i have a lack of self confidence

futureredheadhottie

Lets see I am 26 years old and I don't believe I have ever had self confidence. Growing up I usually wore a size 8-10 my mom called me thunder theights. On top of that I have a twin sister who has always been skinny growing up she used to call me ugly and fat. Well I have started to talk to a guy over the phone we have never actually seen each other but he is funny and seems really nice. I am worried he is gonna want to meet in person soon and I am worried the lack of self confidence is gonna scare him away. Any advice on how I can get self confidence and start to love myself?

Dtrmnd86

I wish I had some advice.. I'm somewhat in the same boat. I am so insecure and not confident and I hate it. That is part of the reason I'm here. I know if I can get my old body back, I'll feel better. But in the mean time, a few things that work for me is doing little things that I like, such as wearing make up even if it is just to the store, thinking about things I'm good at, even if I don't feel like it, I smile a lot. My mom always said - Fake it til you make it lol. Most of my insecurity is in my relationship with my fiance so when I feel insecure/jealous/unconfident I just have to keep telling myself "You're better than this" and eventually it passes. It's a long road to confident but any tiny step forward is a big accomplishment. Good luck and just remember, you are a beautiful, amazing person that anyone would be lucky to know!

Heatherbelle_87

Self confidence is learned and grown. And unfortunantly I battle with it every day too. The BIGGEST part of it is finding something, an outfit, shoes, that YOU feel you look good in, regardless of the # on the tag. Has this guy ever seen pictures of you? I honestly hope he one of the good ones out there, there are plenty who think bigger girls are still attractive. How did you meet? online? if so what does your profile say about you? As far as showing your confidence, this is a DO IT till its real kinda thing. When I get crushed in one thing it seems like my entire life falls apart because I self destruct, I have no confidence in anything, say the wrong things then beat myself up over it. Have you ever been treated for depression? I know its a touchey subject but you might suffer from a mild form. Also, Ill have to look up the author, But the book is titled Big Girl, I believe its by danielle steal. AWESOME book, it may be fictional, but its about a girl who's family constantly gave her hell over her weight, snide and rude comments, ect. and her battle to impress them, then to discover herself and be happy with herself. Great read!

SusanneWhittington

not easy, I went into therapy and that helped, very hard to work over issues like that without help. I hope you are not hanging out with that horrid family anymore, sorry it is your family, but for me they sound rude, mean and they don't deserve you and you don't need that kind of bad behavior.
Meet that guy, when he accepts you like you are he is Mr. Right, when he does not, then he is not worth further effort.

Victoriaaah

Hi,

I think that everyone on this site can say that they're not happy with the way they look, but on some sort of level they love themselves. Dieting and doing good things for you will empower you and show you that you love you. I don't think that I can fix your self confidence, but you need to do things that make you feel good (that doesn't involve food/drinking).

The new friend in your life (prospective mate) should love you/like you as you are. If he doesn't like the way you look, then he isn't worth it anyway. Plus, you shouldn't start off a relationship hiding yourself. If you're full-figured, you should own it. If he can't accept it, then he isn't for you. Good luck!

cjsgrimlin

First you need some good friends that were thunder thighs too (my dad called me that and still does) Second if the guy doesn't like the way you look you don't need him. And third before you get to loving guys you need to love yourself. Sit down and make a list of what you love and a list of what you'd love to change (without surgery). Make sure you know what it is your good at and be confidant NO ONE can change that. Second the list you made to change will be your goals. Once you decide to change for the better the only person to stop you is you!! You can do it, and i'll be here everyday if you want me to!!!

Alioth

Even 'skinny' people have trouble feeling confident when it comes to meeting guys and getting to know them. But if you're having fun talking on the phone now, just think about how much you'll enjoy hanging out! Think about how lucky this guy is to get a chance to talk to someone like you who's really into him. The past is the past. :flowerforyou:

nicolerah

You can start by identifying some of the good qualities in you. Look at the things you really like about you... whether its physical or part of your personality. Think about the things that you do for others that make them happy and you might get some idea as to what are the good traits you have!

Then you can look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, SEVERAL TIMES FOR THE DAY... "I am a beautiful and amazing person and I love me".... I can guarantee you, if you do this everyday, you will begin to acquire some sort of confidence... As you progress and continue doing stuff for yourself, whether its losing weight or eating healthier or treating yourself or whatever, you would begin to feel differently about yourself.

I am no expert but I have been there, and I'm slowly but SURELY coming into my own confidence!! I'm beginning to love me again!!

Feel free to add me if you wish!

jjgirl76

Self Confidence comes through successes. I would say concentrate on how great you are doing in achieving your goals! Every time the playback button gets pushed that repeats the message of your mom, sister, etc. tell it to "shut up" and repeat the success you have.

Remember that what you believe about yourself is not always true and it may not be what this guy believes about you. So don't give him the excuse to thing poorly of you. Act as if you have that self confidence and the messages you tell yourself will eventually catch up.

Keep up the good work.

lveenstra5

Breaking a cycle of negativity can involve a lot of courage and many small steps. Firstly, I would suggest you remove all that negative talk from your life - don't let anyone call you thunder thighs, that is utterly unaccpetable! And any sister who calls the other "ugly and fat" should be cut from you life (in my opinion) because that is also not acceptable.

Find, and focus on, things you are good at. By focusing on other posititive area's of your life you will enhance your confidence. It doesn't always have to start with a look in the mirror - confidence can come from the fact that your a really nice person and enjoy helping others, or that your an avid reader and can discuss all kinds of topics with others etc etc etc. From there your confidence will grow and that will show through physically.

For the physical stuff, try not to engage in negative self talk. If you catch yourself saying "thunder thighs" to yourself, make a conscious effort to NOT think that! If you're feeling a little negative, go for a walk or do something else physical - that will release endorphines and make you feel better.

As for the guy...guys are hard. It's a really easy thing to say but a lot harder to live through BUT "the people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind" therefore if he is only interested in you for looks - then there is someone better out there for you. Don't settle. You deserve to be happy.

msblueyes5

Lets see I am 26 years old and I don't believe I have ever had self confidence. Growing up I usually wore a size 8-10 my mom called me thunder theights. On top of that I have a twin sister who has always been skinny growing up she used to call me ugly and fat. Well I have started to talk to a guy over the phone we have never actually seen each other but he is funny and seems really nice. I am worried he is gonna want to meet in person soon and I am worried the lack of self confidence is gonna scare him away. Any advice on how I can get self confidence and start to love myself?

Look up JoJo "Exceptional" on Youtube..I listen to this while I stretch after my workout to give myself a confidence boost!

Lolyballs

it may sound silly but every time you look in the mirror say to yourself "you are a beautiful strong woman and I love you!" ... keep telling yourself that you are important, what you do and how you feel matters, you deserve to be happy and healthy and you are going to win this battle! One of my friends posted the other day... if we are to succeed, we first have to believe we can and the only failure is in not trying. Go get a hair cut or a mani pedi ... do something that makes you feel good and hold your head up high, smile... when it comes time to meet this guy, you go believing that you are a beautiful strong woman. Everyday do something for you... even if it's just a bubble bath. Make little signs with the word BELIEVE(or pick up little items, they are in all the stores) and put them in places where you will see them. This will remind you to believe in yourself and all that you can be.

brit49

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