Obese because of my DAD!

NatStylz

I'm 17 and I have been struggling with my weight for most of my life. During my early childhood, my family ate very unhealthy, but no one seemed to put on any weight but me. My dad always used to weigh me & my mother objected, however he did it anyway. I used to go up and up the scales & I could see he was disappointed with my increasing weight. He would always make small remarks which caused me to eat more. He never exactly brought home the healthiest food either. After my parents divorced my eating got worse and my weight went up to the highest 175lbs. Luckily I turned my life around and have so far lost 27lbs.

Even when I was losing the weight at the beginning of the journey. I told him I was changing my eating habits and would wave Mcdonalds in my face. He even said "You won't keep it off" and "You're just doing this to find a man"!!

I still have problems though and I obsess over the first sign of me beginning to gain weight.

I hope this inspires others

UnderCoverShyGirl

That is so great that you are recognizing it and turning it around now! Parents do what they think is okay and i guess it doesn't occur to some that everyone's body burns fat differently, so they aren't exactly supportive when they see us gaining weight - they tend to think something is wrong with us. I'm 43 now and always thought something was "wrong with me", but now i've learned that i grew up eating unhealthy food and had no knowledge about what was good and bad for me. My parents didn't think about it because they didn't really gain weight. Now that you are learning how to eat and how portions work and those things, you'll never "unlearn" it and you are taking control not just of now and the way you look, but of the rest of your life! Eating healthier means as you grow older you will reduce your risk of heart attacks and cancer and well, just everything! So you go girl and good for you for understanding that the problem had a lot to do with your dad and not so much with you. We start learning from someone the minute we are born and that's just the way it is. All we can do is change it when we realize what we learned did not work for us! Proud of you!

dstrbdangel

i dont think its exactly fair for you to blame it all on your dad.I suppose in his own way he was trying to help you,even tho he totally went about it the wrong way.Try to forgive him and make yourself a better person because of it.Know you are a strong person and you CAN do it! Dont worry about it,if you gain a pound or two you will lose it again

sarah829522

Good for you for changing. As a mom, yes, this inspires me and reminds me every nutritional choice I make for my small children now will ultimately affect them later in life. They are my inspiration.

I'm sorry you weren't given access to healthy food growing up but I hope you'll continue on your journey toward a healthier life.

NatStylz

Your words mean a lot to me. It has been a real challenge for me but I'm working through it. I never knew it was so psychological, but me taking psychology in school was actually the key to why I gained the weight I had. I know I have some way to go but I am determined to beat the demons that my dad basically installed into me. Thanks for taking the time to reply

norcalrv

Excellent analysis and advice. We have to make our own choices in life and change what we can. Ultimately, we are responsible for everything that we do. Good work!

NatStylz

Oh no majority is him to blame. Even when I was losing the weight at the beginning of the journey. I told him I was changing my eating habits and would wave Mcdonalds in my face. He even said "You won't keep it off" and "You're just doing this to find a man"!!

I told him I'm doing this for myself and to be healthy. Now he has left the country I finally have peace of mind

N_BEAST_MODE_24_7

i dont think its exactly fair for you to blame it all on your dad.I suppose in his own way he was trying to help you,even tho he totally went about it the wrong way.Try to forgive him and make yourself a better person because of it.Know you are a strong person and you CAN do it! Dont worry about it,if you gain a pound or two you will lose it again

Your comment is right on point!!

Nikkiairforcewife

Oh no majority is him to blame. Even when I was losing the weight at the beginning of the journey. I told him I was changing my eating habits and would wave Mcdonalds in my face. He even said "You won't keep it off" and "You're just doing this to find a man"!!

I told him I'm doing this for myself and to be healthy. Now he has left the country I finally have peace of mind

Oh wow that is horrible! I'm glad you are doing this for yourself. That's the most important thing. And I'm glad he's far away from you now. Good luck!

NatStylz

Thanks I'm glad too

NatStylz

Has anyone else have problems with parents and their weight?

bharter1967

I'm sorry you had to experience that as a child. Even though I was not overweight as a child, I always believed I was because my dad told me from a very young age that I was "fat, ugly and stupid like my mother." If someone asked me I would tell them that I have been fat all my life, yet when I look at photos of me as a child I was a scrawny little kid. I didn't begin to gain weight until my mid-teens and didn't get totally out of control until my mid to late twenties. While I can say my dad is a part of my poor self image, I am ultimately responsible for what I put into my body. I may be overweight, but that is a work in progress. And I am definitely not ugly or stupid. I am beautiful inside and out, have a host of friends and have had a successful career (retired at age 44), and working on my doctorate just for the heck of it. Trust in yourself and the process. You will make it. Hang in there, I think emotional/psychological abuse is the hardest to overcome. I have always taken to heart my "fat, ugly and stupid" mom's advise and believed that I can overcome anything with hard work. By the way my mom is 130 lbs. educated and raised beautiful successful children in spite of the idiot she married when she was very young.

