My husband is a JERK!

dolphin9803

Ok 1st off I guess I can't really call him that as he isn't but he is being NO help at all!!! I admit that I have tried to loose weight countless times in the past with no success, and we were talking the other day and I was telling him about joining this and that no if and or buts I am goin to succeed this time. I guess you could say I had a disgusted moment a couple of wks ago when I went to buy new clothes for the summer, I had to buy a 3x to fit me. I was so depressed over this that naturally what do I do but come home and eat...lol One of my many down falls I'm a depression eater. Any who back to the main reason, I joined MFP on 7/14/11 and in the 1st wk I lost 6.5 lbs. To be honest I was extremely proud of myself, So I tell my hubby and he freakin shot me down!! WTF so again I'm feeling like crap now so I eat, and weight in on Friday 7/29 I gained half of that weight back :sad: then he preceeds to tell me that I'm fine the way I am granted ur not the size when I married you but ur fine:mad: Why can he not understand?? eeeggghhh MEN! Sorry Guys I know they aren't all like that but dangit! I'm trying here and he just can't seem to be there for me. So again here I am feeling very depressed and I keep telling myself that the fridge is off limits:ohwell: Sorry for venting but I needed too

ladybugfrenzy

I'm an emotional eater as well! It sucks when you're doing well and then something happens and you become derailed from your plan. Don't worry about him. In fact I wouldn't even talk to him about it. That's why you have us here to talk to anytime. You should be proud of yourself because you took the first step and have been successful . Many of us have struggled with weight loss! It's one of the hardest things to have to go through. You can do it. Believe in yourself!

louiseyanne

You're doing this for you not him !!

6.5 lbs is amazing in the first week and if you put half back on thats still over a 3lb loss which is great.

You can do this !!

MiladyMetal

Ok 1st off I guess I can't really call him that as he isn't but he is being NO help at all!!! I admit that I have tried to loose weight countless times in the past with no success, and we were talking the other day and I was telling him about joining this and that no if and or buts I am goin to succeed this time. I guess you could say I had a disgusted moment a couple of wks ago when I went to buy new clothes for the summer, I had to buy a 3x to fit me. I was so depressed over this that naturally what do I do but come home and eat...lol One of my many down falls I'm a depression eater. Any who back to the main reason, I joined MFP on 7/14/11 and in the 1st wk I lost 6.5 lbs. To be honest I was extremely proud of myself, So I tell my hubby and he freakin shot me down!! WTF so again I'm feeling like crap now so I eat, and weight in on Friday 7/29 I gained half of that weight back :sad: then he preceeds to tell me that I'm fine the way I am granted ur not the size when I married you but ur fine:mad: Why can he not understand?? eeeggghhh MEN! Sorry Guys I know they aren't all like that but dangit! I'm trying here and he just can't seem to be there for me. So again here I am feeling very depressed and I keep telling myself that the fridge is off limits:ohwell: Sorry for venting but I needed too

Hey we all gotta vent sometimes and some of us have all the more reason to more often! Sorry the "alleged" jerk (LOL) is being that way but I am finding a lot of men truly are like that. They are one extreme where they want you really skinny or really fat! really skinny cuz of insecurity and wanting arm candy or really fat cuz of insecurity as well cuz they think you will look too good other men will want you. I swear us women just cannot win sometimes. ;p Just do it for you and let w/e he says roll of your brow and give it no mind! This is for you alone to be healthy!

SabrinaJL

That really sucks, but try to remember that you're doing this for you and not him. Even if he isn't supportive you should keep on keepin' on. Maybe once he sees how hard you're working and how dedicated you are, despite his lack of support, he'll understand how much this means to you and change his tune.

CeejayGee

It's hard when a partner doesn't understand or isn't supportive. How is HIS weight?

Regardless, you need to tell him that you appreciate that HE thinks you're fine the way you are. But, that YOU don't feel fine the way you are. And, tell him what you NEED from him. Speciically, tell him. You need him to do x, y, and z. Spell it out for him, as he may think he's being perfectly supportive by stating that he accepts you as you are.

So, be honest and tell him why you aren't happy with yourself - that you don't like your size, or the way you feel, or you want to be healthier. Whatever the reason, tell him. It's great that he's willing to accept you unconditionally (many don't have that!), but tell him why you're just not accepting yourself right now and how he can be supportive.

Now, he isn't responsible for your reaction to all of this - you are. Just because he was a "jerk" doesn't justify the emotional eating. That's an issue that you have to work on yourself, as there will always be jerks, stresses, etc. You have to develop a new method of dealing with those negative emotions that pop up.

nomorefatbitch

Hey Honey!

Don't be too hard on the poor sap. He probably thinks he IS being supportive. "I love you just the way you are."

You are right. They don't get it. I was 150-something when I got married (almost 32 years ago) and even when I was 262, I heard the same thing.

Remember that you are doing this for YOU. YOUR health. YOUR well-being. Etc...

You have lots of new friends here and they will listen to you b!+c# and moan and fuss and cry all the time. They won't even tell you that you are a neurotic basket case, even when you think you are. (I know THIS one for a fact, lol, because they have been very supportive, in spite of my being a neurotic, scale OCD, nutcase!!)

Good luck on your journey. We are here for you

buzzcogs

You husband sounds a little bit like an enabler. It doesn't make him a jerk maybe he just has hang-ups too about you losing weight. (Perhaps unconciously he feels that if you lose weight you will leave him? ,etc)
Anyhow, keep doing MFP but don't talk about it to your husband. Get your support here, and just be on the downlow about your changing eating habits. Remember what you do here is a lifestyle change, not just a "diet". So work on yourself and don't look to him for support for your change.
Keep positive, enjoy your relationship with him in other ways. Remember none of us are perfect and not even a spouse can be "everything" to us.
As you lose weight you will feel better about yourself. If you feel depressed, focus on the healthy change you are making for yourself. Realize you are taking care of yourself and in the long run it is not only good for you but for your relationship. (I'm sure your husband worries about you when you get depressed)
If you feel like eating more than you should, take a walk instead, read a book, clean your house, watch a movie, OR snuggle up to your husband (it's hard to eat when you are having "nookie" ;-0)
Good luck, I know you will do good!

MiladyMetal

It's hard when a partner doesn't understand or isn't supportive. How is HIS weight?

Regardless, you need to tell him that you appreciate that HE thinks you're fine the way you are. But, that YOU don't feel fine the way you are. And, tell him what you NEED from him. Speciically, tell him. You need him to do x, y, and z. Spell it out for him, as he may think he's being perfectly supportive by stating that he accepts you as you are.

So, be honest and tell him why you aren't happy with yourself - that you don't like your size, or the way you feel, or you want to be healthier. Whatever the reason, tell him. It's great that he's willing to accept you unconditionally (many don't have that!), but tell him why you're just not accepting yourself right now and how he can be supportive.

Now, he isn't responsible for your reaction to all of this - you are. Just because he was a "jerk" doesn't justify the emotional eating. That's an issue that you have to work on yourself, as there will always be jerks, stresses, etc. You have to develop a new method of dealing with those negative emotions that pop up.

Amen to that sister!

maureendonahue

They are hubby's. You have to love them, but you don't have to like them all the time!

I joined the gym in late May and went every day. Which he laughed at! (You at the gym? We'll see how long that lasts!) And then the nice weather came, so I was walking outside, mowing the lawn things like that instead of the gym. And he said "I knew it wouldn't last". But I have lost 20 lbs no matter which way I work out, so there!

For now, lean on your MFP friends for support. As he sees you being successful and happier, he will probably become more supportive.

Good luck on your journey!

oshmom

First of all CONGRATS on the 6.5...even the 3! This proves you CAN do it.
Is your husband overweight? Over my many years of the battle of the bulge, I find that people who aren't happy with themselves unconsciously sabbotage a friend/partner's success. TELL him how you feel, that his remarks did not support what you are trying to do. Ask if he wants to join you in the journey. If he doesn't, ask him that you would prefer he kept his thoughts to himself unless they were actually supportive.

Good luck! And stick to it. A month from now you will be amazed, and it goes quickly. Mini goals are the answer, not the overwhelming numbers.

birdlover97111

I'm sorry you are going through this...I have yo-yo'd my entire marriage (31 years) and I am married to a man who can eat ANYTHING and still be thin...I also have done one diet after another, lost and gained and gained some more...I know from experience how hard it is to live with someone who shoots down your weight loss successes, probably because he expects that it'll come right back again anyway....

You need to change your way of thinking, just like I did....You need to do this for YOU..!!!...NO ONE ELSE...Because, if you are like me, when you get angry or disappointed in someone else besides yourself, you turn to the fridge...I know I do (did)....I am losing weight and getting healthy for only ME...

Please, don't give up...YOU CAN DO THIS...!!...Please, feel free to add me if you would like and I will try and support you as best I can...Let's get fit for OURSELVES..!!.. :flowerforyou:

nadiaez

I agree...I think he is probably just trying to make you feel better and not put you under pressure to lose weight...just very badly! lol.

Sounds just like my hubby who is sick an tired of me telling him 'oh I want to lose weight', 'oh I am gonna do it this time....' so now I say nothing and will fingers crossed let the results speak for themselves!

Good luck x

MiladyMetal

You husband sounds a little bit like an enabler. It doesn't make him a jerk maybe he just has hang-ups too about you losing weight. (Perhaps unconciously he feels that if you lose weight you will leave him? ,etc)
Anyhow, keep doing MFP but don't talk about it to your husband. Get your support here, and just be on the downlow about your changing eating habits. Remember what you do here is a lifestyle change, not just a "diet". So work on yourself and don't look to him for support for your change.
Keep positive, enjoy your relationship with him in other ways. Remember none of us are perfect and not even a spouse can be "everything" to us.
As you lose weight you will feel better about yourself. If you feel depressed, focus on the healthy change you are making for yourself. Realize you are taking care of yourself and in the long run it is not only good for you but for your relationship. (I'm sure your husband worries about you when you get depressed)
If you feel like eating more than you should, take a walk instead, read a book, clean your house, watch a movie, OR snuggle up to your husband (it's hard to eat when you are having "nookie" ;-0)
Good luck, I know you will do good!

Wise words! I especially love the nookie part! XD

bmmadden

Like others said Do it for you!! now you know the reaction your getting from him until he really notices a change and that your serious this time and acts positive just dont share about it with him until then about it which I know can be hard instead start sharing these details that your proud of which you should be with your fitness pals on here, and you can add me if you want by the way

adodson57

I'm sorry to hear that you have little support at home, but you will get lots here. Keep up the good work. Most of all remember that this is YOUR mission and these are YOUR goals. Be proud of yourself everyday that you log on and everyday that you feel you did your best. It is your body and health that you want to improve. If you need some friends on MFP you can start with me!

pauljsolie

You're doing this for you not him !!

6.5 lbs is amazing in the first week and if you put half back on thats still over a 3lb loss which is great.

You can do this !!

I agree. Until you realize the following; you're the only one who matters, your opinion is the only one that counts, your health is on the line here you will have limited success. You will have success but you can't let anybody tell you what is right for you. If he likes you the way you are now, he'll love you when you get back to where you were when you first got married. Look to yourself FIRST for validation then whatever anyone else says or does will simply not matter. Good luck and way to go on the first week's loss. You know how to do this so just do it. You can be strong and you don't need anyone feeding negative thoughts into your head.

PalmettoparkGuy

Seriously. We have to stop doing this for others. I did the same thing when I first started and then realized that people may or may not be supportive for whatever reason and I didn't have the emotional strength to deal with those that weren't. I decided I'm not telling anybody anything about my success or failures. I can't stop them from noticing my changes in behaviors and weight loss, but I'm certainly not going to depend on ANYBODY to keep me motivated.

sevencallmemom

Hang in there and don't keep punishing yourself by over eating no matter what he says! My DH used to be that jerk. For years he would do or say the worst possible things any time I tried to lose weight, but this time he started that behavior and I was like "And your point would be?" and you know what...he quit. Not the first time, or the first week even, but eventually he learned to be supportive or at least keep his mouth shut.

Persevere! You CAN do this!

dolphin9803

Thanks Guys for all that!!!! I have tried the whole talking with him and telling hin that I have to do this for me and trying to make him understand why, I recently have been diagnosed Pre-Diabetic. So after the 3x clothes and then my doctor telling me that I decided it was time to change! The only hard thing here is that normally he is a great guy and helps, be supportive whenever he can be but this time for some reason he just really ticked me off. My start weight was 225 my doctor tells me I have to get this below 160 to hopefully be out of the danger of developing diabetes completely. So this really is just for me! Now I just have to reprogram myself to stop eating when I feel this way and find some other outlet!

Thanks Again for all the SUPPORT!!
Missy:flowerforyou:

MLPaige

OK - I'm in touch with that. My husband thinks he's helping, but his efforts are the opposite. I am a certified chocoholic, and newly card carrying diabetic. (Thus the finally serious effort to lose weight.). My husband was a juvenile diabetic, has had ALL the ramifications (most during our 20 year relationship), and so knows EVERYTHING about it. Problem is, He's type 1 and I'm type 2 - totally different. When I first came home in March and told him my diagnosis and finger prick results, I was met with "That's not bad..." DUH! Not for you, but for me it's not good!

Fast forward to now - I have lost almost 14 pounds since March, have been trying REALLY hard, and have for the most part, stayed away form the chocolate and goodies. I've shared with my nutritionist and doctor that honestly, when cravings are really bad, I no longer wait - and torture myself - I have a very small bit of whatever I'm craving - eating it slowly and appreciating it, probably the most I ever have in my life. Then, I say to myself "OK - that was good, but it was a treat. Now move on."

My husband's emails of chocolate jokes and such are not helping - so I ignore it, and remind myself that I am doing this for MY health. I am trying to meet him mentally where he is - and then move forward. When he married his ex wife, she was "chunky". During their marriage and two children, she gained and lost. She finally lost and looked really good, after which they separated and divorced. I am thinking that has something to do with his behavior.

So remember - this is for YOU... we are all here to support each other in this difficult journey. I explained to my nutritionist on my first visit that I don't use the word DIET (hell, it has :"die" right in it!), and said that I can't see cutting any one thing out because I don't think it's healthy. I like to watch portions (a biggie for most of us I think), and eating smarter - she was all for it. I also said that I didn't think the mental torture of cravings was for me - so admitted that in the first two months, I'd had 2 or 3 miniature special dark bars. Then I got over it and moved on. She said she thought I was on the right track.
We'll see what next week's follow up reveals!

Good luck and use "selective hearing" when it comes to anyone telling you that this is not a major deal!!! We all know it is!