OH NO HE DIDN'T!!!

jill927

So,

This boy, he is a really really good friend of mine for years. We've never officially dated, but there's always been like an understood thing there, but logistically it wasn't working as anything official, since he currently lives in CA and I live in WI. Well this last winter we were talking about me maybe moving to Cali to be closer, so we could see if something more permanent would work. Obviously, for there to be this kind of talk...some serious feelings were involved, they just hadn't had a chance to really develop. We were going to talk about it when he came home for 2 weeks in May...........2 days before he came home, he met another girl, and they started dating. We hung out while he was home as if everything was normal... ignoring the elephant in the corner, ya know? :ohwell:

He called me monday. He's PROPOSING to her tomorrow!!! He's 21, she's 18, they've been dating for 6 months. He called me because he sent me a few pictures of rings and wanted my opinion!!!!!! Can you believe the nerve! SERIOUSLY. The ring he ended up getting was worth $8,000! It is a white gold band with a 1.1 carat emerald cut diamond, with .25 carat diamonds around it. It's huge.

AND it gets better. He not only told me he wants me to come to the wedding, because I'm "one of his best friends in the world" but he wants me to BE IN THE WEDDING PARTY! Like, as a Bride's Maid!

GEEZ! I cannot believe his cajones, and he just better be glad he's 2,000 miles away so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that I'm getting seriously drunk tomorrow when he's proposing to her (on the beach where they met).

I just...don't know what to DO! I mean, I love that boy, but because of that I don't know if I should or even CAN even go to that wedding much less be in it!! What do I do? How can I tell him no? If I make a big deal out of this, it'll wreck our friendship for sure! :frown: I just don't know what to say to him. I want him to be happy, but I want to be happy too!

HELP!

jill927

So,

This boy, he is a really really good friend of mine for years. We've never officially dated, but there's always been like an understood thing there, but logistically it wasn't working as anything official, since he currently lives in CA and I live in WI. Well this last winter we were talking about me maybe moving to Cali to be closer, so we could see if something more permanent would work. Obviously, for there to be this kind of talk...some serious feelings were involved, they just hadn't had a chance to really develop. We were going to talk about it when he came home for 2 weeks in May...........2 days before he came home, he met another girl, and they started dating. We hung out while he was home as if everything was normal... ignoring the elephant in the corner, ya know? :ohwell:

He called me monday. He's PROPOSING to her tomorrow!!! He's 21, she's 18, they've been dating for 6 months. He called me because he sent me a few pictures of rings and wanted my opinion!!!!!! Can you believe the nerve! SERIOUSLY. The ring he ended up getting was worth $8,000! It is a white gold band with a 1.1 carat emerald cut diamond, with .25 carat diamonds around it. It's huge.

AND it gets better. He not only told me he wants me to come to the wedding, because I'm "one of his best friends in the world" but he wants me to BE IN THE WEDDING PARTY! Like, as a Bride's Maid!

GEEZ! I cannot believe his cajones, and he just better be glad he's 2,000 miles away so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that I'm getting seriously drunk tomorrow when he's proposing to her (on the beach where they met).

I just...don't know what to DO! I mean, I love that boy, but because of that I don't know if I should or even CAN even go to that wedding much less be in it!! What do I do? How can I tell him no? If I make a big deal out of this, it'll wreck our friendship for sure! :frown: I just don't know what to say to him. I want him to be happy, but I want to be happy too!

HELP!

gebnpb

Have you ever seen my Best Friends Wedding??That might give ya some ideas. May be you should tell him how you feel. That really sucks, but I'm sure everything will work out in the end. Best of luck to ya. Keep us updated!!!

MollySue30

Oh sweeite,

First off if you really have feelings for this guy then you better tell him how you feel, it will make you feel so much better, I know that he is going to propose to this girl that he met 6 months ago, don't make the same mistake that I did. I had fallen for one of my best guy friends and we did everything together. I just couldn't tell him how I felt till the day that I found out that he was moving far away and had fallen in love with someone else. It totally broke my heart, and the day that he was supposed to leave we were going to go out for a motorcycle ride and he ended up dying, and I never told him how I felt. He has been gone now for 8 years and it still breaks my heart when I think about him, and that I never told him that I loved him or how I felt about him. I will never get that chance to do it. I go out to the grave and I tell him that I love him, even though I am married now but I always wonder what could have been.

TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL, DON'T LOSE HIM IF YOU TRULY LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Molly

j_g4ever

Oh sweeite,

First off if you really have feelings for this guy then you better tell him how you feel, it will make you feel so much better, I know that he is going to propose to this girl that he met 6 months ago, don't make the same mistake that I did. I had fallen for one of my best guy friends and we did everything together. I just couldn't tell him how I felt till the day that I found out that he was moving far away and had fallen in love with someone else. It totally broke my heart, and the day that he was supposed to leave we were going to go out for a motorcycle ride and he ended up dying, and I never told him how I felt. He has been gone now for 8 years and it still breaks my heart when I think about him, and that I never told him that I loved him or how I felt about him. I will never get that chance to do it. I go out to the grave and I tell him that I love him, even though I am married now but I always wonder what could have been.

TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL, DON'T LOSE HIM IF YOU TRULY LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Molly

I couldn't agree with molly more. You just never know. Get it off your chest. Tell him. You never know he might feel the same way. You can do it. good luck. :flowerforyou:

phatchic91

wow thats just "my best friends wedding" hehe.
but best of luck!
ashley

fit4fun

Men are idiots! Nuf Said!

