confused about men's body type with online dating

changeisgood55

I've used online dating before and now that I'm single again I've been looking around on the various sites. I have seen a number of men post their Body Type as Athletic and Toned yet their pictures show a man that is probably around 50 pounds over weight. Obviously, they are not trying to lie because the pictures are there. I'm ok with a guy being over weight. I am too so I have no room to talk. But I'm just curious to know what are they thinking. So I ask....do they really believe they are Athletic and Toned? Is it their ego that won't let them put "Over Weight" or "Stocky" as a body type? Or are they just less critical about themselves than we are? Would love to know your ideas and if there are any guys reading this, please sure your thoughts.

NikkisNewStart

looking forward to the responses! :laugh:

Heatherbelle_87

so bumping this into my topics because I would LOVE the answer to this too!

jenilla1

I'm super intrigued...:bigsmile:

CaptainAmerica1970

guys are just less critical about themselves than women. They are fine as they are.

abalicious

bump

Carl01

I have always put "average",evidently doesn`t do me any favors but figure it is better to be truthful.

RoanneRed

I'd accept the delusion of 'average' but thinking they're athletic/toned when obviously not is ridiculous.

lil_pulp

I'm sure this isn't true for all men, but my husband's perception of his body is as distorted as mine is of my body...except in the other direction. After he lost 125 pounds (and was still not "slim"), he said that he didn't know how he could have lost that much because he never considered himself fat. Once in a while when we look at old pictures, he'll mention "wow, I was a really big guy, huh? Did I really look that big?"

Even in other areas, his self-perception is distorted...he seems to think that he's a little bit super-human. I love him a super-lot, but I'm SURE he's just regular-human.

So yeah, these guys whose profiles you're looking at, they might really think they're "athletic" and "toned."

Have fun and stay safe (I've seen those Dateline shows...)!

angryguy77

Hard to answer because I wouldn't know what to put for myself(Probably avg), let alone others. I'd ask for people to rate me, but we all know how that goes lol

But we have a sense of self image like most women. If i had to guess, it would be that they are describing themselves in a way they think women would like.

obifatkanobi

that's interesting, I'm curious as well. If this is the case, then instead of six-pack abs, I must have a case?

Larius

People are nuts. Totally batty insane. Cuckoo. Or they just forgot to update their profile after 4,000 hot dogs.

auntiebabs

On online dating site, people describe themselves as who they WANT to be.

sister_bear

No, I'm not a man. I'm one of those nerdy people that tends to know what people are thinking before they do.

Anyway, some of these guys are lying and they know it whether or not any will come forward and admit it.

Others have a distorted body image. They literally see themselves as there were at some point in their lives. These are also the same guys that wonder why their clothes shrank and the wonder is a sincere thing. They don't see themselves as they are.

yanicka

I was on Eharmony for a few months and let me tell you, it is brutal. I am still scratching my head of the men's attitude toward weight (their's and ours). I think they really think they are atletic even with 20-30-50 pounds overweight. Then they turn around and expect the woman to be 5'8'' and 125 pounds. I have seen very average looking men say in their "must have'' (an eharmony list of desirables qualities) that the woman must be very attractive by society standards.

Thank God I've found a gentlemen there but it made me sad. How can you expect more from your mate then you are yourself able to offer?

california_peach

Yes. They think they are toned. My husband says, that all men think they are one push away from being Mel Gibson. I say my husband needs to update the statement to be Jake Gyllenhaal, but I love him anyway. My husband, not Jake Gyllenhael. My feeling toward Jake got NOTHING to do with love....wait, what were we talking about. I got distracted.

abalicious

I think there's the same to say about women.... I'm not on dating sites, but I would list myself as "chunky," but most people see me as "average" or "athletic." People see me different than I see myself and the same probably goes in this situation for men.

PegasusDeb

I think it's more of them trying to "sell" a product. I hate to admit that I have over-looked someone who said they were heavy, on a site, but yet in person I would have no quelms about approaching them. If you also see the other side, how many of us women are on there revving up there stats just a bit! Yeah, I'm the 5'10" former super model with the 38DD body! ha ha ha It's honestly hard to describe yourself (I think it is anyway) Esp' when you're really trying to sell the goods, so to speak.

Good luck. I am leery to try a dating site. The few I have I ended up getting stalked! I think I'll stay single...

bookyeti

Reminds me a bit of this...

Atlantique

I think most of them are truly delusional. If they can open a jar and played a pick-up game of some sport or another in the last 5 years, they think they are "Athletic" no matter what they weigh. I'd rather have them lie about their weight than their age and marital status, which they also do.

I was actually in great shape when I did on-line dating, and men were always very relieved that I looked like my pictures. Apparently most of the women lie too. Oddly, I was told by several of the men that I shouldn't put myself as "athletic" because it means no boobs and a giant butt to them. Go figure.

