Bulimia...

Renae_Nae

I have struggled with bulimia since I was 12 (at least that's when I noticed it). It started with extreme exercising (4+ hours a day between volleyball practice and the gym after dinner!) then it went to diet pills, starvation for several days after a binge and back to extreme exercise.

I can never remember a time I didn't want to be skinnier. I cried the first time I bought a size 9 jeans even though I was wearing size 6 in most other brands. I gained weight after I got married because my husband really worked with me. However, I gained to much weight. I've asked my doctors what a healthy range is for me and my goal is 130 (that's the middle of the range).

My goal on my ticker is 135 because 130 seemed like to much weight for me to think about at once and because I'm scared that no matter what "goal" I set, I'm not going to be happy when I reach it and I'll want to go for more.

This website has helped me because without counting calories I go way under on my most of my days and WAY over on my binges. But as some of you know (I posted a thread about it) I'm not counting calories for the next two weeks and see how I do.

The problem is I'm already starting to underestimate my calories...but the second I realize that I'm trying to eat everything! There are so many people on this board I know someone has done this before me. I'm looking for any advice. I'm trying to make the life long change and I know that I can't always be logging my calories here for the rest of my life...it's just not a realistic thought.

Renae_Nae

I have struggled with bulimia since I was 12 (at least that's when I noticed it). It started with extreme exercising (4+ hours a day between volleyball practice and the gym after dinner!) then it went to diet pills, starvation for several days after a binge and back to extreme exercise.

I can never remember a time I didn't want to be skinnier. I cried the first time I bought a size 9 jeans even though I was wearing size 6 in most other brands. I gained weight after I got married because my husband really worked with me. However, I gained to much weight. I've asked my doctors what a healthy range is for me and my goal is 130 (that's the middle of the range).

My goal on my ticker is 135 because 130 seemed like to much weight for me to think about at once and because I'm scared that no matter what "goal" I set, I'm not going to be happy when I reach it and I'll want to go for more.

This website has helped me because without counting calories I go way under on my most of my days and WAY over on my binges. But as some of you know (I posted a thread about it) I'm not counting calories for the next two weeks and see how I do.

The problem is I'm already starting to underestimate my calories...but the second I realize that I'm trying to eat everything! There are so many people on this board I know someone has done this before me. I'm looking for any advice. I'm trying to make the life long change and I know that I can't always be logging my calories here for the rest of my life...it's just not a realistic thought.

ChubbyBunny

The first step, is realizing there is a problem...and that you WANT to get better.
Bulimia isn't about food, it's about other issues...control, approval, etc.
I should know, I had a decent case of it for quiet a long time.

The big thing, you gotta work on your mind and whatever issue that creates the bulimia reaction. You say you've always wanted to be skinny...but WHY?

Currently I CAN'T eat without MFP, which sounds dependent cause it is.... I don't know food well enough OR trust myself enough to have total free reign for an extended period of time.

Theresa35

Hi Ladies...

I cannot say that I understand what you are going through, because I can't. But, how wonderful that the two of you, and any others who have, are or might struggle with this are able to come on here and share and find friendship and comfort. This is the true heart of MFP!!!

My prayers are with you through this difficult journey...Many blessings!

age1389

As you get more knowledge in how to live healthier like food choices, food portions and eating when you are actually hungry not emtional eating things will get easier.
Chubbybuney is right it's not about food, I went through it for a short time and it was about control and not being in control in other areas in my life. My weight has gone up and down since forever but it was because when I did loose the weight I didn't learn how to do it the right way. I remember thinking when I wanted to loose the weight (again) I thought well I did it before but how the heck did I do it?! Now I know how I did it but I'm still learning. I've kept off the weight but the best part of it is that I know why it's staying off:laugh:
Everyday is a learning process. As the days and months move along you'll begin to feel more comfortable in doing this by yourself. I do still MFP to log but I know I won't do it forever but for now I use it as a tool to just help me along. Some days I need it more then other days.
Keep up the great work you've done so far:flowerforyou:

