i am sooooooo MAD! Grrrrrrr...

sabes2631

So i say to my new husband in the midst of a house torn up with remodeling, two full time jobs, running all over for parts for a bathroom sink, two big dogs... over frozen pizza and wine: i say...lets go upstairs and "hang out"

so a bit o time goes by, we continue watching the evening news and I ask him if he wants some ice cream (i have some cals left and it is leftover from my moms bday visit)...

a few minutes later he says... so do you only folllow myfitnesspal on weekends>... now... I am 132 pounds. I am 10 pounds heavier than the day we got married.... i ride horses and work out alot albiet not consistently... but at least 2-3 times a week... i am not exactly my goal weight, but i am happy right now.

he always has a comment about my effort at the gym ... how i am just easing my way along on the elliptical... or if i miss the gym, he says no gym today? or one time i was trying to be a little sexy and the first thing was a comment about my belly...

I am so angry I could scream. I took last week off from the gym cuz i felt burned out, but i was there yesterday and will be there tomorrow morning... of course, there were comments made everyday...

i am just shaking my head right now , nothing to say.

I look pretty darn good for 34. I will lose the 5 -10 i need to! but my god, leave me alone!

grrrr. gosh... am i being overly sensitive and defensive?

sabes2631

So i say to my new husband in the midst of a house torn up with remodeling, two full time jobs, running all over for parts for a bathroom sink, two big dogs... over frozen pizza and wine: i say...lets go upstairs and "hang out"

so a bit o time goes by, we continue watching the evening news and I ask him if he wants some ice cream (i have some cals left and it is leftover from my moms bday visit)...

a few minutes later he says... so do you only folllow myfitnesspal on weekends>... now... I am 132 pounds. I am 10 pounds heavier than the day we got married.... i ride horses and work out alot albiet not consistently... but at least 2-3 times a week... i am not exactly my goal weight, but i am happy right now.

he always has a comment about my effort at the gym ... how i am just easing my way along on the elliptical... or if i miss the gym, he says no gym today? or one time i was trying to be a little sexy and the first thing was a comment about my belly...

I am so angry I could scream. I took last week off from the gym cuz i felt burned out, but i was there yesterday and will be there tomorrow morning... of course, there were comments made everyday...

i am just shaking my head right now , nothing to say.

I look pretty darn good for 34. I will lose the 5 -10 i need to! but my god, leave me alone!

grrrr. gosh... am i being overly sensitive and defensive?

jillb2727

Is he insecure because you're looking so good? Do think deep down it bothers him?

elliott062907

Well, you could look at it like this, maybe he knows your routine and was just wondering if you were ok, lets face it, not all men know how to bring anything to the table for conversation

or

maybe it was one of those days that you had so much going on, your sensativity levels were high.

I'd shrug it off. If that's you in the pic?? Damn girl, you look great!!!!!

sabes2631

he keeps saying that he wants to get back in shape. although he is in good shape and looks good...

when i am at my best, he likes that and compliments that. when i let it slide a little bit,,, then i hear comments. it sucks... i am working a**** ton of hours an di am exhausted.

ugh. i am still so mad.

sabes2631

thats me. thanks. on my wedding day July 9. a little chubbier now, but not too terible... afterall it is october... not exactly bikini weather.
maybe i am being hyper senstive.

TamTastic

I can understand! I mean, the way he is saying it isn't exactly "Supportive".

Yes, he COULD be doing it to try and help motivate you (sometimes we all need it), but maybe he just isn't going about it the right way. He sounds a bit condescending.

Have you tried talking to him about how it makes you feel? Maybe ask him to try to say things in a different way so it doesn't hurt your feelings or tick you off?

iluvsparkles

omg you are tiny! he is nuts!

i die everyday in the gym to maintain 155, so please please try not to let it get to you, AND
tell him to get a clue! He has a hotty wife!

Livi_Loves_Pink

I can't even put into words how hurt I would be if my husband said things like that to me. There are times he mentions something like "Do you have enough calories for that?" but only because he knows I get upset when I go over.

I don't think you are being hyper-sensetive.

Have you told him it bothers you and asked him to stop?

You look awesome! Even if you are ten pounds more than when that picture was taken, I can't believe any guy would call you anything other than gorgeous, especially your hubby!

jen_huff

I would be pissed. A good husband should be supportive and NEVER tell you your fat. And I could MAYBE be a little more understanding if it was like 80 lbs or something but 5-10 come on! He probably has lost 50 to 100 hairs on his head since you got married. (joking) I mean is he so perfect that he can pick others faults, I doubt it. Don't put up with crap!

sabes2631

LOL... more than 1000 hairs on his head since we met.

