Why are ex's so strange?

Sway

Why does he text almost every week? Why does he bring up the past so much? I had a talk with him several times, today being another time about not texting his weird messages, and stuff. He says he's just being friendly. I don't initiate contact with him. He was a mess and I was miserable that's why we're not together. What does he want?? Maybe just attention? Guys what's up with dude?

Oh yeah and believe me the background about this is way too complicated, but I'll try to nut shell it for you, he cared about me a lot, but wasn't ready for a relationship I don't know if I was really either but I was left disappointed in many ways. There's a lot of other little things too...

I just don't understand why he can't keep the distance though? I mean what does he want?

Ajontheguitar

A form of closure that doesn't exist. Men like that (previously me, to be honest) feel like "oh I'm just getting this closure" when really they're suspending the pain they havent, and can't deal with. They just have to let you go forever and realize it happens. It really sucks and as a "sensie" (see the show Scrubs for definition) I really understand how much it hurts.

But sometimes, you have to do what hurts to feel like you again.

TromaRon

That's why they're ex's, because they're so strange.
...and not the good kind of strange. ; )

goddess2B

He doesn't know what he wants? He wants you to want him?

Don't engage! Just Ignore him completely!

bjshooter

He wants you back, or wants you to want him back. People don't like it when you move on and don't seem to care. If you started being interested in him, he would probably not care so much.

How long have you been split up?

Phanessa917

I'm sorry. You can ignore his text msgs if he doesn't get it. Do what you need to move on... even if it means letting him go completely.

Heatherbelle_87

You are now a challenge to him again. It could also be a form of manipulation (ive had one of those exes) to see if he can win you back. He'll be perfect in the beginning then come back the old habits

guyonthego

Suggestion to help.... Send a bunch of us BIG guys who need to burn calories to his house for a....."meeting"

porcelain_doll

I also agree that he doesn't know what he wants. It's really annoying when guys act that way. They want one foot on either side of the fence. As my mother likes to say, "S**t or get off the pot." (say that to him, lol)

Uk_Yogini

If you don't want him in your life, then I say ignore him.

wickedcricket

who cares!? either he's an ex or not - stop all contact, change your number and if he continues to harrass you, contact the police. End of problem
next problem

SarahofTwins

Reading that actually reminded me of me and my ex...everything you said is how I felt before too. I don't think I'll ever know but he ALWAYS called, texted, emailed...usually asking what I'm up to, how life was treating me, and so on. I never understood it myself because he broke up with me but yet still wanted to communicate all the time before? Weirdo lol He also said he wasn't ready to settle down, but after all this time it was because he didnt want to settle down with me. This was years back and Thank God we are not together because I have a wonderful husband who adores me and our children.

Ultimately I think they just want to keep tabs or don't want to see you happy. Not sure though cause when I asked why he kept doing it, all he could say was "I still care about you" Talk about bologne. Anyhow just let him be and do your own thing, trust me it'll be better for you overall.:flowerforyou:

jojopel

Don't reply to his texts and, if need be, get a new number so he can' reach you.

PlanetVelma

You are now a challenge to him again. It could also be a form of manipulation (ive had one of those exes) to see if he can win you back. He'll be perfect in the beginning then come back the old habits

This!

I'd just stop returning his text/phone calls - he'll get the drift eventually. If he doesn't call your cell phone provider and see if you can have his number blocked.

If you find out he has a shrine of you, consider changing your identity. LOL

blink1021

I know people say that exes can be friends. I do not know about that its best to ignore him so you can both move on. By talking to him you are giving him the attention he wants. Especially if you ended things he may be having a hard time coming to terms with that his ego could be damaged. Hopefully he will get bored and move on if not then that is a whole other post.

cmriverside

Obsessive Compulsive?


I'd say the best advice was already given. Let him go and don't answer him any more.

Cherry21

Guys who can figure them I don't even try anymore.

Ajontheguitar

I guess nobody's giving this guy the benefit of a broken heart like I did...lol

Tandy1965

I agree with everyone on this, you cannot break up with someone and remain friends. It's better to just move on. Please be aware if it gets to weird to notify the police, if you never respond this could make him angry (if he's that kind of guy). Just be careful!

Jennfur2610

He sounds like one of my exes, just not ready to commit to any kind of relationship. It was really rough after we broke up because he would text, IM or email and bring up the good times which made me miss him. Unless you think you can be friends with him, I'd cut ties. If you want to be friends, ignore the texts that are driving you nuts. There might be some underlying issues with them (he's trying to control your emotions, or test your faithfulness to him) and in that case it's just better to walk away. Your Mr. Right is out there somewhere.

cmriverside

I guess nobody's giving this guy the benefit of a broken heart like I did...lol

A broken heart will heal much faster if you don't keep yanking the bandage off. No doubt he's hurting. . . and your point is? :laugh:

I've been on both sides. There's no easy way but just go through it.

Ajontheguitar

I guess nobody's giving this guy the benefit of a broken heart like I did...lol

A broken heart will heal much faster if you don't keep yanking the bandage off. No doubt he's hurting. . . and your point is? :laugh:

I've been on both sides. There's no easy way but just go through it.

