Will I EVER be happy?

kaylasmomjenn

I guess I never thought my first post would be a vent, but I could really use some support, advice, and guidance from those who have BTDT.

I'm 27. I have a 10-year-old (yes, you do the math) and 3-year-old twins. I have done WW, I've done high-protein, and I've done gym or no gym weight-loss plans off and on for the last 6 years. I've never, EVER stuck with something for more than 5 or 6 months.

So, when I started my weight loss journey for the umpteenth time in December of 2010, I kind of went at it with a "whatever" kind of attitude. I started at 140lbs (5'2") and it took me until April to lose even 8 lbs. I decided then that I wanted this bad enough to start a gym membership and I also joined My Fitness Pal. I began working out almost daily. I run, spin, do cardio classes, I lift weights, I do Jillian Michaels DVD's, Ab ripper, you name it. And from April until now, an extra 7 lbs came off. And....

Well, a few weeks ago, I HIT GOAL WEIGHT! I thought it would be MARVELOUS. The lowest I had been in over 6 years! Hallelujah!

Meh, not so much. I look in the mirror and I see my flabby bat wings, I see huge thighs, I'm in plank position and my extra stomach skin just sags down to the floor. I still see myself and I'm still disgusted. I can absolutely see changes, but by no means am I happy with where I am.

I changed my goal weight from 125 to 120. I'm horribly worried that it's going to take me another 6 months to lose that 5 lbs (technically I'm 124.4 so not quite 5 but I digress). I'm also worried that I'm going to give up. I mean, I'm all for instant gratification, but I can set that aside if it could come off a LITTLE faster- if I could see results in the mirror- if I felt a little better about myself.

I know I should have started with measurements, probably even should have been taking progress pictures. But I've done all that before and I think a big part of me was thinking I'd give up again. But not this time!

So, after that long winded post, I have to ask: will I EVER be happy? Or will I hit the 120 and still be disgusted? Is there something wrong with me?

Here is my before and now-its the best I have:
Well, the link won't work so you'll have to C&P. http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y204/Kaylasmommyjenn/BeforeAfter.jpg

oddyogi

I think you need to quit focusing on the number you see on the scale, and start focusing on body fat percentage. Cleanse your diet, eat processed junk no longer (or only every once in awhile), and make sure when you're lifting weights that you're lifting HEAVY. 15-20 reps of 5-lb dumbbell curls will do nothing.

I've seen the biggest difference from changing my eating habits. Body composition really is 80% diet, 20% exercise.

I hovered between 148-152 for about 4 months, and over the past two weeks I'm already down to 143 from just changing the types of foods I eat. Bear in mind I ingest more than 2000 calories every day.

My workout routine consists of 4 days of strength training, and I'm currently taking on the 63-day INSANITY challenge, so that is 6 days a week of high intensity cardio plus a little body weight strength training.

Everyone's situation is different, but I think anyone can benefit from clean eating.

stefraab

Well I see someone who is fairly slim.

Personally I'm not at my goal weight but when I look at myself in the mirror I'm super pleased with what I see. I see all the hard work, and definition that wasn't there before, and a lack of fat that WAS there before and is no longer.

I think part of it is psychological.

That said, you might want to step up your strength building. That'll help tone you up if you want to be tighter.

PBmaria

We really are our harshest critics. I was down to 115 at 5'0 and I still have belly fat and slightly flabby arms.
So to be brutally honest, you probably won't be happy at 120. The key is to learn to be proud of how far you've come and learn to love your body the way it is. Obviously, it's way easier said that done.

hcam8

You've done a fantastic job so far! You need to encourage yourself, pat yourself on the back etc!

Also...do you mind me asking...what else is it that you are looking for in your life?

For example...I know that I pin a lot of things on my weight...
But often I think that what I really want is not the 5lb loss, but a boyfriend...or to succeed in my research (in twins!!), or to feel like I've got more energy...or for someone to smile at me spontaneously, without me smiling first!

My best friend's mum died when we were 18, and she told me that beforehand, her mum told her to make it her spontaneous reaction to smile! When was the last time you smiled?

Smile now?
Smile at yourself!
Do it!
Then post at me how you feel

Earthmom2018

Well, if I looked like you I'd be a model. You are way too hard on yourself.

KareyMarie

It's such a tough journey, but one that's worth it for sure. The hardest part (well, one of them) for me is seeing all the extra skin (like you were talking about) that's not going to go away no matter how hard I work. Some of it will still be there forever and it will never look "pretty." But at the same time, I look at my amazing three kids and how much of a blessing they are in my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything (especially a few pounds of extra skin to be gone - it seems so silly when I think about it).

As you're on your journey, just try to remember how hard you've worked and how far you've come (GREAT JOB by the way, that's amazing!) and when you're feeling really frustrated about the sagging skin, just try to remember the three reasons it's there and maybe it won't look so bad to you anymore.

Best of luck!!

