Judgemental people on MFP

jaretspencer

You know life is to short to worry about the little minded people that are judgmental the will always try to bring you down. I"m to busy to deal with that so its mind over matter I dont mind so they dont matter.

oBirdieo

I clicked through a few of her videos and she doesn't allow comments on any of them, which tells me that the woman is fully aware of a) what she looks like, b) her poor choices when it comes to food, and c) what people think of her. NO comments allowed = she's either in denial or flat out doesn't care.

I think it's strange that some people seem to think that fat people don't judge other fat people. I'm fat and I totally judge other fat people. Hypocritical? Yes. Human nature? Yes. Am I trying to do something about it? Yes.

Kayamooh

Your words should always be sugar coated since you never know when you will have to eat them... lol

That's a great saying - and very true!!

songbyrdsweet

I clicked through a few of her videos and she doesn't allow comments on any of them, which tells me that the woman is fully aware of a) what she looks like, b) her poor choices when it comes to food, and c) what people think of her. NO comments allowed = she's either in denial or flat out doesn't care.

I think it's strange that some people seem to think that fat people don't judge other fat people. I'm fat and I totally judge other fat people. Hypocritical? Yes. Human nature? Yes. Am I trying to do something about it? Yes.

I agree. When I was overweight I tended to be more judgmental because I was very self-conscious and noticed in others what I didn't like about my own body. Everyone judges, it's simply a comparison of yourself to another person. I think you can objectively look at that video and say that salad is very high in calories, the woman is morbidly obese, and you can hear her breathing heavily on the video. Whatever you do with that information is your own business. I didn't say anything on MFP, but I had my own judgments and thoughts about it.

portexploit

I read the post more carefully, and I watched the video and read the original topic on this macaroni salad. The original post of the salad, I am pretty sure she was being sarcastic. I read one page of the comments. They do have a point, I don’t think they criticized the member, they made their comments. Maybe on page 2 or 3 it was worse. I personally do like macaroni salad, I never thought of it but I can consider it a favorite food. I rarely do eat it. I really don’t see a problem with anything. The only problem I do see is the constant bickering in the forums, which is pretty pathetic, we’re all supposed to support one another, not bring each other down.

Mbelzner10

Wish there was a like button on here.

_Sally_

I with you... I think people not only forget where they came from but have a fear of going back there again. Your words should always be sugar coated since you never know when you will have to eat them... lol

Agreed. Most bullies, etc are motivated by FEAR and their own insecurities. Says more about them than what they are actually commenting on.

We are all on our own journeys. Best to tune all that stuff out and not read those threads. It is also not representative of the majority of folks on MFP. You can choose to have a good experience on MFP or focus on the negativity and take it personally.

When you are kayaying, should you focus on the rocks that could trip you up or the open water that will provide you smooth passage? Keep your eyes focused and aim for the open water ahead and you will reach your destination!

pumpkinmoccasin

I think there's a lot of people (myself included) that watching that video made sad for the woman because she clearly doesn't care about the dangerous condition she's in (having someone film her, putting notations of exactly how many calories is in the entire bowl, and disabling comments on youtube means she knows the reaction it's going to get out of people)... It's obvious she was really struggling and as people trying so hard to make an effort to change their lives, some people might be angered by this blatant disregard of healthfulness that she's displaying... That's why I think some people were quick to judge on that thread. I'm not justifying some of the things that people said that were downright mean, just trying to give logical reason why people would say such things...

The internet's anonymity brings out the worst in otherwise good-natured people, especially if they're steered in that direction. I think the thread was posted harmlessly intentended as a shock to MFP users to have a look at where they might have come from and it spiraled out of control... But that's me trying to see the good intentions of people, falliable as they are.

Thriceshy

I refused to even read the thread. There are some really wonderful people here. And there are a few real gits, people who seem to be missing that tact and sensitivity chip. People who seem to feel better about themselves when they're knocking others down. People who should know better than to attack others for size--especially here, you know?

Next time you see a thread like that, just walk on by. Let the meanies have their feeding frenzy and stick to the friendlier places.

Kris

SkateboardFi

Theres a big big difference between someone morbidly obese whos actually trying to make positive lifestyle changes and helping themselves, and someone morbidly obese posting a video of themselves making something so disgustingly fatty and sugary that it would make most people vomit. A big difference.

A lot of people here get their diets HEAVILY criticised. To their face. Its not uncommon. A lot of people here get comments that their BMI is low, theyre going to be repulsive to men. I actually very rarely see any criticisms of people who are overweight, and quite right too.
On the other hand, you put yourself out there on a youtube video like this, and you are ASKING for peoples opinions. Not all are going to be nice. Its not some utopia we live in. There are also gonna be people out there who think she looks amazing. After all, isnt there that chick who gets paid for people to watch her eat online. Theres a huge market for BBW porn etc, whatever floats your boat. There are also gonna be people that think it doesnt look nice, and shock horror, there are going to be people that make fun to a certain extent.
If me, or anyone else was following her round the internet, or approaching her in public to tell her what i thought of how she looked, then that would be really bad and out of order, but to comment on someone - IN JEST, whos not even here, and chances are shes not going to see it. Its a pretty minor crime in the grand scheme of things. Ive read some pretty mean comments on here by people many many times about people they consider too thin. I read it ALL THE TIME, and yes i notice, because a lot of the things they say are repulsive, are things i have, and things i dont actually like about my body, whereas noone would say to an overweight person, well you need to lose a bit more, your BMI is a bit repulsive etc. In actual fact i think people are VERY sensitive towards overweight people. Maybe thats why the vast majority of people are so complacent about their weight, even when its got into the heart attack/diabetes/stroke waiting to happen stage.

exactly.

