Underhanded NSV!!!

treehugginpam

Proof that chicks dig *kitten*

lol seriously.

I'm astounded. Now that I'm thinner, I have this crazy notion that I wished my husband would have said something. In reality, I probably would have felt hurt if he would have mentioned the extra pork. People need their own wake up calls, not warnings from the SO.

In this particular case, if both people want to say mean things to each other about a bit of weight gain--good for them.
For me-- Yay! for non-*kitten*.

Agreed! For me, I wouldn't want my SO to say "Hey, you're gaining weight and that's unhealthy" because DUH, how could I not already know that? All that would do is hurt my feelings. I knew I was unhealthy for years, so my SO telling me that would be no big revelation or motivation. Not only that, but it would probably make me resent my him if he was nagging me about it. I've learned that my motivation has to come from ME, or else it just won't stick.

meowmily

Proof that chicks dig *kitten*

lol seriously.

I'm astounded. Now that I'm thinner, I have this crazy notion that I wished my husband would have said something. In reality, I probably would have felt hurt if he would have mentioned the extra pork. People need their own wake up calls, not warnings from the SO.

In this particular case, if both people want to say mean things to each other about a bit of weight gain--good for them.
For me-- Yay! for non-*kitten*.

Agreed! For me, I wouldn't want my SO to say "Hey, you're gaining weight and that's unhealthy" because DUH, how could I not already know that? All that would do is hurt my feelings. I knew I was unhealthy for years, so my SO telling me that would be no big revelation or motivation. Not only that, but it would probably make me resent my him if he was nagging me about it. I've learned that my motivation has to come from ME, or else it just won't stick.

Sorry to triple quote! haha! I just agree with all of the above. You need to make a change for yourself, not anyone else. My fiance still tells me that I'm perfect the way I am and that I should enjoy the same high-carb, high-fat meals he does (easy to say for someone who eats whatever he wants and never gains a pound haha ) If he ever said a snarky comment about my weight it would just make me feel less motivated and insecure in my relationship. Nice to know I'm going to have a hubby that will still have the hots for me post pregnancy!

srk143

happy for you.................Whatever makes you happy....I personally would have left the person who said that....My Husband's a fitness freak too but that doesnt mean he's a jerk to me...................He loved me when I was skinny and loves me now that I gained 50 pregnancy pounds.........

A lot of you guys were saying your husband should have said something when you gained weight....but that's not true...when we are gaining weight...we know it..they know it....if they were telling us about it it will just make us resent them and go lower on our self confidence......


Honey with all honesty I have to say If this is you just having fun.....you are young....Enjoy life........Long term I would reconsider.....Your BF's feelings should not change with your appearance........

And congrats on your loss...I am jeleous.. lol.....I mean my Fitness freak will prolly break his back if he picks me up !!!!

Slimithy

Proof that chicks dig *kitten*

Exactly, i've been watching my brother in law and this is sooooo true!!

phinners

Goodness, he doesnt sound very friendly.

My husband would never in a million years be ****ty to me over weight gain!

Sweetheart, do yourself a favour a get a real man!

phinners

Proof that chicks dig *kitten*

Exactly, i've been watching my brother in law and this is sooooo true!!

Cor so isnt here, I would leave immediately. This chick does not dig *kitten* at all!

agwilker

I almost feel like I'm being faulted for wanting a guy who is going to be honest with me????

Let me just say this... I was married to a guy for 2 years who loved me at 240lbs and told me I was sexy on a daily basis. Within that 2 year period I was diagosed with the onset of type 2 diabetes - OBVIOUSLY I WAS NOT HEALTHY!

Is this long-term - probably not. But after losing a TON of weight, it feels damn good to have the "hot guy" for the time being!

Geeeez... I was just bragging about how good my NSV felt

This is similar to what I was going to comment with. I was engaged to someone for about 4 1/2 years and he always said I look beautiful and he didn't notice any significant weight gain. So all that time I'm going along thinking, "Well it's not so bad, there's always time when I'm ready to work on it." Then last year after I graduated from college, I was looking at the pictures and I was astounded at how much I had gained since the last picture taken of me. I showed him a picture from when we first met and put the graduation picture by its side and said, "Are you telling me, I look like I haven't gained weight?" I had gained 50 lbs! He still said no! I finally had to get honest with myself and quit listening to someone who just told me what I wanted to hear. I didn't need for him to confirm I had gained weight for myself to believe it all along, but his attitude about it encouraged me to be complacent over the years.

I prefer honesty MUCH MORE than someone who just says what he thinks I want to hear. However, I would rather have him say "I'm concerned about you." Not "Ew, you're gross and unattractive." I don't know if you were real specific other than just saying he's indicated he wasn't happy about the weight gain. In an ideal world I'd want someone to be honest that they can tell I've gained weight and I should work on it, but not make snide remarks and just give encouragement.

Fochizzy

umm, OK. Sounds like a keeper!

Lol, my friends say something similar when they talk about my fiance "ummmm, you picked a winner." Sounds like our guys are in the same vein.

rachelw16

I agree with the OP on this...I don't have an SO, but my mom once looked at me and told me "you're gaining weight, you should stop binging." At the time it hurt, but now I realize that she was just doing what was best, because I WAS binging and it wasn't healthy. I just like it when people are honest with me, and I would rather that than have people tell me I'm skinny when I'm not.
My two cents.

kerrymh

Congrats!
I like your attitude, I want someone to challenge me in a positive way to be healthy and maintain what I've lost and improve..I don't want someone to let me get lazy again and get "comfortable"..of course I want to be loved for more than my body..but I think if someone loved me and they saw me sinking back into my old self and let it happen silently....that wouldn't really be love..because I was totally unhealthy...I want someone that I look at be hot for..but also know that..he's healthy, and he cares about me being healthy too. Its a challenge for me especially when I don't look fit yet.. I still have 40lbs to go..and those guys still pass me by..so single until I can find that man who cares about me and my healthy lifestyle.

Fochizzy

Wow, I am clearly in the minority. I am prepared for you all to hate him but here I go. My fiance does not like to date fat girls. He does not find it physically attractive, and physical attraction is DAMN important in the relationship. When he and I started dating I was at the top weight range he liked (30lbs ligher). When I got depressed he helped me get better, but when I was better he did not like how I looked as much. He asked if I could try and lose weight. He helped pay for the gym membership, and keep me accountable. Let's face it I was not healthy, he wasn't saying I was 100lbs and needing to lose weight. He said you are 200s lbs and I find it less attractive can you please lose weight. And sometimes makes blunt jokes, sometimes harps a little but that does not mean he doesn't care. We got engaged at my top weight (not conditionally) and I don't understand why if what he wants is better for you that makes him a jerk. As long as the changes he prefers benifit health what's the problem, doesn't. Mean he is an *kitten*. So there I go gather the torches and pitchforks, I support a man wanting you to be thinner.

crystalslight

I'm not sure what his "tone" was. He could have been telling you this in a teasing manner. At least I hope he was
My husband is a sweet heart. But most of my friends think he's an @$$. They don't "get" the way we talk to eachother. My husband calls me "piggy". I THINK IT'S FUNNY. If he REALLY thought I was fat. And that him calling me that would hurt my feelings. He wouldn't do it. fMy friends just can't seem to get it.
He always gives me compliments on how good I look. Even when I've been pregnant or just had a baby.
He's also my biggest cheerleader. He cheers me on when working out (which he does with me). Helps me to make better food choices. So don't worry about what other people think.
Only you know your relationship and what works for you. So take the compliment. However he gave it. Good job!! Keep up the good work!!

treehugginpam

Wow, I am clearly in the minority. I am prepared for you all to hate him but here I go. My fiance does not like to date fat girls. He does not find it physically attractive, and physical attraction is DAMN important in the relationship. When he and I started dating I was at the top weight range he liked (30lbs ligher). When I got depressed he helped me get better, but when I was better he did not like how I looked as much. He asked if I could try and lose weight. He helped pay for the gym membership, and keep me accountable. Let's face it I was not healthy, he wasn't saying I was 100lbs and needing to lose weight. He said you are 200s lbs and I find it less attractive can you please lose weight. And sometimes makes blunt jokes, sometimes harps a little but that does not mean he doesn't care. We got engaged at my top weight (not conditionally) and I don't understand why if what he wants is better for you that makes him a jerk. As long as the changes he prefers benifit health what's the problem, doesn't. Mean he is an *kitten*. So there I go gather the torches and pitchforks, I support a man wanting you to be thinner.