I agree, but I was more stating that everybody was damning his motives.

ste73

You should cut him dead completely. He probably thinks there is always a small chance of you guys getting back together if your in contact.. gotta be cruel to be kind. And this way he will be able to move on too

abbysmommy7

:laugh:

Suggestion to help.... Send a bunch of us BIG guys who need to burn calories to his house for a....."meeting"

I have just the Ex I would like to set the "meeting" up for this is a splended idea :laugh:

Heatherbelle_87

I guess nobody's giving this guy the benefit of a broken heart like I did...lol

I think youre also the only guy responding lol.... but im sorry after dating plenty of "normal" guys its a narcissitic intention, or he likes the challenge. The ones who want the challenge usually also keep a girl on the side as a "friend" till they need her (yep Ive been that girl too) I am friends with a couple of my exes, who have both admitted I was the best thing they didnt know they had till I was gone. With both we didnt talk for months until we had healed and hanging around each other at first was not easy and rarely alone.

I agree with the bandage analogy.

Heatherbelle_87

lol while i respond another guy responds! so its not just us girls thinking this

Ajontheguitar

Well I guess I'm biased because when I was in that situation, she was messing with me really badly by texting me periodcally when I was letting go "hey how are you doing?" Then she'd call, tell me she missed me but talked about the new guy she was dating. It was excruciating.

mishelnkiki

omg... i have the EXACT same thing going on right now! when i tell him im done txt and to stop, he goes all psycho crazy on me. he shows up randomly at my house. its very creepy. if u figure out how to make it stop, PLEASE lemme know! thanks and best of luck to ya.

sunkisses

Reading that actually reminded me of me and my ex...everything you said is how I felt before too. I don't think I'll ever know but he ALWAYS called, texted, emailed...usually asking what I'm up to, how life was treating me, and so on. I never understood it myself because he broke up with me but yet still wanted to communicate all the time before? Weirdo lol He also said he wasn't ready to settle down, but after all this time it was because he didnt want to settle down with me. This was years back and Thank God we are not together because I have a wonderful husband who adores me and our children.

Ultimately I think they just want to keep tabs or don't want to see you happy. Not sure though cause when I asked why he kept doing it, all he could say was "I still care about you" Talk about bologne. Anyhow just let him be and do your own thing, trust me it'll be better for you overall.:flowerforyou:

You just explained my most recent relationship/breakup. Glad to know I'm not alone in that I don't think my ex is psychotic or anything, but it's awful how passive-controlling he has been in our breakup. All of his emails posed in the form of friendship or "help" when I don't need it and have specifically requested that he stop contacting me in any fashion.

He finally got with his ultimate dream-girl and stopped communicating with me........until our old anniversary rolled around. Sure! You can totally ignore my requests to stop contact for that special occasion and make a comment on my blog. Yeah, your comment is about how much I "taught" you and not our old anniversary - that's totally just a coincidence that it happened on the same day.

It wasn't until I had the bright idea to lie and tell him I've begun seeing someone else that he *seems* to have taken my request seriously. We'll see. It's only been a few days, but I have it in writing now.

voluptas63

Why does he text almost every week? Why does he bring up the past so much? I had a talk with him several times, today being another time about not texting his weird messages, and stuff. He says he's just being friendly. I don't initiate contact with him. He was a mess and I was miserable that's why we're not together. What does he want?? Maybe just attention? Guys what's up with dude?

Oh yeah and believe me the background about this is way too complicated, but I'll try to nut shell it for you, he cared about me a lot, but wasn't ready for a relationship I don't know if I was really either but I was left disappointed in many ways. There's a lot of other little things too...

I just don't understand why he can't keep the distance though? I mean what does he want?

If he can't keep the distance then you make the distance. Easy as that. When he txts you next, send one text telling him to no longer contact you. After that, do not engage. He'll move on once he sees you won't play his game. Right now you're playing it all day. Stop it and take back the control.

Sway

Okay thank you SO much for your responses... and let me continue with my story by saying he is very emotionally needy. I was incredibly patient, to the point where I wondered why I was that way. I really tried to help him, and encouraged him to get therapy a lot. I'm extremely independent and can juggle 50 million things at once, and even the smallest thing would set him over the edge. But still I cared and worried about him.

He did admit he didn't know his *kitten* from his elbow when he met me, and he was very confused but liked me a lot. Anyways, long story short, I never fully felt at ease with him, like I think you should in a relationship. (Gut reaction of something not right) Several things that would bother me was that he strangely would stare at other women, and I don't mean glance, but actually hold the stare too long, and he added and would talk to random fb or myspace girls all the time. He never made me feel secure, and I'm quite attractive, and usually very secure with myself. So then he threw it back at me, like I was the one with the problem. That infuriated me that he didn't at least try to see my point of view.