Snookieee

I really don’t see a problem with anything. The only problem I do see is the constant bickering in the forums, which is pretty pathetic, we’re all supposed to support one another, not bring each other down.

very well said. you're absolutely right, we're supposed to help each other. at one point or another we were all either upset with ourselves or just not happy with something about us and decided to make a change. whether you made that change a long time ago, a week ago, or today it doesnt matter. all that matters is that you made the change. for me it's still tricky. all of my family, and i mean ALL of my immediate family members are morbidly obese. i was in every sport in hs, but i was the biggest girl on the teams.. i had never had support from my family because they couldnt lose weight themselves. now im on 7 months of working towards a goal and i can definitely say ive come a long way. ive lost 47 pounds since january and ive got 30 to go :]

chubswonky

I like that everyone seems to have skipped over the fact that, yes, the salad as a WHOLE is 6850 calories, but it's also like a potluck size salad. That doesn't change the fact that there's still going to be a lot of calories in one serving, but, STILL.

I was going to say the exact same thing!! Basically, I should think we all have our own gardens to tend rather than start snooping in our neighbors' yards.

lol LOVE that quote!

Schwiggity

I like that everyone seems to have skipped over the fact that, yes, the salad as a WHOLE is 6850 calories, but it's also like a potluck size salad. That doesn't change the fact that there's still going to be a lot of calories in one serving, but, STILL.

I was going to say the exact same thing!! Basically, I should think we all have our own gardens to tend rather than start snooping in our neighbors' yards.

Except when your neighbor posts their yard on Youtube?

alexg94

Just read most of the comments on that thread and none of them seem to be rude or mean...

dls06

When I first started on MFP I would get so upset at some of the comments. Now, when things get negative, I move to another post.
Or write " If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything."

Christina269

I'd love to recruit her to MFP!! I don't think that's mean -- I just want her to be healthier because in her videos she seems so sweet! (And she can cook some good stuff!!!)

imjustlisa

I am amazed at the negativity in this entire post...I was just telling friends the other day about mfp and what a positive impact it has had on me. There is so much honestly, I am always amazed at the motivation strangers give to one another. I am equally amazed at those who find the strength to put up their beginning photos. You know that they are considering their bodies to be at their all time worst yet they still find the strength inside themselves to post the pics and say ok world here I am! This is my first time i have read such negativity on here but i think if you want to post your opinion you should be able to. Negative or not, I have the choice to read or not. I choose not to.

Heather75

The macaroni was overcooked.

whisperingdragon

I liked her. And I like you. :flowerforyou:

dls06

I refused to even read the thread. There are some really wonderful people here. And there are a few real gits, people who seem to be missing that tact and sensitivity chip. People who seem to feel better about themselves when they're knocking others down. People who should know better than to attack others for size--especially here, you know?

Next time you see a thread like that, just walk on by. Let the meanies have their feeding frenzy and stick to the friendlier places.

Kris

I like this post!

LoveleeB

From experience.. most of the judgment occurs on threads rather than from your MFP friends on profile posts and such... I guess if you don't wan't "judgment" or "harsh criticism" from people you don't know, then stick to your friends... ya know the people you may actually give a damn about what they think??

Hearts_2015

bump

LorinaLynn

I think it's funny when people judge other people for being judgmental, then the people who were originally being judgmental judge the people who judged them and it all keeps spinning around and around and around....

I'm typically quite tactful. I carefully word things to try not to offend people, because I've known a lot of people who fly off the handle at the slightest perceived insult. And you know what? It sucks. We're all adults here. While we should all be tactful, we should also be able to handle criticism, whether it's constructive or not.

AI1108

everyone needs to get off their high horse, acting like every person they've thought nothing but happy thoughts about every person they've come across in their life.

Sure, I think nasty stuff about people sometimes. We're all human, we all do it. But we DON'T all talk about it in such a public manner that that person could find it or hear it. That's the issue.

Youtube is a public site.. she PUT herself in the public eye. No one says that we shouldn't criticize Antoine Dodson or "David Goes to Dentist" or whatever overnight celebrities are out there.. it's okay when it's funny but it's not okay to talk about it when there's a problem that someone has?!

OK .. Yes some of the comments on that post were mean to say and out of order and could have been phrased differently to not hurt people but I'm going to say this .. facts are facts. We're all adults. We need to grow up and accept the truth. Yes she is MORBIDLY obese and yes it's NOT ok to let yourself be that way. Some of you should stop reading now if you can't handle this...