No pitchforks here!

There is a difference between a man wanting you to be healthier vs. a man wanting you to be thinner, though. Does your man want you to lose weight so that you won't get diabetes, won't have a heart attack, won't die early? Awesome. I agree! Does he want you to be thinner just because he doesn't like fat chicks? Well...okay, but what's going to happen 20 years from now when you get gray hair or wrinkles, or what would happen if you were in some crazy accident that changed you physically? Would he leave you? Would you be okay with that? I'd still love my boyfriend if he weighed 200 pounds more than he does now, I'd just worry about his health (and wouldn't like the fact that he wouldn't be able to do as many active things with me).

That having been said, people have different tolerances for things in relationships. I wouldn't want my boyfriend to nag me and talk about how fat I am (who needs him to state the obvious?), and I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate that if the situation were reversed either. Maybe you want the nagging from your SO to help motivate you, and that's fine. For me personally, I need to nag myself.

Saksgirl1

For the majority of you who seem to hate this man without ever meeting him....

Yes, I called him an *kitten* because he is PUSHING me to be healthy... but one thing I don't think a lot of you understand is he is pushing me FOR ME! Do any of you think I was actually happy knowing that I had gained 20lbs? NO! I was miserable to be around, I was incessantly *****y and I would walk around in sweatpants because none of my clothes fit! The fact that he is pushing me is because he misses me being HAPPY... which I was when I was running every day last summer and eating clean. Can he be overly pushy... of course, but I think everyone can!

When I called him an *kitten*, it was meant in jest... there is no doubt that he is unpolished at times and will say whatever comes to his mind, including calling me a "fatty" if I decide I want Ben and Jerry to be my besties again! Or looking at me with a look of disgust on days I want to order a pizza - But it's what I expect from him.... to push me to be healthy! Yes, it hurts my feelings when he makes comments or gives me looks like that BUT a few days of hurt feelings definitely feels better than months of "OMG I have to go buy a bigger size in clothes because I've become complacent with how I look!" (And by the way, DONT TELL ME that none of you have ever gained weight - attributed it to water gain or putting your clothes in the dryer too long and then realized 20lbs later that you have no clothes that fit!)

Someone here actually made the comment that she looked at a pic pre- and post- college and after gaining 50lbs asked her hubby if there was any difference and he still said no - as you would expect a "nice guy" to do! But really is that being "nice" when you're obviously just being told something that you want to hear???

Furthermore, how many of you (who are not married or engaged) have busted YOUR a$$es to lose weight? Do you want someone is going to encourage you to be happy or someone who is going to stuff pizza down your throat and tell you that you never need to work out because you're beautiful "just the way you are?" Listen, he might be a jacka$$, but he tells me I'm pretty all of the time... he just usually tells me that I'll be completely gorgeous when I lose more weight and get more toned! - He's right... I'm a size 10 right now! There is no reason that I shouldn't be a size 6-8 which is my goal!

The fact is YES, I am doing this for me and my boyfriend has nothing to do with the reason I am losing weight (well, more inches lately... but still!) However, he is helping me along in the best way he knows how... which although it sometimes does come across as him being a total prick, his intentions are still great!

Like I said, he wants me to be healthy, because when I was healthy, I was a LOT happier and a LOT less miserable to be around!

Ok Rant OVER!

KarmaxKitty

I love how all the men who commented were all "wtf man?" but seriously, boyfriend is your business. the POINT is that it feels freaking wonderful when the boyfriend says something positive about your weight/size. for any hetero woman in the man/woman sort of relationship. i so get that. so to your weightloss accomplishment i say: THREE CHEERS!!!