TheTeeWhy

I did the online dating thing before, and was completely honest about myself. Im not gonna tell people I have swag that people would kill for. Whats the point of that when you go meet them and youre a frumpy looking galloot? **** that. My experience wasnt terrible. In fact I was kinda surprised at some of the chicks I ended up meeting(didnt end up dating but I consider them friends now) I thought I was gonna get some real nightmares (one of which was and basically sucked my soul out through a straw, but thats another story for another time).

Just be honest y'all, I may be a cheesy old fashioned sounding guy for my age, but building something on a lie is a bit BS in my books. someone being able to man up and say what theyre really like as opposed to what they wish they were shows theyre more of a man than some fat *kitten* saying theyre a hottie.

changeisgood55

You bring up a great point. A number of these guys do require a thin or athletic woman and I just laugh. Thanks for all your comments. You've brought up some good points and some of your responses cracked me up!

mikeyml

Honestly, I can't speak for all men and I can't say I've ever done this myself because I'm pretty self-conscious. But there are several reasons why guys would do this. The hard thing is figuring out which reason the guy's using to justify it. For example, his reasons could be:

1. He is lying outright and knows perfectly well that he isn't athletic or toned. The most devious of reasons for sure and a red flag that says he will do whatever it takes to get what he wants.

2. His self image is completely distorted. Maybe when he looks in the mirror he doesn't see an overweight person. I was guilty of this when I first started MFP. It's one of the reasons I put weight loss off for so long. It wasn't until I saw pictures of myself that I understood how fat I was.

3. He's living in the past. All he remembers is how good he was at football or how fast he could run. No matter how overweight he gets, he still thinks he can do all the stuff he used to be able to do. This guy is just kind of delusional. He's not trying to lie to you, he just isn't living in the present.

4. He enjoys sports and plays them occasionally. It's easy to think of yourself as athletic when you live and breath sports. You watch professionals on television make sports looks almost effortless and then think to yourself, I could do that. Maybe he even plays the occasional basketball or softball game with friends / co-workers and that activity reinforces the idea that he is athletic and in shape.

5. He's stronger than all of his friends so by comparison he is toned. It's possible he developed his self perception by comparing himself to the people he sees most. He might consider someone in better shape than him to be an elite and still think of himself as in decent shape.

6. Last, maybe he is just really happy with himself and considers it to be the honest response. It's possible that he lost a lot of weight or that he is a little chunky but extremely active. Maybe he goes to the gym and works out really hard, but has a higher body fat percentage and appears chunkier than he really is.

Anyway just my thoughts. That's enough playing armchair psychologist for one night lol.

DCskat3r4lfe

im not "highly overweight" im 196 lbs but i weight a 34 jean.. and i always put "a few extra lbs" when i fill weight stuff out.

crisanderson27

On online dating site, people describe themselves as who they WANT to be.

This.

do they really believe they are Athletic and Toned? Is it their ego that won't let them put "Over Weight" or "Stocky" as a body type?

They want to meet people, and both are true. Most guys who are a little overweight (or 50lbs), and on an online dating site...are there for a reason. They don't get attention in their day to day lives...partly I'm sure because of that 50lbs (trust me, I've been there). For me, mostly it was being a single Dad of a little girl. Women looked at me and automatically assumed I was married. As a matter of fact...the first girl I dated (4yrs after my divorce) had seen me literally 50x (grocery store checkout girl) with my daughter...I always flirted, and she always ignored me and talke to my daughter. I finally asked her point blank if I was that unattractive (she always watched me leave, and when I'd look back she'd look away embarrassed). Her answer was 'no, you're an *kitten* for flirting when you're married!'

I straightened that out quickly...and we dated for a good while.

Anyway though, the point is that realtiy and internet dating aren't fast friends. That goes for women too. Go browse plentyoffish.com...look at the women...many of them have 5 face pictures or 5 face pictures with huge breasts peeking out...and very little body. Invariably those are listed as 'a few extra pounds'...and I don't mean to sound cruel (we're all here to get away from this right?), but way back when...the few I've met in that scenario were two people wide.

NO one wants to face the parts of them they don't like. I'm just happy to be able to FINALLY put 'athletic and toned'...since previously to do so (even when I was thinner AND slightly less muscular) would have been somewhat misleading.

changeisgood55

I would like to thank all the guys who answered this for me. At least now I have an idea as to what these guys are thinking when they say they are Athletic and Toned but are not. I look forward to one day changing my body type to Average and then Athletic and Toned. One baby step at a time!!
Thanks again everyone!

JohnsonBJohnson

I would put in Fat and Happy....since Lean and Mean sounds bad. :-)