MColette

I think it is awesome that you are making this change in your life, but I think there's only so much you can blame on others, and I'm talking from my own experience.
It might be true to some point when you are just a kid, but when you are all grown up, you have to take charge. It's not like they are force feeding us cupcakes are they?
And believe me, it is a big relief when you take the power away from others. My bro used to eat pizzas, burgers, ice cream, you name it in front of me all the time - that's how I learned to exercise my WILLPOWER. Just focus on your goal. For example, I asked myself, "Is eating pizza is going to help me get there? No way!!"
Keep you eyes on the price

NatStylz

Thanks for your story. Its true that I am responsible and I realise that now but then I was misguided. The psychological harm is really the worst. And I'm also glad you're on this journey too. Best Wishes.

NatStylz

I think it is awesome that you are making this change in your life, but I think there's only so much you can blame on others, and I'm talking from my own experience.
It might be true to some point when you are just a kid, but when you are all grown up, you have to take charge. It's not like they are force feeding us cupcakes are they?
And believe me, it is a big relief when you take the power away from others. My bro used to eat pizzas, burgers, ice cream, you name it in front of me all the time - that's how I learned to exercise my WILLPOWER. Just focus on your goal. For example, I asked myself, "Is eating pizza is going to help me get there? No way!!"
Keep you eyes on the price

I have learnt this, thank goodness it wasn't too late. I know he wasn't force feeding me but the annoyance of him always weighing me and unhealthy food in the house their was lack of choice. And the fact he is still putting me down even when I'm losing weight is just disgusting. I'm just happy I've changed now before it could have gotten serious.

songbyrdsweet

Holding a grudge is like eating poison and expecting the other person to die.

If you keep blaming your dad, you will do yourself a disservice by not owning all the accountability, imo. Our parents definitely influence our actions in ways we don't even realize, but we shouldn't just be out to prove them wrong. That takes all the fun out of it.

NatStylz

Holding a grudge is like eating poison and expecting the other person to die.

If you keep blaming your dad, you will do yourself a disservice by not owning all the accountability, imo. Our parents definitely influence our actions in ways we don't even realize, but we shouldn't just be out to prove them wrong. That takes all the fun out of it.

I'm not holding a grudge against him. I have just realised why I was how I was, and decided to get others opinions. I really want to prove him wrong though with a much healthier me

beccaellena

When I was growing up (i'm the same age i will be a high school senior this year), my family was never health-conscious when it came to food. I'd eat fast food all day, or at home have high calorie frozen meals or zebra cakes donuts etc. No one taught me to eat well or encouraged me to eat the right things because they were eating the same things as well. Of course, as I grew older and dealt with emotional changes, I began indulging more in these foods. My weight has always been up and down, but now it is at its highest. My dad still continues to eat fast food/high caloric processed foods for every meal, but now my mom eats healthy (all vegetables, turkey/chicken, and fruits) and she dropped from 170 to 112. She inspires me, but the decisions I make are still on my terms and even though my eating environment is different and my fridge is healthy at home, when I go out I have made mistakes where I didn't use any willpower. Lately that hasn't happened though! You can do this though, for yourself of course but it will also be nice as you're reaching your goals you'll be proving your dad wrong as well because you are strong enough to make a change!

NatStylz

When I was growing up (i'm the same age i will be a high school senior this year), my family was never health-conscious when it came to food. I'd eat fast food all day, or at home have high calorie frozen meals or zebra cakes donuts etc. No one taught me to eat well or encouraged me to eat the right things because they were eating the same things as well. Of course, as I grew older and dealt with emotional changes, I began indulging more in these foods. My weight has always been up and down, but now it is at its highest. My dad still continues to eat fast food/high caloric processed foods for every meal, but now my mom eats healthy (all vegetables, turkey/chicken, and fruits) and she dropped from 170 to 112. She inspires me, but the decisions I make are still on my terms and even though my eating environment is different and my fridge is healthy at home, when I go out I have made mistakes where I didn't use any willpower. Lately that hasn't happened though! You can do this though, for yourself of course but it will also be nice as you're reaching your goals you'll be proving your dad wrong as well because you are strong enough to make a change!

