Help and encouragement or unwanted advice and implied judgme

mrk34

I recently asked whether you would initiate a conversation with somebody who was obese and could use some direction.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/301791-help-or-not-to-help

Majority of you posted or messaged me “no” or “rather no”.

When I read your posts I felt a little frustrated. I guess I anticipated that the responses would encourage me to talk to my obese co-worker, stress the importance for action and suggest possible solutions. Now I realize that any words of encouragement would sound like judgment.

Now I recall a situation that obviously didn’t come to my mind, when I was tempted to start the conversation about health issues with my co-worker.

Years ago a high school friend visited me for a few days. I remember he tried to share his food related knowledge with me. I resisted. I “knew” better. I considered his behavior strange because when he looked for health food, he differentiated between processed and non- processed food and read labels at supermarket. I thought my friend was weird.

Fast forwarding back to July 2011 now. Well, I am glad I listened to your advice and will keep my mouth shut when I meet my co-worker again.

Thanks for your words of wisdom.

fionarama

I think if people ask for advice you can give it - I like to share my enthusiasm for fitness pal thats for sure, I tell everyone, thin and fat so if anyone wants to take offence its their problem.

swanny320

The best way to change behavior in others is to model it yourself. When people see how great you feel and look and how happy you are because of your diet and exercise choices they will do one of two things: 1. they will mock you, put you down, do anything they can to make YOU feel badly because seeing you being proactive convicts them of their own slothlike ways. OR 2. They will say, "hey, I can do that too!" and embark on a lifestyle change. No point in saying anything unless you're asked.

dls06

When the student is ready the teacher will come.

fat2fab4life

In my opinion, b/c I am obese and this has happened to me before... if they proactively come to you and discuss with you their desire to lose weight and be healthier then I don't see anything wrong with telling them about mfp or your weight loss journey and letting them know that if they ever wanted to join you in getting healthier you would support and motivate them. but if you just went up to them and discussed it I'd say that would not be cool.

SusanneWhittington

People can feel hurt when you give them good meant advice, I am still not going to shut up when I talk to my parents about the importance of loosing weight, because I want to keep them many more years. Even when it has the effect of talking to an unplugged coffee machine, I am still not giving up and go at them each and every day about the importance that they do something besides eating.

horndave

I have a friend that was really heavy. I didnt offer any advice but I did say to him that "your kids are going to need you around, and your my friend I want you around.If you want help let me know. I left it at that. He has since lost 187 lbs and I am so happy for him.

Amysgetnfit

Offering limited well intended advice isn't a bad thing.but bottom line is unless a person is ready to accept ityou may as well talk to a tree. & the tree is less likely to take offense. Weight &the health issue can be very touchy subjects.im always willing to talk fitness. &, nutrition to like minded people. Be encouraging without being a fitness door to door salesmen. :-)

TheShelterCat

I think the only way to give advice is when asked. Or if somebody says "Hey, you look great! How'd you do it?", it's the perfect time to bring it up. Unfortunately unless somebody wants to hear it, it can come off as judgemental and offensive.

I remember a few years back, I went on a double date with a guy who gave me unsolicited advice about dieting and strength training throughout the entire dinner and came off extremely condescending criticizing my food choice while he ate his salad with freshly squeezed lemon.

It completely turned me off not only him but a healthy lifestyle altogether.

Now, I see the light but it was only because I was ready for it and it was my choice.

I think MFP is fantastic and the support from the people on here is really motivating. I tell everybody I'm on it now and how great it is, but it's really up to them if they want to join.

hml1976

Nope. In my experience people who need to lose weight know they need to lose weight and for the most part they know exactly how to do it. I think its great to talk about what has worked for you but otherwise stay out of it.

bry_all01

I think if they ask for your help, then by all means, give them any and all the help and advice that you can and encourage them to join MFP, because its AWESOME. :bigsmile: However, if they do not ask for your help and you try, that could turn ugly for your relationship with your co-worker. I am all for helping others, but sometimes, we have to wait to be asked in order to help.

Thamantha

This is a lovely post.