IT IS NOT POSSIBLE FOR SOMEONE TO BE A FUNCTIONAL MEMBER OF SOCIETY AT THAT STAGE IN THEIR HEALTH. Go ahead judge me for saying this. (That's right.. you're judging. You're human.) But let's face it.. we are all here because we realize that. Whether you want to say it out loud or not. I have been judged for being tiny. I am not underweight.. the general public has just gotten fatter.. the more fat you have on your body, the more sluggish you become to the point that you cannot even open a bag of carrots without huffing and puffing?! It doesn't only hurt you, it hurts everyone around you - your family, friends, society.. etc. While medical society could be working on finding a cure for cancer, they are working on finding a cure for obese people to eat less - something one could easily do themselves. Your family and friends will feel bad for you, instead of seeing the real joy of being around you. What do you think she does for a living.. cooks? Sits at home collecting disability? One day she will. One day she'll be living off of OUR tax dollars. What do you think her function was in life? Do you think she really is enjoying life to the fullest?

OK no I have never been overweight so maybe I am not sensitive in that regard.. but I am not overweight because I have never let myself get to that point. Maybe I feel I can say this because I have never gotten there, and because well lets face it I have a big mouth (Yeah I said it.. whatever.) because when I see something wrong I can't help myself soo...

Kudos for everyone that has come to MFP for help in making sure they can take control of their lives. We have seen the light and are working on bettering ourselves but maybe it's time for someone to let HER know that what she has done to herself is not safe and is NOT ok. A macaroni salad like that can and never will be considered healthy. It's 6,800 calories of mostly processed food. While some may say it's an innocent meal or even a meal for multiple people, its glutony, disgusting, and the door to sooo many more issues. It's a clear disrespect for your own self.

I really hope she IS a member of MFP and finds this post. As a matter of fact.. I don't mind if someone prints this out and sends it to her because it's something that she needs to hear.

JoeB71

While there are some people who just don't care about themselves, they still shouldn't be judged. At the least offer them some encouraging advice. But if somebody still chooses to eat themselves to death then I just accept that as "their" decision. Most people judge anyway because of their own insecurities. I used to work with a guy who was into bodybuilding & he said he refused to be seen with a girl who wasn't in great shape. Now if that doesn't sound insecure.

gb30

Thank you for your post. I believe it will help about 5% of the people who posted mean, negative posts, a chance to reflect a bit deeper on this journey. Why did they have that as their first reaction? What happened to them growing up that would make writing those words acceptable? I need to focus my energy on my goal and being positive. Again, thank you for your honest, thoughtful post.

Thriceshy

OK no I have never been overweight so maybe I am not sensitive in that regard.. but I am not overweight because I have never let myself get to that point. Maybe I feel I can say this because I have never gotten there, and because well lets face it I have a big mouth (Yeah I said it.. whatever.) because when I see something wrong I can't help myself soo...

Oh, cool. A thin person come to tell all us fatties that we aren't capable of being functional members of society. Marvy.

Funny, according to you, we're fat even though we could "easily" choose not to be, but you "can't help" but run off at the keyboard and insult folks? Really? You're just helpless to keep those fingers still?

Hey, if I can keep from going over 1,600 calories a day, you can keep from beating us down with your ill-considered opinions about who we are and why we're how we are. If your post was meant to be "supportive," I cringe to think what would spring from your keyboard with less kindly intentions.

Kris

Schwiggity

The macaroni was overcooked.

I love you Heather.

TheBraveryLover

There are definitely a few people here who make disparaging remarks about people who looked like them before they lost the weight. To be honest, all it shows is that they hated themselves before they lost the weight and that's just sad. But the overwhelming majority on MFP are very down to Earth, kind, supportive, and do not insult overweight people. This has to be best and kindest forum I have ever been on in my entire life; I kid you not. My best advice is to skip the post if you see it starting off negative. If the thread itself is starting to go down (groupthink is alive and well) with more than a few negative comments, just close the thread and move on to another.

Whatever you do, don't *ever* allow words on a screen, from someone who doesn't know you, and never will meet you, slow down what your goals are. The most negative, insulting people are not on here for the right reasons; they're on here to feel better about themselves by bringing others down. Never let them and their low self esteem affect you.

If all else fails and you're still down about the MFP forums in general (which, again, is one of the best and most supportive on the internet for ANY subject) I'd say take a few days break from reading them. Keep logging and exercising and come back in a few days when your head is more clear. :flowerforyou:

sexforjaffacakes

I think people are forgetting that this woman wasn't an innocent mfp member, she is a woman making a spectacle of herself on the internet. Dyou think people watch her videos for those lovely wholesome recipes? or because it's a fat lady making incredibly disgusting fatty food? You have the right to judge anyone that posts videos on youtube, that's what they're there for. It's like saying you can't judge models or tv stars because it might hurt their feelings - I think people are being more harsh about the poeple judging that woman, than the people were that judged the woman in the first place!