I was exactly in your position. I wouldn't even realise how much I was eating because the rest of my family was eating it too! Now i've made this change I trying to convert my mum & sister to eating healthier (even though my sister is being stubborn). I hope for him to see me and see I have done it and not for the reasons he proclaims

tjradd73

I'm sorry to hear that your dad has NOT been helpful as far as your health and fitness goes....I too had someone in my life that was always negative towards my weight and eating! it was my stepdad (at the time) and he would always call me fat and lazy... but after I became an adult...and had lost over 100lbs I talked to him about it....and although I can't change the past, I did get an apology and a little closure along with it!

once you get to your goal...I would recommend that you have a serious talk with your dad about how negative he has been towards your health...you will feel a ton better afterwards

NatStylz

I'm sorry to hear that your dad has NOT been helpful as far as your health and fitness goes....I too had someone in my life that was always negative towards my weight and eating! it was my stepdad (at the time) and he would always call me fat and lazy... but after I became an adult...and had lost over 100lbs I talked to him about it....and although I can't change the past, I did get an apology and a little closure along with it!

once you get to your goal...I would recommend that you have a serious talk with your dad about how negative he has been towards your health...you will feel a ton better afterwards

WOW you are an inspiration 102lbs lost is amazing. I do want to have a chat with him once I lose the weight and I hope I can get some closure but until then...

N_BEAST_MODE_24_7

Holding a grudge is like eating poison and expecting the other person to die.

If you keep blaming your dad, you will do yourself a disservice by not owning all the accountability, imo. Our parents definitely influence our actions in ways we don't even realize, but we shouldn't just be out to prove them wrong. That takes all the fun out of it.

I'm not holding a grudge against him. I have just realised why I was how I was, and decided to get others opinions. I really want to prove him wrong though with a much healthier me

You don't have to prove anything to everyone but yourself! If they like you, cool..and if they don't, thats cool too. You can wave McDonalds in my face all day, its my choice on what I eat, no one force me to eat it, and no one is to blame for that except yourself. As a trainer I hear some many reasons why ppl say they are overweight, and when I push them hard they want to quit. Being overweight is easy, but being in shape is hard to do and even harder to maintain! Don't give into temptation, set your goals high, and bust your *kitten* to have the body you want!!

mk820

Some people can be toxic in our lives. My mother was like your father. It is good that he is out of the country so you can discover what you are made of. I would suggest if and when he gets back you learn to say "my body and weight are off limits" He will not respect this at first, just repeat it every time he starts...then leave the room if he doesn't stop. You are now responsible for your health, you are also responsible to keep negative people and emotional abuse away from yourself.

NatStylz

Holding a grudge is like eating poison and expecting the other person to die.

If you keep blaming your dad, you will do yourself a disservice by not owning all the accountability, imo. Our parents definitely influence our actions in ways we don't even realize, but we shouldn't just be out to prove them wrong. That takes all the fun out of it.

I'm not holding a grudge against him. I have just realised why I was how I was, and decided to get others opinions. I really want to prove him wrong though with a much healthier me

You don't have to prove anything to everyone but yourself! If they like you, cool..and if they don't, thats cool too. You can wave McDonalds in my face all day, its my choice on what I eat, no one force me to eat it, and no one is to blame for that except yourself. As a trainer I hear some many reasons why ppl say they are overweight, and when I push them hard they want to quit. Being overweight is easy, but being in shape is hard to do and even harder to maintain! Don't give into temptation, set your goals high, and bust your *kitten* to have the body you want!!

Thanks so much for your advice. I'm actually amazed now at my willpower and determination during this journey, it seemed to come from nowhere. I can safely say I never gave into temptation at the start of my weight loss and I don't plan too.

tjradd73

until then...you live for you! you will do great, and don't let anyone tell you diff!!! go get it...and then tell you pa what for afterwards:happy:

chantell7

My mum first put me on a diet when I was 6 . They continued from there , my weight went up n down like a yo yo .my child hood was pretty crazy and I emotionaly ate through it . I hit my highest weight of 150 when I was 16. =(. I decided I had to loose it , so I did. And I to use to blame my parents , my mum especialy . But as I got older , IV now have a kid of my own , I realise that our parents do ,say ,feed ,treat there children the best way they now how. And there is a point where you have to forgive all the hurt they have caused and take resonaibilty for your own life , and create it the way you want it. Because if you don't deal with the emotional side of your weight problem then you will never truely be free. Buy the book women food and god. It helped me alot

