joke room. . time to lighten up!

Jade_Butterfly

Okay everyone. . break loose with your best jokes. . and shananagins of the day!

godroxmysox

bump

nurse_carolyn

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the hell she is!

therealangd

Some doctor on tv this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started & hadn't finished, then I finished off a bottle of Vodka, a bodle of Baileys, a botle of wum, a pock of Prungles, 1/2 chesecke an a bocs a choclezt. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feeel now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fel ar in ned ov innr piss

Bellum24

hahaha so cute!

Jade_Butterfly

Some doctor on tv this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started & hadn't finished, then I finished off a bottle of Vodka, a bodle of Baileys, a botle of wum, a pock of Prungles, 1/2 chesecke an a bocs a choclezt. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feeel now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fel ar in ned ov innr piss

Love this. .. I knew this was a good thread to start somehow! lol

1petewest

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the hell she is!

what is she wearing?! I saw a woman walking in front of Wal-Mart earlier today that looked a little worn out! GO GRANNY!!!

RyonsLions2

Someone posted this already a while back, but let me see if I can do it justice even a little bit.


I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

My husband would have been slapped! All in fun though. I could see him saying this. NOT in reference to my weight, mind you, just being silly!!! I laughed so hard at this one morning. I can't remember who posted these funnies. I think it was Tamanella?? I miss her where is she???

Gilbrod

Being that it's Sunday and all, here we go...

What kind of meat does the pope eat?
-Nun-

ZIIIIIIINNNNNG!!!! THank you thank you. I'll be here all night!

RyonsLions2

LOL!!!

jlewis2896

So two men, Mark and John, are sitting around the water cooler at work on a Friday, discussing John's infatuation with their co-worker, Marcia.

John: "Man, I finally worked out the courage to ask her out, but anytime I come within a 10-foot radius of her I sport a massive boner. It's fine talking over a cubicle wall, but what am I going to do for our date??"

Mark: "Dude, if it's that bad, can't you just tape the thing to your leg?"

John: "I never thought of that, good call."

So Monday rolls around, and Mark is anxious to hear how the date went. He notices that Marcia is nowhere to be seen, and John has been avoiding him all day. Mark finally confronts John.

Mark: "So, did it work? Did the tape work?!"

John: "Well yeah, it stayed taped to my leg....."

Mark: "So?! What happened?"

John: "Well the minute Marcia opened her front door, I ended up kicking her right in the face....."

jlewis2896

Being that it's Sunday and all, here we go...

What kind of meat does the pope eat?
-Nun-

ZIIIIIIINNNNNG!!!! THank you thank you. I'll be here all night!

Bahahahahahaaaaa!

koosdel

I once posed nude for a magazine.

Looking back, I think the guy at the paper stand would have rather had cash.

boomboom011

So two men, Mark and John, are sitting around the water cooler at work on a Friday, discussing John's infatuation with their co-worker, Marcia.

John: "Man, I finally worked out the courage to ask her out, but anytime I come within a 10-foot radius of her I sport a massive boner. It's fine talking over a cubicle wall, but what am I going to do for our date??"

Mark: "Dude, if it's that bad, can't you just tape the thing to your leg?"

John: "I never thought of that, good call."

So Monday rolls around, and Mark is anxious to hear how the date went. He notices that Marcia is nowhere to be seen, and John has been avoiding him all day. Mark finally confronts John.

Mark: "So, did it work? Did the tape work?!"

John: "Well yeah, it stayed taped to my leg....."

Mark: "So?! What happened?"

John: "Well the minute Marcia opened her front door, I ended up kicking her right in the face....."

hahhaha you said boner! that word makes me laugh!

Jade_Butterfly

I once posed nude for a magazine.

Looking back, I think the guy at the paper stand would have rather had cash.

Well you would have to post your nuddie pics in order for us to be objective! lol

Amandamccl

Two women friends had gone out for a
Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly
over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they
suddenly realized they both needed to
pee. They were very near a graveyard and
one of them suggested they do their
business behind a headstone or
something. The first woman had nothing to
wipe with so she took off her panties, used
them and threw them away. Her friend
however was wearing an expensive
underwear set and didn't want to ruin
hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a
large ribbon from a wreath that was on a
grave and proceeded to wipe herself with
it. After finishing, they made their way
home.
The next day the first woman's husband
phones the other husband and said,
"These damn girls nights out have got to
stop. My wife came home last night
without her panties." "That's nothing," said
the other. "Mine came back with a
sympathy card stuck between the cheeks
of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the
Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

mommared53

Some doctor on tv this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started & hadn't finished, then I finished off a bottle of Vodka, a bodle of Baileys, a botle of wum, a pock of Prungles, 1/2 chesecke an a bocs a choclezt. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feeel now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fel ar in ned ov innr piss

Cracking up! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

nrvo

Q: Why is corn the best vegetable?

A: Because it's the only one you can eat twice!!

koosdel

There are three kinds of men: Those who learn by reading; those who
learn by observation; and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.  

mommared53

PECANS IN THE CEMETERY

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.
One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,' said one boy.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle.
As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery.
He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard,
'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'

Panic-stricken, he just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off.
Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard!
Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.'

The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk?
When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard , 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me. '

The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord.'

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.
The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter
as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done.'

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.

Amandamccl

One night, a father passed
by his son's room and heard
his son praying:
"God bless Mommy, Daddy,
and Grandma. Ta ta,
Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know
what this meant, but was
glad his son was praying.
The next morning, they
found Grandpa dead on the
floor of a heart attack.
The father reassured
himself that it was just a
coincidence, but was still a
bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his
son praying again: "God
bless Mommy and Daddy.
Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but
decided to wait until
morning.
Sure enough, the next
morning Grandma was on
the floor, dead of a heart
attack.
Really scared now, the
father decided to wait
outside his son's door the
next night.
And sure enough, the boy
started to pray: "God bless
Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was
crapping his pants.
He stayed up all night, and
went to the doctor's early
the next day to make sure
his health was fine.
When he finally came
home, his wife was waiting
on the porch.
She said, "Thank God you're
here -- we could really use
your help! We found the
milkman dead on our porch
this morning!"