Parents with Special Needs kiddos

lucyhoneychurch

It's hard enough trying to eat right and find time to exercise, but I also know there's a lot of people out there with challenges because their SN child(ren) have always come first. My sweet boy is definitely at the top of my list, he has autism and I would give him my health if I could take the autism away. I have never put my needs before anyone else's, until I started changing my eating habits and made a commitment to exercise. I wonder if other parents out there have these challenges and are looking for others that understand what it's like.

I work out at night and when my boy can't sleep right away, stays awake and babbles to himself in the dark, it throws off/kills my workout routine. I can't take my kids to the daycare at the healthclub because they aren't versed in SN and wouldn't know how to handle his inexplicable meltdowns. But the small victories, having him sign AND request a favorite show, or finally learning to pedal a tricycle at 4 yrs old, are worth it every time.

I know how hard it is to make time for yourself while having a child with special needs. If you're looking for support, drop me a line and I'll help you along the way!

corymomma

Just want to say how great of a mother you are! I was a teacher for 11 years. The last three was in a self contained special needs room part of the day, the other part was recent immigrants. I've always had special needs students in my room and loved them best, as well as my recent immigrants...not that we have favorites *lol*. Best of luck on this journey you can do it. And you aren't alone.

suewongie

Hi, I know exactly where you are coming from. I also have an Autistic Son, He's Ten now, and i love him all the world and find him so funny at times It is definately challenging but hey ho. someone said to me once, God only gives Autistic children to the best moms and from what i have read, you seem to be one of them. Feel free to add me as a friend if you would like to. Sue.

lucyhoneychurch

Just want to say how great of a mother you are! I was a teacher for 11 years. The last three was in a self contained special needs room part of the day, the other part was recent immigrants. I've always had special needs students in my room and loved them best, as well as my recent immigrants...not that we have favorites *lol*. Best of luck on this journey you can do it. And you aren't alone.

And teachers like you who work with our kiddos are invaluable. Thanks for always looking out for our "favorites". Lol!

suzycreamcheese

Its not easy. I have 3 kids, and both of my boys are on the autistic spectrum. My 10 year old is in mainstream school, and my other son is 4 and moves up to mainstream school in september, with an educational statement and his own learning support assistant. (the school is fantastic with special needs)
It is difficult, and im not sure what the deal is there, but here most places have to offer inclusion or they can get done for discrimination. I dont think in real life that is actually applied much though. There was one club i sent my middle son to and they couldnt really handle him.
Now i have my daughter, who is not autistic, i actually realise how different it actually is raising children with autism. It is more dificult. Its hard to get the same relationship and to do the same things, but it is beautiful in its own way

CarliFries

I have to tell you how impressed I am as well. I worked at a school for children with autism for awhile and I have never met more amazing, special children in my life. I love them SO SO much and they hold a very special place in my heart. I know how hard they can be as well. Ever since then I've had a feeling that I'll have an autistic child someday, and I don't even fear the thought. The community of parents of autistic children is so united and supportive of one another and I have the utmost respect for them. I think about how incredibly exhausted I was at the end of each 6 hour day with the kids - I can't even fathom how exhausted their mothers and fathers were. I'd come home bruised, missing chunks of hair, scratched and bleeding - and yet when I got home, I couldn't help but smile and anticipate the next day, because I'd get to see "my kiddos" again. It is SO worth the hard times. and I just want to thank you for bringing such a sweet spirit to this world.

suzycreamcheese

have you ever read the poem "welcome to Holland" written about raising a child with Autism?


Welcome to Holland

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Sistine Chapel, Gondolas. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting. After several months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland!” “Holland?” you say. “What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.” But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It’s just a different place. So, you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It’s just a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around. You begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. And Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.” And the pain of that experience will never, ever, ever, go away. The loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

lucyhoneychurch

I have to tell you how impressed I am as well. I worked at a school for children with autism for awhile and I have never met more amazing, special children in my life. I love them SO SO much and they hold a very special place in my heart. I know how hard they can be as well. Ever since then I've had a feeling that I'll have an autistic child someday, and I don't even fear the thought. The community of parents of autistic children is so united and supportive of one another and I have the utmost respect for them. I think about how incredibly exhausted I was at the end of each 6 hour day with the kids - I can't even fathom how exhausted their mothers and fathers were. I'd come home bruised, missing chunks of hair, scratched and bleeding - and yet when I got home, I couldn't help but smile and anticipate the next day, because I'd get to see "my kiddos" again. It is SO worth the hard times. and I just want to thank you for bringing such a sweet spirit to this world.