Fitness_Chick

Oh sweeite,

First off if you really have feelings for this guy then you better tell him how you feel, it will make you feel so much better, I know that he is going to propose to this girl that he met 6 months ago, don't make the same mistake that I did. I had fallen for one of my best guy friends and we did everything together. I just couldn't tell him how I felt till the day that I found out that he was moving far away and had fallen in love with someone else. It totally broke my heart, and the day that he was supposed to leave we were going to go out for a motorcycle ride and he ended up dying, and I never told him how I felt. He has been gone now for 8 years and it still breaks my heart when I think about him, and that I never told him that I loved him or how I felt about him. I will never get that chance to do it. I go out to the grave and I tell him that I love him, even though I am married now but I always wonder what could have been.

TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL, DON'T LOSE HIM IF YOU TRULY LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Molly

Oh Molly! I'm so sorry I think you're very kind to share your experience with her....hard lesson learned when we don't share our feelings......we miss out on really ever knowing if they would have been met with the similar feelings.

Jill I do hope you find it in your heart, to speak to him, or draft a letter from your heart.....sometimes we think a person feels or doesn't feel a certain way and come to find out later differently.

I wonder if he truly truly understood what he meant to you? best to you:flowerforyou:

lsalazarii

Bless your heart.... What a hard thing you are having to deal with.... it reminds me of what my son is going through... has had a "best girlfriend" for many years... has always been there for him, nursed him through heartbreaks, supported him when he joined the Navy and always kept in touch with him.

He is now home, he had a girlfriend that treated him badly and his "best friend" was there for him.
I asked him how come he doesn't try having a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with his "best friend".
He is sooooooo afraid that if they date and it doesn't work out, he will lose the best friend he ever had.
I asked him if he told her that when they discussed dating and he said no... just told her I don't think it will work. I do think this is the girl for him.... but they are both so wrapped up in the "friend" thing it may not go any further...

I say tell him how you feel... if he doesn't have the same feelings... it would be too much for you to go to the wedding and pretend to be happy.

nightangelstars

Believe it or not, I know how you feel. I had a similar situation with my best friend . . .we dated briefly and he broke up with me before I went to college, but we wanted to stay friends (there was no real animosty or anything like that). Well we stayed a little more than just friends . . . and he started dating another girl. Yeah that sucked.

To make a long story short, she was totally wrong for him (which I told him from the start), she broke up with him (through email, lovely), and she started dating another guy just barely a few weeks later. And about a month after that, they made wedding plans, and OF course she invited him to the wedding. Yeah. So I went with him to help him through it (he's one of those hopeless romantics, he still wasn't totally over her even then) and watched her waddle down the aisle (pregnant, naturally). Our not-just-friends situation deepened very slowly after that, and last summer he asked me to try again. SO, now we have been dating again for 3 1/2 months and honestly, it's great.

Seriously, for you, I think it's better to be honest and fess up to your friend. He should at least be flattered after all, and I firmly believe it's possible to continue a friendship under such circumstances. A little awkward at first, but definitely possible. And it will allow him (or force him) to be more considerate of your feelings in the future, since he's obviously chosen to ignore the obvious. (Guys are SO good at that. :grumble: )

I know it won't be easy for you, though. Either of you. If I were you, I would probably simply tell him that I couldn't be in the wedding party, and when he asks why, tell him the truth then. After all, he asked. I would do it over the phone or face-to-face though.

I wish you all the luck in the world, I hope things go well for you (whatever you choose to do) and remember not to beat yourself up - God knows I did way too much of that myself, and believe me, it doesn't do a bit of good. So chin up, and when you get through this thing, (and each little part of it) remember to give yourself a big pat on the back! You totally deserve it for being so strong!

:flowerforyou:

ChubbyBunny

Well, he is showing horrible manners to ask you to help with the ring and be in the wedding. Especially if he knew how you felt.

However, don't take this wrong, perhaps he wasn't feeling the same way about you as you both thought. I mean to go from "wanting to try" with your best friend to "new girl"... well... it would at least give one a moment of pause if that transition were to happen that fast and he claimed to care about you.

He's been with her for 6 months...which could be short for some and long enough for others. Obviously he is willing to make that kind of commitment to her, even in that time frame...and blow A LOT of money on a ring. Whether anyone else thinks it's right, wrong, other....

I hope you are at least able to find closure of some kind. Whether it's telling him the truth, not going to the wedding, etc.

Good Luck. :flowerforyou:

eyescatchfire

Yikes. This is a terribly difficult situation, and my heart goes out to you.

To play devil's advocate (sorry!!) I got engaged to my husband after dating for 3 months. I met him just 8 weeks after a horrible, heart-breaking split from my previous boyfriend. Life can throw you a curveball like that, so try not to indict your friend too much. I'm not saying he's found "the one," he may just be trying to mask his feelings for you. But just approach the conversation with as much caution and kindness towards him as you can muster.

Best of luck!:flowerforyou:

AmberElaine84

I agree with all of the previous posters...you need to tell him how you feel! I have ALWAYS been one to do it...and it didn't work out great with either one, but it just felt so much better to know that THEY knew. I hope everything works out for you.

AND I can't believe he would show you the ring and ASK you to be in the wedding even though you guys just talked about moving closer together! I think men just don't think about things like that! :grumble: