"If I were XX pounds, I'd be HUGE"

cvstokke

Okay so warning, a little vent here and a little hurt feelings -

Last night I was talking to a friend who I've always thought was fairly similar in size to me. We're probably within an inch or so in height of each other and we were talking about scales and how weighing ourselves could be frustrating. To my surprise, she goes "yeah, I stepped on today and it said I was like 160" (my starting weight for MFP was 169ish) and i was like "well that doesn't sound totally right, maybe it's water weight" to which she responded "yeah, i mean if I were 160, I'd be HUGE."

Now this girl has no idea what I weigh so what she said was in no way malicious or intended to be hurtful, but it really upset me. I don't really think 160 at 5'3" is HUGE and I'm only down to 151-153 right now (I bounce up and down). I'm very muscular, but it kind of got me thinking that maybe I'm bigger than I thought. I always see people who are the same height as me and their goal weight is 115 or 120 or 125 and I have always thought that I can't imagine being that small. At 151-153, I had only been planning to lose another 15 pounds probably max because I thought I already looked quite toned. I know we shouldn't care what people think, but I'll be honest and say I do and her comment has really made me second guess where I'm at.

I guess I kind of needed to just vent for a second - y'all are amazing and so supportive and I really do know it's how you feel about yourself that counts most, but part of me wanting to lose weight IS about exterior appearance and now I'm just kind of feeling blah.

sjackson902

It sounds like you're doing an amazing job already. I wonder if you just have more muscle than she does. Possible?

GypsyRose25

Oh hunny! Some people are meant to have that low of a weight, others not so much. And remember! It's not the weight that matters. What is important is whether you are healthy and happy with how you look and feel, or not.

<hugs>

jaded_rose

Muscle is more dense then fat so you can weigh more because of that. I'm in a similar boat, no one believes me when I tell them how much I weigh. I wouldn't take it personally, and congrats on the weight you've lost.

thetrishwarp

I feel the same way as you! When I was 170, people thought I was 140...most people my height aim to be 120-130 and my goal is 145! Your goal should be what makes you feel great about yourself, not an arbitrary number someone else chooses!

melaniecheeks

It really does vary from person to person, no 2 people at the same height and weight will look the same!

Like you, I'm short (5 foot 2) and try not to get upset when I see others the same height whose goals are way lower than mine (currently 135, I'd like to shift another couple of pounds, but 130 is probably low enough for me).

You're doing a great job, you'll reach that goal!

tamheath

No, don't let that bother you. Everyone's body is different. I'm 5'7, and now weigh about 160. I only want to get down to 155. The "thought" of 155 may sound kind of high to some people. But for ME, and MY body, 155 is perfect. I do have some muscle, I think. Don't let other people's ideals derail yours. You know what's right for your body! And obviously, you're doing a great job!

susioryan

I am 142 LBS (today) I too go up and down and I am 5" 4". Other people are the same weight and higher and wear clothes smaller then I do (size 6 to 8 for them, size 10-12 for me). But when you look at me you wouldn't think I weigh what I weigh and wear what I wear. I am a Christina Hendricks shaped kinda girl- I have hips and breasts. We are all shaped differently but that doesn't mean we are HUGE. She sounds like a silly friend and that is how I would take her comments, as pure silliness. :laugh:
YOU GO GIRL! You are Rockin this life!

graysmom2005

Weight can look REALLY different on different people. I was born with a lead brick in my gut, I'm convinced. I'll read reviews of clothes on Athleta for example, and they will be my height, 120 pounds, and wear the same size as me. HUH? I'm 150 pounds and I wear a size 4/6. And I'm only 5 ft 6. Muscle and body composition have a big part in this! You look great!

ardeornellis

I can TOTALLY relate.... I have a lot of muscle mass as well.... I am 183ish right now.. I am 5'5".. That sounds quite overweight, yet I wear size 9-10 jeans which I don't consider to be huge.... Some people just have more muscle tone... My goal weight is 145 and honestly, that may be a bit too thin.. Even at 255 pounds I didn't "look" my weight, but I sure felt it!! Be confident and move forward!!! YOu look great and are doing great!

dstsur5or

I will say this! I am 5'3 and the smallest that I need to be is around 140-143. There was a time that I dropped to 135 and I didn't like the way I looked. I felt like my face was sunk in and that my bones were starting to stick out. I say this to say that you have to be comfortable where it makes you feel good. Everyone doesn't have the same amount of muscle and fat. I had someone show me a picture one day of when she wasn't working out and unhealthy (she was 135 (size 10 at the time). Then she showed me and updated picture she is currently 137 size 6, but she has become someone that focuses on strength training instead of just cardio and because muscle weighs more than fat she actually weighs more.

chuisle

I totally know the feeling. It's all about body composition (you know those "skinny fat" people). Even on here when I put my bikini pictures in my profile pics one girl said, wow, you don't look 142! Which I suppose I take as a compliment? Either way, the point is that people have these magic numbers in their mind and its doubtful they even apply to them, much less others. Keep it up. You could weight more than your friend and still be the same "size"

melsinct

No, don't let that bother you. Everyone's body is different. I'm 5'7, and now weigh about 160. I only want to get down to 155. The "thought" of 155 may sound kind of high to some people. But for ME, and MY body, 155 is perfect.

We all carry weight differently. For example, in the post I quoted, we are similar size. I am 5'7" and currently weigh 152, 3 pounds *below* tamheath's goal weight. I am still a little big and need to get to about 145 before I would feel like I look a healthy weight, a full 10 pounds below tamheath's ideal weight. I carry all of my weight in my hips and butt (pear shaped) so weight looks different on me than it does other body types.

That's why it isn't fair to compare yourself to others. Too many variables.

Cherese1983

We are the same height about about the same weight and I only want to lose another 10-15lbs too. I think anything more than that would be too thin. I think you look great now and another 10-15 lbs would be perfect especially since you're toned. Like you said, it's all about your perception of yourself and no matter what weight you get to as long as you feel good about it it's all that matters. Don't be so fixated on a number, but more on how you feel. Maybe she is in denial about her weight, but that's not for you to worry about. Focus on you and where you are going. YOU ARE DOING GREAT!!!!

Cherese1983

:flowerforyou:

ajbeans

Totally don't let it get you down. Some people carry their weight extremely well. Some people gain a pound and you can really see it. If you think you've always carried your weight well, then you probably have. And then again, maybe your friend has a false perception of HER body. Maybe she really does weigh 160, but she has no idea because she thinks she's still at her high school weight. Some people really have no idea how to estimate a person's weight, and you can thank Hollywood for that, telling us that these curvy women like Kim Kardashian weigh 110 lbs. when you know there's no way they're that light. (And for the record, I think KK looks fantastic, but if she really weighed as little as the reports say, she'd lose her curves.)

Either way, you don't need to let it bother you, because you're working hard on getting in shape. You just keep doing what you're doing.

kerriBB37

I can empathize with you. When I tell people my weight (or what I use to weigh) their jaw drops, I guess I "hide it well" as my mom would say.. My fiance actually made me show him the scale as I was on it because he couldn't believe it.

One thing that upset me one night was watching the Olympics with friends. It was the skiing events and they were showing the stats of the female skiers. All the guys I was around were making ridiculous comments, like "WOAH 160 that is HUGE, or wow she's fat if she's 155!) I'm like, really, if you only know what I AM! Just made me really sad and depressed for the night.


However, people are made up differently, bone density, MUSCLE (like you said) plays a big part in that, as well as some other things. Don't be upset. Check out this link my CrossFit coach showed me, it made me look at the number itself totally differently:

http://everydaypaleo.com/2011/06/22/attention-scale-addicts-part-2/

buller03

Weight as an absolute number is only one measure. It's also specific to you. Your body composition is likely better than your friends...and if you exercise and she doesn't your bones could well be are thicker/heavier too.

I doubt your friend said it to make you feel bad. Most likely 160 is a number that shocked her and she's looking for you to reassure her and say "you're not huge!"

myofibril

It's all about body composition (you know those "skinny fat" people).

Bingo. We have a winner.

This is just another example of why assessing yourself using scale weight alone is utter pants. It doesn't tell you the ratio of fat to muscle you have, how much water, the amount of food in the GI tract etc.

The one variable people also tend to factor in is the weight of your skeleton which makes up about 35 - 40% of your total weight if I recall correctly. I know it's glib to say some people are just big boned but well, they just are. Some people's bones are simply heavier than the others. So you could have two women of simiar heights and builds but one could weigh a fair amount more given this difference.

Who really cares what the scale says? If you look good, feel great, are healthy and enjoy life then you WIN.

To the OP: you are gorgeous now. I suspect you were gorgeous when you joined MFP. You will be gorgeous when you reach your target. Trust me. I am an expert at these things

ETA: I have just seen buller03's post. They nailed it before I did it seems

verair

I don't think you have anything to worry about.... If you truly looked HUGE then your friends wouldn't have made the comment. To her you probably don't look like you're around 160. If you're really worried about looking huge, check your clothing size. You can usually tell from there.

LindsayChick

I totally know what you mean. I told some friends of mine that I was 145 at the time (and 5'6", muscular) and they were like "NO WAY!!!?? That's impossible?". Yes, possible. Weight looks really different on different people! One of my mom's friends (who is my same height if not an inch taller) says 140 is her upper upper limit that she allows herself to be. I thought that was really low (!) but for her body it looks great and works.

It's definitely more about how you look and feel than the actual pounds. Keep up the hard work and try not to let the # get you down. It's so easy to focus on that and plainly, it just looks different on different people!

XFitMojoMom

I agree with most of the previous sentiments. However I want to point out the obvious: if you feel good with yourself, why feel bad about an off-handed comment?

I was just on vacation, on the beach with so many people wearing bikinis... maybe most who really shouldn't... but instead of feeling puerile and mean I thought to myself - how great that these people have the CONFIDENCE in themselves to celebrate their body and wear a bikini. The majority of the population doesn't look like a supermodel, or a top athlete so let's get over it and celebrate what we love about ourself.

MinnieInMaine

(snipped)
However, people are made up differently, bone density, MUSCLE (like you said) plays a big part in that, as well as some other things. Don't be upset. Check out this link my CrossFit coach showed me, it made me look at the number itself totally differently:

http://everydaypaleo.com/2011/06/22/attention-scale-addicts-part-2/

That article is amazing!!! Thank you for sharing

Another exampe of hurtful behavior... One of my former co-workers was quite skinny and after she at a heavy lunch she'd say something like I feel huge and puff up her cheeks and gesture around her body with her hand like she all of a sudden gained 50 pounds. At the beginning of my weigh loss journey, knowing I weighed over 100 pounds more than her, this was a painful thing to hear. If you feel huge, as skinny as you are - what does that make me? Gigantic? Enormous?
People just don't think....

This also reminded me of when I started out and was discussing my goals with Hubby. I told him I want to lose 100 pounds, which will get me to around 160. He said - why don't you shoot for more like 125? I just laughed, shook my head and said "hon, if I weighed 125, I'd be skin and bones and you'd be totally turned off, trust me!". I'm just not built like that! Some 5'7" girls might be able to pull off a low weight like that, but there's no way I could on my hefty frame.

findingfit23

160 is not huge, and you look fantastic!!
Dont let it bother you. I kinda feel like that when I read peoples post about how they used to weigh a "whopping" Xxx
Their whopping is usually much less than I weigh :<

cvstokke

Thanks for the kind words yall - it's nice to have people who know what I'm going through. It's not the worst thing someone could say but it certainly makes you second guess a little.

And that paleo link is fantastic - thank you for sharing

Ilovedrinkingtea

Don't panic. What she said is about her, it's not about you. I'm sure she had no idea what she weighs or what you weigh. She probably was just expressing concern that she feels that she is putting on weight. I'm with the people who said that everyone carries weight differently.

I'm 5ft 9.5" and my BMI of 25 point something means I'm overweight. People said I was fat and at risk of a heart attack at 14 stone. People said I didn't need to lose any weight at 13 stone. Now that I'm almost 12 stone people are saying I look a lot better, and I think they'll say that again when/if I ever reach 11 stone!!!

I think what you have to focus on is reaching your own "happy weight" safely with sustainable, healthy eating habits. I think you've done really well on your journey so far and I think you'll find yourself fitter and stronger and losing more easily now that you're eating a bit more.

In the meantime, vent away, it's what we're all here for!!!

xx

lisamerida

I too am 5'3 and I weigh 160 as of today. A few years ago I lost 88 pounds and reached a goal of 135 and was too thin. My face was sunk in and people were starting to get concerned. So I started eating again and gained back all my weight. This past February I started losing again and I have lost 50 pounds as of this morning. I don't plan on getting as low as I once did, I was thinking around the 145-150 mark. I feel good now about myself and can fit into my 12 year old daughters clothes. She is 5'5 and the same weight. Do what is right for you and makes you feel good.

SiltyPigeon

Sounds like you are doing great. In addition to muscle vs fat, remember that structure size also makes a difference. Some one who has a large frame can weigh the same, but have less over all fat than someone who has a small frame. I have an extra small frame. My bones are tiny. So 160 (I started at 167) looks a lot worse on me than it would on someone who has a medium or large frame. Which makes me totally jealous.

You can determine your structure size by wrapping your fingers around your wrist. If your fingers overlap you have a small frame, touch is medium, don't touch is large. Something like that.

Keep up the good work and remember that people come in all shapes and sizes. YOU just have be comfortable with YOU!