CarliFries, you have a big heart. I'm always appreciative of the people that selflessly work with kids with autism. I never forget the ones that work with mine. Thanks for the kind words.

Yes, WELCOME TO HOLLAND is a great, universal story, understood by everyone who ends up there. Thanks for sharing it, Suzy!

tonilizzy88

hey there, i am a full time support worker for young ladies with SN and its hard going but the rewards you see at the end is invaluble of the time and effort you put in.. its going to be hard for yu but i find ill eat i work when there in the shower on same time as the have food. and i always plan night before hand as it means less fussing when at work.

hope there a few tips there you can use
xx

lucyhoneychurch

That's perfect, because I always plan the night before, making crazy lists because I will forget EVERYTHING if it's not on paper. :bigsmile: Thanks for the tips, they are very useful.

lucyhoneychurch

Bump

lucyhoneychurch

Bump again, for anyone who missed this.

lucyhoneychurch

bentobee

Hey there! I have four kids and it is my second oldest who has SN - also autism. He's almost 8 (so hard to believe!!). Of course I love all my children, but I have to confess that it is my autistic kiddo that really inspires me and pushes me to work hard and reach my health goals. I have to be ready and able to keep up with him!! While he has progressed SO MUCH over the years, and maybe can even pass off as being "normal" sometimes, he still has tantrums that can rival any two-year-old's (and I've got one of those too, :laugh:) and I need to be physically capable of actually (literally) *handling* him sometimes!

Sidenote: in May for Mother's Day he filled out a "mommy survey" thing in school - one of those fill-in-the-blanks things. For the sentence "My mommy loves to ______ " he wrote "exercise". Teehee!

lucyhoneychurch

Bentobee, y'know what? That's exactly one reason I decided that I'd better work on my upper body strength more nowadays, not just try to lose weight. A few weeks ago I took my son to the eye doctor for the first time and I sat in the chair with him, holding his arms down and restraining him in my lap. When I got home, my arms were really sore, as if I had lifted quite a few reps for a long time! He's getting heavier and taller as he gets older, so working out has multiple benefits, not just health ones.

MistyDC29

I am right there with you! I have a 5 year old son with autism and a 10 year old with ADD. I started going to the gym last year to help with my strength because the 5 year old is VERY strong and he's a big boy! I didn't start the whole weight loss thing until just recently though...my health has started to be affected, so it's got to go! I HAVE to be around to take care of him! It is fantastic to find people who understand. I will be friending you!

lucyhoneychurch

Yup, my five year old has suddenly become big and heavy, much harder to hold back than even last year. He's not that aggressive but his tantrums can look pretty scary if you don't know how to handle them. Most people don't. They look at me to see if I am horrified (I'm not) or to see what I do to manage them. He responds to deep pressure so I give him big bear hugs and try to be firm but gentle while whispering in his ear. What else can one do? He's my boy.

suzycreamcheese

its horrible when they have those tantrums and people look at you like youre the worst parent in the world.
Was particularly hard before i got the diagnosis for my eldest and i did actually just believe i WAS an awful parent who couldnt control their child. He used to meltdown several times a day as a toddler. he was hard work. Hes much easier as a ten year old, but he still does it sometimes, but i have better techniques and skills to deal with it now.

MistyDC29

How verbal are your kiddos? Mine has just recently gotten a lot better in that department...not anywhere close to perfect and it's been a lot of hard work getting him here. He's going to be starting kindergarten this year. I'm excited to see how that goes...he's going to be in the main classroom for most of the day. Not sure how that's going to work yet, but he surprises me on a daily basis! :-)

suzycreamcheese

my 4 year old does talk, but hes way behind his 3 year old sister, and its not really two way conversations or anything. he does struggle, but i think having a brother and sister has really brought him on, and going to nursery etc.
My 10 year old speaks normally but he didnt speak till quite late. Hes still a bit behind when you hear other kids his age talking, but hes doing alright

bentobee

My guy exploded verbally between the ages of 4 and 7. On his 4th bday he was still very quiet and only spoke two or three word sentences. These days he's a total chatterbox. He is really a different child now than he was then. Once he hit elementary school he really took off. We are so blessed and lucky to have an AweSOme school system here with amazing support services for him. He's mainstreamed, but has his own aid to help him in class (and at lunch).