TheEnchantedMoose

You say that you are unhappy with your 'bat wings' and saggy stomach skin. but loosing more weight will not help. Skin normally saggs during weight loss because the skin cannot retract at the same rate as your body is loosing inches of fat, this is espically prominent with people who has lost large amounts of body fat.
but dont worry thise things can normally be sorted out with toning exercises that will help build up muscle and stop the sagging skin. but if the problem is just too much to handle (where with all the toning work in the world you still have bat wings of like 5 to 6 inches) surgery is normally the only option.
by loosing more weight you are 'empting' your waist of more body fat which when done at a very pace will make the problem worse.
hope this helps!

lindsaylove07

My mom lost a bunch of weight and looks great, but her self image isn't great. I hope there's something that wil lwork, for ALL of us!

welloiledmachine

Welcome. You will find so much useful information here to help you thru your weight loss journey. I'm 5'3" and weigh about 110 lbs with 16% body fat. It sounds like you need to work on losing some body fat, but I will say having kids can really stretch that belly. At your age, your skin should get back to normal, but with twins not so sure. I wouldn't focus so much on your weight, but get a body fat caliper and keep track of your body fat. It sounds like you pretty much have a good understanding of weight loss. Your diet might be the culprit as that accounts for 80%. Do you eat clean? Lifting weights is very important and I don't mean 5 lbs. and not just machines. Please share your diary and your routine and we can't get you more specific help if you are interested. This is what works for me and just my opinion.

kkemom

It's not that there's something wrong with you, it's your method of determining how to achieve happiness. It doesn't come from what is on the outside, it can ONLY come from within. If you don't examine what's going on inside, you will always struggle with one thing or another. Your weight challenge/motivation is a symptom of something deeper. Until you conquor that, you will never be "happy". Although you may not be where you want to be, you need to accept where you are in this moment. Life is full of many challenges and it's how we overcome them that determines our "success rate".

nakabi

Hey,

You are not heavy at all so I don't know why you are so displeased with your image. :-)
I'd suggest you look at the "sagging skin" as a reminder of the wonderful 3 children that you have and not concentrate so much on your weight, but more on being healthy. It's great that you want to lose a little weight, but nowadays people, especially women, get
caught up wanting to look like what Hollywood says is beautiful and that's simply very sad.
You seem like a very sweet young lady and I don't think there is something wrong with you.

Enjoy your weekend with your kids!

-Kabi

hcam8

Do you eat clean?

What is eat clean? Do I eat clean? Can you help me with my diary?

FearAnLoathing

Losing more weight will not help how you see yourself and could easly become a vicious cycle.I wish I knew how to tell you how to fix your outlook on yourself,but I really do not know ,I can say I think you look great

Juliejustsaying

I've always thought happiness was a choice. A decision that you have to conciously make. I think it is okay to be striving for change and improvement. Not okay to dis yourself and call yourself names. I understand the frustration, it has taken me 3 months to lose my first 10lbs. and it will take a lot longer to lose the next 30lbs, but I don't want to wait until then to be happy. make a choice and do it for yourself and your children. You are young, with a lot to be happy about...you can still strive for improvement...we all can.

scriehl

I looked at your pics and I honestly think you look good. Maybe more circuit or strength training to tone up a bit more (2-3 times a week) and try working on your posture? But seriously 125 for a 5'2" frame is perfect in my opinion. For someone your height and frame a healthy weight is generally somewhere between 118-132 and you are smack dab in the middle. I would say don't beat yourself up so much! Good luck to you.

ilovecreg120809

you look amazing! i wish I looked that good! I weigh around 220 and im not even close to my goal weight so you should be happy with yourself

welloiledmachine

Do you eat clean?

What is eat clean? Do I eat clean? Can you help me with my diary?

Eating clean is avoiding processed foods and sugar. That includes white bread, pasta and rice too. There is a bunch of info here on clean eating....just search for it.
What kind of help are you looking for?

Alissa_Sal

Happiness is not something that you can find on a scale (even when it reads something really light like 125. Keep taking care of yourself - that should make you feel better physically. But also try to figure out what you're really looking for in your life. Maybe you want to change jobs, maybe you want to have a better relationship with your SO, or maybe you don't have an SO and wish you did....point is, you can be happy at any weight, and you can be unhappy at any weight. Being thinner is not a cure-all, I promise.

watcherII

Happiness is a choice. much like what to eat and whether to work out, you also need to make smart choices in how you see your world. sounds simplistic and unrealistic, but choosing how you respond to life and it's many twists and turns can bring a change in your emotional well-being. that's my philosophy, anyway. hope you choose happiness!

scubacat

I was contemplating this very thing the other day. I'm 11 pounds away from my original goal weight of 130. Prior to MFP, my highest was 185. I dreamed of getting back down to 130 but it seemed almost mythical, something unattainable and would always be out of my reach. I imagined 130 would be perfect and all my body issues would be gone. However, I look at myself and see so much more work that needs to be done so I think 11 pounds isn't going to be enough, So, I dropped my goal weight down to 125 but even then..... The only thing I know to do beyond that is to make sure exercise is a priority and part of a healthy lifestyle to maintain and tone. As hard as it is to lose weight, I believe that once I hit goal weight, its really only the beginning, maintenance will be harder.

As mommas, our bodies pay a steep price to bring little ones into the world. I don't think my "kangaroo pouch" is going to go away completely but our babies are worth it. Be proud of what you have accomplished