Children curiosity, future eating disorders?

sesecat

Ok, so here's my situation. I'm a big girl, always have been; got up to 310 lbs at one point. I'm currently 276 thanks to MFP. My husband was 150(ish) lbs soaking wet when we met in 2000, and I fattened him up to 210 lbs. My step son is 12 1/2, and 50 lbs, and my daughter is 4 1/2 and 40 lbs. My son is below all growth chart percentiles, and my daughter is normal in weight, and 95th percentile in height. In other words, I'm surrounded by skinny people. What concerns me lately, is my daughter. She hears me mention calories when I'm discussing dinner with the hubs. Or say, "can't have that, not enough calories left today", etc. So now whenever she sits down for dinner, she asks how many calories are on her plate. ACK! All I can think of is I'm creating an eating disorder. Since I want to reduce my size so much, and she wants to be like me, what if she goes drastic?!?! I'm sure I'm just being a mother, and worrying about things I shouldn't worry about, but at least I've realized I need to find a way to teach her healthy habits correctly now. Phew. So anyone else have this dilemma? Any suggestions on how to approach this?

Side note, when I first told her I was doing this because I wanted to be smaller, she cried out in fear, tears streaming. I couldn't figure it out. Took about a week to realize she thought smaller meant shorter. I explained I wanted to be the same height, but smaller around. She said "like Daddy?", I nodded and replied, "yes, but with a smaller tummy". Smiles. And we were good. :-) So I have to be careful with the literal translation of what I say.

And of course, she's 4 years old, and she thinks vegetables are products of evil people. ;-)

chevy88grl

I would use this as a chance to help them have a healthy view of food. As you know, Americans have an unhealthy view of food, portion sizes, etc - it is why we are, as a society, obese.

I've used my journey as a learning tool for my two kids. My 15 yr old is short (about 5'2") and weighs around 90lbs (so a tad underweight - which is normal considering *I* was this size when I was her age) and my 12 yr old is taller (about 5'6-5'7") and she is around 120lbs. They eat normally but they DID used to gorge on unhealthy foods because they saw ME doing it. When you see your mom eat an entire personal cake you figure it is okay. I have taught them about portion control, reading labels and learning to eat "junk" in moderation. They have both said they feel better since they've been eating better and while NEITHER needs to LOSE weight - I feel like I am handing them the tools they'll need to not be overweight when they are older.

cornerofgreystreet

This is a very touchy subject. The way I have chosen to handle it is to not discuss it in front of my children at all, I have two daughters ages 4 and 5. I think the best thing to do is set a good example by eating healthy and do your best to limit discussions about calories or not being able to eat things around them.

Clearly, you are doing what is best for yourself and your family by choosing to live a healthier lifestyle and that is a fantastic thing to model for your daughter. I think you should let your actions speak for themselves (healthy food choices, exercise) and do your best to not discuss the details in front of her.

Good luck!

portexploit

I think the issue is "over eating." She needs to be aware of that. IF she was my daughter I'd just tell her "it's for grown ups, you shouldn't be concerned about calories. People who count calories are the people who ate too much when they where younger." I'd just try to bring it home to her that, she needs to eat but eat untill she's satisfied and no more. I see parents saying "You can't go do X untill you eat all your food." It makes me think WTF???? You want to train that kid to over eat? A kid isn't going to starve to death, it knows when it's hungry and when it's not.

quietlywinning

I think the most important thing is rather than talking about size, being smaller, etc. it is best to talk about eating what is healthiest. We need nutrients, fiber and water in order to maintain health.

I spent a few years as an anorexic, and I can honestly say it was NOT due to my mom talking about calories and her weight, though she did discuss it openly with friends. You haven't done anything wrong. I was always a very thin child and my parents thought it was funny to tell me how big my butt was, etc., so by the time I was 12 I *knew* that if I looked fat while I was underweight, I would REALLY look awful if I let myself get to a normal, healthy weight, therefore I didn't let that happen. It didn't take long to go from that to actively losing weight that I didn't have to lose - and still looking in the mirror and thinking I saw fat. Having a doctor tell me I needed to gain sent me into a panic and I lost more weight.....and my parents continued to say I was fat. You are not doing that. You are aware that what you say has an affect on her and you are looking for better ways to communicate what you want her to learn - good job, Mom!!!!!

mikesnwgirl

My 8yr old step son does the same thing. He says how many calories are in this. One day when we went to the grocery store he wanted a candy bar. I don't usually buy them, but as a treat I let him get one. He picked the 3 muskateers bar because it said fewer calories on the package. I explained to him that he could have a different on if he wanted. He insisted on the 3 muskateers. I just let it go. I later explained to him that he is still a kid and moves a lot more. I also told him that he needs to eat more because he's still growing, but it's good to eat healthy snacks so his bones and teeth will be strong, or to eat vegetables because they make his muscles big. You just have to put it in terms that they understand. Our kids see us doing things and they want to do them to. I don't think teaching them now about eating healthy will cause an eating disorder. In fact it may prevent an eating disorder later in life.

jamiealdridge02

Hi there-I grew up in a house where my mom was very overweight and always on a diet. It was horrible. When I reached around 12 my mom would want me to diet with her, which, being a bigger girl, I did. By the time I was in 9th grade I had an eating disorder. Fortunately, I recovered on my own, though the problems surrounding it took until I was in my 20's. I do keep track of my weight, but I never mention weight or calories around my daughter (7.5). We talk about healthy foods and staying active. We also have treats on occasion and I always try to participate to show that sweets, etc can be part of a healthy life. Please, please, please keep a positive and healthy attitude toward food with your daughter. I remember how my mom always talked bad about herself and the effect that had on my sister and I. I was deathly afraid of being fat like her and without a good female role model for body and self-image I often thought very negative about myself. I hope this helps. I can't tell you how important your attitude is in your daughter developing a healthy body image!! Good luck in creating a healthy lifestyle for your whole family!!

friendofabby27

With the experience of having an eating disorder myself, I know that seeing other people count calories is not what caused my problem. Although it could be different things for different people, the reason I am battling what I am is because of people calling me names and telling me I was fat. Even though she is only 4, if she keeps asking, I would tell her that she is healthy and perfect the way she is. I wish people would have told me that when I was younger, because it might have made a lot of difference. You can always encourage healthy snacks and maybe try not to mention calories when she is around. I'm obviously not an expert and I've never had this problem, but I do know what its like to have an eating disorder and what would possibly help prevent it from happening. Good luck!!

jamesysmom

Well the way I handle it is this , my kids are older 16,13,8 first of all the one I was concerned with is my 16 yr old she is 5'0 and weighs about 120 lbs some say ok thats kindof heavy for her height but she as a size D chest that at one time was a DDD like me. She cut out junk and started eating healthy cause it was all I was buying. She does eat junk when shes out with friends but knows what she needs to do to be healthy but still be a kid. I have told my other two that are boys my oldest son is 13 just a little over 4' and is lucky to be hitting the scale at 60 lbs and the 8 yr old is only a head shorter than his brother and is about 45 lbs. Luckily for me they like pretty much anything I eat in the house and between them and my boyfriend they actually go , " Im not gonna eat this (insert junk food here) Cause its not fair to you. So they are old enough to know that they dont have to do what I do and I make sure they have snacks they like that arent exactly bad but not great either. I think if they were younger and asked that question I would say , "honey you have just what you need on your plate but if you get full before its gone then just stop eating". I also fix my boys plates for dinner and I put maybe a half of a svg on it that way I can say try to finish if you can or eat this and If you want more we will see. That way im not going force food down their throat. I also with my 13 yr old have to let him eat when ever he will cause for some reason he eats more over all if I dont force it . Mainly we all graze around here , good luck with your weight loss and finding a way to explain everything to your daughter. I can also say be honest with her sit her down and explaing why you are worried abt calories , if shes asking shes ready to know the truth just in an age approiate manner . Just my 2 cents

PandaFlight

I wouldn't mention calories in front of kids. I'd say stuff like "No, I've had enough to fill me today". If you are talking about diets, phrase it more in terms of healthy eating. If she needs to know, let her know that mommy wants to be healthy and so will eat lots of vegetables and wholegrains.

ckatastrophy

I agree with many of the posts above. I don't currently have children at an age to ask those kind of questions, but I'm aware that my granddaughter will be around and she's growing fast & may ask questions. I want her to see healthy choices being made & hear positive "food talk". Sometimes I feel negative if I talk about not having enough cals for this or that. Instead I try to say things like "I can eat this (whatever food, example: apple) it's a better choice for me right now".
I think you need to find a better way to talk about your healthy living style around your kids. It may do you some good to think of it in other terms, too.
Also I really like what some people said about positive body image reinforcement, let your kids know they are healthy and just right where they are, & that you love them just the way they are.

Good luck!