOUBLY TRUE.

seriously, he will never love you for who you are. it hurts and its harsh to say but the sooner you realize it the sooner you can move on and find someone who TRULY LOVES YOU.

christine24t

Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...

No doubt it would. But is also makes it so much more important that you DO leave. Do you really want your daughter to grow up thinking this is how women deserve to be treated?? Seriously, get help if you need to. See a minister, priest, counselor, doctor, family member, friend. Do whatever you need to do to find the strength

Agreed.

brnsgrsbody

Dump the bast@rd, lose the weight and find somebody who actually deserves you!

What he said............

bloodbank

If he is at minimum window shopping now (and I mean - that's only what you've caught...), you need to think long and hard about what the chances are that the issue would fix itself once you were married and it's more complicated. And you need to know it's not because you got heavier. If you lose all the weight, it'll likely continue but it'll be because of some other 'fault' of yours - cheaters rarely take the blame themselves.

I saw you mention you have a child with him... I just have to say, I would destroy the earth before I let my children see that it's ok to treat anyone - especially their mother - with that kind of disrespect. And don't think she won't notice or overhear something. Kids pick up on a lot more than we think.

I'm sorry you have to go through this garbage, but I'd be out of there, kid in tow, in a heartbeat.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

My realationship with my fiance has been on the rocks for a while now I keep catching my fiance' talking to other women on the internet....telling them they are beautiful wanting to meet them etc....
I caught him doing it again this past weekend...we talked it over, as usual.
However it hurts my heart so last night I asked him is it because I am fatter?
Just to get right to the point I have gained roughly 50lbs since we have been together and I was chubby to begin with so this is not good..
Last night he basically said that he was embarassed to take me out now.
I feel heartbroken...
I know its my fault that I am fat but to hear it like that...
sigh, maybe this is what I needed.
Who knows.
Has this ever happened to anyone before? Did you find the drive u needed to get in shape and healthy?

Love, I will say this one time and one time only (okay, or as many times as you need to hear it for it to sink in): It's not you, it's him. He doesn't love you, he would rather have you as a safety net and take care of him while he talks up these chicks. He's with you because you're comfortable, and you deserve better. You deserve someone who is going to have a passion for you, not someone who is going let you take care of them while they have a passion for someone else. You can lose that 50 pounds, hell you could lose 100 pounds and he's still going to find something, there will always be something. If he's not already he's going to cheat, even if you lose the weight and become Kate Moss. These are not the actions of a good man, these are the actions of a coward. Lose the weight for you, kick his *kitten* to the curb and believe that in all things you deserve better.

fridayjustleft04

Exact same thing happened to me. I mean the EXACT same thing. I dumped him because if he couldn't love me for who I was at any given moment, he didn't deserve me, plain and simple. I lost 15 pounds before I moved (had to move back in with my parents), and started dating my down the street neighbor. He could love me at that weight, and since then, I've lost a lot more. You should get rid of him; he's not doing anything to help your self-esteem and you deserve better. And you'll FIND better. I promise.

Nailrep

DUMP YOUR BOYFRIEND. DUMP HIM!!!!! What a damn loser to sit on a computer and try to hook up while he's involved with you. It's so disrespectful. Let me tell you that 50 pounds gained or lost won't make him a different person. He's a cheater with excuses because he got caught. You should be embarrassed to take HIM out. UGH!!! Hugs girl.

Nailrep

DUMP YOUR BOYFRIEND. DUMP HIM!!!!! What a damn loser to sit on a computer and try to hook up while he's involved with you. It's so disrespectful. Let me tell you that 50 pounds gained or lost won't make him a different person. He's a cheater with excuses because he got caught. You should be embarrassed to take HIM out. UGH!!! Hugs girl.