allaboutme

but have you logged enough to really know what everything is worth. You are probably guestimating at so much stuff and rounding up instead of down when you aren't sure. I have been doing this since july, but wouldn't feel safe not logging yet. I am pretty good with most things that I regularly eat, but every now and then a wrench gets thrown in and I have no idea what the caloric value is and I will overestimate too. Logging can be annoying as every time I eat I need a computer, but what I started doing is going on in the morning and planning my food, so I know what and how much I will be eating. Then at the end of the day, adjust any difference. It works for me, I know you want to stay away from counting, so make a meal plan and snack plan within your range first thing, maybe it will help. If you happen to be over every now and then you could adjust it with and extra 15 or 20 minutes of exercise.

nursedebra2000

Renae,
I know first hand what you are talking about; having been anorexic, bulimic, and an overeater(binging), I know what you mean - like someone else said - right now, I depend on MFP to get me where I need to be. I am afraid to stop loggong my food and eating on my own because I know what will happen. To top it all off, I am also an emotional eater, which makes it even harder to stay in "control". Key word - "control" - I have to have it, need it, want, it is the only way I am happy! I have a definite control issues - on top of the heredity of obesity and emotional eating issues. So, it is definitely a mind thing and not necessarily a food thing. I have been as low as 100 pounds and as high as 210 pounds and no matter what I have weighed, I was never happy. I cannot tell you how to change how you feel about your body image, but I can tell you that you are not alone in this battle of the quest for perfection and self satisfaction. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that you can overcome your hidden "demons" (what I like to call them) and be happy with who you are - regardless of what size you are! This is the first step - self acceptance! Good luck!

dbanks80

I have struggled with bulimia since I was 12 (at least that's when I noticed it). It started with extreme exercising (4+ hours a day between volleyball practice and the gym after dinner!) then it went to diet pills, starvation for several days after a binge and back to extreme exercise.

I can never remember a time I didn't want to be skinnier. I cried the first time I bought a size 9 jeans even though I was wearing size 6 in most other brands. I gained weight after I got married because my husband really worked with me. However, I gained to much weight. I've asked my doctors what a healthy range is for me and my goal is 130 (that's the middle of the range).

My goal on my ticker is 135 because 130 seemed like to much weight for me to think about at once and because I'm scared that no matter what "goal" I set, I'm not going to be happy when I reach it and I'll want to go for more.

This website has helped me because without counting calories I go way under on my most of my days and WAY over on my binges. But as some of you know (I posted a thread about it) I'm not counting calories for the next two weeks and see how I do.

The problem is I'm already starting to underestimate my calories...but the second I realize that I'm trying to eat everything! There are so many people on this board I know someone has done this before me. I'm looking for any advice. I'm trying to make the life long change and I know that I can't always be logging my calories here for the rest of my life...it's just not a realistic thought.

I will be praying for you. I can't understand what you are going through because I haven't suffered with that. But I can say, like most women, I constantly think about my weight. I used to look at TV and I see the celebs, fashion and magazines and say when I get this weight off I am going to buy this or that and look so HOT! But then I got to a point in my life when I had to re-condition my mind. To not think so shallow. It was exhausting. I look good no matter what size I am. I am building up this anxiety in my own mind for nothing. It's NOT worth the hassle. My husband loves me no matter what size I am. Your husband sounds the same way!

I agree with the other poster you have to get to the root of the issue mentally. Why are you thinking that makes you want to purge? Is it because of the girls in your HS (they can be very catty and shallow) is it TV all these fashion and model reality shows? Is it control? You have to get to the root first and heal from the inside out.

Food is not the enemy. Having and healthy mind, body and spirit is a lifestyle.

Good Luck.

Anna_Banana

All I can say is good luck, and I'll pray for you.

Maybe some counceling would help.