Those with Significant Others...suggestions??

officiallymrswhite

So...I know people have to decide to lose weight on their own...and I respect that, however how can you handle the frustration when your significant other is not on the same page with you regarding fitness and nutrition? It frustrates me when my fiance eats not so healthy food, eats more food at dinner when I have everything portioned out so we have leftovers, or tells me he wishes I would lighten up so he can enjoy "good" food again (since I do not like to eat out as often as I usually did). How do you handle feelings with this? It is getting very frustrating and causing tension in the relationship at the moment. :frown:

FabCheeky

Well, to solve the left over problem: Just make your leftover plate when you make your dinner plate. Put it RIGHT IN THE FRIDGE.

My husband has not always been supportive, but if he wants to eat crap---he has friends! He can go eat crap with them! At home, we eat well. I do make him white potatoes (which are NOT on my plan and do tempt me sorely) as a concession with food. Since I give him that, he is more understanding. Relationships are give and take. Just be sure that you're not the only one doing the giving.

ennaejay

I can empathize. I've found it's helpful to only worry about myself. I have my goals, my opinions, my lifestyle. If he wants to join in - great. If not - I can't make him. He needs to realize it's important on his own and change for himself, not for me. (Just like we need to change for OURselves, not for anyone else).

I do share with him what's on my mind and heart. If he's interested or we're having conversation, or I find something new, I'll share with him about the importance of lean muscle making strong joints, bone density, fighting diseases, the importance of having a strong heart, and treating our body well so to improve our health for longer.

He gets it. It sinks in, over time. His personality is more laid-back, casual, "whatever" approach, he doesn't count what goes in his mouth, where I'm more competitive and controlling (and obsessive compulsive lol). So what's important for me, won't be important for him necessarily.

I just suggest that you continue doing what makes you feel good and strong and vibrant. Share with him WHY you do it. Share with him that you believe it's important for him to partner with you on your journey - for support and encouragement, and because you love him and care about him!

Eventually, though, don't get frustrated if he doesn't change (or if change is slow), ultimately, that will put pressure on him that he might resent.

Patience and perseverance!

maddymama

You can only control yourself.... you can't change him. If he eats bad food, let him. Don't nag him. He probably feels pressured to change and isn't ready. All you can do is work on yourself.
Regarding the portion size and leftovers.... try to just make more in the first place. Some nights my hubby eats a ton and we have no leftovers. Othertimes he isn't as hungry and we have a ton left over. I just try not to sweat it. Also, I'd be upset if someone portioned my food out for me and I was hungry. It's one thing to do it for yourself, but it's another thing to do it to another adult.
Regarding going out to dinner, I try to research the place ahead of time so I can make a healthy choice for me without depriving him of his fun of going out to eat.
It's all about compromise.

audram420

It's very hard. My husband is a thin guy who has always been a "fast food" eater. He's always been encouraging, but would still call me and ask me to pick him something up knowing that I couldn't eat it, or something like that. It was hard at first, but I just kept telling myself that I had to do this for ME and I found that as I stuck to eating healthy, he started to do the same...not all the time, but sometimes.

I don't have an answer for you, but just know that you are not alone...I battle it everyday, too!! Like today, we will go visit his dad in the hospital and he will stop by Wendy's to eat...I've already eaten and I will just have to have the will power not to get anything.

Good luck, friend me if you want, maybe we can find the answer together!

PattiDu

My dear husband of 30 years means well, but he also tries to coax me into.."going out for ice cream" so he can get that wonderful brownie sundae. Or going to a buffet where he can eat all the treats he wants to eat while I watch him. Then on the other side of the coin he asks me why I don't wear dresses anymore or dress sexy for him, or go the the dreadful "waterpark" (a bathing suit, you've got to be kidding). Anyway I just look him in the eye and ask him, you wanna fat wife or a thin wife? So we stop a a local grocery store, and pick up some fat free ice cream.

Lauren38570

I say move on and find someone else that is

AlsDonkBoxSquat

What he eats isn't any of my business, only what I eat. I cook for me, he can eat it or he can find something else. It's not up to me to portion for him. If you want left overs cook more and wrap up your extra portion before serving the meal instead of depending on it to still be there. Move to smaller plates so that his plate doesn't look empty and maybe that will help.

pkarim

Every couple has problems and disagreements, my boyfriend used to do the same thing he is a bodybuilder and in really good shape so he eats a lot of not so good food. He loves to eat out and I would eat out with him and that was when I started gaining weight again. Now, during the week we cook all our meals healthy and at home and Fri, Sat nights we either go out to eat or grill out which is still pretty healthy. One cheat meal a week doesn't hurt and as for when we are home I always portion out my meals and put a plate in the fridge as leftovers. He really likes that because then when he is hungry there are leftovers.I t always helps that he eats a lot faster than I do so we end up finishing at the same time. It took a little bit of time and work but the reason eh started eating healthy is because he noticed a huge change in how he felt and that was very important to him. You guys can work through it just know that he loves you no matter what you look like so he probably doesn't think it is necessary for you to be on a "diet" but we have personal goals and I am sure he will understand.

mystic2girl

I have struggled with my weight for 3 years-- since I got married and have been eating my meals with my husband. Frankly, he did not eat the best and was accustomed to large portions. At his previous job, he essentially "worked out" all day loading and unloading trucks. I found it hard to eat healthy and lose weight since he was constantly eating junk around me and making meals with huge portions and lots of fat.

Then he switched jobs. And he gained a bunch of weight. Now he is interested in eating healthy because FINALLY he has learned he can't eat like that anymore. I have to say, I feel great and we are both losing weight pretty successfully.

Truth be told, it will be a battle if he is not on board. And I always lost that battle when he wasn't. The best I can suggest is tell your man he can have whatever he wants during the day or when he is out alone, but meals at home with you will be healthy and fit your diet plan. That should be reasonable enough. If he still is hungry, go for a run or do something by yourself and let him gorge himself.

Good luck!

RoseBlanc

So...I know people have to decide to lose weight on their own...and I respect that, however how can you handle the frustration when your significant other is not on the same page with you regarding fitness and nutrition? It frustrates me when my fiance eats not so healthy food, eats more food at dinner when I have everything portioned out so we have leftovers, or tells me he wishes I would lighten up so he can enjoy "good" food again (since I do not like to eat out as often as I usually did). How do you handle feelings with this? It is getting very frustrating and causing tension in the relationship at the moment. :frown:

I've never had a boyfriend be supportive of my eating healthy and working out, with the exception of one but he was a body builder...) so I can honestly empathize with you. They eat craptastic food, never work out, keep horrible hours, and don't think to ever say anything constructive, encouraging, or nice about what we're trying to do to better ourselves.

Basically I had to just let them do what they wanted to do and I did what I had to. Funnily enough a few months ago I had an ex take credit for my regaining my health while he and I were together (4 years ago!) I almost choked on my drink and had to fight not to laugh at him.
"Yea and I made sure you took every one of those pills and never let you slack off what you were supposed to be doing!"
That couldn't have been further from the truth.

Sounds like you make enough time to go out with him on occasion, so to me it seems like he's just afraid of the changes you've made to you and how they are going to affect him. Sit down with him and have a heart to heart about how much you love him, how much he means to you, and how much your health matters. Let him know it's not going to come to never having treats, or obsession.
As for the left overs? It always helps to mention budgeting. :devil:

RoseBlanc

I have to say, I feel great and we are both losing weight pretty successfully.

I have to say that judging by your profile pic; you are gorgeous! So jealous of your hair.

elmobabie84

Its very hard to diet when your significant other doesnt help support your choices. My husband was very disrespectful of my choices at first, but now he respects it. When i first started my diet he would get the biggest piece of chocolate cake and just hold it right in front of my face :noway: :grumble: , he knew i couldnt/ wouldnt eat any of that. But now he's starting to eat what i eat. Just bare with him... he might change once he sees what your diet is doing for you.

MzBug

I guess I am lucky. I haven't changed how or what I cook. I add a large portion of vegies and cut down on the other stuff. I make plenty enough so that my guy gets 1-2 lunches out of the leftovers. Some days he doesn't want me to fix him a lunch so he goes out to eat. Since he works 3-1130pm his lunch would be most peoples dinner. When he gets home, if he wants a sandwich or something else I will make it for him while I have a before bed snack. We do go out for meals quite often on the weekends, I make the decisions for me, so if I go over my calories it's on me. Unless someone else is forcing the food down your throat....can't blame them. Can't change them either.

calliope_music

my husband tries and generally does a good job. however, he needs to GAIN weight, not lose it. and sometimes i don't think he understands why he can't just "go get some ice cream for the house"....cause your wife will eat it all! have you tried sitting down and talking with him about your goals? i sorta had to hammer it into my husband but in general i think he gets it. sorta.

fiberartist219

My husband and I have had very different weight loss struggles.

He started exercising YEARS before I did, and while he'd try to encourage me to do it, I resisted.

I also eat healthier foods than he does, and if he doesn't want what I am cooking, he's an adult and he can cook for himself.

Now, I am starting to work out, and he was watching his portions for about 6 months or so, but he's plateaued in his weight loss, and I'm just getting started. We still have our very different ways of working out and eating, but honestly, even though we are a badass married couple, we are still individuals.

There's no way I will EVER be able to lift weights like he does. He's a giant man of 6'4", and I'm a tiny lady (even when I'm round) of only 5'2". We are like mama bear and papa bear. I can't tell him what to eat, and he can't tell me how to exercise. Our bodies are very different, and we are like night and day.

You just have to live and let live. Do what you're going to do and let him do whatever it is that he wants to do. You can't expect him to be on board with everything that you are into.

lmarshel

This is not my first go-round with losing weight & trying to get healthy. I've been on & off again for the past 4 years or so, mostly on a losing trend. Up until about 2 months ago, my husband was not really on board. It was more difficult without him, but it was my journey and not his. I made the decision to lose weight for me and could only hold myself responsible. We've been married for 24 years now, so "moving on" was not an option. Were together for life, so i had to make it work. And IMO that's what you have to do, find a way to make it work for you. Because truth be told he might never decide to join you.

keiraev

Mine smokes like a chimney, does no exercise and is slightly overweight. He joined MFP but can't be bothered to log. He moans about having little or no carbs for dinner but is happy when he finds he has lost a few lbs just as a knock on effect of my cooking!

All in good time - he said he will do 30 DS with me in Aug tho which could either be hilarious or horrendous !