How did you know.....

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  • WiiFitFan
    WiiFitFan Posts: 156 Member
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    23 is awfully young to get married. If you question whether it is right or not, then you are probably just not ready to get married. I've been married for 21 years and I don't recall ever questioning it. We were in love and didn't want it to end. Best wishes to you. This would be a good thing to pray about for guidance! :flowerforyou:
  • CynthiaS
    CynthiaS Posts: 208 Member
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    My hubby & I dated for a year and are best friends, he drives me crazy. but at the end of the day there's no one I want beside me than him so If your never going to want anyone else than do it, if not than don't :smile:
  • rmsrws
    rmsrws Posts: 639 Member
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    I just knew a few days after we met that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. 17 years later, I sometimes joke "what was I thinking?"

    If you are feeling any kind of hesitation, you really need to think about what you want in life.

    Life is too short to spend it un happy, or second guessing yourself!!!

    Best Wishes~Rhonda
  • BAMA66
    BAMA66 Posts: 240
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    if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. just my $0.02

    Exactly, marriage is hard and is even harder when a child is involved. You need to be 110% sure because it only gets harder.
  • Monica_has_a_goal
    Monica_has_a_goal Posts: 694 Member
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    if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. just my $0.02


    I second that!

    Ditto! If you can't say YES You're the guy I want to spend every day and night with.. then he's not "the ONE". (personal opinion)
  • happybrooke
    happybrooke Posts: 153
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    I've been with my fiancee for 5 years now. We got engaged last year...so by 4 years into it, I guess I just knew. We live together already (4 years now), so I don't suspect much will change after we get married.
    But I also chose the long engagement (2 years) just to make sure that we both adjusted appropriately to the idea and reality of getting married. I have to say that I do feel so much closer to him now than I ever have.
    Because we lived together for so long before we were engaged, I do know what you mean by "is this what its supposed to feel like?" The newness and excitement of a new relationship is gone. But its been replaced by trust, love, comfort and the excitement of knowing that we're in it together.

    It's normal to have cold feet at times; the rest of your life IS a long time to spend with someone. I guess a lot depends on your particular relationship, your past experience with men (any broken promises/trust? cause that'll make any girl think twice!) and if you can truly see yourself being with him for the long haul.

    Consult your head and let your heart guide you! ;):heart:
  • jessicahelene
    jessicahelene Posts: 77 Member
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    Oh jeez. How I wish I would have posted this question on a website like this four years ago when I was going through it. I was dating a guy who was sweet, and gentle, and loved me. And he proposed to me. And I asked myself, is this what it is supposed to be like? And I didn't have much self-esteem at that time, so I said well.. he loves me. I really care about him too. Let's do this thing.

    We were engaged for a year and a half, during which time we bought a house. Everything was fine.... Just, fine. Not perfect. Not exciting and magical. Just fine.

    We got married and our wedding was beautiful. But I was terrified walking down the aisle. TERRIFIED.

    Anyway, I ended up leaving him after about a year. I had lost 100 pounds during the year we were married because I used working out as a way to escape spending time with him. It wasn't that he was horrible, it was just that I was sick of him.

    He is a really nice guy. But he wasn't the guy for me.

    After getting divorced I met my current boyfriend who I've been with for a year and a half now. He's amazing... It's just... different. I just know that it was right, leaving my ex husband. So he can find someone who will make him happy.

    Anyway, everyone's situation is different. You just reminded me of the way I was.... unsure of whether or not it was supposed to feel different.
  • barbiex3
    barbiex3 Posts: 1,036 Member
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    I didn't get married until I was 37. So, basically, I had 20 years of dating *kitten* under my belt. When I met my husband, I KNEW. I couldn't imagine life without him.

    My advice to my step-daughters has always been this (I have 3 ranging in age from 30 - 37):