NatStylz

My mum first put me on a diet when I was 6 . They continued from there , my weight went up n down like a yo yo .my child hood was pretty crazy and I emotionaly ate through it . I hit my highest weight of 150 when I was 16. =(. I decided I had to loose it , so I did. And I to use to blame my parents , my mum especialy . But as I got older , IV now have a kid of my own , I realise that our parents do ,say ,feed ,treat there children the best way they now how. And there is a point where you have to forgive all the hurt they have caused and take resonaibilty for your own life , and create it the way you want it. Because if you don't deal with the emotional side of your weight problem then you will never truely be free. Buy the book women food and god. It helped me alot

6 years old is crazy!! I'm glad you're getting through it and I'm sure I can too. I know I will forgive him but just not now. I may read that book aswell. Thank you

fudgebudget

Has anyone else have problems with parents and their weight?

A thousand times yes, but with my mom more than my dad. I was always a chubby kid, and my weight yo-yoed quite a bit all throughout my adolescence. I ended up developing some eating disorder issues and struggled with bulimia in high school because of my anxious personality and my mother making me a nervous wreck. When I got to college, I lost 65 pounds in the first 6 months of my freshman year, basically by not eating (seriously, there were times I only ate on weekends). I came home at Thanksgiving with 35 pounds off and my mother said, "Great start!!"

Needless to say, I've gained all of that weight back and more - I managed to keep it off for a few years, but it's back now, plus a few pounds.

The reasons I share this are twofold: 1) If you feel like you have anything close to an eating disorder (this includes compulsive overeating), talking to someone can really help, and 2) I had some heartfelt discussions in the last couple of years with my mom, and it has really helped her (and me) to be less judgmental and more encouraging.

Best of luck on your weight loss journey and in getting things figured out with your dad. You can do it!! And this community is awesomely supportive

NatStylz

Has anyone else have problems with parents and their weight?

A thousand times yes, but with my mom more than my dad. I was always a chubby kid, and my weight yo-yoed quite a bit all throughout my adolescence. I ended up developing some eating disorder issues and struggled with bulimia in high school because of my anxious personality and my mother making me a nervous wreck. When I got to college, I lost 65 pounds in the first 6 months of my freshman year, basically by not eating (seriously, there were times I only ate on weekends). I came home at Thanksgiving with 35 pounds off and my mother said, "Great start!!"

Needless to say, I've gained all of that weight back and more - I managed to keep it off for a few years, but it's back now, plus a few pounds.

The reasons I share this are twofold: 1) If you feel like you have anything close to an eating disorder (this includes compulsive overeating), talking to someone can really help, and 2) I had some heartfelt discussions in the last couple of years with my mom, and it has really helped her (and me) to be less judgmental and more encouraging.

Best of luck on your weight loss journey and in getting things figured out with your dad. You can do it!! And this community is awesomely supportive

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm keeping on track with my eating habits very well and eating balanced meals, however I do become obsessed with the numbers on the scale. I'm trying not to but I don't want to go back to how I was. I hope your journey goes well

NikkisNewStart

You say you're not holding a grudge but then you say you'll forgive him one day, just not now... so which is it?

You're young and I realize that today's society likes to play the blame game. You aren't being force fed or chained to a couch so you cannot exercise... so there needs to be some personal responsibility.

I have worked with students that come from abusive households... it isn't acceptable for them to turn into abusers themselves and say "my parents made me do it." Personal responsibility has to come into play and myself, like countless others here, have dealt with the cards we were handed but chose a healthier and more productive path. Live in the past or move forward and I hope you choose the latter. Best of luck.

NatStylz

You say you're not holding a grudge but then you say you'll forgive him one day, just not now... so which is it?

You're young and I realize that today's society likes to play the blame game. You aren't being force fed or chained to a couch so you cannot exercise... so there needs to be some personal responsibility.

I have worked with students that come from abusive households... it isn't acceptable for them to turn into abusers themselves and say "my parents made me do it." Personal responsibility has to come into play and myself, like countless others here, have dealt with the cards we were handed but chose a healthier and more productive path. Live in the past or move forward and I hope you choose the latter. Best of luck.

One of he reasons is because i haven't seen him or spoken to him in 9 months. I would like to get to my goal first to show him I can do it & then i can find the reasons why. I am now taking responsibility for myself and no one can change that. Thanks for the advice.