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beckywilkeherbst
beckywilkeherbst Posts: 139 Member
edited September 2024 in Motivation and Support
I have come to the realization that as much of a support as my husband can be he can also be my biggest obstacle to being succesful.
He walks with me when he is home if I havent already gone. He says encouraging words when I talk about my struggles.
He doesnt take care of our 2 year old while i am doing the wii fit. He doesnt understand that when we are walking, I dont want the kiddo out of the stroller because he slows our pace. He doesnt take into consideration that after a good walk or run when I am feeling in need of a shower that it's important he let me have that time to wind down. Thats what happened tonight. I had a later night workout to burn off some pizza that I indulged in for dinner and afterwards I needed a shower. When my shower is interupted my screaming child or by the husband saying the kid is screaming that i need to deal with him because he is going to bed, it doesnt make me want to work out to burn those calories because i cant clean up afterwards.
So discouraged.

Replies

  • asallen7
    asallen7 Posts: 301
    I hear ya. Spouses can throw in extra challenges that we would not bring on ourselves. Have you tried talking about these things to him? He may just be unaware. As for the child, BOTH of you made him and both of you are responsible for taking care of him. I think it is pretty rude that he won't help for a little while to give you time to take care of yourself. Your child is not your sole responsibility. Maybe part of this journey is going to require you to be a little selfish and to stand up for yourself. You deserve to be able to take care of you. It will be beneficial to you, your husband, and your child. Hopefully, your spouse will be able to see that but find a way to work around it if you don't have his support.

    I have small kids myself and when you can't get me time just have them to work out with you. Alot of times its fun for them. Fake it until you make it. Hope it gets better!
  • melizerd
    melizerd Posts: 870 Member
    Men are not mind readers (neither are women but we're better guessers) So unless you have SPECIFICALLY told him what you want and WHY it's unrealistic for him to do it.

    I've been married 9 1/2 years and we set ground rules up like that very early on. My hubby knows if I say "Honey I need THIS because of THIS" that it's important, I don't beat around the bush or make passive aggressive comments (not saying you are but many people do). I tell him I need you to take out the trash in the next 10 min (what I need done, and when I need it done by).

    It makes a world of difference.

    If you have talked to him about it and he still does it you need to say it again and then ignore the child while you're in the shower. Unless you hear the DYING scream the child will survive. My son is 4.5 and I was home alone a lot when he was small, so sometimes he cried during a whole shower, I learned to ignore him so I could get done what I NEEDED (not luxury shower that's for sure) and he learned to wait, in the end we both figured out a comfortable time :D
  • purplecait1212
    purplecait1212 Posts: 56
    Would your husband be open to talking about taking turns with the little one? He watches the kiddo for an hour 100% so you can workout and shower without interruption, and then you take the kiddo so he can do something he wants to do uninterrupted - his workout, video game, tv, go for a beer with a buddy...? Let him know that this is goal is important to you and that it will make you a better wife and mother in the long run if he gives some extra support :) Also you will be able to focus on other tasks better if you are at peace with knowing you can have that workout time. I hope you can find a solution - best of luck!
  • heatherzotigh
    heatherzotigh Posts: 75
    My husband is one of my biggest supporters, we work out a lot together and help keep each other motivated. We do not yet have kids so that is not an obstacle I've had to contend with. have you explained how you feel to your husband? tell him you need him to help out more pure and simple. Also try quick clean up methods, such as just washing your face, wiping off with a damp cloth, or my husband's favorite--a baby wipe bath! LOL I'm sure you have those on hand! ;)
  • LoveMy3Boys
    LoveMy3Boys Posts: 562 Member
    Are you communicating where he needs to step up? I would flat out tell him... "He's crying? Well, you are his dad, DEAL". Then I'd have a conversation with him about the importance of him being a solid disciplinarian, not just the fun guy. I wouldn't be happy with that at all, either.Make sure you tell him what you need. Working out on the Wii? Not sure how old your little one is but you can have him join, my 4 year old loves to mimic me, right next to me. My baby, who is 15 months does not do well and I can only do working out when he's napping or in bed... or if I can finagle all the boys, hubs, 4 year old and baby out of the house together or upstairs playing :)

    My husband is my biggest obstacle because we are each others worst diet enemy. We can convince the other to cheat on our diets. Its tough.

    Keep trying! You'll figure it out! :)
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