Horrible shopping trip

blobby10

Since the start of the year I have been battling to lose 14-21lb before my holiday in August. I've been watching what I eat, cutting out alcohol, chocolate, biscuits etc and exercising much more than I ever used to. With very little result on the scales. I asked darling hubby for advise about how I looked etc. " Your shape is changing so much" "you're looking much slimmer" "Your thighs (jodhpurs) are really starting to go" etc so I was feeling much better about myself.

Those close to me know that I have NEVER felt good, pretty, attractive etc and always see the negative rather than positive in my appearance. However I've been making huge efforts over the past couple of years to change this and was beginning to succeed.

Until Saturday. I was shopping for clothes for (and with) my 13 year old son but decided to nip into marks and spencers to get a tankini for holiday. Got into the changing rooms, stripped down to my undies and was greeted in the mirror by an ugly, bulbous hippo of a woman with hips on her like ...eeuurrggh. It was revolting. (For those in the UK, think that really unflattering bikini pic of Princess Beatrice a couple of years ago but worse.) Got dressed as quickly as possible and got home, reallyupset, and spent the rest of the day stuffing my face with every bit of fatty c*** I could find.

Have spent the rest of the weekend battling with myself - 'what's the point in trying - who cares what I look like' ' obviously all the effort I've put in has done nothing - I still look revolting so why continue to try, I may as well stuff my face with what I want' etc etc are all the sorts of thoughts going through my head. I know I'll neverbe a Cindy Crawford and I know that the lighting/mirrors etc are probably designed to be unflattering but I really was shocked.

Any suggestions apart from one of those coverall things on the beach>? Or should I just get over myself and relish what I have rather than what I haven't got?

B x

Atlantique

No one looks good in a dressing room. It's not just you!

The worrisome thing here is that when you felt that disappointment, your solution was to punish yourself with a binge. Perhaps part of your focus going forward should be on finding healthier ways to deal with negative emotions, as using food to bury them will derail your weight loss and fitness goals.

kiwi1855

I personally think that those mirrors and lighting are meant to make everyone look horrible.

Listen to your husband. Apart from yourself, really, he's the only opinion that matters. And he married you because loves YOU!

Shopping for bathing suits sucks even when you are skinny (or at least I'm told when I go shopping with one of my very thin friends), and under the store lighting it makes everything worse.

We are our own worst critics. Listen to your husband, focus on the positive, and remember, you are beautiful!

cafeteriagirl

First i think you are being too hard on yourself. Listen to your hubby he sees the difference in you there is obviously some change. Dont give up on your hard work. It will come off. We are always our worst critic this is the pot calling the kettle black. But that is what this site is all about helping each other through the hard spots.
Keep your chin up things will get better for you

mickimause

I agree - dressing room lighting & mirrors were designed by a sadistic SOB. There's no other explanation!! Also, remember the pictures we see in magazines, etc, are airbrushed to be perfect!

Find a tankini you like (I found one with a skirt that I adore), be proud of what you've done so far. Realize that it was just one day of binging and that you won't do it again. Today is a new day! And if you must binge, binge on something crunchy & healthy - think carrots, celery, broccoli, etc, without the dip! Celery with a bit of sea salt usually works for me, it takes effort to eat and keeps my hands busy.

Here's to you, and enjoying your holiday!

oBirdieo

I'm sorry you had a bad shopping experience. I think most women dread shopping for swimsuits especially! Even the "skinny girls" probably see all their flaws when presented with a dressing room mirror and industrial lighting!

Have you taken measurements? I'm finding they're a better guide of loss than weight. For the past couple of weeks I've been all over the place with my weight, but my hips are down nearly 1.5 inches -- knowing that has helped keep me motivated as the scale sure isn't helping!

Draw a line under what you ate at the weekend. Today is a new day. The next time you want to binge, ask yourself how that's going to help you reach your goals. I know it's hard to do in the heat of the moment, but it's something I'm working on doing.

This is probably going to sound strange, but I'd suggest you take your son shopping again. (This is assuming he's the ideal 13-year-old who will want to be seen in public with his mother! :laugh: If not him, take along a trusted friend or your husband.) Be honest with him. Tell him you're feeling down about how you look in a swimsuit and want him to help you pick the one you look best in. That's it -- no commenting on anything, no facial expressions. Just to let you know which one looks best. Go pick out a few and try them on. DON'T LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND JUDGE YOURSELF. After you've tried them all on, ask your son which one looked best. Buy that one. Go on your holiday and have a lovely time. Take a sarong along with you if it'll make you feel more comfortable.

Before you go, do some research online about the best suit shapes for your shape. I know, for example, that I MUST NOT buy a suit with high-cut leg openings, but I MUST buy a suit with a low neckline and a crossover type wrappy design on top to accent my bust and make my waist look smaller.

AND -- keep in mind while you're walking around on your holiday that there will be women who are looking at you and wishing they had your body. I'm one of them -- I know what I look like in a swimsuit and if i could trade the way I look with the way Beatrice looked in that "bad" photo, I'd do it in a second!

allison_joan

Dressing rooms are the worst! Different stores clothing can fit differently and trust me even thinking about having to get a size up will cause me to freak out and not buy it (no matter how much I loved the shirt or whatever I was trying on). Keep working towards your goal and keep working to make you feel better about yourself! Don't give up because there IS a point to all of this. The point is to feel beautiful and to be healthy. Don't give up now, just keep on pushing through whether it's a good day or a bad day.

heathergettingfit

I am taking a water aerobics class this summer. Believe me when I say that the last thing I want to do is walk out of the dressing room in a bathing suit at my size. The first day was the hardiest and then with each progressing day that I attend the class I realize that all of the other people in the pool are there for the same health reasons.

Remember that no matter what you look like in or out of clothing it is more important to focus on the fact that you are making wiser eating choices, taking part in beneficial physical activities, and creating a healthier lifestyle for you, your son, and your husband.

Have strength and confidence about the whole (inside and outside) and not just a part (outside).

jwaitman

Don't give up. I think we all have moments like that. Try to turn it into motivation instead of focusing on the negative. There is still time before August to work on it. Enjoy your vacation no matter what, don't let something like your weight get in your way. We are much harder on ourselves that others are and they won't give it a second thought about what you are wearing.

Confidence will make your beauty shine through no matter the outfit.

blobby10

THank you so much for your wonderful replies. I feel quite emotional and teary reading them.

I guess we all have moments like mine when fate delivers us the opportunity to make a choice. For me it was give up and stuff my face with whatever I want for the rest of my life, or carry on with MFP and hope that one day my efforts will be rewarded.

Thanks to the brilliantcommunity here, I'm choosing the second option.

B x