Thank you for the therapy :indifferent:

arewethereyet

uh, you look damn good for any age!!!

Sometimes DH's say really dumb things. Mine tries to say something nice and it comes out really bad.

He asked me one time how much I have lost. I said 20 pounds with a big smile....his reply was "20 pounds really, that's all!" I swear I could have run over and bitten him like a rabid dog!

He could not understand why I was crying...we dont even have a door to slam and lock cuz we have all sliders!!

He told me a few days later that what he meant was just 20 pounds made a tremendous difference.

Now he is walking on eggshells!

mrsyac2

So i say to my new husband in the midst of a house torn up with remodeling, two full time jobs, running all over for parts for a bathroom sink, two big dogs... over frozen pizza and wine: i say...lets go upstairs and "hang out"

so a bit o time goes by, we continue watching the evening news and I ask him if he wants some ice cream (i have some cals left and it is leftover from my moms bday visit)...

a few minutes later he says... so do you only folllow myfitnesspal on weekends>... now... I am 132 pounds. I am 10 pounds heavier than the day we got married.... i ride horses and work out alot albiet not consistently... but at least 2-3 times a week... i am not exactly my goal weight, but i am happy right now.

he always has a comment about my effort at the gym ... how i am just easing my way along on the elliptical... or if i miss the gym, he says no gym today? or one time i was trying to be a little sexy and the first thing was a comment about my belly...

I am so angry I could scream. I took last week off from the gym cuz i felt burned out, but i was there yesterday and will be there tomorrow morning... of course, there were comments made everyday...

i am just shaking my head right now , nothing to say.

I look pretty darn good for 34. I will lose the 5 -10 i need to! but my god, leave me alone!

grrrr. gosh... am i being overly sensitive and defensive?

It could be his way of being motivation my husband does something similar- I just use it as my motivation-is your guy a fitness freak that makes a difference too-

Hell you should have seen my husband tonight i wanted a chocolate chip cookie after dinner he was like how many calories do you have left??? Im like damn it I want a cookie I didnt end up eating one though because he put it in perspective for me- the he was like 2 of these cookies are this many calories babe have one of your kashi cookies instead:grumble: :grumble:

icandoit

You look amazing!!!!!!

Itscrunchtime

hey, I've had two children and I have only 15 pounds to go. I've been married for over 4 years and have had my fair share of disappointments concerning my hubbie's insensitive comments. Guys just don't always know how to help. They want to help- truly. I'm 145 and need to be at 130. I say all of that to say this: I agree with the comments other woman have said about trying to talk to him and explain to him that the way he's going about his encouragement is hurting your feelings. I don't recommend you get in a huff and puff and think: "I shouldn't put up with this." This issue about your weight is only one area in your marriage and you guys need to work this out. You SHOULD put up with it because if you don't your headed for disaster. The only logical way to not "put up with it" is to explode on him and ultimately leave him...over what? I can tell you're mad...you said so on your post. But please...please understand that he knew you as 10 pounds lighter when he fell in love with you. Size doesn't matter with love....but it does make a difference in the attraction level. Some men have a higher standard for their woman. It's not necessarily bad. If my husband hadn't given me looks when I went for seconds or taken a bag of chips away from me...of course...now he does it with a smile and a kiss instead of meanness or viscousness.....if he hadn't done that for me I would have kept on the weight and would still be 160. We are suppose to help each other with our goals....and goals wouldn't be goals if they weren't difficult to achieve.
Good luck on talking with your hubby about his inconsiderate tone regarding your weight loss efforts. When he realizes how effective he can be with a kind tone he will surely want to do it. And try to explain to him that it takes time to establish the "perfect weight..." and keep it and maintain it. Most people fluxuate 3-5 pounds within a day...so be encouraged. I know I wrote a lot. I don't normally do this, but I wanted to take this opportunity to stear you into a direction that will help to maintain a healthy and long-lasting marriage.
Suzanne

songbyrdsweet

I have to disagree that there's only "putting up with it" and "leaving." No, she shouldn't put up with comments that are rude and make her feel bad about herself. But the alternative to that isn't leaving. It's just letting her husband know how that makes her feel and asking him to refrain from comments like those. I would never, ever, ever, ever be so purposely disrespectful to my boyfriend, and he'd never say anything like that to me either. Whenever we do step out of line, we immediately realize it and rectify the situation. It's never okay to manipulate someone or try to force them to meet your standards. We are all individuals with different bodies and habits and free will. If I want to change my body, I will do it on my own terms, and I know my boyfriend will accept that and support me. Yes, we have limits at which we would become less attracted to one another, but we would still make our own decisions to change our bodies just like we always have.