Anyways, I was disappointed in a lot of ways, and without getting to into it, we had different "drives" shall I say, and many other communication issues. EVERYTHING was a drama to him. And I kind of think he still wants some of that in his life, because it keeps his mind busy. Oh yeah and one other thing that bothered me, and tell me what you think... no matter how much other women or his friends use him, and he cries to me and complained, he would still be friends with them, or date them. He started to date some girl who cheated on him, and took advantage of all of his money, but yet he says She's just SO nice... wtf? Did I mention he called me two of his ex's names on different occasions. He's definitely not the brightest bulb. I was a freakin Goddess to him, and look what I got.... so much for being nice and patient I guess. He's kind of like a 34 year old in a 16 year old teenage boy mentality... or 8... I teach kids, and he acts like my kids some times. To be fair to him, there were some qualities that were nice... but I just don't think he had a clue on how to act with me.

So YES, I did cut off ALL communication. It was hard, I'm not going to lie, but I constantly went over the horrible sad feeling I had, whenever I dealt with him. He was respectful of it after a while of trying. But it sparked back up again for some reason. Hopefully now he has gotten the point. I don't like him texting my pet name he had, and other things. It's just kind of strange to me. Mind you, and to be totally fair, he isn't some cheating a..hole, although in the heat of his ranting he has called me some really mean things. But I could list a million things negative, to maybe 8 or so positives. Such a shame. But it's all a learning process!!

Okay so to respond to your posts...

Ajonthetquitar: I'm not sure he wants closure, if anything he wants to make sure we're still friends and I still care about him. He says that's very important to him. Mind you he's SUPER sensitive. And also I'm sorry you were heartbroken too. Believe me I was crushed when he started dating the new girl, and jumped into it seemingly fast, after I had spent so much time building him up.

TromaRon: You are ABSOLUTELY right!! Ex's are strange.

Goddess2B: You are Exactly right too. He NEVER has known what he wants. He put me through a mind-f of confusion for a long time. He's lost and trying to find himself. What I noticed, was after the years I had known him he made NO progress in personal growth and it really worried me.

Bjshooter: I definitely think he wants the idea of having me there, just in case... it's like he contacts me, as if to say don't forget about me, because maybe down the road we can still be an option. He definitely knows how to push buttons, and I also know what will push his, so I don't respond because it'll start his drama all over again. I kind of feel like he wants to always see what's out there, but knows me, and that I was a good thing, and so wants me to think of him in some good light.

Phanessa Thank you honey! We have let each other go to the point of less contact, but it seems we also are trying to resolve ever nuance of what went wrong. And he won't stop. Hopefully today was the last conversation on that.

I mean how much does it suck, to think the next time you hang out, that he'll call you by an ex' s name, or bring up some other crap. It's exhausting.

Heatherbelle_87 Thank you, and I might be a challenge to him, think I always was, but I made it clear that I have no feelings or interest in him.

Guyonthego: LOVE that!! Thank you!! Haha...

Porcelain_Doll... I just wish he'd leave is confusion to himself. I told him plenty of times, "You'll find the right girl, or maybe that one was the right girl." And he'll say "Well, Maybe you're the one I'm supposed to be with." In which I tell him to hush, never going to happen.

SarahofTwins, I hadn't talked to him (text and im, but not on phone) until last night. And one of the first things he asked was if I was dating anyone. I told him I really didn't want to talk about it. So he went on about how he's single but was dating this girl... yada yada, I don't know if he's trying to be a friend, or trying to make me jealous... I didn't understand that point of the convo.

Blink1021: One of my ex's has been my best friend for about what 14 years now. He knows everything about me. So it is possible for ex's to be friends. I have been really lucky and dated good guys, thankfully so far. But you're right, I think he just wants that attention. And yes I think his ego was very damaged. And he'll say that the other girl was sweet..etc... but she used him for anything she could, obviously she was going to be. But he doesn't get that. Mind you he knows that I was great, loving, and sweet, he just wanted me to see more good in him, but unfortunately I never felt like he showed me any, to be able to give him that positive feedback, ya know.

Jennfur2610 Thanks honey!! Yes I think this fall I'll start trying to date again, when I know my schedule better, and have time.

Ajontheguitar: I don't know if damning is motives.... but honestly just scratching my head of what he wants. I guess it's just to remain on friendly terms.

Ste73: If he wanted to get back together, wouldn't he just say that? Or are you saying he just wants that on the back burner, unless something else comes along? As in, he doesn't want to burn bridges?

Heatherbelle_87: You think it's a narcissistic intention... my friends and mom think the same thing too. Interesting.

Mishelnkiki: Ohh I hope that your situation is safe. Mine is. He wouldn't do that. He has gotten psycho, where when the relationship was coming to an end he would get extremely upset, talk suicide, blow up my phone with texts, and mean voicemails... it was bad. But not your situation bad.

Voluptas: Ooh girl, I've done that. When I have completely ignored his texts then it was followed by another one, then another one, and then sometimes when I ignore it, it works... it just depends on his mood on that day I guess.

Thanks everyone. I think I will ignore it from now on. I hope we're fine and on good terms, hopefully today's im conversation has given a lot of closure to things. Who knows, but I'm excited to actually meet new people... hopefully a normal one!!!

Much love and thanks for the support and stories!!