Friday
BecksgotBack
Posts: 385 Member
PARAPROSDOKIANS
(A Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.) "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian. Examples:-
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Words of Wisdom
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
(A Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.) "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian. Examples:-
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Words of Wisdom
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
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Replies
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Wow you are bored!0
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bored doesn't begin to desribe how bored i am...i do have a pile of work on my desk that i could be doing...but it's friday, and it will still be here on monday0
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bored doesn't begin to desribe how bored i am...i do have a pile of work on my desk that i could be doing...but it's friday, and it will still be here on monday
This is why I just read this entire thing and laughed. then sorted the mail. and laughed some more. Thanks.0 -
Those are great! I'm going to steal that from you!0
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see solpwr i'm not the only one who sits at work all day bored out of her pretty little head0
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see solpwr i'm not the only one who sits at work all day bored out of her pretty little head
No, you're really not.
being a receptionist pays the bills and makes me want to pluck my eyeballs out with a spoon just to have something to do. 0 -
i think that0
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see solpwr i'm not the only one who sits at work all day bored out of her pretty little head
No, you're really not. being a receptionist pays the bills and makes me want to pluck my eyeballs out with a spoon just to have something to do.
*sigh* i've been doing this job for so long i can do it with my eyes closed...too efficient is what i am. if i just did things slower and let stuff pile up longer then i'd have something to occupy my mind with...0 -
Awesome!!! I love this thread!!!0
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see solpwr i'm not the only one who sits at work all day bored out of her pretty little head
No, you're really not. being a receptionist pays the bills and makes me want to pluck my eyeballs out with a spoon just to have something to do.
*sigh* i've been doing this job for so long i can do it with my eyes closed...too efficient is what i am. if i just did things slower and let stuff pile up longer then i'd have something to occupy my mind with...
I've noticed that the day you do this ^ something goes wrong in the office and somehow all the *kitten* lands on you.0 -
I'm stealing all of these0
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see solpwr i'm not the only one who sits at work all day bored out of her pretty little head
No, you're really not. being a receptionist pays the bills and makes me want to pluck my eyeballs out with a spoon just to have something to do.
*sigh* i've been doing this job for so long i can do it with my eyes closed...too efficient is what i am. if i just did things slower and let stuff pile up longer then i'd have something to occupy my mind with...
I've noticed that the day you do this ^ something goes wrong in the office and somehow all the *kitten* lands on you.
Nah, I'm the cute one here...i get away with murder...in fact, if there's something that needs to be said or done that my co-workers are too chicken *kitten* to do they get me to do it knowing the boss will never say anything to me...0 -
Stolen
and sent to everyone...lol Thanks I needed a laugh mid afternoon. 0 -
LOL funny. Stolen too, sent to friends, ha ha.0
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Very nice haha0
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you are definitely the cute one Becks.0
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When life gives you lemons, throw them at the person in front of you. Did I get it?0
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the first one made me laugh out loud at my desk. i love this.0
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i was re reading this and i would like to add 17 to my laughter comment 0
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When life gives you lemons, throw them at the person in front of you. Did I get it?
YES!!! add that one to the list!!0 -
you are definitely the cute one Becks.
that's how i got the job...my male co-worker likes to remind me of this every time he catches *kitten* for stuff and i sit back with my feet propped up on desk0
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