Itscrunchtime

What you're not realizing is that her hubby may not be purposely trying to hurt her feelings. You don't know the whole story...as well as I. But in giving advise to others you have give some benefit of the doubt to the one not able to speak for him/herself. I totally understand in regards to boundaries and so forth...and being able to make body changes within ones own will.....BUT, she has been 10 pounds lighter and not that long ago. Her husband is probably dealing with the new changes of marriage and joined life and should not be stereotyped as being an uncaring and manipulative hubby. Give the guy some kind of credit. Woman tend to be onesided and I was only trying to offer a solution that will not step on toes but will, in the end, be helpful in guiding the woman who started this topic in a lasting relationship. The term, "don't put up with" does leave the connotation that if the thing not being put up with doesn't stop that there will be consequences. In a marriage there has to be a balance of control. Hubby should not say things that are hurtful and wife shouldn't blow up at his lack of tact. Men are so different from woman...so given time and meaningful communication (discussion without fighting) hubby will become more sensitive and wife would become less emotional...hence: the balance of control.
In regards to your comment: "I would never, ever, ever, ever be so purposely disrespectful to my boyfriend, and he'd never say anything like that to me either. When ever we do step out of line, we immediately realize it and rectify the situation." What you're saying is true and such a good thing. The only problem is that not every marriage has come to that point where there's a balance of control. Maybe her hubby hasn't got to that point where he can immediately realize his insensitivity. I just feel that her hubby is being attacked and not given an inch for error. Yes, she is hurt: you can tell by her post. But since she's already hurt, it would not be good to advise her to "not put up with it." I can almost guarantee that her way of "not putting up with it" would be to say emotionally, "I'm not going to put up with this." And believe me, her hubby will think....if she doesn't what's going to happen? What are the consequences if she doesn't put up with it? He will automatically put up a wall. It's true that she should talk to him and tell him, when she's not worked up about it, how she feels and how he could encourage her with kinder words to lose the weight. Yes, hubby needs to change...but I don't agree with the attitude of "I"m not going to put up with it." Ask any old person who's been married for 50 years...they'll tell you the same thing. It's the wrong attitude.
Suzanne

DjBliss05

Okay, here are my two cents...

I would sit DH down and explain to him that he is being hurtful. Tell him that you are doing what you need to do to feel better and you will do it on your own schedule. I don't think it is ok for him to be picking on you... I think the person that asked if he was feeling insecure about you losing weight was probably right on. Or, he is insecure about something else, but it seems like it is probably his issue and not yours.

You are not being sensitive. It sucks to feel like he is nagging when you are working hard. I would definitely be hurt by that too.

I have been big for as long as I can remember and every relationship I have ever had has been while I have been big. I am kind of going through the opposite situation of my relationship trying to adapt to me shrinking. So I have never been around men that were hung up about my weight, b/c why would they have chosen me in the first place? I don't think that getting married at a certain weight means that you are contracted to stay that weight forever. Everyone's bodies change over the years and you are no exception. If he is gonna be there in 50 years, he will have to get used to that!

I don't think blowing up at him will help the situation, but that just doesn't seem ok. It is only one part of the relationship, but no one needs to be put down by the person closest to them. Sleep on it and bring it up when you are calm. Hopefully, he can listen and hear your concerns.

EvilPIB

I'm divorced now but when I was married my husband was very supportive when I was losing weight after each pregnancy. He would prepare my foods and ensure, when he could, that I had time to work out and even tried to loose weight with me. It's alot easier when they are involved. Now that being said, If I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing he would unleash the photos of the smaller me:sad: :mad: . Every spouse has there idea of how they can help. Sometimes it's great while other time's you want to tie them to a post and beaten until they understand :grumble: :explode: . I evenutally told him the photos were mean and hurtful, he apologize and found other ways to encourage me (flowers, girls night out, etc). Sometimes just talking to them is all it takes. Be firm but don't nagg :bigsmile: