mom to a preemie who gained weight after her baby came home

mommy2robert

hello-

I am a mom to a 20 month old miracle baby. Robert was born 11 weeks early because I developed pre eclampsia. I had lost almost 30 lbs before I got pregnant with Robert. I only gained about 16 lbs total during my 29 week pregnancy. I fit in my pre pregnancy jeans 10 days after my son was born.

In the months after my son was born I gained all the weight I lost prior to getting pregnant and an additional 20 plus pounds.

I had all the excuses of why I gained the weight. My son was in hospital so I ate out 2-3 times a day (yeah the good stuff too, fast food all day every day). I had the stress of worrying if my son would even survive; yep I am one of the stress eaters too. I developed post partum depression so let’s eat some more… and add meds where the number one side effect is increased appetite and weight gain. Then my son comes home. I don’t want leave him so no exercising and I came up with 100+ reason why Robert couldn’t exercise with me. Or why I couldn’t do it while he was sleeping. Oh yeah, and I was nursing so of course I had to make sure I was eating enough calories so my supply wouldn’t tank. My excuses are a mile long.

I know Robert may have had a rough start, he is thriving now. I would do anything for my son. I would give my life for him… and it almost came true the day he was born. The best thing I could do for Robert is put me first.

I could use some encouragement in this… I blamed myself that Robert came early. I was very angry I didn’t have my dream pregnancy, delivery, and first few months of mother hood. I feel that helped contribute to my weight gain.

Can anyone relate to this? Anyone have any words of encouragement?

CaelaXO

Im a social worker on a NICU and what you experienced is very common!! You have to let go of the anger and the blame. You could not have prevented Robert being born early. When the mother's blood pressure is too high, they have to deliver the baby, to save mother and baby! You got him to 29 weeks which is very good! I know the hospitalization was probably rough but you got through it and Robert is home! Now its time to focus on Mommy!! While he sleep, you can do small bits of exercise, it will add up. Also, if you start exercising, it can lessen your depression and you may be able to come off the meds, which will help the weight loss as well!! I would suggest seeing a counselor. Alot of parents meet the criteria for PTSD after having a baby in the NICU! You can do it!! ((hugs))

Barbj56

The best gift you can give Robert is a healthy, fit mother. His sweet face should be your motivation to eat right and exercise! Good Luck!

shoppie

My DS2 wasn't premature, but he was critically ill after delivery and in NICU for 3 weeks. I couldn't even touch him until he was 10 days old, or hold him until he was 16 days. I think developing post natal depression in those sorts of instances is very very common. I also felt very cheated (my first son was born by crash c-section so under general anaesthetic because he was also about to die!!) so I can certainly empathise with all of that. i also eat emotionally, which of course in this sort of situation is an absolute killer :explode:

It is very, very easy for me to sit here and say don't blame yourself, but being absolutely honest I still do for the way both my boys arrived (DS1 my waters had meconium, DS2 I had been working my butt off in a ridiculously stressful job). I think the thing is, you have to ask what you are achieving in blaming yourself? It won't help Robert, and it won't help you because it will fuel the eating/ lack of exercise etc. The reality is, anyone in any situation can make excuses for not exercising, but you can fit it in somehow (I have 3 kids aged just 5, 2.5 and 5 months). Honestly, I think you probably need to focus on coming to terms with the fact that Robert's arrival and all that went with it cannot be changed - but you can make every second count now that he is here and well. I think you will probably find the health stuff will automatically improve if you feel some degree of peace with what happened.

Feel free to add me/ pm me :flowerforyou:

sabrinafaith

I didn't go through what you did, I had a dreamy- like easy pregnancy. It was so easy that I gained 75 lb!!!!

But I know that it wasn't your fault your baby was born early, pre eclampsia can strike anyone. I know someone that had pre eclampsia while pregnant with twins and ended up on bed rest in the hospital for 6 weeks before giving birth to her twins 10-12 weeks early.

And stress eating, most people on here can relate to that!. When you go through something so horrible as worrying about your child's survival, making healthy choices doesn't even enter your mind.

If you still don't like the idea of leaving your son to exercise, I can suggest you invest in a good stroller, like a baby jogger, bugaboo, or uppababy and take your kid with you for walks every day. That's what I do! I lost a lot of weight just walking. Now, if you want to do more, add an exercise dvd in to your routine when your son is napping. I personally love jillian michaels, but everyone has their preferences. I like being yelled at to work harder, lol. Exercise, even walking, will help with your post pardum depression and also make you feel like a person again because you are making time for yourself.

tigerblue

Okay, I adopted my kids (as newborns), and then gained just as much as my girlfriends who went through pregnancy. When I told my doctor (when my oldest was about 2), she laughed and said "I've been telling women for years that it is not pregnancy that makes you fat, it's being a mommy!" And I think she's right. We lose a certain amount of control over our lives when we become mommies, and most of all we stop putting ourselves first. For me that meant not much exercising, and eating lots of kid food. As my kids grew, it meant fast food on the way to ball practice, etc. This all added up to more than 40 pounds. So don't feel guilty. It just happens. The good news is that it is never too late to change. I started MFP about a year and a half ago (after putting on my largest jeans, and not being able to sit down at my son's ball game because they were too tight! That's when I decided something had to change.). The weight came off slowly, but surely, as I changed my eating and exercise habits. I lost more than what I started out to lose, and now I'm in the best shape of my life. I've maintained for 9 months, and I'm determined to make it for life! I feel so much better and have lowered my blood pressure w/o meds. This plan will work if you log your food and exercise diligently and stay under your calorie limit. If I can do it, anybody can!! Go for it! And enjoy your little one.

Jsnbabb1

I can sorta relate. I was pregnant with my son when i was 15. Through my entire 15th year i got pregnant, parents wanted me to have an abortion, got kicked out of my house for a few days, went to court to be able to get married, got married 3 weeks before my son was born, gained 50 lbs during my pregnancy ( i started at 109). But as a positive i had a 37 week pregnancy = healthy baby. But i can relate to the weight gain. Which by now i have had my second child and she is 2 years old and my son is now 6 and just starting to lose the weight. So far im back down to my before second child weight and im still working on the first childs weight gain. My advice to you is to be flexable. exercise when you can and dont be hard on yourself if you cant work out. plan out your week on sunday...plan your workouts...plan your food...EVERYTHING! That way its a lot less work for you. And if you want to be with your son i totally understand. Instead of going to the gym get some exercise videos. break them up into 3 times a day if you have to. or go for walks WITH him. you can friend me if you would like

mommy2robert

Thank you very much for all your insights and encouragement

It has been almost two years since Robert was born. I have good days and bad stays still. I am still in therapy for my PPD. I know there is a ton of emotional stuff I still need to work though. After Robert was born I was told I had placenta acreta and because Robert was so early he actually saved me from having to have a hysterectomy during child birth. My husband has now decided we will not have anymore children of our own. And even if I were to get him on board I am at risk of another preemie.

This is going to be a long journey for me, I am ready to take it on!