    1. If you have to ask, it's not him.

    2. You can't meet Mr. Right if you are with Mr. Right Now.


    LOVEEEE THIS. <3
  • vdavis_89
    vdavis_89 Posts: 334
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    I think I knew pretty fast :) with other guys I had dated I could always picture myself with someone else.... with my fiance I dont wan tto picture myself with anyone else lol and I cant :) He's everything I need and want in a husband and a friend. I cant imagine being with anyone else. We know eachother better than our best friends know us lol
  • mussmom
    mussmom Posts: 362 Member
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    After two weeks I told a good friend that he was the one, and he was. There was never any question. If you wonder if this is it, then I wonder if you are ready? Does he treat you well, and you him? Getting married is not always roses, but if you can imagine life life without him-then I would have reservations. Three years is a long time, I commend your boyfriend for bringing up marriage. Most guys can't even begin to go there. Bottom line (in my world:) if he treats you well, is good with kids, puts your needs first, and hangs with you instead of the guys, then you have a good man. If he were to walk away from you tomorrow-would you grief the loss of his presence-or would you be excited to enter the dating scene with all its trials? Therein lies your answer to "is this it?"
  • Laddiegirl
    Laddiegirl Posts: 382 Member
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    I was engaged 4 1/2 years ago to a wonderful guy and its hard to explain how I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him but I just did. The idea of living life without him was horrible and thats basically how I knew. Unfortunately I had to experience that (he was diagnosed with Leukemia and passed away a month later) and it was devestating. I know that I could have loved and been married to him for the rest of my life and been happy but we didn't get that.

    I think if you're just questioning the idea of it and worry that you might not be at that point yet or with this person. Think long and hard before making that commitment. Don't marry because thats what you're supposed to do at this point or what people expect. Do whats right and more importantly FEELS RIGHT for you.
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    yeah, notice how we all say it's hard work, and it's not all fun and roses? but when I catch myself staring at him, and thinking "damn I love him" i know it's all worth it
  • mussmom
    mussmom Posts: 362 Member
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    For me I asked myself a few questions:

    #1- How would her leaving or dying affect my life? I wouldn't know how to live it without her.
    #2- Would she be there for me if I were on my death bed and take care of me if I can't do it myself? Check.
    #3- Are our goals in life similar (kids, things in common...ect)? Check.
    #4- is there passion and love there? Check.
    #5- Does she seem like she'd make a good wife/mom? Check.
    #6- Am I ready to put aside ME and become US. In marriage two become one, am I ready for that? Yes.

    Aww...the romantic in me loves that!
  • brewingaz
    brewingaz Posts: 1,136 Member
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    If you even have to ask yourself "is this what its supposed to feel like", I'd say don't do it. At least not yet.

    Truth.
  • DanceYogaRun
    DanceYogaRun Posts: 373 Member
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    You just know... don't know how to describe it, but we knew after three or four dates. We've been married for 22 years this month:-)

    That's exactly how we were. :love: We've been married 9 years in September and I want at least a million more with him.
  • liftingbro
    liftingbro Posts: 2,029 Member
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    yeah, notice how we all say it's hard work, and it's not all fun and roses? but when I catch myself staring at him, and thinking "damn I love him" i know it's all worth it

    The thing with marriage is you can't get caught up in short term stuff. Sometimes you are going to want more boom boom time that the wife wants, other times she my want it more than you. There will be times when money is an issue, in fact more often than not for a lot of people. There will be times where you piss each other off. There will be times where neither of you get what you want. There will be times where you can't stand to look at each other. There will be times when you disagree on a lot of things.

    Point is marriage is a marathon, you have to stick it out for the long run and not wory so much about the timing splits. If at the end you are happy with your run you don't look back and complain about a couple of bad splits, it's part of running.
  • MondaysChild81
    MondaysChild81 Posts: 158 Member
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    We have been together for 7 years, its only in the past 2 I knew I wanted to get married, mainly because we now want a family and for us all to have the same name.

    Honestly, you know when its right. It could be now, it could be in 'x' amount of months or years.

    My advice would be not to spend time worrying about a relationship, just enjoy it for what it is. You never know how long you will have them for. x
  • futurekilousky
    futurekilousky Posts: 200
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    Less than a week of beIng together, FH was talking about marriage. Like most have said, you just know.
    I don't want to ever be without him and he makes me the best version of myself.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    As soon as I was proposed to I knew I *didn't* want to marry them (there were 2). I felt my life would change in a way that went against who I am at my core. Like I would have to give up too much of myself (dreams would be put on hold for too long or would have to be dropped, I would spend too much time making it "work" when I am just very simple) and I felt held back from the weight of that ring and what it meant.
  • Lyadeia
    Lyadeia Posts: 4,603 Member
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    I don't know "how" I knew...I just, well, knew.

    I mean, every relationship has its issues, but when you want to be with that person regardless and it's all you think about is just being with them...

    I never in my mind had any doubts. We were married less than a month ago and it was the best decision ever. With my exes, I always had to contemplate and ask whether it was the right thing to do. That should have been my first clue that it was NOT the right thing to do. With Justin, I never contemplated or asked. I just knew...

    So...I agree with the others who said that if you have to ask and wonder, then something isn't right, and should probably not do it...

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